How would you feel about black men dating outside the race?

[abcd09]

I don't care who black men date. I'm married now so they can do what they do. As far as my kids, race is a non issue because they will be marrying people DH and I personally select from a battery of tests. We may even do a reality show. Remember that Bachelor type show where his momma chose the chicks?

I do lol. They brought out lie detectors and everything.

I really don't care. I only get annoyed if they start to say they do it because of some type of black woman stereotype.

 

[CurlyMoo]

Well, it's my opinion. If anyone loves black men or white/yellow/brown/red men then that's fine me. I love the men in my family and they happen to be black. That's all. Don't care for the rest.

You have a right to your opinion and I completely understand it. No one has the right to tell you how you should feel. I don't know your situation and how you came to feel this way but it's your life and you decide how you live it.

 

[carcajada]

Also, what would you do if your son brought home a non black woman?

**Oh someone said that this topic has already been discussed. I just looked in the search area but didn't see it. My bad.

I don't care about random black men like that. They can have Becky. My son? I would feel that I failed as a mother in that respect. How could he not prefer someone like his mother? Obviously something I did wrong would cause him to be turned off to the type of woman that birthed him.

 

[kbragg]

I don't care about random black men like that. They can have Becky. My son? I would feel that I failed as a mother in that respect. How could he not prefer someone like his mother? Obviously something I did wrong would cause him to be turned off to the type of woman that birthed him.

What if she was like you in character just not in race and skin color? Would that make a difference? I think the area you live may make a bit of a difference too. I want my kids to get the highest quality of education they can and unfortunately the neighborhoods that offer the highest rated schools tend to have the lowest minority populations. If most of kids friends are white, then they'll tend to be attracted to whatever type of guys/girls their friends are. My DH and his sisters grew up in poor neighborhoods with predominately minority populations and they all ended up marrying minorities (and losing their white cards) His parents have been nothing less than loving and supportive (more so than my own family) and never made my race an issue so I'd strive to be the same way of my kid's choices. Just let him/her be saved, kind hearted, smart, and not republicans:looks: and I'll be ok.

 

[hopeful]

I don't care about random black men like that. They can have Becky. My son? I would feel that I failed as a mother in that respect. How could he not prefer someone like his mother? Obviously something I did wrong would cause him to be turned off to the type of woman that birthed him.

This is how I've always thought a mother of black sons would feel, like a slap in the face.

 

[DrC]

......nothing..........

 

[carcajada]

What if she was like you in character just not in race and skin color? Would that make a difference? I think the area you live may make a bit of a difference too. I want my kids to get the highest quality of education they can and unfortunately the neighborhoods that offer the highest rated schools tend to have the lowest minority populations. If most of kids friends are white, then they'll tend to be attracted to whatever type of guys/girls their friends are. My DH and his sisters grew up in poor neighborhoods with predominately minority populations and they all ended up marrying minorities (and losing their white cards) His parents have been nothing less than loving and supportive (more so than my own family) and never made my race an issue so I'd strive to be the same way of my kid's choices. Just let him/her be saved, kind hearted, smart, and not republicans:looks: and I'll be ok.

This is a soul burning topic for me. I would be very hurt. I wanted someone like my dad - a strong black man. There is a certain pride in that, IMO. My dh looks more like my dad than his own father.

 

[qchelle]

I don't care about random black men like that. They can have Becky. My son? I would feel that I failed as a mother in that respect. How could he not prefer someone like his mother? Obviously something I did wrong would cause him to be turned off to the type of woman that birthed him.

Why would you automatically think you did something wrong? What if he was friends with her...then you'd like her because they were just friends. But then he announced they were going to date....then you wouldn't like it? Then you'd think 'omg I did something wrong!'? awww don't think you did anything wrong. He just happened to like her. I mean even if he was exclusively dating women if that was all he was being exposed to basically. Now if he was was excluseivley dating women because he didn't like black women, well I mean....

I mean (and this isn't directly to you anymore carcajada) I know for a few of my friends...they exclusively date white men...because they go to very predominately white colleges. And well, no one is gonna sit there and chase down like 5 black guys. BUT they have expressed a disinterest in black men. Sometimes alluding to "white men are better than black men" train of thought...but never directly saying so. And they all grew up with their fathers, have great relationships with them (as do I, they are great men), etc. But like....black men today and black men of our fathers generation (our fathers are like 50-55 now) are very...different to say the least.

So I'm just saying that even if your child exclusilvey dates white people...imo that doesn't mean that you failed as a parent. Sometimes it just means that your child may feel like their generation of black people is a failure. However, then you could say that you didn't do a good teaching your child not to generalize like that

Anyway, that was sort of a rant lol sorry.

Question for anyone: Do you think your (black) husband would feel like a failure if your daughter only dated white guys? (This is to the married folk with black husbands, obvi lol)

As long as you raise your kids not to stereotype or generalize and they date white people (sometimess, all the time, whatever), you shouldn't feel like a failure.

 

[southerncitygirl]

Thanks! This is me as well! I think if black parents would teach their sons how to treat "their women" we wouldn't have a lot of these problems.

^^^ ita with this but black women also need to teach their daughters to stop being doormats....men only do to us what we allow. we must teach our daughters to raise the bar/aim high for a quality blk man with ambition/strong wk ethic that treats them with love and respect

 

[JollyGal]

OP I don't know if your question is aimed at black women who date/marry black men or just black women in general?

In my years on this planet I have not felt and will not feel negative towards black men who date/marry non-black women. I attribute this to my life experiences.

I agree with softblackcotton when she says that she does not care. Neither do I. My only concerns are with the black men who are closest to me and those concerns are that they meet the right woman, treat her well and they have prosperous relationships and marriages. The only requirement is that she is a wonderful human being. It would be fantastic if everyone on this earth could date and marry who they want and be happy but that is wishful thinking

OT
I do wonder why this is a huge issue for smart talented black women. It is a gift that you are made aware of who is attracted to you and who is not. IMHO the only loyalties should be with those who you care about. Being loyal to strange men and hoping that they are loyal to you purely based on the fact that you happen to tick the same box on the census is truly dismal. Its even worse when black women are loyal to black men who have made it very clear that they do not want you.

I really think that this energy pondering on black men and their dating options, could be put to good use by building the self-worth of black women and moving and shaking the world.

Why do black women lower their standards for inadequate black men? Why do black women feel a sense of rejection and "soul burning" when a black man dates and marries a non-black woman? Why do black women continue to support these men? Why do black women feel it is unfair when black men date/marry inter racially?

 

[Godyssey]

As long as I don't want the guy, I don't care. If I wanted him, I wouldn't want him dating anyone else, regardless of color.

If I had a son, used to think that I would be against him marrying someone not black. Although, I now think that as long as she was a good person, it wouldn't matter. I've had so many non black friends that the thought of being angry with my son for dating outside his race would be silly.

I would have a problem if my son was with a non black girl because he was "color struck" though.