sunshinelady
New Member
Telling her anonymously would do no good whatsoever, unless you want to drive her crazy. Tell the truth or don't tell her. But, don't half-*** it.
Found Out He Is Married- now what?
- Thread starter sonyablade
- Start date
divya
Well-Known Member
Bless your heart. I am very sorry to hear this but you are doing the right thing. Pray about it and do as God leads you.
Supervixen
Well-Known Member
Don't tell. It's not your place. You quit him already. You don't know how crazy the wife is, she may come after you.
Supervixen
Well-Known Member
This is so grown, mature, sensible woman! I agree with EVERYTHING.
Hurt people hurt people, and all you're doing by telling teh wife is hurting her in an effort to get to him. LEAVE THEM ALONE.
hopeful
Well-Known Member
I am so sorry this happened to you, this man is just awful. I don't know if you should tell the wife or not. I worry he might try to cause you harm if you do. You don't know her so you don't know how she will react, she may be grateful, but who really knows? For now I think you should focus on taking care of yourself, and like you said, pray about it.
Makenzie
Well-Known Member
Such a tough situation. I am all for telling the wife, but you know how some women are. It's risky either way.
OP my heart goes out to you.
Almaz
New Member
Okay I have lived in this earth WAY over 30 years and I am STILL shocked at the BS people try and pull. When I talk to the old heads about this they are like NOTHING is New under the sun.
So funny in life sometimes you have to follow your gut and be the NOSY B/tch because it could have saved you a lot of heartache.
Some people call it a sixth sense some calling it intuition.
I call it G-d is trying to tell you something listen.
You gonna be okay. But in this case maybe you should tell the wife because I am SURE you are not the only one he is juggling. She needs to get tested. It hurts but she needs to know. Most women who are married don't have protected sex because there married you think you are cool your married. That is how I see a lot of women get caught up.
But maybe write a letter give a warning and Keep a stepping You know he is going to pull a Flim Flam anyway and blame you and said that OH SHE PerSUEEEDDD me. She FORCED ME to have sex with her. blah Blah Blech.
And oh It was a SITUATIONNN. Some women are so daft the only way they could believe is if he was caught in the act and he would STILL SAY BABY I LOVESSSS you. I was JUST having SEX with her, She ain't nothing
So funny in life sometimes you have to follow your gut and be the NOSY B/tch because it could have saved you a lot of heartache.
Some people call it a sixth sense some calling it intuition.
I call it G-d is trying to tell you something listen.
You gonna be okay. But in this case maybe you should tell the wife because I am SURE you are not the only one he is juggling. She needs to get tested. It hurts but she needs to know. Most women who are married don't have protected sex because there married you think you are cool your married. That is how I see a lot of women get caught up.
But maybe write a letter give a warning and Keep a stepping You know he is going to pull a Flim Flam anyway and blame you and said that OH SHE PerSUEEEDDD me. She FORCED ME to have sex with her. blah Blah Blech.
And oh It was a SITUATIONNN. Some women are so daft the only way they could believe is if he was caught in the act and he would STILL SAY BABY I LOVESSSS you. I was JUST having SEX with her, She ain't nothing
DragonPearl
Well-Known Member
My first boyfriend pulled the same thing on me. I just walked away when I found out. I didn't try to contact the wife.
It's up to you. You would do the wife a favor by letting her know. Make a copy of your texting and other correspondence and give it to her. Tell her he was misleading you, and that you do NOT want him because he is duplicitous and dishonest, and that she needs to know who she is married to. It is up to her what she does with that information. Chances are she will stick by him. Women are like that...
