StarScream35
Well-Known Member
I had this very same thought! And the thing is..............he probably will continue telling her our business but will cease telling me that he told her.
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Should I be worried about his ex asking questions about our relationship??? HELP!
- Thread starter StarScream35
- Start date
I had this very same thought! And the thing is..............he probably will continue telling her our business but will cease telling me that he told her.
StarScream35
Well-Known Member
To the bolded~~This is why I take things very slooooow. People criticize me for doing that but when situations like these come up, I want to make sure my judegement is not clouded and I don't feel kamikazied! The thing is she seems so consumed with why we haven't had sex and this makes me ill. What? Does she want a comparison and he'd stupid enough to give it to her!
StarScream35
Well-Known Member
To my LHCF sista girls thank you so much for the advice. I'm still so troubled by this. It seems my hopes of finding a good, reliable trustworthy man is always shattered by something. I really thought he was the one and that my search was over but now with this..............I know I will always have trust issues with him if I stay in the relationship and that's a fact.
hopeful
Well-Known Member
And the thing is I believe that if he agrees to stop but secretly continues, you will find out because he will slip up and tell you or someone else will tell you seeing as y'all all work in the same building and all. I think it's only fair that you voice your concerns. I'd state it real clear once, telling our and my private business to your ex in unacceptable, period. It's up to him how he chooses to respond. And don't lose anymore sleep over this hon. Decide what's important to you and act accordingly. Trust your instincts, keep your eyes open, and see how it goes. Always remember that you are the prize and that there are plenty men in the world. After 25 years of marriage I still think like that, keeps them on their toes :wink2:.
Hmm, now things make sense a lil more. I was wondering if he passed this "no sex is lame" message onto you because he secretly feels it too. Maybe not, but sometimes people like to say things through others.
Due to this over sharing being with the ex, I think he should have known better. If it was just in general with neutral friends, I'd say stay and see if there's compromise. Probably best to move on.
Due to this over sharing being with the ex, I think he should have known better. If it was just in general with neutral friends, I'd say stay and see if there's compromise. Probably best to move on.
tropical-punch
Well-Known Member
He's a bit of a blabber mouth, aye?
tropical-punch
Well-Known Member
OP, what did he say when you told him you don't like this?
StarScream35
Well-Known Member
tropical-punch
When I addressed the issue with him he told me I was basically overacting and that he thought her asking questions about our relationship was funny. He went on to say she was harmless and that they go way back. So to me, he established two things in his statement 1. He ain't gone cut their friendship off and 2. He's known her longer than me so guess who is more important? The thing is he is not seeing the bigger picture. Ex's can get very messy. I've seen ex's destroy solid relationships and once they've destroyed them they're off because it was about them not seeing the other party happy out of pure jealousy. I can tell she is jealous because of the questions she's asking. I mean this broad calls him up every other day wanting to know what we are doing. Mind you she was the one who broke up with him and now she doesn't seem to want to see him happy. I told him I bump Into a few of my ex's every now and then and I don't care to know what is going on in their relationship because it's none of my business and again he simply stated him and ole girl go way back.......well him and ole girl can go forward cause I'm gone have to let this one go! Mark my words when I say once I break up with him, I bet she will disappear and call him every blue moon.......it never fails!
When I addressed the issue with him he told me I was basically overacting and that he thought her asking questions about our relationship was funny. He went on to say she was harmless and that they go way back. So to me, he established two things in his statement 1. He ain't gone cut their friendship off and 2. He's known her longer than me so guess who is more important? The thing is he is not seeing the bigger picture. Ex's can get very messy. I've seen ex's destroy solid relationships and once they've destroyed them they're off because it was about them not seeing the other party happy out of pure jealousy. I can tell she is jealous because of the questions she's asking. I mean this broad calls him up every other day wanting to know what we are doing. Mind you she was the one who broke up with him and now she doesn't seem to want to see him happy. I told him I bump Into a few of my ex's every now and then and I don't care to know what is going on in their relationship because it's none of my business and again he simply stated him and ole girl go way back.......well him and ole girl can go forward cause I'm gone have to let this one go! Mark my words when I say once I break up with him, I bet she will disappear and call him every blue moon.......it never fails!
