Do you not date black men?

[runwaydream]

I'm co-signing with others that this thread is interesting. It really negates the stereotype that most black women only want to date/marry black men and it's refreshing to see.

Not into black men anymore. I still find some BM attractive but none sexually attractive or otherwise. I'm into mostly Asian men these days. IMO it's a combination of my location, my innate attraction to different cultures and black men just not doing it for me anymore. Even decent ones, there's something missing.

you're lucky you're in cali, you guys have a huge azn population there. im jealous

 

[pisceschica]

I date black men. They are just so sexy. Some of them.

However, I do not LIMIT myself to black men. I am finally taking advantage of exploring other options. Some of the ones I've been interested in (esp. the professional ones) act like they are such a hot commodity, like I'm supposed to drop them (meaning: my panties) because they are professional and single. No thanks.

The truth is that they are; rare would probably be a better word than hot . I don't really have an issue finding black men I have issues finding productive (educated and or goal oriented) black men. The truth is that professional black women do outnumber professional black men. I find that when those types make it they ususally exclusively date interracially. Most that still do date black women don't do so exclusively.

I have to admit that I am finding myself more attractive to dark "ethnic" spaniard looking men like adam rodriguez.

 

[chocolat79]

I agree with this. I've only had two real boyfriends (both White). I don't rule any race out, but it's rare that a Black man will seriously hit on me. Plus, most of the guys @ home are White. I've only dated one Black guy. Now that I'm in a much more diverse area, I've met and dated guys from all over the world. ]These American men-- Black, White, whatever-- those are the ones who don't stand a chance with me. For now.

@the bolded: We are >>>>>HERE<<<<<

 

[Lovelylife]

Not really into black men...for reasons I will not disclose.

 

[niqu92]

as for me, i dont have a problem with black men..i have a problem with black-american men. the few that ive dated havnt been able to connect with me on a mental,spiritualm,&most importantly cultural level. i find that most of them happen to be vry ignorant also. Because im west-indian my preference is also west-indian however i have no problem dating outside of my race.But i try to avoid black-american men at all costs. i could never see myself marrying one in the future...i just cant.not for me

 

[C(squared)]

as for me, i dont have a problem with black men..i have a problem with black-american men. the few that ive dated havnt been able to connect with me on a mental,spiritualm,&most importantly cultural level. i find that most of them happen to be vry ignorant also. Because im west-indian my preference is also west-indian however i have no problem dating outside of my race.But i try to avoid black-american men at all costs. i could never see myself marrying one in the future...i just cant.not for me

Agreed. I find a lot black American men my age to be....something else. I'm Nigerian so I hope to meet someone of the same background. At the very least, I would like to meet someone who shares a tie to a strong cultural background and very grounded. I don't really see that in black American men. But...I'm finding that a lot of women regardless of race don't like/date American men. Recently, I was on a flight back from Puerto Rico and I struck up a convo with the flight attendant who was a white South African. She told me her ex-husband was American and stated that American men make the worst partners. I tried to probe as to her specific reasons but the plane was preparing for takeoff.

I think the discussion as far as it pertains to dating blacks and non-blacks in other cultures is interesting and worthwhile. I would venture to say that the issue is not inherently with Black men themselves, its the culture/upbringing/mentality that a lot of American black men are brought up in. This directly affects the behavior, communication and dating habits that they display.

 

[ctosha]

What a thread, I can say I respect everyone's opinion. With that being said for me personally my only preference is black men but what I will not date is a black man from the Caribbean. Yea I said it! Although I was born in Toronto my background is Jamaican I will not date another Jamaican born man. I just got out of a relationship with one and let me tell you they are a trip. They are warped, their way of thinking is off. Few women I have talked with or know of have all said the same thing with Jamaican men we all have similar stories of how their personalities are and their way of thinking so I doubt its us women.

 

[chocolat79]

Agreed. I find a lot black American men my age to be....something else. I'm Nigerian so I hope to meet someone of the same background. At the very least, I would like to meet someone who shares a tie to a strong cultural background and very grounded. I don't really see that in black American men. But...I'm finding that a lot of women regardless of race don't like/date American men. Recently, I was on a flight back from Puerto Rico and I struck up a convo with the flight attendant who was a white South African. She told me her ex-husband was American and stated that American men make the worst partners. I tried to probe as to her specific reasons but the plane was preparing for takeoff.

