OP, I remember your old thread. I felt it was a mistake to marry him for the reasons that you did. A marriage should occur based on love, not on one partner getting a green card. I am sorry for all the anguish that this man is causing you and your children and I hope you find a way out without sacrificing your financial stability.
So, who got the green maple leaf????
whoa......really? this was a loveless marriage in the first place?OP, I remember your old thread. I felt it was a mistake to marry him for the reasons that you did. A marriage should occur based on love, not on one partner getting a green card. I am sorry for all the anguish that this man is causing you and your children and I hope you find a way out without sacrificing your financial stability.
whoa......really? this was a loveless marriage in the first place?
Best of luck as you finish your course. I'm pissed for you but not shocked. Is he playing mind games by bouncing in and out as he pleases?
do you know how to ride his motorcycle? if you dont why don't you learn in case he pulls this mess again and takes the car? since you're his wife thats your motorcycle too.
OP, I remember your old thread. I felt it was a mistake to marry him for the reasons that you did. A marriage should occur based on love, not on one partner getting a green card. I am sorry for all the anguish that this man is causing you and your children and I hope you find a way out without sacrificing your financial stability.
Is he still on "stress leave" from work?
LOL He did!So, who got the green maple leaf????
I knew the fool would be back. And, I knew he'd be back the very next day. That's how they do. He didn't even have the cojones to stay gone more than 24 hours. Just keep your head, keep your planning, keep your prayer and keep working toward your goal. He's a non-entity. I knew he would be back acting like nothing ever happened. UNACCEPTABLE. But he was unacceptable before this.
OP the handwriting is on the wall and has been there for a long time. Its time to stop the nonsense. Not sure how divorces go in ur neck of the woods but i would think he would at least have to pay child support, some type of alimony or put something towards you and kids living expenses until u get a job.
Going to school is great and I would encourage u to keep going - however, u need a job right now so while school is great u need some type of $$$ coming into the household so u won't be tied to this aholes whims.
Stop blaming him or u and start getting urself together. Ninjas stay or go but having a peace of mind is priceless.....
As a woman with experience in this department, I wholeheartedly agree with Sparklingflame and others who tell you not to blame yourself. This is not acceptable...his behavior and your taking the blame. Stop right there!
I want to say something and I hope people will comprehend that this is not coming from a selfish place, but YOU are the first one to suffer. YOU are first, not the children. Why? If you are not stable, then they will not be stable. I'm asking you to get lots of support from those who love you. This is what these types of manipulative men do, blame you and disparage you in front of your children for every single thing...for years. It's not about this huge blow-up at all.
I do feel for the children in a divorce/separation/household strife/bad marriage but what about the woman? Nobody cares. I'm coming from that very place. People will say this and that for the children as though you are at statue of liberty type, stoic, staid, erect, STRONG. Nope folks, this is a flesh and blood woman and she deserves to look at this situation from a perspective of a disrespected spouse. You need help, OP, to talk this through for the sake of YOU FIRST, then the children. The mistake many make and due to society and the advice of others is to shield the kids or put them first. I reiterate, you need help as the backbone of the family so that everybody can be healthy and sane (minus him, of course). Do not neglect yourself and talk to the kids openly about the situation without putting him down and listen to the kids' fears and anger.
As for him, he's a child and has a lot of unresolved issues. He might change but there's a lot to go through for him to realize what he has become as a human. Even still, he might not wish to love you. I hope you are able to get to the money. Do you have an atm for the bank account? If you can't get to the bank, call them and alert them to what is happening and the bank manager might be able to put a hold on the account until you can get things resolved (1/2 the money).
Lastly, I'm sorry you are going through this. It's never pleasant and he will increase his disparaging of you to the kids...even going so far as to tell them you are a whore, an adulteress, stupid, Black b!tch (I'm being real....expect it), better with another "race" woman, etc. He will tell all his friends and family how "horrible" you are. Prepare yourself and it might not hurt as much. You will lose friends, whether you divorce or just separate for awhile. People will be afraid to be around you because 1)they don't know what to say and 2)are having trouble you don't know about and they're afraid of it catching. It sux...but you will get over it. Keep going to school and preparing your profession. Keep good contact with professors, the Dean of the school of study, counselors, etc. so you can get great recommendations. It will help with your self-esteem. But do not blame yourself. You did nothing wrong and he was attempting to steal and utilize that phone by switching the account for himself. You did good. He knows you are strong now and have a contender. Never back down. Don't shout, try not to cry...let him make a complete hateful idiot of himself and keep a journal of everything for your lawyers just in case. In the words of Ivanna Trump, "don't get mad, get everything." Still try and get family counseling and marital counseling. Just be on your guard henceforth. I hope he changes and become sane again...
