My man has gone on holiday and not called me

[HairQueen]

SistaGirl,
I would borrow/acquire or purchase a copy of ALL THE RULES Time tested Secrets for Capturing the Heart of Mr. Right from a friend/library/bookstore and read it from cover to cover, especially the contents section Chapter 9. JMHO.

I'm glad I have a copy

Hi thanks for your response

Girl you gonna think I am so silly would u believe I actually HAVE that book rules? To make it worse I have read it like a million times, but have I followed it with this man?.

Its funny becasue I met him and in my mind I think I thought this guy was so great and wonderful that I felt that I didn't even have to do any rules on him becasue in the begining it was all so wonderfull and it felt like we were in this great relationship.

I ignored ALL the rules, I called him often & we spent nearly every day together etc.But now the honeymoon period is over I am now wishing I had followed them

Do u think its too late to start them now?

ps. can u clarify what u mean by chapter 9 because my book only goes up to chapter 8?? Thanks.

 

[HairQueen]

Yup, I'm a RULES woman but it's hard to stay on target unless I re-read and re-read it from time to time {Best to buy a hard bound copy and use it}. I started so well then failed and am reaping the lack of what I intended.

Girl I feel u on the hard to stay on target thing!! As u will see from my post above I actually have a copy of the rules but when u get so caught up in a man and feel like ur in love u start acting sillyand ignoring the rules! its so hard to follow them when a man is sweet and nice to u becasue u feel like u don't need to right?

I also have two other books called "Why men love *****es" & "Why men marry *****es" by the author Sherry Argov. I know the titles sound harsh but actually what she is saying is that the more u act unemotional with men and don't nag etc the more likely a guy is to treat u with respect. She is saying you need to show them with ur actions when you disaprove rather than say.

In fact I am going to dig out all my books now and have a refresher course!:

 

[HairQueen]

Hi ((Queen!))

Sorry that you are blue because of this situation. It's obvious to me and the some of the posters that this guy is "just not into you."

I don't mean that in a negative way, but in a way to help you release that loser! Yes, he's a loser if he doesn't have the respect and courtesy to call you while he is away on holiday for 3 weeks. That is a long time my dear.

Any man worth his salt and your time would call you at least twice; once to say he arrived safely and the other time to say you are on his mind. Also, what is he doing on holiday? Visiting family in Antartica? climbing the Alps, deep sea fishing on a remote island? PLEEZE!

I've read that you will no longer give him the "boyfriend rights" because it's obvious he doesn't feel the same way as you. I say go further and extract yourself from him completely.

You deserve much better.

Thanks so much for you honest opinion. Although it hurt a bit to read I was glad becasue sometimes u need to hear the truth. The only thing I will say though is yes I do deserve better but where is Mr much better? I am always looking for him and yet to find.

At the end of the day I enjoy this man's company and want to still hang out with him but what I am saying is it will not be in the same way as before. I know I have given u all a stinky impression of him and yes his behaviour right now STINKS! but there have also been good things he has done that other men havent done.i.e bought shopping for me when I had no money, helped cooked for me, looked after me when I was sick for a whole week etc. I have dated FAR FAR worse guys that this one before so I just think dumping him only to find someone worse will just make me miserable. For now I just want someone to go to the movies and concerts with (Boyz to Men are coming to London in March!!).

I wont be daydreaming of us getting married and having kids anymore I will just enjoy the momentary company until my Mr Right comes along...

 

[january noir]

Thanks so much for you honest opinion. Although it hurt a bit to read I was glad becasue sometimes u need to hear the truth. The only thing I will say though is yes I do deserve better but where is Mr much better? I am always looking for him and yet to find.

At the end of the day I enjoy this man's company and want to still hang out with him but what I am saying is it will not be in the same way as before. I know I have given u all a stinky impression of him and yes his behaviour right now STINKS! but there have also been good things he has done that other men havent done.i.e bought shopping for me when I had no money, helped cooked for me, looked after me when I was sick for a whole week etc. I have dated FAR FAR worse guys that this one before so I just think dumping him only to find someone worse will just make me miserable. For now I just want someone to go to the movies and concerts with (Boyz to Men are coming to London in March!!).

