Do you not date black men?

[Valerie]

This thread is very interesting, why black women are not attracted to black men is an individual thing. It is far deeper than anything. It is something, we would never understand. I honestly believe that people should be with people who they want to be with, marry and have children with. "To thy own self be true". Even if people married a person from the same race, because they felt it was the right thing to do, and they may suppress that desire for liking non-black men, it will still manifest itself someway.
People have tried to bring in laws to stop people marriage between the races, beatings, executions etc. It doesn’t stop people’s desire for each other. It has not stopped it and that tells me desire is very strong, it is extremely powerful and you cannot live without your desires, sometimes without you knowing it, you always attract a certain type of person. The media does have an influence on us, but despite all that, you can put up millions of fine looking chocolate men, still there will always black women who will like them, not they do not have them sexual desirable for them and not date them.
So trying to analyse them, maybe they should be in more black areas, black schools, churches, if there wasn’t such a shortage of eligible black men, even if there were more educated black men, well spoken, listen to the type of music they did, in well-paid jobs, had six figure incomes, some drive fabulous cars, like a Lexus or whatever, they were handsome like Blair Underwood or Morris Chestnut, there would be still some black women who just won't find them attractive for them, it is not about self-hatred, or not having daddies, or self-abuse, sexual or verbal abuse from other black men. There are lots of women who have perfectly normal parents, wonderful daddies, uncles, brothers, male cousins etc and they still love non-black men, and it just does it for them. There is nothing like seeing a fine looking man, they type of man you desire and he looks at you. “Lord have mercy”. That is just their make-up and at the end of the day. All of us are to have desires. So whatever desires we have like the colour of his skin to his eye colour, his height, his accent. These desires come from Elohim, who created us.
We should celebrate these women because at the end of the day, they have love; they have someone to love them, to hold them to cherish them, to tell them they are beautiful. Be their protectors, treat them like queens. Speaking as black women, we have been made to be desirable and we are very desirable. The world may not like your choice, but once you are in the God and he likes your choice. You delight yourself in Him and He will give you the desires of your heart, Psalm 37:4

This thread is very interesting, why black women are not attracted to black men is an individual thing. It is far deeper than anything. It is something, we would never understand. I honestly believe that people should be with people who they want to be with, marry and have children with. "To thy own self be true". Even if people married a person from the same race, because they felt it was the right thing to do, and they may suppress that desire for liking non-black men, it will still manifest itself someway.
People have tried to bring in laws to stop people marriage between the races, beatings, executions etc. It doesn’t stop people’s desire for each other. It has not stopped it and that tells me desire is very strong, it is extremely powerful and you cannot live without your desires, sometimes without you knowing it, you always attract a certain type of person. The media does have an influence on us, but despite all that, you can put up millions of fine looking chocolate men, still there will always black women who will like them, not they do not have them sexual desirable for them and not date them.
So trying to analyse them, maybe they should be in more black areas, black schools, churches, if there wasn’t such a shortage of eligible black men, even if there were more educated black men, well spoken, listen to the type of music they did, in well-paid jobs, had six figure incomes, some drive fabulous cars, like a Lexus or whatever, they were handsome like Blair Underwood or Morris Chestnut, there would be still some black women who just won't find them attractive for them, it is not about self-hatred, or not having daddies, or self-abuse, sexual or verbal abuse from other black men. There are lots of women who have perfectly normal parents, wonderful daddies, uncles, brothers, male cousins etc and they still love non-black men, and it just does it for them. There is nothing like seeing a fine looking man, they type of man you desire and he looks at you. “Lord have mercy”. That is just their make-up and at the end of the day. All of us are to have desires. So whatever desires we have like the colour of his skin to his eye colour, his height, his accent. These desires come from Elohim, who created us.
We should celebrate these women because at the end of the day, they have love; they have someone to love them, to hold them to cherish them, to tell them they are beautiful. Be their protectors, treat them like queens. Speaking as black women, we have been made to be desirable and we are very desirable. The world may not like your choice, but once you are in the God and he likes your choice. You delight yourself in Him and He will give you the desires of your heart, Psalm 37:4

 

[Valerie]