It's up to you. You would do the wife a favor by letting her know. Make a copy of your texting and other correspondence and give it to her. Tell her he was misleading you, and that you do NOT want him because he is duplicitous and dishonest, and that she needs to know who she is married to. It is up to her what she does with that information. Chances are she will stick by him. Women are like that...
sonyablade
Well-Known Member
Ladies thank you for all of the advice-
I really truly appreciate it from the bottom of my heart. I have prayed on it and I think the best thing for me to do is just leave the whole situation alone and stay far away from it. If the Lord wants her to know her husband is stepping out he will show her- in fact He probably already has on numerous occasions. I can only wish them well and keep it moving. I know alot of you married ladies said you would want to know but wouldnt you want to know on your own terms- not by some stranger blind siding you one day? I guess in reading some of these posts it made me realize the healthiest thing is for me to take care of me and remove myself far away from the situation. He did email me again this morning and I just hit delete. As far as GA men - really what is the deal??? And he was trying to convince me to move up there!! And hesmarriedgirl.com is a great idea- all married women can go "register" their husband then us single ladies can just look him up in the database LOL
I really truly appreciate it from the bottom of my heart. I have prayed on it and I think the best thing for me to do is just leave the whole situation alone and stay far away from it. If the Lord wants her to know her husband is stepping out he will show her- in fact He probably already has on numerous occasions. I can only wish them well and keep it moving. I know alot of you married ladies said you would want to know but wouldnt you want to know on your own terms- not by some stranger blind siding you one day? I guess in reading some of these posts it made me realize the healthiest thing is for me to take care of me and remove myself far away from the situation. He did email me again this morning and I just hit delete. As far as GA men - really what is the deal??? And he was trying to convince me to move up there!! And hesmarriedgirl.com is a great idea- all married women can go "register" their husband then us single ladies can just look him up in the database LOL
SweetCaramel1
Well-Known Member
as a wife i would want to know if dh was doing some fowl istz like that. but it really is your decision.
sunshinelady
New Member
I hope his dick falls off.
Lynnehermena
Member
Just for the record - if it happened to me - I would want to know. If you e-mail the wife make up a new e-mail address to use. Also provide her with some information that will let her know that you have been with her man recently. So that he can't say it all happened while they were separated.
I would stay in the shadows if I notifed the wife because some people blame the other woman instead of the husband. Also you don't know that he might tell his wife that you are pursuing him.
I would stay in the shadows if I notifed the wife because some people blame the other woman instead of the husband. Also you don't know that he might tell his wife that you are pursuing him.
Supervixen
Well-Known Member
Ladies thank you for all of the advice-
VERY mature and classy!
MissYocairis
Well-Known Member
Wow!
That doesn't surprise me. And she is probably not the only girlfriend he has either. OP, does he take business trips?
BroadstreetBully
New Member
I know I have a different opinion here but I'd be cautious of telling her.
I don't know the mental state of this man, but if you tell her and she confronts him, I'd be a little afraid of him taking it out on me. You never really know how a man will react if faced with his whole world crashing down. I dunno.
I don't know the mental state of this man, but if you tell her and she confronts him, I'd be a little afraid of him taking it out on me. You never really know how a man will react if faced with his whole world crashing down. I dunno.
natural2008
Well-Known Member
His little peter is going to fall off. I would want to know becasue AIDS and STD's are on the rise. He is a nasty arse and I cant stand the man and do not even know him. This is not the first nor the last time he will do this. Girl he is going to come across someone crazy like Lorena Bobbit who cut off her husbands peter. I am happy you decided to leave that trash alone. God doesn't like ugly and is not really to fond of pretty either and patback will come twice as hard. Karma is a who know what.
sonyablade
Well-Known Member
sonyablade
Well-Known Member
He has a job that requires him to travel during the fall/winter. But he has alot of free time during this season so yes it is possible for him to have other women besides me- especially in Atlanta.
since i hear there is a straight man shortage up there. And he has alot of money which probably makes it easier for him as well.
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kayte
Well-Known Member
This is so smart and I am soooo glad you were not offended..becauses it was said in love from one who knows...
