Ended My 8 mos Relationship Friday night

[SpiritJunkie]

Good for you sistah. At least you took action early at 8 months and didn't let it drag on. something i've been guilty of in the past.

You fukked with his ego I am sure. Classy lady you will find your PRINCE shortly. Better yet, the PRINCE will find you.

Keep walkin with that pep in your step!

 

[Murjani]

Ediese I like your style. LOL

Don't look back and don't you cry....

 

[lux10023]

HIGH-FIVE
luved the way you handled things...

even though i know it was a hard moment---that required a quick decision--enough is enough
and i luv that song EPIPHANY!!!!--light bulb moment
ive def been there with the professional athlete---model guy---millionaire dude---it feels so good to TAKE back the control and have your sanity and happiness back....

these dudes never hear NO!!! from oh so friendly and eager beaver women---and im glad you had the strength

 

[sharentu]

((((hugs)))) you did the best thing for you to do. you deserve better, and it is coming.

 

[FemmeCreole]

damn girl....that was gangsta!

 

[TCatt86]

He will call though...they always do.

They sure do. Ediese you did the damn thing!!! And you didn't waste your time, you learned more about yourself as a woman so when the right man comes along you will be in an even better place than you were before.

 

[Honi]

Well done sis! Well DONE! Just hold on to that same vigor when he calls because he will try to hit you up with everything at this point to regain your favor. His face must hurt from being curb kicked

I loved that you smiled when you said that. Freakin awesome!

 

[hopeful]

I am so proud of you! Well done. His behavior was unacceptable. My dh is sociable too but the minute I walk up he is introducing me to whomever he is talking to and making me the center of attention. I can't believe he was chatting up that chick in your presence. Most men would love to be dating a beautiful woman like you and fight to keep you.

 

[Divine_Order]

(((Hug)))

:Rose:

 

[BeautifulFlower]

I am so happy for you

We in the same boat. Its amazing how letting go of dead weight, strings you back into action. You dont want a man like that period. Even if he ask'd to be with you again, he'll do it again. Let go and let God.

I dated an ex-NFL player before and a football player of another league. They both though they were God's gift to women. I think I'll stick to non-status men from now on. These cats think they can do what they want and you'll just stick up with it because they hot stuff. To the left n*gga...to the left...

ffrant:

 

[Ediese]

I am so happy for you

We in the same boat. Its amazing how letting go of dead weight, strings you back into action. You dont want a man like that period. Even if he ask'd to be with you again, he'll do it again. Let go and let God.

I dated an ex-NFL player before and a football player of another league. They both though they were God's gift to women. I think I'll stick to non-status men from now on. These cats think they can do what they want and you'll just stick up with it because they hot stuff. To the left n*gga...to the left...

ffrant:

I feel the same way. It's unfortunate though because I think if he hadn't had all of those experiences while being in the NFL (all the no standard women throwing themselves at him), he would have been better. Oh well...I am so NOT interested. He said he wanted someone to treat "him" like a king, but he didn't realize that needed to be two-sided. What a selfish A**! Hopefully, their kind will learn one of these days. I'm sure he won't forget the day a woman stood up to him. Also, I hope others will follow suit, and not make him feel like the world revolves only around him.

 

[KEWLKAT103]

I like how you ended it.
Seems like you did have an "epiphany" and decided not to take it anymore.
Good for you!

 

[lux10023]

exactly--i dont get why he didnt think that was disrespectful---

u and i r meeting and i roll up to you chattin it up with suzie--and stillllll chatting it up upon my arrival--wtffff

hello--mickey fickey

I am so proud of you! Well done. His behavior was unacceptable. My dh is sociable too but the minute I walk up he is introducing me to whomever he is talking to and making me the center of attention. I can't believe he was chatting up that chick in your presence. Most men would love to be dating a beautiful woman like you and fight to keep you.