I wont be daydreaming of us getting married and having kids anymore I will just enjoy the momentary company until my Mr Right comes along...

I understand what you are going through. I've been there and done that as they say. I am an older woman and I have had a few relationships so, I feel I can give you qualified direction. You are a good soul, I can tell.
If you continue to see him just guard your heart, but nothing more than a friendship will result. No man who desires a woman will go 3 weeks without calling and that, no matter how we sugarcoat it, is a fact.

When he returns, have a chat; let him know how he made you feel. If he cares for you he will understand and do better. If he treats you good (except for his "no call policy") enjoy it if you can but make yourself scarce, don't be so available.

Read a good book, go window shopping, go to the movies, dance naked in front of your mirror or anything else when you are feeling lonely.

In order to find your Mr. Right, you have to divest yourself of the ones that don't quite make the cut and this guy, though nice, doesn't make the cut. You have a ways to go and many more frogs to kiss before you will find happiness. Hang in there. Happiness is coming!

 

[sonce]

His best friend called me yesterday to ask if i had heard from him as he has not called his friend either. His friend is quite mad at him now because when he went on holiday he made sure he called him but when its the other way around he has not called him either.

My initial reaction was that your guy is getting his freak on with some vacation booty. But then I read the part I quoted. If he hasn't called his best friend either then it's probably just how he is. I know that I am horrible about calling most people (however, I am working on that and I am good about calling SOs.).

Edit: What January_Noir said is the truth. Watch your heart with this dude because the way he is acting indicates that he is not very into you. I'm the worst phone person imaginable (I rarely pick up--I prefer to receive voicemail and hear it first) and even I regularly call my SOs/guys I'm very interested in.

 

[tocktick]

I've read that you will no longer give him the "boyfriend rights" because it's obvious he doesn't feel the same way as you. I say go further and extract yourself from him completely.

You deserve much better.

as per the 1st bolded, i totally agree. i must say i was surprised when i read you weren't going to cut ties all together. but i don't totally know your situation so my reaction is ultimately only just based on how i know i'd react were i in your position.

as for the 2nd bolded, i agree with january noir...

 

[Much2much41]

Totally offtopic, but I love how Londoners say "holiday" instead of vacation. It's just so cute to me. That is all. Carry on

 

[SouthernTease]

I say move on...
busy yourself with other things
and if he comes back around
make it real hard for him to get in touch with you.
It's not playing games if you really have higher
priorities in your life other than him.
Take the focus off of him and put it towards
other people... or... wow... yourself... why not?
I know... easier said than done but it you make
a concentrated effort, it'll work.

 

[Studio_gal]

Totally offtopic, but I love how Londoners say "holiday" instead of vacation. It's just so cute to me. That is all. Carry on

holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday.

Merry Xmas x

 

[Gisselle]

Totally offtopic, but I love how Londoners say "holiday" instead of vacation. It's just so cute to me. That is all. Carry on

 

[14got]

so selfish
I say Keep it moving and don't answer when he DECIDES to call

 

[Much2much41]

holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday.

Merry Xmas x

Thankies!!!

 

[HairQueen]

Totally offtopic, but I love how Londoners say "holiday" instead of vacation. It's just so cute to me. That is all. Carry on

Ha! ha! your post cheered me up in the middle of my stress I forgot you guys used 'vacation' instead of holiday!!

 

[HairQueen]

I say move on...
busy yourself with other things
and if he comes back around
make it real hard for him to get in touch with you.
It's not playing games if you really have higher
priorities in your life other than him.
Take the focus off of him and put it towards
other people... or... wow... yourself... why not?
I know... easier said than done but it you make
a concentrated effort, it'll work.

You know I thought about doing that and I am still undecided what to do when he calls, i just thought if i do that it will be so obvious to him I am pissed off and I didn't want to make it obvious to him that it has affected me but then on the other hand you are right I should show him I have other priorities.

