he wants to go on holiday with another woman

[Mizani_Mrs]

That's the dumbest question I've ever heard of...I dont condone violence, but you shoulda smacked him right in the mouth for asking such a dumb question. (halfway joking/halfway serious). I have to say good job for giving him the ultimatum to go on the trip, but just know that Im leaving your *** if you do go.

I still don't get it????

 

[Tamrin]

If he asked you some mess like that. He was not into you in the first place. No need for all the talking slapping, arguing. If my SO worked up the nerve to ask me some mess like that. He better be ready and packed 1 second after he opened his mouth and asked. That would me my que to let him go on the spot.

A man will only do to you what you allow him to do. As stated before you are the gift. He should be thanking his lucky stars. Know what you are worth then you will meet someone in your life who know your value.

 

[latebloomer]

That's why I asked what would make him think he could ask something like that.

That's not normal.

He said because she's been his friend for so long since they were 15 and it was an pportunity to go any where in the world for a discounted price. He said if it wasnt for that he wouldn't have contemplated it at all, but for me even if it was free i wouldnt have even thought about it....

It made things worse that his mother said i was wrong and trying to control him and he should be able to go as long as he says he wont do anything.... it was a big drama cuz my mama was pi**ed at that remark and told my SO where to get off!

i guess you guys are right i do need to rethink my relationship, he's put me through a whole lot of crap but uses the excuse of i wanted more in the past and it wasnt good enough so he's trying more and i should appreciate it... I think i need to let go but sometimes its hard finding the strength and sticking to it.

 

[latebloomer]

I only read the first sentence. HAYLE NO.

That shouldnt even be up for discussion.

Ask him if you can go on holiday with a man, he wouldn't like that too much.

That is what i said at first and he after a long long long pause said okay then through clenched teeth, he is the type that would let me do something if it was because he done ti first then when i get back would either have a big deal with it or would put up with it simply because he may want to do the same again and wants to pretend its not an issue. The worse thing is i know the girl and i think its so inappropriate that she asked my SO, she said her man who is in jail wouldnt mind, to which i said because he cant he's locked away without the key and there aint a damn thing he can do about it. But i warned my SO that when he gets out lok for some off key looks from him cuz he may think your taking the piss for contemplating going away with his girl even tho she asked.

 

[latebloomer]

Zero control over the situation would be her dumping the dude thinking he chose another woman over her, versus her dumping the dude because he was an immature d*ckhead who toyed with her emotions by trying to make her jealous with a lie. I'm looking at this from the OPs perspective, having vested 4 years, not 4 months or 4 weeks, into the relationship.

Thank you, and i thank eveyone for their messages i have been through a lot with him and i'm not making excuses for him but we met at a young age, where i didnt really know myslef and was also niave to a lot of things. My mentality back then may have made him believe that the way he treated me and got away with was acceptable.

We have broken up b4 and have gotten back together, I do know that he loves me however i do feel that he may not be emotionally mayure enough to have the type of relatinoship that i'm looking for. From the rmearks of his mother whom i actually really get on with, certain things may be down to his upbringing. I do believe that i do need to re-evaluate my relationship as i also do not even know how i could even think to ask him anything about a holiday with a man. But like Medmunky siad i have been with this man for 4 years and he is now very implemented into my life and family and it is not as easy as you guys say it is.

Yes it was disrespectful, but when people are on the outside they are thinking with plain logic, but when your in the situation your logic is mixed up with feelings of love and things are a lot harder to walk away from.

But all in all i appreciate all your comments and i will rethink, but for all those that say he doesnt want me, if you culd see what we're like when things are good you would understand. My mother whom i would say is my closest and non biased friend simply said that he still seems selfish in his ways but he does love me but however may not be ready for the type of relationship that i want. It may be time for me to cut him loose

 

[neenzmj]

latebloomer:

I understand that you've been with this person for four years, but length of time together is not necessarily a good determinant for how much a person loves you. A man who loves you and who is totally committed to you and the relationship would never even entertain this type of thing as an option. While upbringing can play a factor in how we approach relationships, there are still some very basic fundamentals that most people know as being right or wrong -- this would certainly fall into the category. The fact that he even considered going somewhere with a another woman speaks volumes about what he feels about your relationship. I agree with you that it is difficult to see and think clearly when you have your emotions involved (and everyone else can see things so clearly.) But I've also learned that it pays to listen to the logical side in these situations and save yourself the further heartache of being in a relationship with someone who clearly doesn't share the same expectations as you. When we think with our feelings, we tend to make really bad judgment calls. Our feelings tell us what we want to believe though the handwriting is so plainly written on the wall.

This is a man who is not committed to this relationship and I suspect you will probably see more indications of this in the future.