 

[Ediese]

exactly--i dont get why he didnt think that was disrespectful---

u and i r meeting and i roll up to you chattin it up with suzie--and stillllll chatting it up upon my arrival--wtffff

hello--mickey fickey

That's exactly what I was thinking. Shootz..he didn't see a lot wrong with most of his behavior. Throughout our relationship, he had problems seeing things that he did as being wrong. I kept asking well do you really think if you were to explain it to someone else, that they wouldn't think you were in the wrong. He couldn't comprehend that.

Last year at this same restaurant, I ran into a guy that I dated. I told him hello, and kept it moving. This is what my ex said when I flipped the scenario. He asked me, "So what if I came in the restaurant, and you were talking to that guy. What if you kept talking to him even after I arrived. Would you still feel the same way about it?" I looked at him kinda crazy when he asked that because I realized he just wasn't getting it. I told him, "IF I ever did that, I would think the same thing. It's DISRESPECTFUL! I would have more sense to not do that to you." I told him that I know he wouldn't sit idly by and allow me to do that to him either. That's when he said understood. What an Idiot.

 

[blue_flower]

Girl, you did the RIGHT thing. I'm glad you ended it after 8 months instead of 8 YEARS!!!

 

[hopeful]

That's exactly what I was thinking. Shootz..he didn't see a lot wrong with most of his behavior. Throughout our relationship, he had problems seeing things that he did as being wrong. I kept asking well do you really think if you were to explain it to someone else, that they wouldn't think you were in the wrong. He couldn't comprehend that.

Last year at this same restaurant, I ran into a guy that I dated. I told him hello, and kept it moving. This is what my ex said when I flipped the scenario. He asked me, "So what if I came in the restaurant, and you were talking to that guy. What if you kept talking to him even after I arrived. Would you still feel the same way about it?" I looked at him kinda crazy when he asked that because I realized he just wasn't getting it. I told him, "IF I ever did that, I would think the same thing. It's DISRESPECTFUL! I would have more sense to not do that to you." I told him that I know he wouldn't sit idly by and allow me to do that to him either. That's when he said understood. What an Idiot.

I think the bolded is a really dumb question. I can't believe he messed up his chances with you over some random chick, just plain stupid. He sounds like the kind of person who cannot/will not say "I'm sorry" or "I messed up." I'm mad just thinking about it. This is a defining moment for you lady, your heart must have just soared when you decided, fine or not, former NFL player or not, I'm not taking this crap. Trust that he will be calling too.

 

[MissYocairis]

I am so happy for you

We in the same boat. Its amazing how letting go of dead weight, strings you back into action. You dont want a man like that period. Even if he ask'd to be with you again, he'll do it again. Let go and let God.

I dated an ex-NFL player before and a football player of another league. They both though they were God's gift to women. I think I'll stick to non-status men from now on. These cats think they can do what they want and you'll just stick up with it because they hot stuff. To the left n*gga...to the left...

ffrant:

TELL IT! I have dated an NFL player and an NBA player...they are a special kind of breed. You have to be careful. I wasn't up for the drama and wouldn't last...refused to do it. But, those who are up for the challenge, you have to STICK TO YOUR STANDARDS...if they meet you on the high road...well, then good...but if not...buh-bye!

 

[MissYocairis]

That's exactly what I was thinking. Shootz..he didn't see a lot wrong with most of his behavior. Throughout our relationship, he had problems seeing things that he did as being wrong. I kept asking well do you really think if you were to explain it to someone else, that they wouldn't think you were in the wrong. He couldn't comprehend that.

Last year at this same restaurant, I ran into a guy that I dated. I told him hello, and kept it moving. This is what my ex said when I flipped the scenario. He asked me, "So what if I came in the restaurant, and you were talking to that guy. What if you kept talking to him even after I arrived. Would you still feel the same way about it?" I looked at him kinda crazy when he asked that because I realized he just wasn't getting it. I told him, "IF I ever did that, I would think the same thing. It's DISRESPECTFUL! I would have more sense to not do that to you." I told him that I know he wouldn't sit idly by and allow me to do that to him either. That's when he said understood. What an Idiot.