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Mai Tai
Miss Nigeria-America
Come on now y'all. This man is not an over sharer nor is he completely naive about what he is doing. If you all believe that then all hope really is gone.
This man knows exactly what he is doing so I'm going to need you all to peep game. He is telling the ex about your sex life or lack thereof because he wants HER to offer him some a$$. He is playing the aloof "Oh she is harmless" role so that when they finally do have sex, he can play victim. Like she masterminded the whole thing.
Stop making excuses for these men like they are too dumb to recognize their actions because they aren't. He's breaking your trust, playing games, and has shown you where his loyalty is.
This man knows exactly what he is doing so I'm going to need you all to peep game. He is telling the ex about your sex life or lack thereof because he wants HER to offer him some a$$. He is playing the aloof "Oh she is harmless" role so that when they finally do have sex, he can play victim. Like she masterminded the whole thing.
Stop making excuses for these men like they are too dumb to recognize their actions because they aren't. He's breaking your trust, playing games, and has shown you where his loyalty is.
StarScream35
Well-Known Member
Mai Tai
Wow! That was on point! Women say men are dumb. I think men intentionally pull dumb ish on purpose to play upon a woman's emotional vulnerability. Ain't no way in h*ll a man can tell me he didn't know it was inapprpopriate to discuss his girlfriends period and their sex life with an ex. Seriously WTF! He has been in this world long enough to know better. He ain't 16 anymore!
Wow! That was on point! Women say men are dumb. I think men intentionally pull dumb ish on purpose to play upon a woman's emotional vulnerability. Ain't no way in h*ll a man can tell me he didn't know it was inapprpopriate to discuss his girlfriends period and their sex life with an ex. Seriously WTF! He has been in this world long enough to know better. He ain't 16 anymore!
GeorginaSparks
Well-Known Member
Sosoothing
Well-Known Member
I'm on my phone and don't know how to make sentences bold but a solid relationship "destroyed by an ex" was never solid to begin with because two people who are solid can guard against foolishness from outside people.
The ex girlfriend isn't a problem at all she can be jealous and pry all she wants but if your man doesn't allow it, it won't be tolerated.
After point number 2. In your post where he tells you who is more important, I think you have your answer. Why would you want to date a man that tells you his ex is more important to him than you?
In my opinion, this isn't a good man even though you describe him as such. He may have a good job, no kids, is generous or whatever else you consider to be good. But he is disrespectful and isn't taking care of your heart and making sure you are happy and stress free (since you can't sleep because of this issue). Any man that does all that and dismisses you as overreacting isn't a good man. Sorry to say.
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ThirdEyeBeauty
Well-Known Member
He does not sound long term quality. I would let him go before the feeling becomes stronger and tolerance increases.
NOEChic
I may not always be right, but I'm never wrong.
I don't know if this was mentioned but turn the tables on him. Ask him how would he feel if you were running your mouth to your ex about what y'all did or didn't do. I bet you anything, he would say a) it's not the same or b) blow all the way up. Men want to do all kind of grimey *** stuff but if the tables are turned in them they don't like it.
Browndilocks
Browndisha Brownie Sundae
A man running his mouth about you is grounds for dismissal without warning. Your gut is telling you through your lack of sleep that this situation is not for you. I wouldn't explain why, I wouldn't communicate, shoot - I wouldn't show any emotion other than a smile. I'd cut his arse cold for that one.
ms.mimi
Well-Known Member
OMG I was thinking the same thing. In my single days I had an extremely low tolerance for bs. That and dating multiple men saved me from soooo much heartache.
GeorginaSparks
Well-Known Member
This is what he's doing.He's not an oversharer, he sounds like a manipulator. Playing both women against each other to make them feel like there's a competition. Not cool.