 

[BlkHoneyLuv2U]

I feel so badly for you. This is not what you deserve. Men aren't hard to find, trust me they aren't. I collect them.

I'd find someone new and dump him........ mid - air from the flight attendant's airline. Give him a parasol for a parachute.

The Nerve! The rotten Nerve!

I never intended to post in this thread just to read and agree with all the replies....but.....when my eyes fell on the bolded I laughed so hard coffee went everywhere. Good answer Shimmie darn good answer.....

 

[latebloomer]

latebloomer:

I understand that you've been with this person for four years, but length of time together is not necessarily a good determinant for how much a person loves you. A man who loves you and who is totally committed to you and the relationship would never even entertain this type of thing as an option. While upbringing can play a factor in how we approach relationships, there are still some very basic fundamentals that most people know as being right or wrong -- this would certainly fall into the category. The fact that he even considered going somewhere with a another woman speaks volumes about what he feels about your relationship. I agree with you that it is difficult to see and think clearly when you have your emotions involved (and everyone else can see things so clearly.) But I've also learned that it pays to listen to the logical side in these situations and save yourself the further heartache of being in a relationship with someone who clearly doesn't share the same expectations as you. When we think with our feelings, we tend to make really bad judgment calls. Our feelings tell us what we want to believe though the handwriting is so plainly written on the wall.

This is a man who is not committed to this relationship and I suspect you will probably see more indications of this in the future.

Thank you, I appreciate your words of wisdom and the tone you've used. I hear you loud and clear and i will take heed to the things i've read today.

 

[Windsy]

Thank you, I appreciate your words of wisdom and the tone you've used. I hear you loud and clear and i will take heed to the things i've read today.

Good luck to you in what ever decision you make, I know it's hard to walk away but remember, that you come first. Much love to you my sistah!!!

 

[Carrie A]

I'm quoting your own words.

"Latebloomer - it took a while but im slowly opening up to see the inner and outer beauty of being me"

Follow your own mantra and don't let anyone steer you from it.

Next year this time re-read your initial post and reflect on how you made the right choice.

 

[firecracker]

WTH is in the air around here. Ya'll really got brain freeze like some other member stated in another thread. That fools crazy! NEXT!!!!

 

[shawniegee]

Whether he goes on the holiday is not the issue. It's the lack of regard for you and the relationship that's the issue. The only love that should be the issue is the love you have for yourself. A man will only treat you the way you treat yourself. Be kind to yourself. You deserve better.

 

[SilentRuby]

If he asked you some mess like that. He was not into you in the first place. No need for all the talking slapping, arguing. If my SO worked up the nerve to ask me some mess like that. He better be ready and packed 1 second after he opened his mouth and asked. That would me my que to let him go on the spot.

A man will only do to you what you allow him to do. As stated before you are the gift. He should be thanking his lucky stars. Know what you are worth then you will meet someone in your life who know your value.

Hallelujah! Hallelujah!! No need for the physical or even the clapping of the jaws (which I hate). Believe me when you dot that door (because you have no choice but to dot that door even thinking of asking me some crazy mess), there is something so much BIGGER and BETTER waiting for me. I would be too giddy knowing that he was the counterfeit.

 

[lexi84]

Hallelujah! Hallelujah!! No need for the physical or even the clapping of the jaws (which I hate). Believe me when you dot that door (because you have no choice but to dot that door even thinking of asking me some crazy mess), there is something so much BIGGER and BETTER waiting for me. I would be too giddy knowing that he was the counterfeit.

Girl say it again!!! Toooo giddy! This leaves nothing to question, it is what it is. I wish all guys made it this easy.

 

[Shimmie]

I never intended to post in this thread just to read and agree with all the replies....but.....when my eyes fell on the bolded I laughed so hard coffee went everywhere. Good answer Shimmie darn good answer.....

I was 'trippin' and still am...

 

[Shimmie]

Again, it stems from that same craptastic belief that there only 4 good black men on this earth, 3 of whom are married.

And it's really kinda circular.

Single chicks, like myself, see "good" men giving their women what they want and thinks "I want THAT" not realizing that the reason why ya'll married chicks get what you want is because you set expectations and parameters. "He must be a good man".

...yes, and the good woman he's married to made his behind rise to the occassion or step aside for someone who would...

Only 4..... ?????

Gee-za-whiz...

 

[Studio_gal]

Here is the tutorial as to what you need to do (should have done) the next time someone asks you that question.

Illustrated here beautifully (click link).

Seriously - you sound young - don't waste your time any further with someone who doesn't think too highly of you.

x
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/middle_east/7782422.stm

 

[likewtr4chklit]

Kneegrows all over the world is really trippin! I guess they're tyin' to end 08 with a bang. You've gotten all the advice you need OP so I just ask you to follow your heart and your instinct.