I think the discussion as far as it pertains to dating blacks and non-blacks in other cultures is interesting and worthwhile. I would venture to say that the issue is not inherently with Black men themselves, its the culture/upbringing/mentality that a lot of American black men are brought up in. This directly affects the behavior, communication and dating habits that they display.

@ bolded: This exactly!

It's interesting about your experience because I ran into a black German woman and I told her I had dated a German guy and that I wished I hadn't let him go. She d*mn near bit my head off asking why I let him go! She basically called me a dumbarse, LOL. I was like, "I know, thanks for rubbing it in. It's been almost 4 years ago and I still regret it, thanks for reminding me." LOL

She told me that she had been over here for 25 years and had had two Black American ex-husbands and she'd never do it again! And she asked me why (in da h#ll-basically) I went back to dating an AA man and yada yada...it was crazy. Soooooo......yeah.

But I definitely think it's an American thing....Black men especially, BUT others are NOT excluded. I want someone NOT raised with American ideals....that's all.

 

[Bun Mistress]

I think I have read htis entire thread at least twice, and then reflected on my own experience in dating both black and non black men. So here is my two cents.

I have found that have had to give BM much more leway in dating. They will say and do things I find that rubs me the wrong way and I find myself, making myself over look it. I don't know why I did it.
Now other races have said things as well and I have dropped them. Because that is what my daddy taught me. If a man isn't on his best behavior the first few dates, drop him. But why do I let BM get away with it????

So I am now saying no more. If that perfect BM walks into my life and everything is right, fantastic. But I am going to start dating outside my race. I am attracted to other races but for the past few years I somehow felt the need to date BM despite the crap?!?

I started online dating last month. I have been out with four men now and talked to two others. The only two that didn't clown like fouls (one face rapped me after we first met for coffee, another asked me for money, another called me and then told me he was "touching...well you get th point") where the white men. The four BM all acted a clown. Not to mention they were not on my level at all.

 

[abcd09]

Wow all these generalizations. So I guess it's okay for black men to have their opinion on black women. You know, since we do it so easily, so can they.

 

[DirtyJerzeyGirly]

I love this thread. I already posted my opinions on here but I come to see the newest postings.

 

[Etherealsmile]

Hi All

Lurker turned newbie checking in. I can't say I don't date black men as don't believe in limiting my dating pool. All my exes have been black and I used to be of the mindset "nothing but a black man for me". My mindset began changing a few years ago when I noticed an interesting trend; black men were not approaching me anymoreerplexed.

Instead the number of Hispanic, Indian, middle Eastern , white men approaching me was fast increasing I decided to roll with the punches..i mean why not? It seemed everywhere I turned I saw a black man with a non black woman and I have to admit that initially my feelings were very hurt but as time went by I became more comfortable with the idea of dating outside my race and cared less and less what black men were doing

I am at a point where I highly doubt my future husband will be black simply because of the trend in my life....black men don't approach me. If a respectful, kind, honest and handsome brother approached me I'd date him in a heartbeat. Until then, i'm not waiting on the sidelines and I fully intend to enjoy the full scope of "others" who are interested in dating me

 

[lesedi]

I have only dated black men seriously but would be open to the idea of dating non-black in the future. If they are attractive, sensitive, open-minded, intelligent, funny and sensitive then I could care less....

 

[Afrolatina]

I’m just curious as I’ve been surprised by some members saying they don’t find black men attractive. To me, it’s like saying you don’t find yourself attractive.

i've kind of always kept it in my head that I didn't necessary find black men attractive..I didn't... only because they always reminded me of my father for some reason...whether it was looks or behavior, I just found my attraction to them fell flat. I know that sounds strange, but it was a mental connection I could never hide/stop from happening.

