firecracker
Well-Known Member
I'm glad you feel better and made the decision that will work for you. Try to forgive and forget if you going to stay in the relationship. You both need to set boundaries and rules of engagement. Keep your head up.
Should I be worried about his ex asking questions about our relationship??? HELP!
- Thread starter StarScream35
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ThirdEyeBeauty
Well-Known Member
How long have you two been together? Do you feel wonderful when you are with him and when he calls? How do you feel overall about this man?
His behavior is a little unstable. I know almost all men want some control but he wants something. He becomes too ill to work for two days straight because he felt hopeless. Has there been any other unsteady behavior? Do you have to forgive him occasionally for unsteady behavior? If he does this again with his ex then you will immediately know. Hopefully the over-sharing was a mistake by him because he feels really good about having you in his life.
Trust is very important in a relationship. Do you feel better about the relationship everyday or do you feel worse? Does the relationship feel right?
His behavior is a little unstable. I know almost all men want some control but he wants something. He becomes too ill to work for two days straight because he felt hopeless. Has there been any other unsteady behavior? Do you have to forgive him occasionally for unsteady behavior? If he does this again with his ex then you will immediately know. Hopefully the over-sharing was a mistake by him because he feels really good about having you in his life.
Trust is very important in a relationship. Do you feel better about the relationship everyday or do you feel worse? Does the relationship feel right?
StarScream35
Well-Known Member
We've been together for about 2 months. He's the first guy I felt so comfortable with in years. I mean everything has been right and on point. Now I have to admit he does seem a little clingy, wanting to spend every other day together. I'm the type who loves my down time so I like my time off if you will. Overall, I really like him and I do feel awesome when we are out together. Of course having said that, this little situation has knocked me off course. I feel a little apprehensive about trusting him with my deep initimate feelings. Maybe I just need time to heal from this but I wouldn't say I feel worse about the relationship. I really wish he had not been so stupid. Common sense would tell anybody over 25 you don't share your relationship details with your ex! Especially an ex who works with you.
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CurlyMoo
Well-Known Member
Sounds like it's time to put on the big girl panties and roll with wherever this goes. Because your wishes are not being respected. You don't seem to trust him either. Can you go forward with him, knowing that he does not respect boundaries nor your wishes to keep your private life private? You have to ask yourself what can you live with.
He needs to cut communication off with this women. Period. And stop telling anyone your business. Have you had this discussion with him?
CurlyMoo
Well-Known Member
WHOA! Didn't know you guys were just starting a relationship. I thought you guys had at least a year under your belt.
I must be a really slow mover because I just don't get that deeply connected to someone in that short time span. Well good luck to you.IMO, that is way too much drama for 2 months. This is the part of the relationship where he puts his best foot forward. It only goes downhill from here, at least that's been my experience. I generally wouldn't put up with any kind of issues/arguments/problems before the 6 month mark. Anything before that is a sign to me that the relationship is not going to work.
StarScream35
Well-Known Member
*******Update********
Ladies again thanks for all the advice. I did want to come back and give an update. Like I said we talked and things have been going fine but as of yesterday, I'm feeling like something is wrong. I don't know if it's just the nervous jitters, womens intuition or what. I just keep thinking this ex of his is being messy and he's too blind to see it. I hate that I'm feeling like this and unfortunately I really don't know how to shake it. Am I being overly sensitive? Am I just jealous? Or is something really wrong?? I hate that they are still friends and still talk and the fact that she pries. My thing is I know she probably won't stop asking but can I trust him to put her in her place...................................
Ladies again thanks for all the advice. I did want to come back and give an update. Like I said we talked and things have been going fine but as of yesterday, I'm feeling like something is wrong. I don't know if it's just the nervous jitters, womens intuition or what. I just keep thinking this ex of his is being messy and he's too blind to see it. I hate that I'm feeling like this and unfortunately I really don't know how to shake it. Am I being overly sensitive? Am I just jealous? Or is something really wrong?? I hate that they are still friends and still talk and the fact that she pries. My thing is I know she probably won't stop asking but can I trust him to put her in her place...................................
RocStar
Well-Known Member
The problem is not the ex.
The problem is that you do not trust your guy. If you did, the ex would be a non-factor. Don't be mad at the ex, be mad at your man.
I think you should maybe take a step back from this relationship. It is way too early for you to have this much drama/discontent.
The problem is that you do not trust your guy. If you did, the ex would be a non-factor. Don't be mad at the ex, be mad at your man.
I think you should maybe take a step back from this relationship. It is way too early for you to have this much drama/discontent.
Carrie A
Well-Known Member
I do feel that you need to feel safe emotionally in order to share intimately with your partner. And you need emotional intimacy to grow in your relationship. Your feelings are certainly valid ((hugs)).