 

[jerseygurl]

Here is the tutorial as to what you need to do (should have done) the next time someone asks you that question.

Illustrated here beautifully (click link).

Seriously - you sound young - don't waste your time any further with someone who doesn't think too highly of you.

x

 

[Kurlee]

girl u need to run. If he even asked you this, it shows how he really feels. It's only a matter or time before he leaves or cheats, if he is not already. And how the hell is he gonna tell you that the woman is marriage material?

 

[Kurlee]

My bf whom i have been with for 4 yrs in Feb 09 asked me how i felt about him going on holiday with another woman. I know her but he used to fancy her (i think he still does) and he thinks she's wife material. She is a air hostess and had a ticket at a discounted rate to go anywhere in the world. For me its the principle of going away with another woman for pleasure alone for days is not appropriate especially because i have ahd issues with trusting him in the past and we are trying to work on our relationship.

I explained to him that im not telling him what to do but that is not the type of relationship i choose to have and i would neither find that appropriate. I explained to him that if he went i dont know if i would feel comfortable continuing with the relationship. After argument, he decided to not go, but i have since spoken to a mutual friend who said he spoke to him and he thought i should have done something for him to show him that i appreciate the sacrifice. I'm really upset about this as if one of my male friends asked me to go on holiday with them , i wouldnt even discuss it with my bf as i know he would feel funny about another man asking his gf to go on holiday alone, and i wouldnt want their to be tension in the future between them. so without a doubt i would decline as i feel that one-on-one holidays like that should be kept between you and your man unless your going with family, or your single and therefore have no one else to take into consideration.

The whole appreciating him for NOT going on holiday with another woman really p****d me of cuz of all the things i been through i havent been rewarded for he's simply now treating me the way someone should be treated in a relationhip with respect and consideration the same way you would want for yourself.

Im soooo mad How would you feel if your man asked you to go on holiday with another woman and then asked for a reward of extra apprecitation for NOT GOING

And wait, why should you be getting a gift for him? Whoever that friend is who suggested that, he needs to go too!

 

[Kurlee]

That's the dumbest question I've ever heard of...I dont condone violence, but you shoulda smacked him right in the mouth for asking such a dumb question. (halfway joking/halfway serious). I have to say good job for giving him the ultimatum to go on the trip, but just know that Im leaving your *** if you do go.

 

[SilentRuby]

Girl say it again!!! Toooo giddy! This leaves nothing to question, it is what it is. I wish all guys made it this easy.

Exactly! No use in holding on to what you don't want.

I always tell my folks, it's better to tell me up front and be real with me instead of letting me find out about it.

No threat, just the truth. There's no sense in being unhappy, so take your a** on!

 

[blasianbeauty]

I know this has been said a million times already, but you seriously need to leave him and find better. I mean, he finds her as wife material and wants to spend the holidays with her? erplexed Why are you sticking around?

 

[syze6]

What! He fancy her and I'm sure vice versus, why else would it be an option or consideration. Why would he dare fix his mouth to ask? You better believe him and this girl are a lot closer than you think!

Anyway...My fist would be permanently lodged down his throat! My husband would never let me hear those words slide off his tongue! What the hell are you if she's marriage material! Why the hell are you guys discussing another woman, N E Way!

Dude still breathing?

 

[lexi84]

What! He fancy her and I'm sure vice versus, why else would it be an option or consideration. Why would he dare fix his mouth to ask? You better believe him and this girl are a lot closer than you think!

Anyway...My fist would be permanently lodged down his throat! My husband would never let me hear those words slide off his tongue! What the hell are you if she's marriage material! Why the hell are you guys discussing another woman, N E Way!

Dude still breathing?

 

[naturalmanenyc]

Ditto! I cannot even believe he mentioned it. He should have told her "HECK NO!" and then never raised it with you at all except to laugh about this woman's insane notion that he would take a trip with her at all.

And then to expect to be rewarded for "sacrificing" a free trip with another woman? He's clearly losing his mine. I think it's time for a new boyfriend.

You're better than me. He'd be ex-BF.

I'm curious as to why he would even think he could fix his mouth to ask you something like that.

 

[socurlyqt]

yea..he's wilin. who asks that? AND thinks its ok? to be honest i think this man has a twisted sense of relationships and may not be that serious about you. if you already have trust issues, now you know why u did, and i would re-examine those issues and think about the future of your relationship.

the fact that he wants to go with someone else on an extended vacay, and has knowingly said that shes wife material seems odd. It almost seems that he thinks he has a sense of entitlement, not understanding in the relationship.

 

[AstroQueen77]

where is the OP?

 

[vestaluv1]

OH BOY! You've been with this guy for 4 years, and he still has the nerve to ask such a question... wow!
You would have thought he would have asked the girl if you and he could have gone on the holiday instead!