He Left
- Thread starter shinyblackhair
- Start date
runwaydream
Well-Known Member
do you know how to ride his motorcycle? if you dont why don't you learn in case he pulls this mess again and takes the car? since you're his wife thats your motorcycle too.
RossBoss
Well-Known Member
OP, I remember your old thread. I felt it was a mistake to marry him for the reasons that you did. A marriage should occur based on love, not on one partner getting a green card. I am sorry for all the anguish that this man is causing you and your children and I hope you find a way out without sacrificing your financial stability.
Guitarhero
New Member
So, who got the green maple leaf????
MissYocairis
Well-Known Member
I knew the fool would be back. And, I knew he'd be back the very next day. That's how they do. He didn't even have the cojones to stay gone more than 24 hours. 
Just keep your head, keep your planning, keep your prayer and keep working toward your goal. He's a non-entity. I knew he would be back acting like nothing ever happened. UNACCEPTABLE. But he was unacceptable before this.
Just keep your head, keep your planning, keep your prayer and keep working toward your goal. He's a non-entity. I knew he would be back acting like nothing ever happened. UNACCEPTABLE. But he was unacceptable before this.
MayaB12
New Member
Irresistible
New Member
whoa......really? this was a loveless marriage in the first place?
if so I'm just floored right now
anything was bound to happen then
Edit
(op please know I am still not going to say you deserved anything or pass judgment I just didn't know the whole story)
Irresistible
New Member
mental note
read the threads you are being pointed to before commenting
read the threads you are being pointed to before commenting
coconow2007
New Member
OP the handwriting is on the wall and has been there for a long time. Its time to stop the nonsense. Not sure how divorces go in ur neck of the woods but i would think he would at least have to pay child support, some type of alimony or put something towards you and kids living expenses until u get a job.
Going to school is great and I would encourage u to keep going - however, u need a job right now so while school is great u need some type of $$$ coming into the household so u won't be tied to this aholes whims.
Stop blaming him or u and start getting urself together. Ninjas stay or go but having a peace of mind is priceless.....
Going to school is great and I would encourage u to keep going - however, u need a job right now so while school is great u need some type of $$$ coming into the household so u won't be tied to this aholes whims.
Stop blaming him or u and start getting urself together. Ninjas stay or go but having a peace of mind is priceless.....
RossBoss
Well-Known Member
In the original thread, she did say she loved him and that he loved her, it's just that the marriage would have allowed him to get his green card to stay in Canada.
I have nothing against people who feel this is acceptable, but me personally, I would never marry a man who needs a green card. That's a powerful incentive for a man to marry a woman, but what happens once he gets it? He starts to act up like OP's husband that's what. I think it's just better when people marry for love ONLY, not when one partner stands to gain "something". Now that he has what he wants, she is no longer needed and is a "burden". Again, .
shinyblackhair
Well-Known Member
Sometimes I swear he is playing mind games, but honestly I feel he is mentally unstable and is not clever enough to run a mind game on me. He can't even tell a lie without being caught.
LMAO! woo that's a funny thought of me riding off on the Kawasaki, LOL...I don't agree with death machines so me hopping on that thing won't be happening LOL, but thanks for the suggestion!
Yes, you're right and one step further, 18 year old GIRLS, which is what I was and 20 year old BOYS, which is what he was have no business taking themselves down to City Hall to get married. Against my parents wishes, no less. His whole family knew and were in agreement no doubt. My parents were so resentful toward his parents about this for a long time, but have moved on and accepted them. Now look how this man is doing me! Aahh!
Yeah he is home on "stress leave" stressing the hell out of me and my kids. Damn...he is STILL on the couch.
LOL He did!
I knew the fool would be back. And, I knew he'd be back the very next day. That's how they do. He didn't even have the cojones to stay gone more than 24 hours.