I agree wholeheartedly..and I speak from both unhappy experiences
the involvment....
and as a wife....cheated on
and you'll get someone not only better..but awesome!
and one day ..you'll be able to loook back and say w.h.a.t.... was I thinking
but now because you stepped away and didn't try to play God...you release Heaven
to let God do God's best work in healing....all concerned
by doing what's best for you...{not what feels fun/or retaliatory}....but what is best for your
highest good
ironically.... you then....are doing what's in the best interest
for everyone's highest good.
praying for you
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sunshinelady
New Member
No disrespect Kayte, but I think that that entire line of thinking is problematic and why cheating is allowed to go on unchecked. Sonya, God may have chosen you to be the one. You don't owe the woman anything and I don't think that your only reasons for telling her are selfish. This is about her health. She needs to know and she can decide what to do with the information.
*warning *
tough love here
and btw,i've been there. it didn't progress as far because I broke it off very very early after finding out..and yes he did come back and tried to pursue and I said
"I wish you and your wife the best of luck"
and do not EVER contact me again...
h emailed "thanks for your good wishes"...then
"am I so poisonous?"
I didn't answer back But I was screaming YES YES YES and so is this guy
Move on and do NOT become buddy-buddy with his wife...stay OUT of that
It is not your business to fix their marriage or "enlighten her" or help her
that's highly suspect anyway.... since you are the other involvement
..what are you doing? retaliating? You are targeting the wrong party..
...why deliberately hurt another human being who NEVER hurt you
..you're not doing any one a favor but making it more messy
or progessing/escalating this triangle to an ugly level ....
you cant control him..that's what telling her is about
..you're trying to grasp some control of an insane situation..
you think you're going to feel better
..but you will pay for that.... even if in the moment you gratify your ego
with revenge in causing him trouble..{which it may not}..
there is always a karmic bill for an action like that
you don't know what their relationship is apart that he's cheating with you
..you don't know if there are other women...there probably are
..he's certainly no trustworthy authority...for all you know she may even know about his affair{s}
SHE PROBABLY DOES...and is coping as best she can....or maybe she allows it ...who knows? why would she want to hear from you? and children are involved???
leave her alone and you leave with integrity
keep the focus on getting out...and yes get angry ..but don't waste it on him ...
get angry at your choices..and thank God it's two and not twenty-two years ....
schedule a real sit down with your soul
not judgement.... but asking the hard questions ...what is missing that you
felt you were only entitled ..to this...
and alternately envison what you DO want
healthy relationship with a trustworthy,honest available man
and GET IT...
That shld be your focus ...dear one
get out... pray about it..... get counseling...don't do it again
and leave their marriage issues ..affairs lies divorce reonciliations..other girlfriends
recriminations all to themselves
yes it will....
(((hugs))))
I agree! When my friend wanted to send a letter to this guy's wife, I told her not to. You're so concerned with his wife now, you should have told her when he first approached you. SHe was just angry and hurt, and I told her she might not believe her. In OP case, just live it alone! You never know, the wife will probably end up leaving him anyway.
MissYocairis
Well-Known Member
I am on the fence but leaning toward this way of thinking more and more these days. I used to feel the same way Kayte feels, but more and more, it is becoming apparent that these indiscretions of men are really getting out of control. And, since we live in a day and age when sex can kill you, I'm not sure virtue and karma really are relevant anymore per se. I mean...he's endangering your life, his wife's life and the lives of the other women he is ******...all of whom believe he has either a) changed and is being faithful or b) was always faithful. And, the thing he and men like him are banking on....is that we aren't gonna do/say ****. The worst we will do is leave him...in which case, he's got others and can and will get more...
Something is very evil about that...knowingly exposing any woman, let alone more than one, to any kind of health threat solely because you are greedy?