This thread is very interesting, why black women are not attracted to black men is an individual thing. It is far deeper than anything. It is something, we would never understand. I honestly believe that people should be with people who they want to be with, marry and have children with. "To thy own self be true". Even if people married a person from the same race, because they felt it was the right thing to do, and they may suppress that desire for liking non-black men, it will still manifest itself someway.
People have tried to bring in laws to stop people marriage between the races, beatings, executions etc. It doesn’t stop people’s desire for each other. It has not stopped it and that tells me desire is very strong, it is extremely powerful and you cannot live without your desires, sometimes without you knowing it, you always attract a certain type of person. The media does have an influence on us, but despite all that, you can put up millions of fine looking chocolate men, still there will always black women who will like them, not they do not have them sexual desirable for them and not date them.
So trying to analyse them, maybe they should be in more black areas, black schools, churches, if there wasn’t such a shortage of eligible black men, even if there were more educated black men, well spoken, listen to the type of music they did, in well-paid jobs, had six figure incomes, some drive fabulous cars, like a Lexus or whatever, they were handsome like Blair Underwood or Morris Chestnut, there would be still some black women who just won't find them attractive for them, it is not about self-hatred, or not having daddies, or self-abuse, sexual or verbal abuse from other black men. There are lots of women who have perfectly normal parents, wonderful daddies, uncles, brothers, male cousins etc and they still love non-black men, and it just does it for them. There is nothing like seeing a fine looking man, they type of man you desire and he looks at you. “Lord have mercy”. That is just their make-up and at the end of the day. All of us are to have desires. So whatever desires we have like the colour of his skin to his eye colour, his height, his accent. These desires come from Elohim, who created us.
We should celebrate these women because at the end of the day, they have love; they have someone to love them, to hold them to cherish them, to tell them they are beautiful. Be their protectors, treat them like queens. Speaking as black women, we have been made to be desirable and we are very desirable. The world may not like your choice, but once you are in the God and he likes your choice. You delight yourself in Him and He will give you the desires of your heart, Psalm 37:4

 

[HennaRo]

Mmh Im in your area (if your city is right) and it seems that IRR are kinda the norm here in this area. I rarely see a black m/w relationship in this area. Im actually shocked and stare when I actually see a black m/w together if anything.

I'm a bit late with this one. But in Tampa it is more common to see a bm/ww, but when I lived/visit Orlando(90 miles away) it seems more comon wm/bw. Not sure why there is a difference.

 

[CherryCherryBoomBoom]

I find that there are attractive men in every race. I don't totally understand the exclusivity preferences that some people have, but then I just accept that some people are just more fussy than me. I have never dated a black guy, simply because I just haven't met one I've liked yet. In fact, I have only ever had one boyfriend, and he was white. But I live in a very white area, so I'm used to being around those people more. Also, I'm just generally terrible with guys .

 

[SvelteVelvet]

My first preference has always been black men but lately I've been doubting that I'll find one that "gets" me and that I'm truly compatible with. In my experiences black men tend to stereotype us more than anyone. I don't fit into a box, and african-american men seem to not know how to deal with my eccentric ways or idiosycrosies in the sense of what they believe a black woman is suppose to like, or how she thinks or talks, acts, and carries herself..whatever that is in their heads. It's rare to find a black man who looks at women, men and just people in general as individuals. It's like they are too lazy to get to know a black woman for who she is as an individual, and if she doesn't fit into the pre-conceived notion of a black woman then they don't know how to deal. I'll attract them all day long but as far as really connecting mentally, emotionally and spiritually, for some reason it's difficult.

In my experience with bi-racial or other men I've had an attraction to and them to me there is a genuine connection made where they make an effort to get to know me for me rather than "Which of the 3 types of black women are you?" There's less insecurity, oppressive thinking, indirect resentment...etc.

As time goes on they are slowly falling from my #1 preference and honestly I feel like that's a step in a healthier direction as far as who I choose to date because I'm screening the inner man. The above seems to be how the chips are falling in that regard. Yet as I'm scoping I've still got my eyes open for an african-american man who has progressed beyond the small-mindedness I've dealt with in the past.

 

[Blackmagic]

My first preference has always been black men but lately I've been doubting that I'll find one that "gets" me and that I'm truly compatible with. In my experiences black men tend to stereotype us more than anyone. I don't fit into a box, and african-american men seem to not know how to deal with my eccentric ways or idiosycrosies in the sense of what they believe a black woman is suppose to like, or how she thinks or talks, acts, and carries herself..whatever that is in their heads. It's rare to find a black man who looks at women, men and just people in general as individuals. It's like they are too lazy to get to know a black woman for who she is as an individual, and if she doesn't fit into the pre-conceived notion of a black woman then they don't know how to deal. I'll attract them all day long but as far as really connecting mentally, emotionally and spiritually, for some reason it's difficult.

In my experience with bi-racial or other men I've had an attraction to and them to me there is a genuine connection made where they make an effort to get to know me for me rather than "Which of the 3 types of black women are you?" There's less insecurity, oppressive thinking, indirect resentment...etc.

As time goes on they are slowly falling from my #1 preference and honestly I feel like that's a step in a healthier direction as far as who I choose to date because I'm screening the inner man. The above seems to be how the chips are falling in that regard. Yet as I'm scoping I've still got my eyes open for an african-american man who has progressed beyond the small-mindedness I've dealt with in the past.