 

[Be Positive]

Hi thanks for your response

Girl you gonna think I am so silly would u believe I actually HAVE that book rules? To make it worse I have read it like a million times, but have I followed it with this man?.

Its funny becasue I met him and in my mind I think I thought this guy was so great and wonderful that I felt that I didn't even have to do any rules on him becasue in the begining it was all so wonderfull and it felt like we were in this great relationship.

I ignored ALL the rules, I called him often & we spent nearly every day together etc.But now the honeymoon period is over I am now wishing I had followed them

Do u think its too late to start them now?

ps. can u clarify what u mean by chapter 9 because my book only goes up to chapter 8?? Thanks.

I don't think it's too late, but obviously he has become complacent in the relationship and it's time for you to turn it up a notch. Once you begin becoming "unavailable" by staying very busy(i.e., shopping w/friends, dating other men, taking a class, or becoming more involved w/your own life), he'll behave. Be nice and receptive to him, but as a dear friend once told me, always carry your trump card and don't spell out everything to a man.

I have the newer version which has both The Rules and the Rules II. Chapter 9 is titled, If He Doesn't Call, He's Not That Interested. Period!!

 

[aja1121]

Do you think everything is ok, considering that he hasn't really reached out to anyone? On the other hand, that is ridiculous!!!

 

[HairQueen]

Do you think everything is ok, considering that he hasn't really reached out to anyone? On the other hand, that is ridiculous!!!

Hi

Yes I do think everything is okay, I am not the slightest bit worried that something has happened to him because I just don't think it has - I rang his phone and it rang so I know he arrived there safely.

The thing is I noticed before that he just doesn't call anybody just to say hi he has been spoilt by women they always call him so he never seems to make the effort. He has a daughter and the mum calls him ALL the time (I am talking several times a day (and no they are not together she lives 3 hours drive away from London where we live) so he doesn't have to lift a finger.

Even before he went on holiday (which is where his mum lives) she was annoyed with him because he didn't call her before he went.

One night I went out and I didn't call him and he was like 'why didn't u call me I was waiting for u to call' and in my head I thought why didn't u call me?

He has been spoilt, I guess if people treat u like a king u start to believe u are if u get my point?

 

[HairQueen]

[/B]

I don't think it's too late, but obviously he has become complacent in the relationship and it's time for you to turn it up a notch. Once you begin becoming "unavailable" by staying very busy(i.e., shopping w/friends, dating other men, taking a class, or becoming more involved w/your own life), he'll behave. Be nice and receptive to him, but as a dear friend once told me, always carry your trump card and don't spell out everything to a man.

I have the newer version which has both The Rules and the Rules II. Chapter 9 is titled, If He Doesn't Call, He's Not That Interested. Period!!

Thanks I feel better for someone saying its not too late. Although I do appreciate the sincere advice from everyone on this board its hard to hear things like 'cut him off' and 'forget it' becasue its not that simple. Also cutting him off just means I will lonely AGAIN and out there dating men who are worse. Believe me I have done it like a MILLION times and it aint no fun.

Of course I am not stupid and if he doesn't improve yes he will be gone but I just think sometimes u need to give people a shock they they don't expect because they do become complacent. I will be doing what u said going out shopping,(not sure if I should date othe men though?? I have had offers since he has been away but I turned them down!) being less available etc. because so far I have always been there and he is just taking me for granted.

I think men are like children sometimes they will behave in the way they know have been able to get away with with other people but as soon as they around someone who aint having no crap from them suddenly their behaviour changes..

 

[VelvetRain]

Thanks I feel better for someone saying its not too late. Although I do appreciate the sincere advice from everyone on this board its hard to hear things like 'cut him off' and 'forget it' becasue its not that simple. Also cutting him off just means I will lonely AGAIN and out there dating men who are worse. Believe me I have done it like a MILLION times and it aint no fun.