Bless his heart...organized sports has done a number on him. And, likely his upbringing...but if he hadn't been in organized sports, he may have been salvageable. But, see, these dudes in organized sports are PRAISED from little league ON....they are treated special...have coaches, teachers, other parents treating them like superstars from EARLY. They are disconnected from reality. Now, there ARE some pro athletes who don't have it twisted (see: Grant Hill; Alonzo Mourning; AC Green; Derek Fisher) but they are few and far between. It's really kinda sad because once the lights go down and they are back in their hometown and years have passed...and they become just another member of society....they are not socialized the way everyone else is. Still thinking they have a different set of rules.

Your exSO sounds like he has some soul searching to do. He let go a beautiful and wonderful lady for NOTHING and he's feeling the HEAT right about now GUARANTEED! Bless his heart. He should pray on it.

 

[naijamerican]

I just have to say, this is one of the best threads I've read in this forum in a long time; I feel empowered just by reading what you did, Ediese.

I'm really proud of you. I know that you still have strong feelings for him, but my prayer for you will be that you continue to stand firm in your resolve to not get back together to him. As others said, it's great that you found out sooner rather than later what he's really all about and how unworthy he is you as a woman. I honestly am thrilled that you said it with a smile, with a pep in your step, and that are not backing down. If you ever feel discouraged or weak you can always count on your LHCF sistahs to remind you of this great moment where you took a stand for the sake of your own self esteem and self-essence.

 

[coconow2007]

TELL IT! I have dated an NFL player and an NBA player...they are a special kind of breed. You have to be careful. I wasn't up for the drama and wouldn't last...refused to do it. But, those who are up for the challenge, you have to STICK TO YOUR STANDARDS...if they meet you on the high road...well, then good...but if not...buh-bye!

U r so right they r a special kind of breed - I think they get so much attention that when they r with u - u should make them the center of ur world and when u dont- oh my goodness they just can't handle it. I can't even begin to talk about the ex players - its like they r constantly wanting to be back in the limelight but don't understand their time has passed and its time to get back to the real world.....

 

[Ediese]

I think the bolded is a really dumb question. I can't believe he messed up his chances with you over some random chick, just plain stupid. He sounds like the kind of person who cannot/will not say "I'm sorry" or "I messed up." I'm mad just thinking about it. This is a defining moment for you lady, your heart must have just soared when you decided, fine or not, former NFL player or not, I'm not taking this crap. Trust that he will be calling too.

Thanks Hopeful! Yeah, he believed that I should have been happy to be with him because he 'chose' me. lol I don't know how many times he said that I was so rude, and would constantly ask if my exes never told me that. Of course, it wasn't that I was rude. I just wasn't willing to put up with his crap. He wanted a 'yes' woman, which I clearly wasn't. I remember him saying if a man had a choice out of two women; one that's willing to do what he wants, and not question it or another that will do it, but always has some objection, then the man would be more willing to choose the one that goes along with everything like the lady on Coming to America. This fool even said, "if I said jump", then that good woman will say, "how high". Yep. I told him then that if that's what he was looking for then I wasn't the one.

You best believe that he only uttered two apologies throughout our whole relationship, and it was only because I brought it up and said he needed to apologize. Even then, it was a half-*** apology. He'd say something like, "well I'm sorry that you pushed me into saying that." What the heck was I even thinking?!!!

 

[Ediese]

I just have to say, this is one of the best threads I've read in this forum in a long time; I feel empowered just by reading what you did, Ediese.

I'm really proud of you. I know that you still have strong feelings for him, but my prayer for you will be that you continue to stand firm in your resolve to not get back together to him. As others said, it's great that you found out sooner rather than later what he's really all about and how unworthy he is you as a woman. I honestly am thrilled that you said it with a smile, with a pep in your step, and that are not backing down. If you ever feel discouraged or weak you can always count on your LHCF sistahs to remind you of this great moment where you took a stand for the sake of your own self esteem and self-essence.

