Do you not date black men?

[jennboo]

Oh poo I was enjoying the discussion

Anywhooo I'm off to bed now

Me too!

 

[Sianna]

First bolded: Cool, that is your prerogative.

Second bolded: Too bad they won't do the same for you.

Meh, I've already found one who will, but if the unforeseeable should occur and I find myself alone, I don't doubt that I could eventually find another that would do the same.

 

[yeahisaidit]

This thread breaks my heart for so many different reasons that I refuse to explain.

 

[lesedi]

For the most part, I am only really attracted to BM. I don't really get appproached by WM to be honest.

 

[UmSumayyah]

Ok, I get that dating is more fun/casual when you're younger. I guess I just assume that any relationship you're in can amount to more. Like if you're 18 and you met a white guy and really clicked and you ended up loving him...then you'd have to break up with him eventually because you know you won't marry him?

Idk, I still don't really understand...I'm biased I guess. I've always gone into relationships with the underlying notion that it could possibly be something of substance that could lead to more...no matter how young I was. Not 'I'll be in a relationship with this guy and I no strong feelings aren't going to come to surface so it won't be a problem to break up with him' Idk...that's kinda weird to me...but I get what yall are saying




Now if you're (not you, just generally) just sleeping with him...without actual dates/getting to know you stage...I understand and agree

I read an article about intermarrying once, in a Jewish American local paper. One woman said since she only wanted to marry a Jew, she would only date Jews. I still remember her saying "There was never an intermarriage that didn't start with an inter-date."

 

[Westend_Girl]

i don't date carribean or african men

I dont think non African women should for the most part.

re: OP, in regards to black american men, my reasons have nothing to do with not finding them physically attractive.

 

[Fiyawerks]

Eh..nevermind

 

[lesedi]

I dont think non African women should for the most part.

re: OP, in regards to black american men, my reasons have nothing to do with not finding them physically attractive.

@the bolded
For interests sake- why?

 

[Westend_Girl]

@the bolded
For interests sake- why?

cos Im tired of the whole "African men are horrible cos I was used and abused" song

If one is daft enough to be used for things like greencard and such(I hear about this way too many times) then perhaps they shouldnt even be thinking of dating these men.

You really have to know the mentality to be in a successful relationship with these men. Im not even trying to be funny unless of course they are the types that are like "Americans with merely African parents" and even then if they are close to their cultures, one has to be very in the know.

Jus' saying.

 

[Syrah]

cos Im tired of the whole "African men are horrible cos I was used and abused" song

If one is daft enough to be used for things like greencard and such(I hear about this way too many times) then perhaps they shouldnt even be thinking of dating these men.

You really have to know the mentality to be in a successful relationship with these men. Im not even trying to be funny unless of course they are the types that are like "Americans with merely African parents" and even then if they are close to their cultures, one has to be very in the know.

Jus' saying.

American women complain complain COMPLAIN about Nigerian men. Stop complaining...and stop dating them. Simple solution.

 

[qchelle]

cos Im tired of the whole "African men are horrible cos I was used and abused" song

If one is daft enough to be used for things like greencard and such(I hear about this way too many times) then perhaps they shouldnt even be thinking of dating these men.

You really have to know the mentality to be in a successful relationship with these men. Im not even trying to be funny unless of course they are the types that are like "Americans with merely African parents" and even then if they are close to their cultures, one has to be very in the know.

Jus' saying.

American women complain complain COMPLAIN about Nigerian men. Stop complaining...and stop dating them. Simple solution.

So African (Nigerian) women don't complain about their men? And if they dont, is it because African (Nigerian) men treat 'other' women differently/better than their own women? Or are you saying that African (Nigerian) women are just used to it and therefore are okay with it? Not 'okay' with it but...you know. Know how to handle it? (is that a better way to put it?)


I'm not trying to be rude/snarky/rhetorical. These are actual questions that I would like real answers to because I'm genuienly curious

 

[Syrah]

So African (Nigerian) women don't complain about their men? And if they dont, is it because African (Nigerian) men treat 'other' women differently/better than their own women? Or are you saying that African (Nigerian) women are just used to it and therefore are okay with it? Not 'okay' with it but...you know.

I'm not trying to be rude/snarky/rhetorical. These are actual questions that I would like real answers to because I'm genuienly curious

I'm not Nigerian - but speaking from the outside looking in, my assumption would be that Nigerian women are more apt to culturally understand Nigerian men. We judge them based on a scale of American standards and have little insight into the cultural and societal dynamics that may lead Nigerian men to act/talk/behave in certain ways, that based on OUR society, we look down upon. Nigerian women have more exposure to the cultural dynamics that may lead a man to think that certain words or actions are permissible.

