Found Out He Is Married- now what?
- Thread starter sonyablade
- Start date
sunshinelady
New Member
Become a "kept" woman. That's what I'd do!
One of the guys in the office building is married, and I know I could get him to "bankroll" me
Bloss, I lightweight hate you.
Blossssom
New Member
Bloss, I lightweight hate you.
Girl, may as well get paid for your troubles.
A long LONG time ago when I was the most scandalous *blank* walking God's green earth, I had a guy on video and was going to blackmail him if he ever tried to stop the "payments".
He didn't, though. I finally left him and destroyed the tape so I wouldn't be tempted later on if I went low on "bread"
Honi
There is no board.
Girl, may as well get paid for your troubles.
A long LONG time ago when I was the most scandalous *blank* walking God's green earth, I had a guy on video and was going to blackmail him if he ever tried to stop the "payments".
He didn't, though. I finally left him and destroyed the tape so I wouldn't be tempted later on if I went low on "bread"
at this whole post. Gurl you skrait crazy sometimes!
Blossssom
New Member
Um, why can I see that cat's private parts?
Yea, back in my 20s, it was all about the DOLLA!
Makenzie
Well-Known Member
Girl, may as well get paid for your troubles.
A long LONG time ago when I was the most scandalous *blank* walking God's green earth, I had a guy on video and was going to blackmail him if he ever tried to stop the "payments".
He didn't, though. I finally left him and destroyed the tape so I wouldn't be tempted later on if I went low on "bread"
and
Blossssom
New Member
and
I'm REFORMED!
I haven't sexed a married man in almost 10 years!
The last married man I was with got ejected from his house because I CALLED there!
natural2008
Well-Known Member
I'm REFORMED!
I haven't sexed a married man in almost 10 years!
The last married man I was with got ejected from his house because I CALLED there!
Girl I am so happy you are reformed. You are cracking me up over here.
Blossssom
New Member
Yea, got old and retired; now I'm coaching the younguns'!
Bibliography: How to Ball a Man Out of His Mind and his Dollar!
Ev'ry woman, especially women fooling around with married men, need to have this handbook!
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sonyablade
Well-Known Member
LOL@Blossom no sweety I am 30 years old..thats at least 5 years too old to play around like that.
MissJ
Well-Known Member
You are a peach!
Blossssom
New Member
Chile, that ain't old! 30 is the perfect age, actually, to fleece them fools!
GET PAID!
GET THAT BOOK!
At 30, you're still young enough to pull them "Ben Franklins", and you're smart enough to know just how to do it
If you're unsure... "How to Ball... " I'll send you a copy!
BroadstreetBully
New Member
So for those of you who would tell...
Do you fear that if his life comes crashing down, he'll come after you?
I don't blame the OP one bit for removing herself completely. That could be best for HER safety, especially if this guy knows where she lives, where she works, etc... I don't mean to be EXTRA with this, but there are too many stories of this type of stuff going terribly wrong.
So maybe I'm a bad person, but I wouldn't place myself in that type of situation. I'm not letting trying to play 'hero' get in the way of my safety.
Do you fear that if his life comes crashing down, he'll come after you?
I don't blame the OP one bit for removing herself completely. That could be best for HER safety, especially if this guy knows where she lives, where she works, etc... I don't mean to be EXTRA with this, but there are too many stories of this type of stuff going terribly wrong.
So maybe I'm a bad person, but I wouldn't place myself in that type of situation. I'm not letting trying to play 'hero' get in the way of my safety.
femalegold
Active Member
Sonyablade,
Other posters have given you some really good advice. I fully understand were you are coming from because I'm in the same situation now. My heart is broken; I cry and pray every night for this to be over. I'm stressing my self out.
I'm debating whether to call his wife that he claims isn't his wife. He has become angry and verbally abusive in this situation between us. One minute he is calm and the next he is acting out. That was my sign to be out and don't look back. Yes, it hurts; yes I want revenge so bad. My reason for wanting to let his wife know is so I can hurt him and make him feel as bad as I do but I don't think it will do any good.
Look at this situation as positive think of it as God showing you what you don't need in your life. It could be worst you, could be married to him. God has something better for you and this is just opening your eyes to what you don't need in your life.
Kayte and others thank you for the kind words I know they weren't for me but I felt like some of you ladies were speaking to me as well. Thank god for this board after reading this and the advice I feel a lot better and know for sure what I will do in my situation.