Very UNACCEPTABLE...the only ones who are happy he's here are the kids...well the younger ones, not sure about my eldest, as she's lost a lot of respect for him over the last few months. Even though yesterday when they got home from school to find him here on the couch, they all stayed with ME in my bedroom. You shoulda seen the 5 of us all piled on my little queen size bed...me stretched out trying to catch a nap, my eldest facebooking and texting, my son on his DSi and the middle girls watching Sponge Bob....lol. They didn't go near him for a few hours even though they were relieved that he was hear. poor kids.
I am trying to think of my options - money being the biggest barrier to me doing anything right now. I'm taking a course to become a nurses' assistant. It's short, but intense. I'm in school full time (8-4) for the next 3 months and then I will have to do a placement in a hospital, old age home, and community care for about 2.5 months. I graduate in May, so I really have to stick this out....
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deltagyrl
Well-Known Member
I think the OP needed to see this again.
This thread is hard to read because some of it is familiar.
All I can say is, crazy dad + crazy mom = crazy kids. Please get out of that unstable environment asap. It's already been physical.
This thread is hard to read because some of it is familiar.
All I can say is, crazy dad + crazy mom = crazy kids. Please get out of that unstable environment asap. It's already been physical.
As a woman with experience in this department, I wholeheartedly agree with Sparklingflame and others who tell you not to blame yourself. This is not acceptable...his behavior and your taking the blame. Stop right there!
I want to say something and I hope people will comprehend that this is not coming from a selfish place, but YOU are the first one to suffer. YOU are first, not the children. Why? If you are not stable, then they will not be stable. I'm asking you to get lots of support from those who love you. This is what these types of manipulative men do, blame you and disparage you in front of your children for every single thing...for years. It's not about this huge blow-up at all.
I do feel for the children in a divorce/separation/household strife/bad marriage but what about the woman? Nobody cares. I'm coming from that very place. People will say this and that for the children as though you are at statue of liberty type, stoic, staid, erect, STRONG. Nope folks, this is a flesh and blood woman and she deserves to look at this situation from a perspective of a disrespected spouse. You need help, OP, to talk this through for the sake of YOU FIRST, then the children. The mistake many make and due to society and the advice of others is to shield the kids or put them first. I reiterate, you need help as the backbone of the family so that everybody can be healthy and sane (minus him, of course). Do not neglect yourself and talk to the kids openly about the situation without putting him down and listen to the kids' fears and anger.
As for him, he's a child and has a lot of unresolved issues. He might change but there's a lot to go through for him to realize what he has become as a human. Even still, he might not wish to love you. I hope you are able to get to the money. Do you have an atm for the bank account? If you can't get to the bank, call them and alert them to what is happening and the bank manager might be able to put a hold on the account until you can get things resolved (1/2 the money).
Lastly, I'm sorry you are going through this. It's never pleasant and he will increase his disparaging of you to the kids...even going so far as to tell them you are a whore, an adulteress, stupid, Black b!tch (I'm being real....expect it), better with another "race" woman, etc. He will tell all his friends and family how "horrible" you are. Prepare yourself and it might not hurt as much. You will lose friends, whether you divorce or just separate for awhile.People will be afraid to be around you because 1)they don't know what to say and 2)are having trouble you don't know about and they're afraid of it catching. It sux...but you will get over it. Keep going to school and preparing your profession. Keep good contact with professors, the Dean of the school of study, counselors, etc. so you can get great recommendations. It will help with your self-esteem. But do not blame yourself. You did nothing wrong and he was attempting to steal and utilize that phone by switching the account for himself. You did good. He knows you are strong now and have a contender. Never back down. Don't shout, try not to cry...let him make a complete hateful idiot of himself and keep a journal of everything for your lawyers just in case. In the words of Ivanna Trump, "don't get mad, get everything."
