I Know I Am Not Tripping.

[caribeandiva]

He first said he didn't know what I was talking about and that he never texted. Then I showed it and he said he didn't know where it came from because he never text me and that it was strange. So I showed him the details and he still said he never did. I went on about him sending it, and hubby finding our friendship purely platonic. He replied it was and always has been and that he still didn't send it. I went on and on and he took out his phone and showed me the last communication we had, which was the phone call and said he thought it was strange again and he kinda went pause and silent. I went on about he could have deleted it and he was looking at me like I was crazy!He said I was basically calling him a liar and that offended him and that was it.

So afterwards I felt like I was going crazy because I had the evidence in mine but he didn't. The conversation was cool until I told him I thought he was lying.

Yeah he lying

 

[Evolving78]

Yeah... I do feel something is off now that I know what time it actually was sent. I'm just glad I keep my phone off at night. Explaining a text at 8am is a hell of a lot easier to explain...than one at 3am. I wish them nothing but peace in their household.

Do you plan on blocking his number?

 

[syze6]

Do you plan on blocking his number?

I don't want to end the friendship, we grew up together. His parents and mine are best friends. I think the whole thing was silly and I believe the girlfriend may have sent it and erased it. I think he knows but just doesn't want me to know. He knows that my phone is always off. I just don't see him sending that text at 3am, if he was expecting a response. If she sent it maybe she was waiting for a response to come through, either way it was super late for either one of them to be up sending texts. I just going to just keep my friendship, but just be aware from now on.

 

[syze6]

Whoever said girlfriend called it.!
My friend told me today, that it was her. He said he asked her straight out , if she had text me and she blew up. He said she got so angry to the point of cursing, calling me the precious sister and so forth. He said she mention, the mom jumps practically out her skin that one day she dragged me away. He said one time she made a remark pertaining to our relationship and he pretty much laughed it off. He said the argument got pretty heated and she said some things, seemed she was holding in. He said she did not stay there last night. He apologized on her behalf.

 

[hopeful]

Wow! Now that’s what I call an update @syze6! I don’t understand this part: “He said she mention, the mom jumps practically out her skin that one day she dragged me away.”

And wow at her calling you the precious sister — just wow . She needs to leave him alone and never should have agreed to live with him in the first place. She wants to be a wife and he is wasting her time. (And I still think he is cheating on her which is really why she is so paranoid.) And he should leave her alone because she is dangerous and desperate.

Please continue to keep us updated.

 

[Pat Mahurr]

Well, I first threw in the gf as a possibility. Page 1, 3rd response in. Is there a reward? Actually, I hope this revelation means YOU get the top three prizes: renewed trust in your marriage, a restored friendship and some peace of mind! Happy Thanksgiving!

It could have been a drunk text or a trick by a jealous gf who had his phone... either way, I would have assumed it was an error and ignored it. Anything else would be too awkward. Well, we know that now, of course.

I hope you can get the friendship back on track.

 

[awhyley]

Mystery solved just in time for the holidays. Hopefully you guys can get the friendship back on track now that everything is out in the open. Doubt the girlfriend is sticking around for the remainder of 2018.

 

[Mai Tai]

Well, I'm glad it wasn't HIM lying. Sounds like he kept it cool in front of you but did his own investigation behind the scenes. Good for him.

The girlfriend doesn't seem that smart. Erasing the text out of his phone does not erase it out of yours. She had to know that she would get caught.

 

[moneychaser]

I hope he lets that psycho go!

 

[syze6]

Well, I'm glad it wasn't HIM lying. Sounds like he kept it cool in front of you but did his own investigation behind the scenes. Good for him.

The girlfriend doesn't seem that smart. Erasing the text out of his phone does not erase it out of yours. She had to know that she would get caught.

I wonder if she was waiting to see if she would get a response from both of us. I think she sent it and erased it and thought I would immediately call him back, to gauge the response. Since my phone was off, I wasn't able to address it at that time. So she probably sat back and waited to see if he would bring it up and how he would respond. Either way...it just speaks to a person who has ill intent on their part. That could have drove a wedge in my relationship and friendship.

 

[caribeandiva]

Whoever said girlfriend called it.!
My friend told me today, that it was her. He said he asked her straight out , if she had text me and she blew up. He said she got so angry to the point of cursing, calling me the precious sister and so forth. He said she mention, the mom jumps practically out her skin that one day she dragged me away. He said one time she made a remark pertaining to our relationship and he pretty much laughed it off. He said the argument got pretty heated and she said some things, seemed she was holding in. He said she did not stay there last night. He apologized on her behalf.