Sonyablade I commend you for saying you will walk away hang in there and pray. I wish you well.
Other posters have given you some really good advice. I fully understand were you are coming from because I'm in the same situation now. My heart is broken; I cry and pray every night for this to be over. I'm stressing my self out.
I'm debating whether to call his wife that he claims isn't his wife. He has become angry and verbally abusive in this situation between us. One minute he is calm and the next he is acting out. That was my sign to be out and don't look back. Yes, it hurts; yes I want revenge so bad. My reason for wanting to let his wife know is so I can hurt him and make him feel as bad as I do but I don't think it will do any good.
Look at this situation as positive think of it as God showing you what you don't need in your life. It could be worst you, could be married to him. God has something better for you and this is just opening your eyes to what you don't need in your life.
Kayte and others thank you for the kind words I know they weren't for me but I felt like some of you ladies were speaking to me as well. Thank god for this board after reading this and the advice I feel a lot better and know for sure what I will do in my situation.
Sonyablade I commend you for saying you will walk away hang in there and pray. I wish you well.
sonyablade
Well-Known Member
Im sorry you are going through this too.. I know its hard to walk away..when I first found out I didnt even know how to begin to leave him alone. As much as it sounds crazy this man had become my best friend- we talked and texted all day everyday. So it literally feels like I have lost a major part of my life. But one major thing that stands out to me in your story that makes me scared for you is him becoming threatening to you when you confront him. This tells me he is willing to do whatever to protect his situation- which means you need to get far away and fast! My kids father was verbally and physically abusive to me and I ended up moving 1000 miles away 8 years ago to get away from him. So I have been there- it starts out with the verbal and can easily turn physical especially if he is trying to save himself and his marriage. I will pray for you and you can PM me if you ever want to chat
msa
New Member
Nope. I feel like the only right thing to do in this situation is to let the wife know. It's not only about her health, it's about her and her children's safety as well. Who knows how many women he has parading through the house where his wife and children lay their head? That's disrespectful, unsafe, and plain wrong.
If he snapped because I told the truth, then that means he could have snapped at any time...so I may as well get the truth out there.
So what are you going to do now to change your relationship patterns? It seems like you have a knack for choosing the wrong men.
(disclaimer: I know I don't know you like that OP, I'm just going off the info you provided)
DarlingNikki
Well-Known Member
Same thing has happened to me. After I found out dude was married, I informed his wife...she had every right to know.
ETA: btw, they are divorced now. Maybe his wife already knew how he was and just got fed up.
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sonyablade
Well-Known Member
So what are you going to do now to change your relationship patterns? It seems like you have a knack for choosing the wrong men.
(disclaimer: I know I don't know you like that OP, I'm just going off the info you provided)[/quote]
Ok that was kind of harsh..I did have an abusive relationship 8 years ago- this was with my first boyfriend who I ended up engaged and having 2 children with.I was very young when we got together(16) and had no clue how a good relationship should be.I thought that was as good as it can get becasue I was never shown healthy relationships growing up. I got out of it and I think saved my own life in the process because I feel he would have ended up killing me.I left him 8 years ago. I started seeing this man 2 years ago- so that is 6 years of just getting to know myself and dating casually but being very guarded about men. I learned the signs of abusive men very easily and stayed far away from them .But this married man was actually very loving, nurturing, affectionate, fiancially supportive, and never even raised his voice to me- now that the truth is out it is obvious he has a MAJOR PROBLEM- but as far as treatment he treated me better than any man ever has. I feel your statement shows how women tend to blame women for abuse or infidelity and thats just wrong. Not everybody was blessed or fortunate enough to see healthy role model relationships with their parents..I definately did not. So I can only live and learn and pray for guidance in this area of my life.
(disclaimer: I know I don't know you like that OP, I'm just going off the info you provided)[/quote]
Ok that was kind of harsh..I did have an abusive relationship 8 years ago- this was with my first boyfriend who I ended up engaged and having 2 children with.I was very young when we got together(16) and had no clue how a good relationship should be.I thought that was as good as it can get becasue I was never shown healthy relationships growing up. I got out of it and I think saved my own life in the process because I feel he would have ended up killing me.I left him 8 years ago. I started seeing this man 2 years ago- so that is 6 years of just getting to know myself and dating casually but being very guarded about men. I learned the signs of abusive men very easily and stayed far away from them .But this married man was actually very loving, nurturing, affectionate, fiancially supportive, and never even raised his voice to me- now that the truth is out it is obvious he has a MAJOR PROBLEM- but as far as treatment he treated me better than any man ever has. I feel your statement shows how women tend to blame women for abuse or infidelity and thats just wrong. Not everybody was blessed or fortunate enough to see healthy role model relationships with their parents..I definately did not. So I can only live and learn and pray for guidance in this area of my life.