I can really understand this, although I've never had a "racial" preference. My number one preference is height. I have dated guys from different backgrounds, ethnicities, etc., but I have found that the dating stages with black men come to an abrupt halt when they realize I don't fit into some of the pre-conceived notions of what they think I should be. I am definitely attracted to black men and I don't have much of a problem attracting them. The problem comes as soon as they realize that I'm a bit of this or a bit of that and they feel they can't relate. The adjective I get the most is "weird"... But I don't hold them any ill will for it...It is what it is..

My current SO is white and we can connect about a variety of things. I can be very guarded sometimes but I feel I can be myself around him and all that jazz...

In the end you prefer who you prefer but at the same time I personally can't get down with excluding on group or another because that may be a missed opportunity for something great. Although I do prefer taller men I have dated a couple of guys shorter than me...But within reason...

 

[CurlyMoo]

First bolded:I dont know about anyone else, but everything i require of a mate i already possess . I'm certain that i could meet black dudes that meet my standards...(no kids, at least a bachelors, interesting, accepts me (hair/skin) for me, diverse interests, open-minded, does not possess a hood mentality)...but honestly those dudes may not even be checking for ME....or if they are, they may have ****ty attitudes due to entitlement issues that i will not put up with.

Second Bolded: I think the overwhelming majority of black women are indeed marrying black ...ranging from ****ty black men to awesome black men.

I'm not going to break my neck searching for black men who embody my desired qualities when there are MANY other-race men who embody them and are ready to bat, lol. Doesnt make sense to me.

I think black women "lose" when they limit themselves. But oh well, do as ya please, more desirable men for me , lol.

And furthermore, why should you have to wait or search for this Black man that meets your requirements, especially if there are viable men of other races around you that already meet them?

 

[CurlyMoo]

Honestly, not me. Not the ones who make it blatantly obvious that they have no allegiance to black women.

I agree, your first allegiance is to yourself. Do what makes YOU happy not any man nor community.

 

[Godyssey]

I have a "type" but I am, or was, before married, an equal opportunity dater. My type is tan skin (of any race), dark hair, dark eyes with a small to medium build. Although, there are exceptions to what I find attractive. I've dated dark men and find Paul Walker and Jason Lewis attractive, although I typically don't like blondes. I once had a pale skinned, blue eyed, blonde haired, guy call me a racist because I didn't want to date him.

Anyway...I don't think there is anything wrong with having a type. I just think that it's kind of weird when people never stray from that, for whatever reason. There are good looking people in every hue.

 

[princessnad]

I find all sorts of men attractive, but I am generally physically attracted to a certain type.

 

[bravenewgirl87]

Dear OP,
Why did you ask this question? The last time someone did there was nothing but bitterness and resentment thrown all over the board.

 

[bravenewgirl87]

I'm a colorblind dater.

I don't remember reading anyone here saying they don't date black men cuz they don't find them attractive, but i'm sure some have and I've just missed it.

I usually read the 'oh i dont date black men cuz they suck for this or that reason..." threads, but never cuz they're not attractive.

Members remember the last thread and what the posters said in it. THat's why when you read certain responses in bm threads and another poster brings up something that is "seemingly" unrelated it usually is.

 

[LadyPaniolo]

Interesting thread.

 

[Katherina]

I don't think omak's explanation is so off-base. I think that being part of a society that ascribes certain characteristics to *race* will definitely be a contributing factor to a decision to shun all men of a particular race because of what was done to you by an individual man / men of that race. You would not have the same reaction in a monoracial society or a society in which race is not viewed in such an essentialist way. I know that as someone who grew up in a black society with black people of all social strata, professions, intelligence levels, behaviours and tastes around me, it often surprises me to see on this board the characteristics that people ascribe to race. When you're not measuring yourself against other races, differences in behaviour get ascribed to differences in class, education, home training, personality, and, importantly, individual character, not to race. When you take the race route, often something that someone does wrong because they are a flawed *human being* gets interpreted as something they do because they are *black*. For e.g. when e-fights break out on the board you might get comments about how catty and competitive black women are, whereas if, like me, you have participated in boards where the majority of users are white males, you will see the same cattiness, pettiness, bickering and cantankerous behaviour, to the nth degree.

I don't know if you understand my point. I posted about child abuse. I believe that a black woman abused by white men could have the same response. She may still be too terrified or disgusted to date white men, even though she could be surrounded by wonderful societal images of white men every day. Someone abused as a child has a totally different experience than someone who simply shuns a group based on race alone.

But anyway, the thread has moved on.

________________________
On another note: Querying something does not necessarily = attacking it. Some queries are made purely in the spirit of curiosity, learning, discovery, discussion. If someone asks why the sky is blue although the air is colourless, it doesn't necessarily mean that she hates that it's blue and would prefer that it be colourless. Maybe she just wants to understand.

