Do you make your SO/DH's plate?

[cocosweet]

Do you make a plate of food for your DH/SO on the regular? If I cook, yes.

Do you do it because you feel as a woman its your duty? Hellz no.

Do you do it simply because its a nice gesture? Yes.
He also does the same for me.

One thing that pissed me off is when I was visiting family and my father started up with that "Come in here and fix his plate" ish. Don't tell me what to do for my man. Nice job Dad,you just ensured the fiance (we weren't married yet) will be getting his own.

 

[Incredible1ne]

I don't have a SO anymore but I did make his plate and I brought him a drink too. I didn't think it was a duty, just a nice thing to do and he appreciated it.

 

[MissScarlett]

On another forum I read(mixed gender) this topic has come up about 3 times and it always turns into an all out war. The demographics are mostly 20 somethings. I want to see what ladies here think.

Do you make a plate of food for your DH/SO on the regular?

Do you do it because you feel as a woman its your duty?

Do you do it simply because its a nice gesture?

Yes, Yes and Yes.

Dh sits down and I bring his plate to him

I do it as a nice gesture. I'm a true southern girl, its what my mama did, my grandma did, Its what I was taught to do I guess. I don't even give it any thought. Even now, when we are together with my parents, my mom gets up and fixes my dads plate, I fix dh's (all after the kids) if my mom is still busy in the kitchen, I fix my dad's plate.

I posted about this once before and was shocked it was such a big deal????

I was at a family reunion and some of my unmarried cousins from Ohio were in shock b/c I was in line and they asked me why I had two plates, I said oh this is my plate and dh's. They were like

I guess its a part of me and my total feminine role I like to play. Dh really appreciates it though, i do small thngs to make him feel good, he does big things to take care of me. its just not that big of a deal to me. I don't have his shoes waiting at the door or anything and I'm a very independent woman, I just truly believe that men like those little small old fashioned albeit, feminine gestures

 

[deltagyrl]

Yes.

I make his plate when I cook and he makes my plate when he cooks.

We both do this as a nice gesture towards the other.

^^^ What she said.

ETA- when we're at family gatherings like cookouts, babyshowers, etc., he always makes my plate first.

 

[janiebaby]

Yes, Yes and Yes.

Dh sits down and I bring his plate to him

I do it as a nice gesture. I'm a true southern girl, its what my mama did, my grandma did, Its what I was taught to do I guess. I don't even give it any thought. Even now, when we are together with my parents, my mom gets up and fixes my dads plate, I fix dh's (all after the kids) if my mom is still busy in the kitchen, I fix my dad's plate.

I posted about this once before and was shocked it was such a big deal????

I was at a family reunion and some of my unmarried cousins from Ohio were in shock b/c I was in line and they asked me why I had two plates, I said oh this is my plate and dh's. They were like

I guess its a part of me and my total feminine role I like to play. Dh really appreciates it though, i do small thngs to make him feel good, he does big things to take care of me. its just not that big of a deal to me. I don't have his shoes waiting at the door or anything and I'm a very independent woman, I just truly believe that men like those little small old fashioned albeit, feminine gestures

ITA

But um I never understood how people can balance two plates.

 

[shynessqueen]

Yes, Yes and Yes.

Dh sits down and I bring his plate to him

I do it as a nice gesture. I'm a true southern girl, its what my mama did, my grandma did, Its what I was taught to do I guess. I don't even give it any thought. Even now, when we are together with my parents, my mom gets up and fixes my dads plate, I fix dh's (all after the kids) if my mom is still busy in the kitchen, I fix my dad's plate.

I posted about this once before and was shocked it was such a big deal????

I was at a family reunion and some of my unmarried cousins from Ohio were in shock b/c I was in line and they asked me why I had two plates, I said oh this is my plate and dh's. They were like

I guess its a part of me and my total feminine role I like to play. Dh really appreciates it though, i do small thngs to make him feel good, he does big things to take care of me. its just not that big of a deal to me. I don't have his shoes waiting at the door or anything and I'm a very independent woman, I just truly believe that men like those little small old fashioned albeit, feminine gestures

My family are from the south and when I go down there I laugh at them.

I have seen it time and time again. I still think it's funny to see a man sit down at the table and wait for his woman to make his plate.

 

[carcajada]

Do you make a plate of food for your DH/SO on the regular?

Yes. When we are at a family member's house older than DH (FIL or my dad) they are served first, then DH then the women.

Do you do it because you feel as a woman its your duty?

No. I do it out of respect and tradition (both our families do it). He's the man of the house and therefore, he is served first. I guess that can be considered a duty, but for me, it is more about honoring/respecting him.

 

[dlewis]

I voted no because I rarely do it.

I'm surprised my this.

 

[klb120475]

ITA

But um I never understood how people can balance two plates.

It's a skill you acquire, especially if you have kids.

 

[Bint Yusef]

I was really hoping someone would come in here stomping their feet and being so opposed to it as to rattle off a 3 paragraph response. It seemed a lot of women over on the other forum were opposed to it, but they were too busy going off on the men to give an insightful response.

 

[klb120475]

^^^ What she said.

ETA- when we're at family gatherings like cookouts, babyshowers, etc., he always makes my plate first.

.


too sweet.........

 

[frankie]

On another forum I read(mixed gender) this topic has come up about 3 times and it always turns into an all out war. The demographics are mostly 20 somethings. I want to see what ladies here think.

Do you make a plate of food for your DH/SO on the regular? Yes, if I cook I'll make his plate, and bring him a beverage. If he cooks then he'll make my plate, and bring me a beverage. We cater to each other. If we order in it's usually a tag team effort...I'll grab plates, he'll grab the beverages.