In the same way that we complain about Black American men - but have more insight into why they are the way they are (those who exhibit behaviors we don't like) because we understand the cultural dynamics that lead to or reinforce these behaviors...

@ your second question: I'd imagine that non-American men treat and approach relationships with American women differently than they would their own women. Why?! Its testing the waters - its seeing if the rumors are true. That American women really do ____________ or that those comments are just false advertising. "Are Italian men really momma's boys?" "Are French men really more physically touch than American men?" etc...

 

[Westend_Girl]

So African (Nigerian) women don't complain about their men? And if they dont, is it because African (Nigerian) men treat 'other' women differently/better than their own women? Or are you saying that African (Nigerian) women are just used to it and therefore are okay with it? Not 'okay' with it but...you know. Know how to handle it? (is that a better way to put it?)


I'm not trying to be rude/snarky/rhetorical. These are actual questions that I would like real answers to because I'm genuienly curious

In the cases of Nigerian scam hooplas

Lets just say more often than not they wouldnt try such BS on Nigerian women.

They use and run back to the Nigerian women at the end of the day. I cant say all, but majority do this. It's the same in asian groups esp Indians.

 

[qchelle]

In the cases of Nigerian scam hooplas

Lets just say more often than not they wouldnt try such BS on Nigerian women.

They use and run back to the Nigerian women at the end of the day. I cant say all, but majority do this. It's the same in asian groups esp Indians.

Ahh yes

 

[sky_blu]

Now I'm just curious here because a lot of black people say that because I am not with nor have ever dated a black man then that means I am self hating. Does it mean the same thing when I say that my husband has never dated a white woman, doesn't find them attractive at all, then he's self hating too? It really is just a question not trying to get all snippety!

It doens't help at all that we live in the south now...the stare's, the back talk, up north where he's from it's almost perfectly fine.

Mmh Im in your area (if your city is right) and it seems that IRR are kinda the norm here in this area. I rarely see a black m/w relationship in this area. Im actually shocked and stare when I actually see a black m/w together if anything.

 

[Honey Bee]

While I cringe at the idea of a black person not being attracted to other black people (we're so hot ), I wonder if this mindset will become more common with black women as black men become more invisible in our communities? I don't think the ladies who have been honest in this thread regarding their lack of attraction to black men grew up fatherless, but I question the impact that this trend could have in the future. Then we have some famous, prominent black men openly showing appreciation towards non-black women in every form of media and young black girls see this and start to feel abandonment in many different forms. I don't consider "white men" to be the answer, but I can understand how some young black girls coming up today might eventually start to feel that way. The black community is becoming more divided and while some will shout "conspiracy" we have done a lot of this to ourselves.

I don't know how I missed this thread, but it must be serendipity that I found it today cuz I had a crazy experience. (not "crazy-bad", just "crazy-interesting")

Ok, so one of my good friends who I haven't seen for a while stops by the house with her daughter, who is now 10 (a very developed 10, btw). My friend, in the parlance of this board, is ghetto as is her "baby favva." The little girl, however, attends a well-known local magnet school. I wasn't sure if the school would have any 'effect', tbh, because last time I saw them, the mom was telling me about how much the child was fighting/ bullying kids in school.

Well. I don't even recall how it came up, but she just kinda blurted out "I like white boys."

It was so funny cuz it was so random. Her mom just started cracking up, like, "Yeah, girl, and she love her some Justin Bieber too!" I thought her reaction was way better than it could have been, but I also felt like, hmmm, uncontrollable laughter can't be the only reaction she ever gets. (although it was funny how she just interjected it )

So, I ask her, what is it you like about white boys? how they look or how they act? It was the latter, which lends credence to your theory about abandoned black girls and the choices they might make. Having seen violence between her parents and a general no-good father might lead her to believe that there are simply no decent black boys. Growing up in the Bronx probably didn't help matters too much, either, because it's heavily Hispanic. She's pretty much had the 'typical hood experience', except for her school, which is still majority black.

Anyway, I told her, in a mock-serious tone, to hold off on making a firm decision for a few years (lol, she's only 10, mind you), because her pool right now is very small, but she might end up finding black guys who 'act' in a way that she finds attractive later. I also told her not to feel no kinda way about it because I never dated any of the guys I knew 'from the block' either. I concluded by showing her pics of my black bf, who 'acts' pretty nice, if I may say so. I don't know if I handled that properly because I don't really mess with kids like that, but it seemed well-received. By both the mother and the daughter.