I agree with this; I explained earlier that I didn't like the direction the thread had taken - the flippant attitude toward child abuse. ((((Omak)))) I apologize if you felt that I responded harshly to you (that was not my intent).

 

[libertysince05]

the real question should be:
must we all date people from the same race as ourselves?

 

[Guitarhero]

African American men? I've dated Black men but those from other countries. To be honest, I find the men in my own ethnic group attractive. I don't feel all that comfortable with African American men for a relationship. Something is just missing but I wouldn't diss them...I'm just not for them and vice-versa. BTW, the marriage to the AFrican didn't work out either It has nothing to do with being Black because one can be "black" and be any culture.

 

[CurlyMoo]

Not everyone is into Black men like that. Even gay Black men want White men.

 

[kittykhat]

I only date white guys. Not saying that other races aren't attractive but I'm only sexually attracted to white guys.

 

[vainღ♥♡jane]

you won't catch me dating no black man.


♥

 

[DirtyJerzeyGirly]

you won't catch me dating no black man.


♥

iDIED!!!! Funny this thread is back up. my sis was just telling me about her and her issues with guys. Apparently she doesn't really like black guys because she feels that they are moochers, broke, in and out of jail.....

 

[softblackcotton]

Not really into black men. I do find a few attractive as in I could appreciate physical aesthetics of any person in general. I just don't see myself marrying or carrying on a serious, long-term relationship with a black man. However, just don't feel...MAN they just RUB ME THE WRONG WAY! Ugh! The ones that approach me gross me out, not always physically, but they just don't do anything for me. NO manners, brash, arrogant, rude, loud, insulting, and the list goes on... I've superficially dated a few, and even the so-called "nice" ones have issues. I know ALL men have their imperfections no matter what race, but black men seem to have more than the fair share of faults. Wish it wasn't that way, but that's life! Let me be single for life, if that's all I could get.

 

[HauteHippie]

I agree with this. I've only had two real boyfriends (both White). I don't rule any race out, but it's rare that a Black man will seriously hit on me. Plus, most of the guys @ home are White. I've only dated one Black guy. Now that I'm in a much more diverse area, I've met and dated guys from all over the world. These American men-- Black, White, whatever-- those are the ones who don't stand a chance with me. For now.

I find that there are attractive men in every race. I don't totally understand the exclusivity preferences that some people have, but then I just accept that some people are just more fussy than me. I have never dated a black guy, simply because I just haven't met one I've liked yet. In fact, I have only ever had one boyfriend, and he was white. But I live in a very white area, so I'm used to being around those people more. Also, I'm just generally terrible with guys .

 

[phynestone]

I date black men. They are just so sexy. Some of them.

However, I do not LIMIT myself to black men. I am finally taking advantage of exploring other options. Some of the ones I've been interested in (esp. the professional ones) act like they are such a hot commodity, like I'm supposed to drop them (meaning: my panties) because they are professional and single. No thanks.

 

[runwaydream]

tbh i havent dated a black man in quite awhile. i've dated and "talked" to a bunch of azn men. its been azn men back to back. but black men? no.. i'm seriously losing interest. i've been losing interest in them for quite awhile now. which is a shame bc im such an advocate for the black community. but from what i see around me maybe its just the area where i live. but they just don't do it for me anymore. and if i find a seemingly decent one, i'm usually more wary of them than i might be of other races. it's really too bad. but i'm honestly not checkin for the brothas anymore

 

[Chiquitita]

When I was dating it was 50/50. But that's mainly because I thought dating black men was EXPECTED of me by family and friends. My parents never discouraged dating other races, but they didn't encourage it either. I have always had a preference for white/hispanic men. With the black men, I was always turned off by their attitude, mentality, etc. As other ladies have stated, there are attractive black men out there, however I am not sexually attracted to them. My DH is hispanic and I wouldn't have it any other way.

 

[qchelle]

This thread still goin, huh? Cool. It's really interesting to read the responses
I hope more people reply.

 

[lushcoils]

^^
I was just about to post that. This thread is very interesting. I'm glad it's still open.

I'm not sure how I want to respond to this thread yet.

 

[dannie]

Well let's just say, I wont be dating any black men in 2011. Because 2010 was nothing short of a nightmare, I believe Trina's classic "niccas aint sh!t sums things up nicely.

 

[ebonylocs]

Some responses in this thread are ridiculous.

I HATE bigotry.

 

[ScorpioBeauty09]

I'm co-signing with others that this thread is interesting. It really negates the stereotype that most black women only want to date/marry black men and it's refreshing to see.

Not into black men anymore. I still find some BM attractive but none sexually attractive or otherwise. I'm into mostly Asian men these days. IMO it's a combination of my location, my innate attraction to different cultures and black men just not doing it for me anymore. Even decent ones, there's something missing.