Thank you Naijamerican! I teared up reading your post. Thank you. I honestly mean that. Thanks for the prayer too. Although I'm trying my best to be strong and firm, I know that I do still have feelings for him. I wish I didn't because I know it would be easier to forget and get over him. I regretted so much since being in that relationship. I even regretted ever meeting him, but like my friend said, I've learned so much especially about myself. All of those things definitely made it worth it. I'll let you guys know if/when he decides to contact me. At this point, I don't think I would respond. I just can't.

I remember when we were having problems I couldn't eat or sleep. I'd wake up at like 3a-4a, and wouldn't be able to go back to bed. All the while, he was sleeping soundly by with not a care in the world. I'll tell you guys something. My appetite is back, and I'm sleeping so late that I'm showing up too late to work. That huge stressor is off my back.

 

[Ediese]

Bless his heart...organized sports has done a number on him. And, likely his upbringing...but if he hadn't been in organized sports, he may have been salvageable. But, see, these dudes in organized sports are PRAISED from little league ON....they are treated special...have coaches, teachers, other parents treating them like superstars from EARLY. They are disconnected from reality. Now, there ARE some pro athletes who don't have it twisted (see: Grant Hill; Alonzo Mourning; AC Green; Derek Fisher) but they are few and far between. It's really kinda sad because once the lights go down and they are back in their hometown and years have passed...and they become just another member of society....they are not socialized the way everyone else is. Still thinking they have a different set of rules.

Your exSO sounds like he has some soul searching to do. He let go a beautiful and wonderful lady for NOTHING and he's feeling the HEAT right about now GUARANTEED! Bless his heart. He should pray on it.

U r so right they r a special kind of breed - I think they get so much attention that when they r with u - u should make them the center of ur world and when u dont- oh my goodness they just can't handle it. I can't even begin to talk about the ex players - its like they r constantly wanting to be back in the limelight but don't understand their time has passed and its time to get back to the real world.....

OMG...you guys know EXACTLY what I had to deal with.

Smuckie: Unfortunately for him, whenever he goes back home they still hail him like the king he thinks he is. lol He has a day named after him, and this huge tower with his name and pic. That can't be healthy. He needs to bring it back down to reality.

Coconow: Yep. He made sure to tell me that I needed to make him feel like a king at all times. I don't know how many times he told me about the story of his life, and made sure that I understood he was the was he was because of all of the adversity that he overcame. It's kinda funny because he would always lecture me on things, and I'd just start to withdraw from the conversation and ignore him. Almost at every chance he got, he told me that I needed to respect him and stop ignoring him. He asked me for permission once to walk away from any discussion if I decided to ignore him.

As a matter of fact, I remember him talking kinda bad about this radio DJ. When I asked him about it, he said he was talking to her at a club once, and he mentioned that he played for the NFL. She said something like, "oh ok...I know a lot of ex-players, you dont' play for them anymore, so what's your point?" lol When he told me that, I kept thinking that girl was so right. lol He hasn't forgotten about that to this day.\

He also told me that he dated the WNBA player Cynthia Cooper. He said that they stopped talking because she couldn't take his self-confidence. According to him, he wasn't all up on her like she wanted him to be. I'm sure it was probably the other way around. Here he was the one asking ME if I did self introspection. Because oblivious to me, he said my actions/attitude were just plain rude. Hopefully, he'll learn one day.

 

[Ediese]

Thanks a lot ladies! You guys are seriously helping me put all of this into perspective. The negatives definitely outweigh the positives. I had to give him extra appreciation whenever he did something nice because he said he's not naturally thoughtful and he's not use to doing things for women like that. lol I kinda understood where he was coming from because I know that's something that I'm working on myself. However, I didn't feel like anyone should kiss my butt if I did something nice for them.