Signed,
Girl who everybody thought was gon' get with a white boy, but didn't.

 

[blkbeauty]

My social circles have always been I'm the one black chick. I grew up at the time in a very white area but now it's pretty blended. Most of time even until college I was maybe 1 of 3 if that black people in a class. I knew nothing of sticking to your own kind(as some say) and just befriended whomever would talk to me.

Understood. Also I agree with another poster in that you are attracted to whom finds you attractive. There is no disbelief that it seems "we" have an apparent disconnection with our race. In some areas, Black men won't even look your let alone approach you. My West VA, friend is concerned about her 15 year old son, who seems to be only interested in bring home White girls - although there are some Black girls at his school..the majority and most sought after are white and blonde.

Also, some Black men like the one's in Baltimore County won't touch or even date Black women...with the words of my neighbor Joe..."I only chased "dark" once and won't do it again, unless I have to...sorry no dark meat for me"...another neighbor, Carl..."Please hook me up with your latino friends..."oops, sorry - I hope I didn't offend you, you know I am just very particular"...

Although these are just preferences and feelings from two Black men, there seems to be many in my observation following this path...In this case, I don't blame some Black women for not dating Black men.

At any rate, I do find BM to be attractive.

 

[chocolat79]

Gosh,

But I can say, that the older I have gotten, attraction for me has moved away from the physical (takes alot more than being, big, black and bald to catch my eye) and more towards a true connection based on common interests, engaging personality, emotional maturity, etc..unfortunately fewer and fewer black men I come across are fitting the bill.

Nothing to add....just reiterating the thanks button!

 

[qchelle]

Understood. Also I agree with another poster in that you are attracted to whom finds you attractive. There is no disbelief that it seems "we" have an apparent disconnection with our race. In some areas, Black men won't even look your let alone approach you. My West VA, friend is concerned about her 15 year old son, who seems to be only interested in bring home White girls - although there are some Black girls at his school..the majority and most sought after are white and blonde.

Also, some Black men like the one's in Baltimore County won't touch or even date Black women...with the words of my neighbor Joe..."I only chased "dark" once and won't do it again, unless I have to...sorry no dark meat for me"...another neighbor, Carl..."Please hook me up with your latino friends..."oops, sorry - I hope I didn't offend you, you know I am just very particular"...

Although these are just preferences and feelings from two Black men, there seems to be many in my observation following this path...In this case, I don't blame some Black women for not dating Black men.

At any rate, I do find BM to be attractive.

I used to live in Baltimore Co. (I live in the city right now) and have NEVER heard such things! In fact, the complete opposite......where you be at?

 

[blkbeauty]

I used to live in Baltimore Co. (I live in the city right now) and have NEVER heard such things! In fact, the complete opposite......where you be at?

I am so happy to hear that, because I was thinking that everyone here was just pyscho. I am orginally from Washington, DC.

I lived in Dundalk for about a year and now I am in Middle River. Btw, I heard NW of Baltimore County is different, like Randallstown. However the east side, to me has a backwards presence mixed with both self hating black men and racist whites with their confederate flags everywhere. Go down to Bengies Drive Inn -Bowley's Quarter's and you will see.

Where do you live

 

[newbiemom]

I am 1 of 5 girls and I think only 2 will marry a black man. I am married to a hispanic man and I am normally attracted to Hispanic or white men. They also normally r who asked me out. My white bff said I have bm repellent. I don't get it they never asked me out when I was single.

 

[qchelle]

I am so happy to hear that, because I was thinking that everyone here was just pyscho. I am orginally from Washington, DC.

I lived in Dundalk for about a year and now I am in Middle River. Btw, I heard NW of Baltimore County is different, like Randallstown. However the east side, to me has a backwards presence mixed with both self hating black men and racist whites with their confederate flags everywhere. Go down to Bengies Drive Inn -Bowley's Quarter's and you will see.

Where do you live

Yeaaa NW Baltimore Co. is wayyy different I guess. I've never been to Middle River...I've been to Dundalk like once a long time ago. Woodlawn and Randallstown and Owings Mills , etc. is predominately black. Is the east mostly white?