Nah...God helps those who help themselves. This wife may know they've struggled with it in the past...that's probably why they were separated...but don't think she didn't take him back under false pretenses....I'm sure if she knew he not only didn't change, but never had any intention of changing, she can at least make an informed decision.
kayte
Well-Known Member
Where is the cheater's responsbilty in all of this..and the wife ..it's their nmarriage ..their decisions
The marriage..dynamics problems infidelity is betwen the husband and wife ...whatever is going down.....Cheating is allowed to go on unchecked because of that
NOT because of a decision the OP makes to tell or not
how many have told? and the wife ...didn't believe or justified it or was in denial ..because it really IS ultimately between the cheating husband and wife..
karma..taking care of one's self..that's kind out of context
it's the whole..gestalt
it's about being honest about one's intentions and then getting real
about personal power and limitation....
OP is merely the person..the man is commiting infidelity with
not savior or the fixer... and I'm guessing....not the first or last woman
the guy is cheating with ...
she is not responsible for anything....except stopping the affair on her end
and then examining what opened the door to that to prevent a recurrence
especially with the same guy....that stops the cheating..... from her particpation and that is poweful...that is healing....
upsetting as it ...and it is....std's the wife may or may not get...has to do
with the wife being responsible in her marriage
for her own safety and well being....
OP can't rescue that
God does care for us..He's not a good luck charm or a roll of the dice
it's not just as simple as God cares for those who cares for themselves..
tho it can be...
He is aSuper Power..who cares intimately...and deeply and He works it out...together...
you believe that or you don't
but to counter-use that ...to justify further involvement
is feeding into the powers of dissention.
OP spoke well when she said She believes the LOrd will show this woman....
that registers as a prayer
and that is caring and loving and
powerful...
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tocktick
Well-Known Member
IA. The wife can "find out on her own terms"? What? I'm confused - what does that mean? The chances are that how ever the wife finds out, it will not be pleasant. I don't see why she should really need to go through a ton of snooping in order to "find out on her own terms" when you are the other woman and you know what he is like.
What she chooses to do with the knowledge that her husband is a douchebag is on her but she should at least be given that option. Clearly, it's not going to be given to her by her own husband. She especially needs to know because she has children. In this day and age it's not even a shock tactic for me to say that her ignorance could mean she could get a sexually contracted disease from her DH, thus her kids could wind up without a mother.
I'm not trying to pull a guilt trip on you but it always just seemed like some kind of low-key tip off was due to the wife in scenarios such as your own. Instead of thinking of absolving yourself of responsibility because you don't want to be a hurt person trying to hurt someone, think of this as a way of warning a fellow human being that they're in a bad situation. It's not as if that by telling her you'll be ruining a happy home; if he's bringing woman back to his family home, things are already screwed up but she may just not know it yet.
Put yourself in her shoes: you're married and have kids with this man. Yet he's been having a 2 year affair and possibility sleeping with a ton of other women. He even brings them into the home you and your children live in. Would you not want to know asap what is going on from one of these women? Sure, you may find out on your own eventually, but that could be 1 month, 6 months, 2 years etc after the some other woman was pondering whether to tell you or not. Imo, it's easier for him to do his **** and get away with it because he goes on trips.
There's all this talk of karma being served to him but personally I think some would be due to you if you kept silent about all of this.
sunshinelady
New Member
I was in those shoes...
both of them...
OP will make the best decision because she is praying about it
whatever that finally is ...
A whole lot of people get hurt while someone else's karma is being served.
PS. Why do you write like that? In meter? It makes your responses very hard to read.
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sunshinelady
New Member
He was probably having sex with you in their bed. Thinking about that just makes me sick.
Makenzie
Well-Known Member
Ladies thank you for all of the advice-
You could be the one that is used to open her eyes. There is never a good time to tell a woman her husband, not just man, but husband has been cheating on her for two years. JMO. Two years!
Je Ne Sais Quoi
Well-Known Member
Oh don't think he is getting away with this Scott free and unscathed. He is going to luck up on the WRONG woman one day and she is going to give him a Payback that even James Brown would jump out the ground and sing about
See you can BS people but G-d sees everything
Karma is a ******
Where oh where do you come up with this stuff??
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