I think at the midpoint of our relationship I told him that I wasn't happy. He couldn't understand where I was coming from with that. I explained to him that it wasn't fair that we were only doing things that he wanted to do. He asked me to make a list of things that I enjoy, and that made me happy. It wasn't until then that he started being more considerate. I thought there was a chance.

Ladies, Sundays were classified as 'HIS' day. lol We would go to church, and then get ready to go to his game. Uh huh...he religiously played as QB in a flag football league every Sunday. (side note: there are some super studs playing in these leagues lol) There was a game at 1p and at 3p. Of course, he wanted me to attend every game, and I had to make sure I was always on point because according to him "I was a reflection of him".lol My sister said he acted as if I was his trophy wife. He also started playing on Tuesdays, so I'd go to his game after work and wouldn't get home until about 10:30p. I feel like I really did sacrifice so much for this .... He started playing basketball too at 8p on Sundays, and I had to go to that. After his games on Sunday, we'd go home and after we showered, he would lay his butt in front of the TV and start watching ESPN. I had to get to the kitchen and cook him his wings the way he wanted it. WHAT THE HECK WAS I THINKING!!!!!!! I feel like such an idiot!

To top things off, he'd come in to the kitchen and start critiquing stuff I did. The last argument that we had was because of something that he said when I was in the kitchen trying to cook dinner. He passed by and said, 'babe, let's use foil next time we bake the chicken'. I'm thinking "We"? What freaking WE?!! Of course, that sounds like a really innocent comment, right? Well, after months of hearing those critiques and knowing that he never tried to lift a friggin finger in the kitchen, I snapped. I told him if all I had to do was put the chicken in the oven, then the next time he needs to do it himself! lol We got in a HUGE argument after that, and never really recovered from it.

 

[Country gal]

I love Epiphany. It has helped me get over a situation. Even though it was only 8 months, it is amazing how painful the break up can still be. Stay strong, busy and know that you did the right thing/

 

[Bunny77]

Isn't it something how we can see these things in hindsight and go, "WTF?"

I remember something you posted about ole boy awhile ago that made a little red flag go up for me, but I left it alone cause I don't wanna get in folks' business unless they ask for advice.

The other thing that stands out about your first post is how you thought this might have been fate because of the unusual way that you met him. I've had that happen to me too... and turns out that those were my worst relationships ever.

I think sometimes we (general we as women) have to get careful not to get caught up in folks' stories about how they met their man when they were waiting for a bus/at the grocery store/when they least expected it, etc.... because I think that can sometimes make us lower our guard a bit too much when we meet men that way.

I can think of two situations when I met a man while being somewhere I didn't want to be and never go, and then being pleasantly surprised when a man approached. All my peeps (mainly women) were like, "Ooh Bunny, see, that's God working right there. You don't even go to that Chipotle and you went and you met a cute lawyer... ooh girl, that's fate!"

Yeah... then you find out that he is separated/just got divorced and fighting for custody of his kids or none of the above... just a crazy fool! But see, folks want to make "fate" happen... when some of these meetings are simply no different than meeting a man at the club or whatever.

However we meet men, we have to keep our guard up and pay attention to men, however we meet them!

 

[GodsGrace]

Ediese, I just want to say that I am so proud of you, many women would stayed and taken most of his treatment, but you knew that you weren't happy and acted on it. I really like that, and I know it hurt and is probably still hurting, but after you said you walked out with a smile on your face, I started smiling too. You definitely did the right thing, and I applaud you lady. You have a beautiful inside and out and deserving of so much more.

 

[Ediese]

Isn't it something how we can see these things in hindsight and go, "WTF?"

I remember something you posted about ole boy awhile ago that made a little red flag go up for me, but I left it alone cause I don't wanna get in folks' business unless they ask for advice.

The other thing that stands out about your first post is how you thought this might have been fate because of the unusual way that you met him. I've had that happen to me too... and turns out that those were my worst relationships ever.