I've been there and he's tried a lot, even I suspect he tried to take the kids out of the country...so get your kids' passports and hide them. Check Canadian laws for exit/with children and if a passport has been requested for them. He may at some point be nice to you in your face but do not trust this. They will never get over it. If you find evidence of cheating, get names, places, write down stories from friends & acquaintances about him...get everything documented for an eventual deposition of character. Don't talk badly about him to the kids or where/when they can hear you and a friend...and don't allow him to talk badly of you...tell the judge and they might stop visitations on that note if it continues.
shinyblackhair
Well-Known Member
Yes, I absolutely see what your saying and that post you quoted really does make a lot of sense. I am a disrespected spouse and as a mother of 3 girls and one boy it is not right for them to sit here and witness this. It is a form of abuse and it's just not right. I have to stand for myself first in order to protect them. My staying in this relationship is like putting them through the abuse. I should know, since I grew up in a home filled with strife and arguing and occasional physical violence (my dad toward my mom, not the kids). I am weary...I've lived this way of life and I can't have my kids in it too....I have to break the cycle. I am breaking down right now....
~Sparklingflame~
New Member
I knew the fool would be back. And, I knew he'd be back the very next day. That's how they do. He didn't even have the cojones to stay gone more than 24 hours.
I just wanna know where that ninja went overnight.
shinyblackhair
Well-Known Member
Well I messaged both of his sisters over FB to see if he slept at either of their place. I mentioned that he made a scene and traumatized his kids and that he came home like nothing ever happened. I told them that they need to pray for their brother because his is ruining his kids. They didn't respond to the message, but now my phone is ringing off the hook long-distance.
His mother is phoning down the place, so I take that to mean that they promptly told his mom. I'm not answering it though, because I've had this convo with her too many times over the years. I'm done. He's not answering it because he's on the fact of why she is calling and doesn't want to hear the lecutre and guilt trip. I'm done and on my way out of this marriage, so that is between them. Truthfully, I don't even CARE where he slept - I actually really and truly mean that, but I couldn't resist letting his family know how he is acting over here. They think he is some poor little meek depressed man with the weight of the world on his shoulders. Give me a break! He is out of control and I told his sisters as much in my message.
shinyblackhair
Well-Known Member
Thank you. I think after 15 years of marriage and I'm just turning 34...I need another 15 years of singlehood to balance it out though, LOL...Let's see that will take me to...49. Yeah, maybe when I'm 49 I'll consider re-marriage, lol. This is too much to give oneself away like this and have it all just thrown back in your face. I'm so bitter right now, I should just stop talking.
MissYocairis
Well-Known Member
Well I messaged both of his sisters over FB to see if he slept at either of their place. I mentioned that he made a scene and traumatized his kids and that he came home like nothing ever happened. I told them that they need to pray for their brother because his is ruining his kids. They didn't respond to the message, but now my phone is ringing off the hook long-distance.
I was thinking the same thing, "it don't matter where he slept" and I wouldn't care either if I were you OP. This is way beyond that. Way beyond. I'm glad his mama is aware. I wonder if she's feeling any guilt.
shinyblackhair
Well-Known Member
Yeah, I wonder if she feels any guilt too. Apparently he must've answered the phone because I just went upstairs to the bathroom and I overheard him on the phone to his mom. All I heard was him say was that he didn't want a lecture right now, lol. I just used the bathroom and came back downstairs. I didn't even stick around to hear his part of the convo or what he might be saying because again...I.don't.care. It's almost scary how much I don't care. I'm just pissed at how he just took the well-being of his own children and stepped on it for the purpose of being spiteful toward me. He is damaging them in order to damage me....only I'm an adult. He can't damage me because I see him for what he is. A very sorry human being. They see their FATHER being mean to mommy, being grumpy with them and just sitting on the couch all the fricken time. I just heard him tell them that they can drop their candy wrappers all over the place, because he doesn't care.
WTF? I guess that was for me...man. I need to get me and the kids out of this war zone.Anyway...lemme go finish my assignment. Me and the kids are going to church tomorrow and then to my mom's for dinner. My mom said we will talk then and make a game plan - whatever that is....