In my limited experience when there is inappropriate communication with an ex, and the person doing the communicating does not see a problem with it and is not willing to stop, run don't walk and don't look back.
There is more than meets the eye sometimes. And at that age people know better.
There is more than meets the eye sometimes. And at that age people know better.
Leesh
Well-Known Member
Sounds like they're are "Relating" just a lil' too much! So much so it sounds like they're the two in a relationship. For one, their conversations are a lil' too personal. Sounds like they are keeping their situation at a intimate level by the context of what they talk about. And that "IS" for a reason. She knows what she's doing, as well as he. May be a lil' more to the situation.
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Kurlee
Well-Known Member
PopLife
Well-Known Member
He's relating through what his ex said (if she even really said that) with how he really feels about you guys not being intimate yet. He was trying to get a reaction out of you and hopefully one that would make you "give in". I don't think he's trying to get with the ex, I think he's trying to play mind games to get what he wants.
Arcadian
New Member
OP, if you have set boundaries and expectations of him and he's not meeting them, it should be a wrap.
It doesn't matter WHY he's doing it, the fact of the matter is he is.
Oh and another thing, especially if you have an expectation of not being messy; never **** where you eat. i.e., don't date folk you work with even if they're in another department because 90% of the time it becomes office gossip.
If you ain't sleeping with him, good, don't do it.
-A
It doesn't matter WHY he's doing it, the fact of the matter is he is.
Oh and another thing, especially if you have an expectation of not being messy; never **** where you eat. i.e., don't date folk you work with even if they're in another department because 90% of the time it becomes office gossip.
If you ain't sleeping with him, good, don't do it.
-A
Browndilocks
Browndisha Brownie Sundae
OMG I was thinking the same thing. In my single days I had an extremely low tolerance for bs. That and dating multiple men saved me from soooo much heartache.
Oooh girl, lucky you! Having the heartache is what taught me this. I learned the hard way but at least I learned.
StarScream35
Well-Known Member
Ladies thanks! So I spoke with him and I was gonna dump his arse and move on until he begged and begged and I mean begged! I ignored it until I found out he became physically ill, left work early that day and couldn't go in the next day. So I of course felt guilty and we worked through the issue...............so we are still together but now I feel super cautious. I feel like I've been betrayed and feel a little paranoid. Maybe it will take a little time and things will get back to normal. If things don't get back to normal then I will definitely bail. No sense in staying in a relationship you are uncomfortable with. Throw out any suggestions if you ladies want to. My ears are still open. One side note, I was very very surprised at my mom's response. My mom is usually a no tolerance woman but this time she was like 'give the man a chance'. I was really shocked! SHe made me feel like breaking up with him should not have been an option.
hopeful
Well-Known Member
Did he finally "get" that what he was doing was wrong? Did he apologize and promise to stop having inappropriate conversations with the ex?
For the record, YOU had nothing to feel guilty about. Next time you feel guilty just imagine him and her chit-chatting about periods, sex, and who knows what else.
For the record, YOU had nothing to feel guilty about. Next time you feel guilty just imagine him and her chit-chatting about periods, sex, and who knows what else.
StarScream35
Well-Known Member
hopeful
Yeah he did and he did apologize for that ish and promised to not talk about our relationship to anyone. I just hope I can trust him at some point. Right now I'm still a little skeered! Thanks homegirl! You were the first to jump in and give great advice. It really was soothing especially given I couldn't sleep that night!
Yeah he did and he did apologize for that ish and promised to not talk about our relationship to anyone. I just hope I can trust him at some point. Right now I'm still a little skeered! Thanks homegirl! You were the first to jump in and give great advice. It really was soothing especially given I couldn't sleep that night!
beautyintheyes
New Member
Brighteyes35 said:
I hope it works out cause in the end we all just want to be loved I know it sounds corny lol but that doesn't make it any less true