Of course I am not stupid and if he doesn't improve yes he will be gone but I just think sometimes u need to give people a shock they they don't expect because they do become complacent. I will be doing what u said going out shopping,(not sure if I should date othe men though?? I have had offers since he has been away but I turned them down!) being less available etc. because so far I have always been there and he is just taking me for granted. Wish you the best with this!

I think men are like children sometimes they will behave in the way they know have been able to get away with with other people but as soon as they around someone who aint having no crap from them suddenly their behaviour changes..

This confused me a little. At some point you have to realize that you deserved to be treated a little better. It's all about mutual respect. If your not being respected it's time to reevaluate what it is that you are getting out of this relationship. It marvels me of the women that are in relationships but are not really happy. What is so great about being in a relationship if you are not happy. Why bother to stay in it? I'm sorry I will take lonley any day over not being happy and in a relationship with someone who clearly does not value me and my time. An um I have been there too.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

If I were you OP,

I would just calm down...take a deep breath, and don't even worry about it. You guys have only been dating for 3 months?? Sorry to break it to you, but that's not that long at all. Are you guys exclusive yet? Or, are you two also casually dating other people? I'm just wondering...

About a year ago, I probably would have reacted like most women and say: "Just cut the slimy good-for-nothing bozo out of the picture for GOOD!" HAHAH! But after reading John Gray's Mars/Venus books, and Sherry Argov's WMLB books, I have come to see that there is another solution:
Girl...just have fun without him! Don't in any way give him the impression that you were waiting by your phone to hear him call you. NO WAY!

Show him that you have a life too! Forget about him on his "holiday" or vacation...whatever you call it. Let him have his fun. If he's really interested in you, he'll come back eventually. Sometimes all men (no matter how good the woman is) need time and space to themselves. How a woman acts when he's out alone with "the boys" or on vacation, or having his "alone time" will greatly determine how he views her and if he comes back! You want him to be longing to come back to you, not running away from you. If you pursue him...he will run. It's in all men's nature. Let him be craving for YOU! Not the other way around!

When and IF he calls you, just act like everything is fine. Don't ask him:"why didn't you call? Where were you?" No...just act happy, cool, and confident. Just say: "It's good to hear from you! Did you have fun on your trip?" I'm telling you...this is the best thing. Acting overly pressed will only make you look desperate and insecure. You've only been dating him for 3 months, not a year...not even 6 months yet. Trust that he's being a "good boy", and that he is just out having fun. If he's cheating or doing you wrong, then trust me...that will come out eventually.

Plus, like others have mentioned...it seems like he's not really a phone person to begin with. His own good friend hasn't heard from him in a while. If he was calling everyone else under the sun except you, THEN I would be worried. But it seems like he's not calling much of anybody these days. Just let him be. Go out with your girlfriends, have fun going out and having a good time, busy yourself in a hobby you enjoy, call up your friends, etc.. Do ANYTHING except call that man! If you feel really cruel or heartless, then MAYBE you can send him a cheery text message saying: "Just thought I'd take some time out of my busy schedule to say that I hope you're having fun!"

When he does finally call you, still act happy and receptive, but when he comes back, it wouldn't hurt to mention to him that it would have been nice to hear from him since you started to wonder if everything was okay on his trip. Just keep it light, but definitely give him the message that maybe in the future you would appreciate a call or at least a message saying that he at least got to his destination safely, or whatever.

I know this advice may sound crazy...but sometimes, you have to "play the game" with men.