Do you do it because you feel as a woman its your duty? No, I don't feel that this is a gender role, so it definitely is not my womanly duty.

Do you do it simply because its a nice gesture? Yes, it is a nice gesture, and if I'm cooking something I know how I'd like for it to be served/presented, so I make the plate. Same with him...we like to make each other feel special that way.

 

[shynessqueen]

Do you make a plate of food for your DH/SO on the regular?

Yes. When we are at a family member's house older than DH (FIL or my dad) they are served first, then DH then the women.

Do you do it because you feel as a woman its your duty?

No. I do it out of respect and tradition (both our families do it). He's the man of the house and therefore, he is served first. I guess that can be considered a duty, but for me, it is more about honoring/respecting him.

This is what I don't understand, how is not serving him first disrespectful?

 

[neenee280]

Yes, but only if he aint acting up. If he is acting right, I will bring beer, pour it in the mug, bring salt and pepper and have your food smoking.

After awhile, that ish gets tired.

 

[foxxymami]

OT: MissScarlett your hair is HOT TO TROT!!!!!

 

[Bint Yusef]

OT: MissScarlett your hair is HOT TO TROT!!!!!

Aint it tho!

 

[janiebaby]

It's a skill you acquire, especially if you have kids.

I think that I'm just heavy handed. I fill the plate up with everything in sight. I was making my dad's plate and my plate at a bbq and oil was dripping from one of the paper plates.

I think I'd just make one at a time. Now in what order do the children get served. I would think it would be DH or SO, me (set my food down next to his), then the children am I wrong?

 

[bLackButtaFly]

I don't have an SO anymore, but I did when I had one, and I make plates for most of the men who eat with me, friends or not. I have alot of inner home maker in me, and I like for people to feel like they're special in my home, so I do little nice things. I never thought of it as a duty.

I used to make a plate for my ex all the time. If I was the first one to go to the food, but if he was, then he made the plates. It was pretty mutual. I used to complain when he'd ask, but I liked it

 

[Bint Yusef]

This is what I don't understand, how is not serving him first disrespectful?

If one believes their DH is the head of the household and that he should have his plate fixed and first. Then if you dont uphold that it is disrespectful to that line of thinking. If you dont subscribe to that then it understandable one would not think it was disrespectful.

 

[cocosweet]

On another forum I read(mixed gender) this topic has come up about 3 times and it always turns into an all out war. The demographics are mostly 20 somethings. I want to see what ladies here think.

That's the part I don't get. Why fight about it? People get to decide who does what in their relationships. There is no universal standard.

Everyone on this thread gave different answers and reasons and I can make sense of them all.

 

[janiebaby]

^^^ What she said.

ETA- when we're at family gatherings like cookouts, babyshowers, etc., he always makes my plate first.

I don't know anyone who would turn this down

 

[Bint Yusef]

That's the part I don't get. Why fight about it? People get to decide who does what in their relationships. There is no universal standard.

Everyone on this thread gave different answers and reasons and I can make sense of them all.

Men were saying women who didnt do it arent good women. Women who do it were saying women who dont do it werent raised correctly. So they were trying to apply it universally, and some old school people do this too.

 

[shynessqueen]

If one believes their DH is the head of the household and that he should have his plate fixed and first. Then if you dont uphold that it is disrespectful to that line of thinking. If you dont subscribe to that then it understandable one would not think it was disrespectful.

To be honest I can see that back in the day when men was the one who worked and the women took care of the house. But this day and age not really. I guess it's hard for me to follow traditions.

 

[cocosweet]

Men were saying women who didnt do it arent good women. Women who do it were saying women who dont do it werent raised correctly. So they were trying to apply it universally, and some old school people do this too.

Jeebus. No wonder a war broke out.

 

[dlewis]

To be honest I can see that back in the day when men was the one who worked and the women took care of the house. But this day and age not really. I guess it's hard for me to follow traditions.

It's not a tradition I'm following. My grandmother does it but my mother never did. I always do and always have done so.

 

[shynessqueen]

Men were saying women who didnt do it arent good women. Women who do it were saying women who dont do it werent raised correctly. So they were trying to apply it universally, and some old school people do this too.

My family is like this. I just laugh at them and that will get them to leave me alone. Now that I'm getting married, they have been coming at me hard about the correct way to treat your husband. I want them to leave me the h -ll alone about it.

 

[StrawberryQueen]

I do the plate making as well if I cook.

If he cooks he makes my plate.

If we are somewhere out like a BBQ at someone's home I will make his plate.

co-sign!

 

[carcajada]

This is what I don't understand, how is not serving him first disrespectful?

*thinking* I hope I can articulate this well.

Because it's tradition and an un-said/understood rule for me. I was just raised that way. With my family, I think it dates back to the days where men worked the hardest, had a very long day, were the bread winners who made having food possible; therefore the women in my family would serve them first. All the other food went to the wife and children.

So, with me, I'm still showing that respect since DH is that type of man in my life, he's the head of the house, he's the bread winner, and in my mind he has to have a certain type of treatment for who he is/what he does. This idea transcends to other things around the house as well.

 

[deltagyrl]

.


too sweet.........

Now that I think about it, it is isn't it?

I used to be like, nah-uh I can get my own plate but that would piss him off. He insists on doing it so now I just let him and will get an attitude if I think he's not going to do it.

 

[carcajada]

Men were saying women who didnt do it arent good women. Women who do it were saying women who dont do it werent raised correctly. So they were trying to apply it universally, and some old school people do this too.

That's silly! What's the "correct" way? If it works for the women who don't do it, then how is it wrong? Oh well. Seems like a competition of trying to be better than others and make people feel bad.