Did he break up with her?

 

[GeorginaSparks]

My first thought was GF. And to the PP who said people dont make evidence they find it, this wasnt evidence. It was a trap to see if OP would bite and she didn't. Don't ask me how I know

 

[hopeful]

My first thought was GF. And to the PP who said people dont make evidence they find it, this wasnt evidence. It was a trap to see if OP would bite and she didn't. Don't ask me how I know

Do tell ! We want to know how you know.

 

[syze6]

My first thought was GF. And to the PP who said people dont make evidence they find it, this wasnt evidence. It was a trap to see if OP would bite and she didn't. Don't ask me how I know

So basically she thought I would respond back to the text at the time. So I guess if my response a that time, would have been the same as when I confronted him...she would have been good? I don't know why she would not expect me to bring it up to him.

 

[hopeful]

So basically she thought I would respond back to the text at the time. So I guess if my response a that time, would have been the same as when I confronted him...she would have been good? I don't know why she would not expect me to bring it up to him.

She assumed you would have been flattered and responded positively which would have given her evidence that he loved you (like she thought) and given her ammo to use against you too. In her mind you have everything she wants: a husband and the heart of the man she wants to truly adore her. She thinks that your friend is everything, worth fighting for and sacrificing her sanity for. She probably hoped she could use the evidence to get you to go away. She is a desperate and dangerous woman.

 

[intellectualuva]

What an update.

 

[Evolving78]

Did he break up with her?

I don’t see him as the innocent bystander he is portraying. His hands aren’t clean.. time will reveal...

 

[syze6]

I don’t see him as the innocent bystander he is portraying. His hands aren’t clean.. time will reveal...

So you don't believe it was her?

 

[tolly]

So you don't believe it was her?

can't speak for @Evolving78 but his hands aren't clean meaning he is probably doing the girlfriend bad, an affair or just not caring enough so he is contributing to her paranoia. Not that he is lying ....whatever it is, its not your problem and they/she shouldn't have got you into their mess

 

[Evolving78]

So you don't believe it was her?

It could be her, but if you still see her in the picture, he could be creating some sort of triangulation effect. But I do believe he played mind games with her to create some sort of insecurity. His initial reaction is telling. He wasn’t very empathic to you and made it like you were delusional. When people are innocent of such things, they get a little more dramatic with telling you it wasn’t them, they also go into investigative mode right then and there. I think he got a kick out of your reaction.
Whatever might have been going on, those games were played too close to home. Him and his girlfriend are messy.
And men play that wrong text sender stuff to test the waters.

 

[caribeandiva]

I don’t see him as the innocent bystander he is portraying. His hands aren’t clean.. time will reveal...

I agree!! Regardless of who sent the text he’s not innocent either... my spidey senses are tingling.

 

[SurferBabe]

It could be her, but if you still see her in the picture, he could be creating some sort of triangulation effect. But I do believe he played mind games with her to create some sort of insecurity. His initial reaction is telling. He wasn’t very empathic to you and made it like you were delusional. When people are innocent of such things, they get a little more dramatic with telling you it wasn’t them, they also go into investigative mode right then and there. I think he got a kick out of your reaction.
Whatever might have been going on, those games were played too close to home. Him and his girlfriend are messy.
And men play that wrong text sender stuff to test the waters.

This is why I do not date men with female besties. I don't care if the friendship goes back to childhood. It's not the woman I have an issue with, it's the man. I don't even have close male friends anymore. It is a hard boundary for me. The girlfriend was foul but I'm not going to say her paranoia was unfounded. Men know how to use their close friendships with other women as a way to create drama and paranoia in their own relationships to make the woman insecure and therefore more attached to them. I've been on the other side of that before as the close female friend who didn't realize what my male buddy was doing. It was easy to call the girl out as crazy until I saw the truth for myself. Any girlfriend in this situation will feel a little insecure when her BF's own father has said that he thought his son would marry the female bestie.

And the motivation for a woman to keep a man around as a friend is different from the other way around. Women friendzone dudes all of the time, but men don't usually keep close friendships with women they don't have feelings for. I believe this friend has feelings for you, and had you responded to his gf's shenanigans positively, and she called him out on it, you might have seen a different response from him.