DarlingNikki
Well-Known Member
So for those of you who would tell...
Do you fear that if his life comes crashing down, he'll come after you?
I don't blame the OP one bit for removing herself completely. That could be best for HER safety, especially if this guy knows where she lives, where she works, etc... I don't mean to be EXTRA with this, but there are too many stories of this type of stuff going terribly wrong.
So maybe I'm a bad person, but I wouldn't place myself in that type of situation. I'm not letting trying to play 'hero' get in the way of my safety.
When I found out my ex-"SO" was married, I also found out he was messing with other women besides me. I found out his dubma$$ was married because he forgot to sign out of his yahoo mail and IM before he left my place. After he left an IM popped up on my computer...from his wife! So I checked his mail and came across a large amount of emails from two or three other women (one of them his so-called ex GF). So....from HIS email account I forwarded his wife all the email communication he was having with those other women (including me). I also forwarded emails from his wife to his other side chicks in case they didn't know he was married (might have been a bit extra, but oh well!) To this day, he doesn't know I was the one who sent them....as far as he probably knows it was probably one of his other chicks.
ClassicChic
Well-Known Member
I saw keep it moving. He has already taken too much of your time and energy.
I really had to grow to give the above advice. I dated a guy who told me he was divorced. All the while not only was he separated but had another girlfriend on the side. I called his wife and basically she knew and didn't care. They are still together today in separate homes. However, I do know she recently had a baby. So my stance is........ the wife already knows what her husband is doing and is turning a blind eye.
It ended very badly to the point I had to seclude myself from everyone.
I really had to grow to give the above advice. I dated a guy who told me he was divorced. All the while not only was he separated but had another girlfriend on the side. I called his wife and basically she knew and didn't care. They are still together today in separate homes. However, I do know she recently had a baby. So my stance is........ the wife already knows what her husband is doing and is turning a blind eye.
It ended very badly to the point I had to seclude myself from everyone.
MRJ1972
New Member
Don't call the wife...If he was spending this much time and energy with you, I am sure she already knows something....Walk away and DONT LOOK BACK!!!!
I dated a guy once who decided in the middle of our relationship that he was going to marry the woman that he got pregnant..(supposedly before we started dating) for the child's sake, but requested that I assume the other woman role aka ' a kept woman'
because it was I who he was in love with..(but you're not marrying me?)...(quickly packed bags and raced out the door) ....(and he has the nerve to STILL call me to this day, professing his love and requesting that we get back together, because he is divorced, meanwhile I saw you out with your WIFE and it has been 8 years!!) MEN!!!..ok sorry got distracted for a minute
ffrant:
But, yes I was very hurt but I knew that I deserved more and so do you
...With him pursuing you and he knows that you are aware that HE IS MARRIED, he is basically asking you to be the other woman because apparently he has no intentions of leaving his wife, if he did, he would have left her a long time ago....Don't beat yourself up about this, "Everybody plays the fool" at some time or another 
...I know that it hurts and you are depressed, and it's an inconvenience to rearrange your life, but things will get better, they ALWAYS do...then when you least expect it, you will find someone that is willing to love you exclusively!!! STAY FOCUSED ON YOURSELF!!!!!..and remember....DON'T LOOK BACK!!!!!..( yep, I see you checking those text messages and missed calls
.... just kidding, trying to cheer you up)...