Your area sounds scary

Right now, I live in the city...the ghetto...so where I am is scary, as well

 

[Britt]

This thread is.... interesting

In any event, my first, second, third, and fourth preference would be a Black man. I am at a stage tho where I would at least entertain a white man or hispanic. I think I would just feel more comfortable w/ the familiarity of my own kind. At the same token, I don't feel like Black women have a big pool of Black men to choose from that are educated, decent to good paying job, no baby mamas, marriage minded. Is it impossible to find this? NO, but realistically speaking, our pool isn't that large. I most def understand why some of us are expanding our pool by dating outside our race... at the end of the day, my main preference is my own tho. We'll see what I end up with.

 

[blkbeauty]

Yeaaa NW Baltimore Co. is wayyy different I guess. I've never been to Middle River...I've been to Dundalk like once a long time ago. Woodlawn and Randallstown and Owings Mills , etc. is predominately black. Is the east mostly white?

Your area sounds scary

Right now, I live in the city...the ghetto...so where I am is scary, as well

Yes, your area seems cool and I have not heard any bad things as the things I've mention in your area. But DON'T EVER move to the NE where Essex, Dundalk, Middle River, especially down Bowley's Quarters near the water....its predominately White and the White folks are very daring to let you know how much they don't want you there...if it wasn't for certain reasons, I would've moved back to DC.

 

[DayStar]

Interesting responses.

 

[Curly CoCo]

shoot, most BM dont have no problem sayin they prefer white or hispanic women over us for some ignorant reasons, so none of us should feel bad about our preferences for other races. I find all men attractive and won't feel like I have to only be with a BM. That's one of the reasons why I don't say "our men" , even though I acknowledge that we're the same race.

 

[jem_mcmillan]

I date black men but most of my boyfriends have been other races. There is a comfort I feel with a brother that I don't get with other races. However my experiences with bm has not been the best. The only times I have been asked for money is by bm. They are always finding fault and trying to change me. I have more in common with others, whether its music, hobbies and interests.

 

[iri9109]

In the cases of Nigerian scam hooplas

Lets just say more often than not they wouldnt try such BS on Nigerian women.

They use and run back to the Nigerian women at the end of the day. I cant say all, but majority do this. It's the same in asian groups esp Indians.

this whole thread is interesting.

my dad is 100% nigerian (i consider that black), my mom is african-american (aka black). he is a good man, father and provider. my parents have been married for over 25 yrs. my uncle however is nigerian and the complete opposite (abusive, unsupportive, cheater, etc.) the same goes for all other races. there are good men of all races, nationalities, and ethnicities out there, just like there are bad ones. i have a lot of nigerian friends (most are 1st generation nigerian-american), and ALL of my female nigerian friends that have both nigerian parents say they might casually date a black guy, but they would NEVER be in a serious relationship with or marry a guy who wasnt nigerian (preferably full, but atleast 1/2), or at the very least ghanian or of some other west african nationality.

based strictly on attractiveness, i prefer chocolate black (african-american) men.(though i will acknowledge attractive men of all complexions/races/ethnicities when i see them), its just what im attracted to. i think all animals (humans included) have the 1st instinct to mate based on attractiveness (ex. male peacocks are pretty to attract mate). honestly, if you dont think someone is atleast a little bit attractive, then your not going to approach them or be receptive to an approach on a romantic level in the beginning. its the attraction that makes you interested at first and then you get to know the person and find out if they're dating/marriage material, but without the some attraction your not going to make it that far.

anyways, just because i prefer a fine chocolate black man, aesthetics aren't as important to me as other values such as, does he respect me? is he nice? faithful? do we have common interests? is he going to be a good provider/father/comforter? im generally not attracted to light skinned black men, but if i happen to meet one who fits the criteria, then i wont let his complexion get in the way of our relationship. same goes for any white/hispanic/latino/asian/blue/purple/green/rainbow etc. man. i'm not going to settle with a fine dark-skinned black man if he's a disrespectful jerk, just like i wouldnt turn down a loving,caring, supportive white man just because he doesn't fit my top physical preference. if he is a good man, his skin color shouldnt matter.

 

[SerenavanderWoodsen]

I was probably the one who said the don't find black men attractive . Generally I don't find them attractive since I've grown up. I know I ONLY liked black boys when I was in junior high but I never dated and as I grew up it wore off and I just don't see them as attractive. I mean I can see a handsome black man just like I can see a handsome Chinese or Japanese man but I won't feel attracted to them. These feeling or lack of feeling is not exclusive to black men, I have the same utter lack of attraction toward Chinese/Japanese/Korean men no matter how good looking they just don't excite me... at all lol.....

 

[luckiestdestiny]

I date...men. Period. My fiance happens to be black but not because I sought that out, but because he is the one for me currently (and I hope forever lol!).