 

[tocktick]

This confused me a little. At some point you have to realize that you deserved to be treated a little better. It's all about mutual respect. If your not being respected it's time to reevaluate what it is that you are getting out of this relationship. It marvels me of the women that are in relationships but are not really happy. What is so great about being in a relationship if you are not happy. Why bother to stay in it? I'm sorry I will take lonely any day over not being happy and in a relationship with someone who clearly does not value me and my time. An um I have been there too.

agreed. being 'lonely' is not worse than being with someone who treats you like shyt. imo, you need to work on yourself self-esteem if you are willing to be with any man so long as you are not by yourself. a bad relationship really isn't one worth having.

like michelle said, at some point you need to realise that you are worth more than this. otherwise, continue being in a crap relationship but don't complain when your 'man' does something really out of order as you've made the conscious decision to stick with him because you deem yourself unworthy of someone better. is that what you really want, though? when your 'man' realises he can get away with treating you badly, then expect worse behaviour to follow as you've shown him you're willing to be treated anyway.

imo, you're tying to fool yourself into thinking that you can still keep him in your life but cut off his 'bf privileges'. if you are so attached to him that he can do this to you but you'd rather be with him than alone then your plan isn't all that strong.

btw, just because you dated 'worse' guys than him, doesn't mean this guy is all that either. imo, if you consistently end up with bad guys who don't treat you well then it's time to find out what you are doing wrong. i think many of those answers lie in the posts you've made in this thread alone. e.g - knowing you're being treated badly and being upset about it yet still making excuses for the man and justifying why you need to stick with him when he really isn't worth your time and effort.

 

[HairQueen]

If I were you OP,

I would just calm down...take a deep breath, and don't even worry about it. You guys have only been dating for 3 months?? Sorry to break it to you, but that's not that long at all. Are you guys exclusive yet? Or, are you two also casually dating other people? I'm just wondering...

About a year ago, I probably would have reacted like most women and say: "Just cut the slimy good-for-nothing bozo out of the picture for GOOD!" HAHAH! But after reading John Gray's Mars/Venus books, and Sherry Argov's WMLB books, I have come to see that there is another solution:
Girl...just have fun without him! Don't in any way give him the impression that you were waiting by your phone to hear him call you. NO WAY!

Show him that you have a life too! Forget about him on his "holiday" or vacation...whatever you call it. Let him have his fun. If he's really interested in you, he'll come back eventually. Sometimes all men (no matter how good the woman is) need time and space to themselves. How a woman acts when he's out alone with "the boys" or on vacation, or having his "alone time" will greatly determine how he views her and if he comes back! You want him to be longing to come back to you, not running away from you. If you pursue him...he will run. It's in all men's nature. Let him be craving for YOU! Not the other way around!

When and IF he calls you, just act like everything is fine. Don't ask him:"why didn't you call? Where were you?" No...just act happy, cool, and confident. Just say: "It's good to hear from you! Did you have fun on your trip?" I'm telling you...this is the best thing. Acting overly pressed will only make you look desperate and insecure. You've only been dating him for 3 months, not a year...not even 6 months yet. Trust that he's being a "good boy", and that he is just out having fun. If he's cheating or doing you wrong, then trust me...that will come out eventually.

Plus, like others have mentioned...it seems like he's not really a phone person to begin with. His own good friend hasn't heard from him in a while. If he was calling everyone else under the sun except you, THEN I would be worried. But it seems like he's not calling much of anybody these days. Just let him be. Go out with your girlfriends, have fun going out and having a good time, busy yourself in a hobby you enjoy, call up your friends, etc.. Do ANYTHING except call that man! If you feel really cruel or heartless, then MAYBE you can send him a cheery text message saying: "Just thought I'd take some time out of my busy schedule to say that I hope you're having fun!"

When he does finally call you, still act happy and receptive, but when he comes back, it wouldn't hurt to mention to him that it would have been nice to hear from him since you started to wonder if everything was okay on his trip. Just keep it light, but definitely give him the message that maybe in the future you would appreciate a call or at least a message saying that he at least got to his destination safely, or whatever.

I know this advice may sound crazy...but sometimes, you have to "play the game" with men.

Thanks so much for your advice. This is EXACTLY what have been planning to do! I have realised that I have made him the focus of my attention far too much and I will just be interested to see how his behaviour changes when mine changes.

He is back on the 1st January so I will post u an update when he returns!!