I've been there and he's tried a lot, even I suspect he tried to take the kids out of the country...so get your kids' passports and hide them. Check Canadian laws for exit/with children and if a passport has been requested for them. He may at some point be nice to you in your face but do not trust this. They will never get over it. If you find evidence of cheating, get names, places, write down stories from friends & acquaintances about him...get everything documented for an eventual deposition of character. Don't talk badly about him to the kids or where/when they can hear you and a friend...and don't allow him to talk badly of you...tell the judge and they might stop visitations on that note if it continues. You will make it!!!
I think the OP needed to see this again.
This thread is hard to read because some of it is familiar.
All I can say is, crazy dad + crazy mom = crazy kids. Please get out of that unstable environment asap. It's already been physical.
I knew the fool would be back. And, I knew he'd be back the very next day. That's how they do. He didn't even have the cojones to stay gone more than 24 hours. Just keep your head, keep your planning, keep your prayer and keep working toward your goal. He's a non-entity. I knew he would be back acting like nothing ever happened. UNACCEPTABLE. But he was unacceptable before this.
I just wanna know where that ninja went overnight.
Shiny, I know there is a man out there that is cabable of loving you the way you deserve to be loved. Give yourself the time and SPACE to allow him in your life. Good Luck with school, career, motherhood and future relationships.
Well I messaged both of his sisters over FB to see if he slept at either of their place. I mentioned that he made a scene and traumatized his kids and that he came home like nothing ever happened. I told them that they need to pray for their brother because his is ruining his kids. They didn't respond to the message, but now my phone is ringing off the hook long-distance. His mother is phoning down the place, so I take that to mean that they promptly told his mom. I'm not answering it though, because I've had this convo with her too many times over the years. I'm done. He's not answering it because he's on the fact of why she is calling and doesn't want to hear the lecutre and guilt trip. I'm done and on my way out of this marriage, so that is between them. Truthfully, I don't even CARE where he slept - I actually really and truly mean that, but I couldn't resist letting his family know how he is acting over here. They think he is some poor little meek depressed man with the weight of the world on his shoulders. Give me a break! He is out of control and I told his sisters as much in my message.
I was thinking the same thing, "it don't matter where he slept" and I wouldn't care either if I were you OP. This is way beyond that. Way beyond. I'm glad his mama is aware. I wonder if she's feeling any guilt.
One last thing: a confession - I just ordered about 5 or 6 books on dealing with divorce and single parenting on his credit card from christianbook.com! lol. I don't really feel bad about it, because I mean after all of the "how to make your marriage work" books that I've wasted money on trying to save this marriage one-sidedly...I deserve to have some guidance on how to navigate separation and divorce...especially since counselling isn't in the cards right now. Was I wrong? Should I cancel the order? I love books and reading so, I kind of feel like this was me being good to myself, just a bit. Books are a comfort to me especially Christian-based self help books....Jesus forgive me, LOL.
You guys are not divorced yet so Heck No you werent wrong. What's his is still yours at this point in time! So if you wanted to make some cash withdrawals from that credit card and run to the bank to open your own account.......
You guys are not divorced yet so Heck No you werent wrong. What's his is still yours at this point in time! So if you wanted to make some cash withdrawals from that credit card and run to the bank to open your own account.......
Yes, I absolutely see what your saying and that post you quoted really does make a lot of sense. I am a disrespected spouse and as a mother of 3 girls and one boy it is not right for them to sit here and witness this. It is a form of abuse and it's just not right. I have to stand for myself first in order to protect them. My staying in this relationship is like putting them through the abuse. I should know, since I grew up in a home filled with strife and arguing and occasional physical violence (my dad toward my mom, not the kids). I am weary...I've lived this way of life and I can't have my kids in it too....I have to break the cycle. I am breaking down right now....
15 years in this Marriage
this thread is keeping me like
Sbh, I'm really proud of you though, all that you are saying and doing. You can do this! :Rose:
It can be a long road, this I know, please feel free to PM me if you need to talk about anything. This is going to get so much better for you though, no matter how hard it is going, when you get out of this and have your self respect in tact and your peace and peace for your children things will be so much better. Just keep holding on to God and prayingThanks. I am feeling really sad and lonely right now, though. I know this is something I have to go through, and it's only just beginning. I just keep thinking why me? Why has my whole life been shrouded in dysfunction?
Anyway, I'm holding on to my faith and praying that God can carry me through...I have a feeling this is going to get worse before it gets better.
It can be a long road, this I know, please feel free to PM me if you need to talk about anything. This is going to get so much better for you though, no matter how hard it is going, when you get out of this and have your self respect in tact and your peace and peace for your children things will be so much better. Just keep holding on to God and praying