StarScream35
Well-Known Member
StarScream35
Well-Known Member
************Update************
This thread is being revived because new and material evidence has been discovered.
So I thought I had this thing nipped in the butt. I spoke with my man about how I felt and he promised he would set up boundaries. Periodically I would do spot checks and ask whether the ex was prying or whether he had talked with her and he would vehemently deny seeing or talking to her. So why was he with her for lunch the other day???? Later on when I tried to address the issue he acted like it was no big deal. Seriously, I just don't know what to believe or think!
This thread is being revived because new and material evidence has been discovered.
So I thought I had this thing nipped in the butt. I spoke with my man about how I felt and he promised he would set up boundaries. Periodically I would do spot checks and ask whether the ex was prying or whether he had talked with her and he would vehemently deny seeing or talking to her. So why was he with her for lunch the other day???? Later on when I tried to address the issue he acted like it was no big deal. Seriously, I just don't know what to believe or think!
song_of_serenity
Well-Known Member
You said he sould deny talking to or seeing her...Did he outright tell you they did lunch or did he mention it during your "spot checks?" or even worse, did you find out from another source? I'm sorry but this isn't looking good. He doesn't seem to want to let go of that aspect of his past...as it he wants to keep the closeness and intimacy with her that they had as a couple and making your relationship theirs...follow your gut. He's back to downplaying your feelings.
StarScream35
Well-Known Member
During my spot checks he always makes it seem like he had not talked to her since during the time she was being inappropriate and he would also say he rarely sees her and that when they see each other its awkward but I find it suspicious nothing seemed awkward between them when they were together the other day. So this is what made me wonder wth!
hopeful
Well-Known Member
Be careful Brighteyes. At this point you shouldn't have to spot check anything. He should be going out of his way to make sure you are comfortable. I would not keep going back and forth with him over this silly mess. You are a patient one.
It's like he has two girlfriends, one at work and one when he is off. Sounds like he enjoys all of the attention from both of you.
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StarScream35
Well-Known Member
I agree. This is getting ridiculous!
Love Always
Well-Known Member
Spot check...sounds like you're tending to a child. I personally would cut him off, it's not worth it 
.
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StarScream35
Well-Known Member
StarScream35
Well-Known Member
Okay, talked with him and got it all straightened out. Lets hope this is the last time we will go through this mess!
BGT
Well-Known Member
I don't know why you're still with him, TBH. 
Too much drama for such a short relationship. It bothered me that SO still talked to his ex because of how she felt about me, so he stopped talking to her. If this man truly respects you and your relationship, he'd be doing everything in his power to make you feel comfortable.
Too much drama for such a short relationship. It bothered me that SO still talked to his ex because of how she felt about me, so he stopped talking to her. If this man truly respects you and your relationship, he'd be doing everything in his power to make you feel comfortable.
StarScream35
Well-Known Member
I don't know why you're still with him, TBH.
He is a good man that's for sure and I certainly don't wanna let a good man go. This really is the only problem we are having and I'm really trying hard to nip it in the bud right now. Everything else is on point. I just wish it all could be perfect and if it weren't for this ex, it really would be.
shespoison
Well-Known Member
I am confused as to what makes this guy such a "good man".
**SaSSy**
3rd Big Chop on 7/18/2016
wheresthehair He's a "good man" cause he's black, got a job, and single :rolleye:
If that qualifies for a "good man" now of days, no thank you! Just the fact of him still having a better communicative relationship with the ex then he does with OP is a major red flag.
hopeful
Well-Known Member
I don't think he's black, pretty sure he's white.
You seem determined to believe that the ex is the main problem not him. People have pointed out numerous times in this thread that he has boundary issues, that he is the one disrespecting you and your relationship by sharing very intimate details about you and your relationship. If he were 19 or 20 people would say poor little thing is being manipulated by his horrid ex-girlfriend. But I think you said he is in his mid-30's, so he is responsible for his behavior not her. If she were not in the picture, I believe this problem would still exist in some form or shape because he has iffy boundaries, loves female attention, and is immature. Not saying he is not a nice guy or doesn't care about you, but if you could see him more clearly, you would be able to make a wiser, more clear-headed decision about the relationship.
hopeful
Well-Known Member
Earlier in the thread she said the ex gf is black.
StarScream35
Well-Known Member
I understand what you are saying, I think my issue is my weakness of always wanting to see the good in people. I've been backstabbed by so called friends because of this but I just always believe that though people are imperfect, they are innately good. I dunno, Lord help me!
Whimsy
Well-Known Member
If that's the case, wouldn't you be seeing the good in his ex??