 

[HairQueen]

agreed. being 'lonely' is not worse than being with someone who treats you like shyt. imo, you need to work on yourself self-esteem if you are willing to be with any man so long as you are not by yourself. a bad relationship really isn't one worth having.

like michelle said, at some point you need to realise that you are worth more than this. otherwise, continue being in a crap relationship but don't complain when your 'man' does something really out of order as you've made the conscious decision to stick with him because you deem yourself unworthy of someone better. is that what you really want, though? when your 'man' realises he can get away with treating you badly, then expect worse behaviour to follow as you've shown him you're willing to be treated anyway.

imo, you're tying to fool yourself into thinking that you can still keep him in your life but cut off his 'bf privileges'. if you are so attached to him that he can do this to you but you'd rather be with him than alone then your plan isn't all that strong.

btw, just because you dated 'worse' guys than him, doesn't mean this guy is all that either. imo, if you consistently end up with bad guys who don't treat you well then it's time to find out what you are doing wrong. i think many of those answers lie in the posts you've made in this thread alone. e.g - knowing you're being treated badly and being upset about it yet still making excuses for the man and justifying why you need to stick with him when he really isn't worth your time and effort.

Hi again!

Thanks for your advice I really do appreciate it. I think it is clear there are two schools of thought on this subject:

1. To cut him out of my life forever and wash my hands of him and start again with another person.

2. To continue to see him but realise that he has got some work to do if he wants to still be with me, if he doesn't step up his game then wash my hands of him.

Its clear you are thinking along the lines of number 1. which is fine and I totally see why! From the outside it looks to you like I am crazy and maybe I but I want to see what he does when he gets back and my plan is to change my behaviour and attitude. I know I am stubborn at times its just what I feel to do right now..

He's back on the 1st January so I will update then..

 

[BroadstreetBully]

Hi again!

Thanks for your advice I really do appreciate it. I think it is clear there are two schools of thought on this subject:

1. To cut him out of my life forever and wash my hands of him and start again with another person.

2. To continue to see him but realise that he has got some work to do if he wants to still be with me, if he doesn't step up his game then wash my hands of him.

Its clear you are thinking along the lines of number 1. which is fine and I totally see why! From the outside it looks to you like I am crazy and maybe I but I want to see what he does when he gets back and my plan is to change my behaviour and attitude. I know I am stubborn at times its just what I feel to do right now..

He's back on the 1st January so I will update then..

If you choose this option, don't expect a serious relationship. Trying to teach an old dog new tricks is hell. And if he doesn't care enough to call you to let you know he's okay, then he doesn't think you're worth his time and effort to change. I know it sounds terribly harsh, but it's the truth. We all see it. Don't expect him to jump to keep you, cause he isn't concerned with that. But then the next girl comes along and he is at her command and gives her the world. You don't want that. I know I shouldn't make all these assumptions on a phone call, but it's happened to me, it's happened to all of us. So when Jan 1st comes along just think about this. Girl work on YOU, women...we have got to be stronger.

 

[Lilakoi’s_Sister]

If you choose this option, don't expect a serious relationship. Trying to teach an old dog new tricks is hell. And if he doesn't care enough to call you to let you know he's okay, then he doesn't think you're worth his time and effort to change. I know it sounds terribly harsh, but it's the truth. We all see it. Don't expect him to jump to keep you, cause he isn't concerned with that. But then the next girl comes along and he is at her command and gives her the world. You don't want that. I know I shouldn't make all these assumptions on a phone call, but it's happened to me, it's happened to all of us. So when Jan 1st comes along just think about this. Girl work on YOU, women...we have got to be stronger.

ITA. I have been there with a man that did not call, went on trips, said he would call and didn't, said he wasn't a phone person, was busy, blah blah blah. In the end, how it started out is how it ended up, with him not calling me when he said he would for the upteenth time. I learned my lesson and moved on and felt much much better. I especially agree with the bolded. We need to focus on ourselves, other activities that make us happy and this in turn will make us stronger and much more appealing to the right men.

 

[Much2much41]

Hi again!