Plus, all of the black men that I had dealt with/liked (100% black mind you) were scheming on or looking for sex, etc., and in college when I was looking around, I was a virgin and found that most black men here didn't want to know me- they just wanted to bust me wide open and keep it moving... now, this is funny and ironic because all i've ever dated were biracial men.. all of the men i've been with WERE black in some way but I just found a draw to those with mixed race..and now i'm married to a biracial man and I find its the best of both worlds... he's got all the features I respect in a strong black man but none of the negatives either... and he just makes me happy...to each their own... but I did want to add something..

not being attracted to men of your own race does NOT necessarily mean you don't like or love yourself... but it can instead mean that you, subconsciously and biologically are attracted to men of a different "genetic" set than yourself.. the whole point of procreation is to create more varied and stronger offspring...and we are subsconsciously pointed in this direction through our preferences and desire for a specific kind of mate.. fully without our knowing so sometimes there is more at work than desiring a particular race, set of looks, etc., just saying lol

 

[DirtyJerzeyGirly]

i've kind of always kept it in my head that I didn't necessary find black men attractive..I didn't... only because they always reminded me of my father for some reason...whether it was looks or behavior, I just found my attraction to them fell flat. I know that sounds strange, but it was a mental connection I could never hide/stop from happening.

Plus, all of the black men that I had dealt with/liked (100% black mind you) were scheming on or looking for sex, etc., and in college when I was looking around, I was a virgin and found that most black men here didn't want to know me- they just wanted to bust me wide open and keep it moving... now, this is funny and ironic because all i've ever dated were biracial men.. all of the men i've been with WERE black in some way but I just found a draw to those with mixed race..and now i'm married to a biracial man and I find its the best of both worlds... he's got all the features I respect in a strong black man but none of the negatives either... and he just makes me happy...to each their own... but I did want to add something..

not being attracted to men of your own race does NOT necessarily mean you don't like or love yourself... but it can instead mean that you, subconsciously and biologically are attracted to men of a different "genetic" set than yourself.. the whole point of procreation is to create more varied and stronger offspring...and we are subsconsciously pointed in this direction through our preferences and desire for a specific kind of mate.. fully without our knowing so sometimes there is more at work than desiring a particular race, set of looks, etc., just saying lol

Loves being black and my people.

I remember a while back someone posted a quote that I'll never forget. She said, "Dating is not affirmative action." And I so agree with her. I wish I remember who typed that....

 

[Afrolatina]

Loves being black and my people.

I remember a while back someone posted a quote that I'll never forget. She said, "Dating is not affirmative action." And I so agree with her. I wish I remember who typed that....

Definitely! I totally agree with you and the quote!!
I love being black and my people as a whole...
ironic to everything above, I don't think I could marry anyone that didn't at least have a drop of black in them...you know why?
I love the way our skin looks together when we've got our arms and legs wrapped around each other, holding each other...my husband is butterscotchy, but that black in his skin is so beautiful and unmistakable!
Just being with him was a breath of fresh air- being mixed race myself, the understanding, love and support was unmatched. Lord knows I didn't want to marry a 100% white (or other race) man because I didn't want to be a token or "one of those" girls and I didn't want to marry a 100% black man because I didn't want to be put on a pedestal or treated differently because of my mix.. I just wanted to be myself...you know?

 

[MzLady78]

you won't catch me dating no black man.


♥

You're silly, LOL.

Lord knows I have been through hell and back with BM, but on the whole, I still have love for them and would never say that I wouldn't date them. They will always be my preference. I've said in other threads that in general, white men don't do it for me physically- I can count on one hand the amount of white men I've seen on the street that I found attractive. Same with Hispanic men. Not all, but most of the ones I see tend to be really small in stature. If I'm bigger than you with my little 5'3 self, that's a problem. Now, this isn't to say that if I found a white or Hispanic man that I was physically attracted to and had all the qualities I was looking for that I wouldn't give him a chance. I'm just saying that I think it's unlikely.

I do realize that having such a strong preference for a Black man puts me at a disadvantage. But I want what I want. It might take longer to find him than I'd like, but he's out there somewhere.

 

[TwistNMx]

 

[cherxy777]

LOL i too am terrible with guys in general. I'm more attracted to whatever looks good, honestly haha

 

[TrueToHair]

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