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shinyblackhair
Well-Known Member
One last thing: a confession - I just ordered about 5 or 6 books on dealing with divorce and single parenting on his credit card from christianbook.com! lol. I don't really feel bad about it, because I mean after all of the "how to make your marriage work" books that I've wasted money on trying to save this marriage one-sidedly...I deserve to have some guidance on how to navigate separation and divorce...especially since counselling isn't in the cards right now. Was I wrong? Should I cancel the order? I love books and reading so, I kind of feel like this was me being good to myself, just a bit. Books are a comfort to me especially Christian-based self help books....Jesus forgive me, LOL.
LovelyLouboutin
Well-Known Member
You guys are not divorced yet so Heck No you werent wrong. What's his is still yours at this point in time! So if you wanted to make some cash withdrawals from that credit card and run to the bank to open your own account.......
runwaydream
Well-Known Member
Okay?! that's an excellent idea! Why haven't I thought of that before?! it's your money too. I say go for it. You have to look out for number 1 right now. The hell with having a conscience.
shinyblackhair
Well-Known Member
LOL...true...I did open up my own account per LHCF (and my mom's) advice at the time of my first thread. I have about 32 cents in there right now, LOL. Hmmm....cash withdrawl you say huh? :scratchch
hopeful
Well-Known Member
Yes, I absolutely see what your saying and that post you quoted really does make a lot of sense. I am a disrespected spouse and as a mother of 3 girls and one boy it is not right for them to sit here and witness this. It is a form of abuse and it's just not right. I have to stand for myself first in order to protect them. My staying in this relationship is like putting them through the abuse. I should know, since I grew up in a home filled with strife and arguing and occasional physical violence (my dad toward my mom, not the kids). I am weary...I've lived this way of life and I can't have my kids in it too....I have to break the cycle. I am breaking down right now....
That's it sweetheart! You have to break the cycle for you and your kids' sakes. And you can do it. And
keep making good grades, finish your program, get yourself a good job and KIM. I am so proud of you! Keep those books you ordered, read and enjoy. And Sunday have a great day at church and then planning with your mom. So happy mom is in your corner.
Irresistible
New Member
15 years in this Marriage
this thread is keeping me like
Sbh, I'm really proud of you though, all that you are saying and doing. You can do this! :Rose:
this thread is keeping me like
Sbh, I'm really proud of you though, all that you are saying and doing. You can do this! :Rose:
shinyblackhair
Well-Known Member
15 years in this Marriage
this thread is keeping me like
Sbh, I'm really proud of you though, all that you are saying and doing. You can do this! :Rose:
Thanks. I am feeling really sad and lonely right now, though. I know this is something I have to go through, and it's only just beginning. I just keep thinking why me? Why has my whole life been shrouded in dysfunction?
Anyway, I'm holding on to my faith and praying that God can carry me through...I have a feeling this is going to get worse before it gets better.
Irresistible
New Member
It can be a long road, this I know, please feel free to PM me if you need to talk about anything. This is going to get so much better for you though, no matter how hard it is going, when you get out of this and have your self respect in tact and your peace and peace for your children things will be so much better. Just keep holding on to God and prayingThanks. I am feeling really sad and lonely right now, though. I know this is something I have to go through, and it's only just beginning. I just keep thinking why me? Why has my whole life been shrouded in dysfunction?
Anyway, I'm holding on to my faith and praying that God can carry me through...I have a feeling this is going to get worse before it gets better.
shinyblackhair
Well-Known Member
It can be a long road, this I know, please feel free to PM me if you need to talk about anything. This is going to get so much better for you though, no matter how hard it is going, when you get out of this and have your self respect in tact and your peace and peace for your children things will be so much better. Just keep holding on to God and praying
Thank you. Funny you mention the word peace, because peace is something that I crave right now...just peace in my heart, peace of mind, peace in my home. I am feeling a little better this morning. I'm forcing myself to stick with my plans of going to church even though I don't feel like it at the moment...
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