I dated a guy once who decided in the middle of our relationship that he was going to marry the woman that he got pregnant..(supposedly before we started dating) for the child's sake, but requested that I assume the other woman role aka ' a kept woman'
because it was I who he was in love with..(but you're not marrying me?)...(quickly packed bags and raced out the door) ....(and he has the nerve to STILL call me to this day, professing his love and requesting that we get back together, because he is divorced, meanwhile I saw you out with your WIFE and it has been 8 years!!) MEN!!!..ok sorry got distracted for a minuteffrant:But, yes I was very hurt but I knew that I deserved more and so do you
...With him pursuing you and he knows that you are aware that HE IS MARRIED, he is basically asking you to be the other woman because apparently he has no intentions of leaving his wife, if he did, he would have left her a long time ago....Don't beat yourself up about this, "Everybody plays the fool" at some time or another ...I know that it hurts and you are depressed, and it's an inconvenience to rearrange your life, but things will get better, they ALWAYS do...then when you least expect it, you will find someone that is willing to love you exclusively!!! STAY FOCUSED ON YOURSELF!!!!!..and remember....DON'T LOOK BACK!!!!!..( yep, I see you checking those text messages and missed calls .... just kidding, trying to cheer you up)...
Valerie
Well-Known Member
I am very sorry, what has happened to you. Ask Jesus for forgiveness for you and him, so that you can move on with your life, and let Jesus really deal with him. Ask for openings so that maybe you can change your job or your work area, so that you can start afresh. If his wife does not know, pray for her and ask God to show her the truth of her marriage and give her the strength to do the right thing, so that she too can move on with her life.
kayte
Well-Known Member
no one is allowed to use the word karma anymore!!!!
unless you are adding the words...karma darling..and tell her hello from mesmh...
is that more on your level?
sorry I cldnt resist
obviously you DO mean disrespect,lovely.
but let's not go not there..for the moment
see....I really have been in all three shoes..
I was the cheated-on wife
I was the involvment
I was the one who told
my responses were out of genuine concern for the OP's struggle and sadly enough.
from first-hand experience...somehow,I'm puzzled..that concern has gotten....
distorted...and kind of ugly....
tho I am very relieved OP was not offended and understood...
I'm agreeing to disagree..fair enough...yes?
& most respectfully putting you on ignore...
soon as I figure out how to do it..lol
perhaps contemplate the same?
wish you well.....
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msa
New Member
I actually wasn't trying to be harsh or offend you at all. I didn't have healthy role models for relationships either, but that's neither here nor there. Maybe if I rephrase the question? I wasn't trying to place blame, especially because you were so young in your first relationship.
My point is, how do you plan to change your screening process? What do you plan to do differently?
I ask because a lot of women will go through a bad relationship and then keep repeating the same mistakes and never once look at themselves (I'm not saying you're doing this). And, you are now the role model for two kids who are looking to you to show them what a healthy relationship is.
The fact that you were with this guy for two years and got involved so deeply and didn't notice he was married is a red flag, IMO. I was just wondering how you'd change in the future so that you don't end up in the same situation. For example, if someone says they're divorced are you going to take them at their word or ask to see the paperwork? Or at least check them out online to see if their story checks out?
I was just throwing it out there. I'm not trying to say this was 100% your fault, but you do have some responsibility in the situation. It's not all on him.
GoingNatural
Well-Known Member
drop it. wifey probably already knows but doesn't want to know.
Yes! You should let the wife know. You spent 2 years with this man who has been untrue and disrepectful to you and his wife. I know you are going through something now, but just be happy that you find out now and not 5 years later with other issues along with the situation.......just move on and take one day at a time. Through Christ and prayer he will see you through.
exoticmommie
New Member
naturalmanenyc
Well-Known Member
Tell his wife. Everyone keeps saying that the wife knows but she may have reconciled with him thinking that whatever the reason for the separation was worked out. And who is to say they ever really separated when he was staying at hotels and not their house? He may have lied and told the wife he was out of town for work when he was really cheating. Some people are so slick about cheating that the other person may not ever find out. Just because he seems so bold with it does not mean that his wife knows and tolerates it.
If it were my husband, I'd want to know. I'd appreciate a nice, detailed letter noting that you have been tested for STD's/AIDs and the results, so far, are negative. I'd also want to know that he had you in our home while I was no doubt out of town.
I'd want the letter rather than a call though so I would have time alone to read & digest it to make a decision without all the emotion of the other woman on the phone line.
If it were my husband, I'd want to know. I'd appreciate a nice, detailed letter noting that you have been tested for STD's/AIDs and the results, so far, are negative. I'd also want to know that he had you in our home while I was no doubt out of town.
I'd want the letter rather than a call though so I would have time alone to read & digest it to make a decision without all the emotion of the other woman on the phone line.
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