This isn't to say that close male-female friendships can't be healthy, because I'm sure they can, but they don't exist in my world for a reason. You haven't done anything wrong but you have no way of knowing what seeds this male bestie is planting in his relationships. If her intuition led her to do something so ridiculous, there might be a reason.

 

[syze6]

It could be her, but if you still see her in the picture, he could be creating some sort of triangulation effect. But I do believe he played mind games with her to create some sort of insecurity. His initial reaction is telling. He wasn’t very empathic to you and made it like you were delusional. When people are innocent of such things, they get a little more dramatic with telling you it wasn’t them, they also go into investigative mode right then and there. I think he got a kick out of your reaction.
Whatever might have been going on, those games were played too close to home. Him and his girlfriend are messy.
And men play that wrong text sender stuff to test the waters.

I get it...if she is still around, he could have deliberately sent that to provoke some sort of reaction in her. It wouldn't be about me at all, but to invoke insecurity in her. He would know if she is the type to snoop through his phone. You know when you have that type. If it was all mind games...then shame on him. I don't condone emotional abuse on any level.

 

[caribeandiva]

OP, don’t feel bad. This situation isn’t about you at all and never was from the get go. Just messy all the way around. Not your problem. Just focus on your husband, your marriage and you’ll be fine.

 

[caribeandiva]

... Women friendzone dudes all of the time, but men don't usually keep close friendships with women they don't have feelings for...

 

[hopeful]

I don’t think he sent that text. A woman sent it but it was provoked by him. He is at the center of this chaos.

 

[Evolving78]

I don’t think he sent that text. A woman sent it but it was provoked by him. He is at the center of this chaos.

What’s interesting though is the women probably won’t confront each other, never knowing the real deal. I’m glad OP’s husband hasn’t gotten caught up in this as well.

 

[LovelyNaps26]

When I was young and single I thought Brown Sugar was a cute romantic comedy. Now I sympathize with Nicole Parkers character as a married woman. it hurts to feel second fiddle *even* when the female friend is married.

This isn't OP's fault and doesn't justify the girlfriends foolishness but it underscores why I was never a fan of dating a man with a female bestie and why I fell *way* back when my guy friend got married. I did it for his wife not for him since I know women are insecure about that stuff, unless they were all mutual friends before he started dating her.

This is why I do not date men with female besties. I don't care if the friendship goes back to childhood. It's not the woman I have an issue with, it's the man. I don't even have close male friends anymore. It is a hard boundary for me. The girlfriend was foul but I'm not going to say her paranoia was unfounded. Men know how to use their close friendships with other women as a way to create drama and paranoia in their own relationships to make the woman insecure and therefore more attached to them. I've been on the other side of that before as the close female friend who didn't realize what my male buddy was doing. It was easy to call the girl out as crazy until I saw the truth for myself. Any girlfriend in this situation will feel a little insecure when her BF's own father has said that he thought his son would marry the female bestie.

And the motivation for a woman to keep a man around as a friend is different from the other way around. Women friendzone dudes all of the time, but men don't usually keep close friendships with women they don't have feelings for. I believe this friend has feelings for you, and had you responded to his gf's shenanigans positively, and she called him out on it, you might have seen a different response from him.

This isn't to say that close male-female friendships can't be healthy, because I'm sure they can, but they don't exist in my world for a reason. You haven't done anything wrong but you have no way of knowing what seeds this male bestie is planting in his relationships. If her intuition led her to do something so ridiculous, there might be a reason.

 

[GetHappy2014]

Chiiiile... I believe without a doubt it was ‘ole girlfriend. Feeling all insecure about your relationship with him. Don’t let her win. Sincerely apologize to him and do whatever it takes to mend your relationship. Don’t mention to him, that you suspect her. Watch your back and your husband, with her. What did he say after he SAW the text you received? It didn’t just appear out of thin air.

Excuse me, excuse me, please step aside. I’m here to claim my prize.

Thank you , thank you. I really appreciate it... but a standing ovation is not necessary. Take your seats please. “There’s a seat over there”.

 

[syze6]

Excuse me, excuse me, please step aside. I’m here to claim my prize.

Thank you , thank you. I really appreciate it... but a standing ovation is not necessary. Take your seats please. “There’s a seat over there”.