Thanks for your advice I really do appreciate it. I think it is clear there are two schools of thought on this subject:

1. To cut him out of my life forever and wash my hands of him and start again with another person.

2. To continue to see him but realise that he has got some work to do if he wants to still be with me, if he doesn't step up his game then wash my hands of him.

Its clear you are thinking along the lines of number 1. which is fine and I totally see why! From the outside it looks to you like I am crazy and maybe I but I want to see what he does when he gets back and my plan is to change my behaviour and attitude. I know I am stubborn at times its just what I feel to do right now..

He's back on the 1st January so I will update then..

That's pretty much all you can do. You can't change a person. All you can do is change yourself, and how you react to what a person does. So it really boils down to whether or not you'll be able to change your perception to the point that what he does no longer angers you, or whether you decide the whole thing isn't worth it, but it still is all up to you, and not him.

 

[MissJ]

I think men are like children sometimes they will behave in the way they know have been able to get away with with other people but as soon as they around someone who aint having no crap from them suddenly their behaviour changes..

But you are having it, by continuing on with him after he has not contacted you in so long. You're a dream for a man who wants to do what he wants to do with no questions asked.

 

[SweetNic_JA]

I hope that man didn't got to Brazil ...but seriously, I think you are selling your self short, and in this situation, you might as well call yourself a doormat. He is clearly showing you that he is not interested in you. period.
I went through something similar about 3 years ago, but the scenario flipped. I went on holiday and my BF neither called me, nor was I able to reach him when I called (he had a lame excuse that his phone was lost). I knew then that it was over. I just hope you realize this too.

Also, in a previous post you implied that you will stick with him because pickings are slim and it's hard to find a man to spend time with. I say that's a cop-out excuse and it sounds a bit like you have some insecurities. We all have them, but don't ever put yourself in the mindset where you accept the mediocre because you cannot find something better. Always reach for the top, because if you reach far enough, and believe and try to get the best, then you will get the best. Do not settle.

You call yourself HairQueen, so be a queen. Act as a queen when you choose your partner and be the queen of your destiny.

 

[NCRapunzel]

I had a very similar situation happen to me just last month. And I say HAD because as far as I'm concerned, it's over and done with.

I was dating this young man in October. The first three weeks were great. We had a lot in common and talked to each other several times a day. Three weeks and two broken dates later, it seemed as if I was dealing with a shell of the person that I'd met. So, I, being the straightshooter that I am, insisted on a "come to Jesus." Well, his excuse was that he had several things going on--financial issues, custody issues, etc--and he needed to take care of those things before he could get involved. His request (brace yourselves): Bear with me through the month of December. :buttkick:

I refused to tell him that I would not see anyone else (what do I look like?!). And I let him know that because of his recent behavior and the minimal investment (we'd only dated a few weeks), I had nothing to work with. So needless to say, I've moved on. December has been a good month and I'm hoping January will be even better!

When a man wants you, he'll let you know--in no uncertain terms, he will let you know. When he doesn't...well, he'll let you know that too. Maybe not verbally, but the signs are there. Pay attention. There are so many other men out there who will appreciate what you have to offer. Go find 'em!

 

[january noir]

I hope that man didn't got to Brazil ...but seriously, I think you are selling your self short, and in this situation, you might as well call yourself a doormat. He is clearly showing you that he is not interested in you. period.
I went through something similar about 3 years ago, but the scenario flipped. I went on holiday and my BF neither called me, nor was I able to reach him when I called (he had a lame excuse that his phone was lost). I knew then that it was over. I just hope you realize this too.

Also, in a previous post you implied that you will stick with him because pickings are slim and it's hard to find a man to spend time with. I say that's a cop-out excuse and it sounds a bit like you have some insecurities. We all have them, but don't ever put yourself in the mindset where you accept the mediocre because you cannot find something better. Always reach for the top, because if you reach far enough, and believe and try to get the best, then you will get the best. Do not settle.

You call yourself HairQueen, so be a queen. Act as a queen when you choose your partner and be the queen of your destiny.

Touche.
Well said. I would be motivated by these words.