I think sometimes we (general we as women) have to get careful not to get caught up in folks' stories about how they met their man when they were waiting for a bus/at the grocery store/when they least expected it, etc.... because I think that can sometimes make us lower our guard a bit too much when we meet men that way.

I can think of two situations when I met a man while being somewhere I didn't want to be and never go, and then being pleasantly surprised when a man approached. All my peeps (mainly women) were like, "Ooh Bunny, see, that's God working right there. You don't even go to that Chipotle and you went and you met a cute lawyer... ooh girl, that's fate!"

Yeah... then you find out that he is separated/just got divorced and fighting for custody of his kids or none of the above... just a crazy fool! But see, folks want to make "fate" happen... when some of these meetings are simply no different than meeting a man at the club or whatever.

However we meet men, we have to keep our guard up and pay attention to men, however we meet them!

Yep. I don't think I would have listened to anyone's advice back then because I was TOO determined to make it work. You're absolutely correct. I kept thinking that here I was praying to God to let my FH find me, and when I met him so unexpectingly, I was positive that my prayers were answered. The truth is that I'm really happy for the experience. I'm not totally over him, but I'm on my way.

 

[Ediese]

Ediese, I just want to say that I am so proud of you, many women would stayed and taken most of his treatment, but you knew that you weren't happy and acted on it. I really like that, and I know it hurt and is probably still hurting, but after you said you walked out with a smile on your face, I started smiling too. You definitely did the right thing, and I applaud you lady. You have a beautiful inside and out and deserving of so much more.

Thank you!!

 

[CAPlush]

Thanks a lot ladies! You guys are seriously helping me put all of this into perspective. The negatives definitely outweigh the positives. I had to give him extra appreciation whenever he did something nice because he said he's not naturally thoughtful and he's not use to doing things for women like that. lol I kinda understood where he was coming from because I know that's something that I'm working on myself. However, I didn't feel like anyone should kiss my butt if I did something nice for them.

I think at the midpoint of our relationship I told him that I wasn't happy. He couldn't understand where I was coming from with that. I explained to him that it wasn't fair that we were only doing things that he wanted to do. He asked me to make a list of things that I enjoy, and that made me happy. It wasn't until then that he started being more considerate. I thought there was a chance.

Ladies, Sundays were classified as 'HIS' day. lol We would go to church, and then get ready to go to his game. Uh huh...he religiously played as QB in a flag football league every Sunday. (side note: there are some super studs playing in these leagues lol) There was a game at 1p and at 3p. Of course, he wanted me to attend every game, and I had to make sure I was always on point because according to him "I was a reflection of him".lol My sister said he acted as if I was his trophy wife. He also started playing on Tuesdays, so I'd go to his game after work and wouldn't get home until about 10:30p. I feel like I really did sacrifice so much for this .... He started playing basketball too at 8p on Sundays, and I had to go to that. After his games on Sunday, we'd go home and after we showered, he would lay his butt in front of the TV and start watching ESPN. I had to get to the kitchen and cook him his wings the way he wanted it. WHAT THE HECK WAS I THINKING!!!!!!! I feel like such an idiot!

To top things off, he'd come in to the kitchen and start critiquing stuff I did. The last argument that we had was because of something that he said when I was in the kitchen trying to cook dinner. He passed by and said, 'babe, let's use foil next time we bake the chicken'. I'm thinking "We"? What freaking WE?!! Of course, that sounds like a really innocent comment, right? Well, after months of hearing those critiques and knowing that he never tried to lift a friggin finger in the kitchen, I snapped. I told him if all I had to do was put the chicken in the oven, then the next time he needs to do it himself! lol We got in a HUGE argument after that, and never really recovered from it.

He sounded like he was quite demanding on top of monopolizing all of your time. I'm glad you got out of this situation, the intensity was turned up way too high. If you were to go back to him or a man who has a weekend schedule laid out for you, all extra-curricular activities need to be negotiable, meaning you go to games if/when you want to go. Or not at all if you don't want to. When there are problems in the relationship, things have to be re-negotiated.