Making plates for your SO

[Northern_Belle]

I'm a plate fixer. But only if you're on the SO level. If we're casual, you can get your own food.

It's one of the little things I do to show that I care. I know he's fully capable of doing it & if I'm upset with him or if I think it's being taken for granted, then I will halt it with the quickness. A lot of females I know don't do this at all & I get some flack when I do it in front of them, in part because their men all start complaining about how their women don't. If it's not in you to do, then don't but don't knock me for doing it. If I'm not feeling it for whatever reason, then I don't but overall, I'm fairly traditional, or old school, in my approach. It's what works for me and for the most part anyone who reached the level for that sort of treatment appreciated the extra effort.

I don't have kids but if I'm feeding kids under 10, I make their plates, too. If your older, you better knock yourself out. I have a clean plate rule so I expect kids to finish at least 90% of what's on there unless it's something they hate & even then I have to get a certain number of bites before they're off the hook.

 

[hopeful]

We both work all day with the other folks so I do not see it a bit deal when it is mealtime for him to make his own plate. If I were a housewife no offense to any but if I were then it would be different becasue I would be home all day and would not mind making his plate. I work like he does and all day and it is just the gender roles to me. Just like I feel that men should not always take out the garbage. Whomever sees it full take it out.

I only take out the trash if he's out of town and even then I forget half the time. But seriously, it sounds like you and your so have a nice, balanced relationship. It sounds like you and he are happy, again, that's what matters. One of the reasons I am so happy in my relationship is because he and I defined it, nobody else.

 

[natural2008]

see his dada talks to his wife like that as a matter of fact everyone in general and no one stands up to him. but I betcha he will not ask me again. Girl just a mess.

 

[hopeful]

Oh, and I get a slap on the booty when I make a plate Is that just me?


I like it though

He really likes you making his plate!

 

[SleekandBouncy]

I don't understand how making someones plate is a sign of affection... How is it?

What does it signify? How different is it from someone cooking for you? Just because someone puts food on your plate, what if they don't like what you put on there or if you don't put enough food?

(I'm being serious )

I know in my family, we use serving dishes and we just set the table , and we serve ourselves in order...

ETA: If we want to show affection, we let the person eating with us serve themselves first because they can take as much as they want...

A sign of affection is whatever a person defines it to be. For a certain percentage of women it's serving their men's plates or the plates of their family.

 

[natural2008]

i do not have any children either and can understand making their plates because they are children. I am so big on balanced relationships, after awhile anything that is unbalance gets tired and breaks.

 

[hopeful]

see his dada talks to his wife like that as a matter of fact everyone in general and no one stands up to him. but I betcha he will not ask me again. Girl just a mess.

I bet he won't!

 

[~~HoneyComb~~]

I can tell you exactly what will happen. He will be super appreciative, then he will start expecting it, and then you're stuck.

That's what I'm afraid of

 

[natural2008]

you are funny honeycomb :0).

 

[dlewis]

We both work all day with the other folks so I do not see it a bit deal when it is mealtime for him to make his own plate. If I were a housewife no offense to any but if I were then it would be different becasue I would be home all day and would not mind making his plate. I work like he does and all day and it is just the gender roles to me. Just like I feel that men should not always take out the garbage. Whomever sees it full take it out.

Relationships are just different. You would NEVER see me riding a lawn mower and taking the garbage out unless something happened to my husband. Just like you would never see me changing a flat tire or picking up and moving heavy furniture.

I remember calling the guy that work on our vehicles and my husband just about had a stroke (yall remember that). Somethings we just don't do.

 

[Nefertiti0906]

A sign of affection is whatever a person defines it to be. For a certain percentage of women it's serving their men's plates or the plates of their family.

That doesn't help me, but thanks for answering lol

 

[natural2008]

Nefertiti0906 you are funny, you have me over here cracking up.

 

[SleekandBouncy]

That doesn't help me, but thanks for answering lol

lol, well you asked how fixing someone's plate is a sign of affection

 

[Nefertiti0906]

Nefertiti0906 you are funny, you have me over here cracking up.

lol, well you asked how fixing someone's plate is a sign of affection

lol

now all this food talk is making me hungry

 

[Southernbella.]

That doesn't help me, but thanks for answering lol

 

[Tylers-mom]

Sometimes I do...sometimes I don't. It all depends. Sometimes he makes the plates. It all depends. It's no big deal in my household or family.

 

[Zaynab]

Relationships are just different. You would NEVER see me riding a lawn mower and taking the garbage out unless something happened to my husband. Just like you would never see me changing a flat tire or picking up and moving heavy furniture.

I remember calling the guy that work on our vehicles and my husband just about had a stroke (yall remember that). Somethings we just don't do.

I remember that. The last time I got a new car, I was trying to be proactive, and went to the tag office to do what I don't even know, I'd never been before Dh just about hit the ceiling and you know we live in a smalll town--everyone knows each other, he was like "did they ask you were I was" I said "Oh yeah actually they did" They knew I didn't know what I was doing, I still don't know why I went.

Some things are just better left to men I seldom send dh to the grocery store, he would come back with the wrong thing.

 

[Divine_Order]

I fix my man's plate...even if he's the one that cooked. It's just something that I grew up seeing...and don't mind doing. Any male family members too...I'll fix their plates if wives or girlfriends aren't around. It doesn't bother me at all...I like doing it

 

[Tylers-mom]

For Christmas, we were all gathered at my cousin's house.

I was fixing my plate and my cousin asked,"Is my hubby hungry!" I said, "He can't be hungry because he's not over here fixing his plate!" My aunt looked at me as if I was crazy.

I got my drink and flopped my butt down at the table and commenced to grubbing.

Sounds like me...hubby and I aren't into the "gender specific" roles. We are partners in life and we do what works for us. Although I've never taken out the garbage or racked leaves . But I have shoveled snow!

 

[Kalani]

Relationships are just different. You would NEVER see me riding a lawn mower and taking the garbage out unless something happened to my husband. Just like you would never see me changing a flat tire or picking up and moving heavy furniture.

I remember calling the guy that work on our vehicles and my husband just about had a stroke (yall remember that). Somethings we just don't do.

Ah man, I love getting on the riding lawn mower! It's therapeutic. I prefer mowing the lawn to doing dishes any day! Now watch. When I'm married you'll see me taking out the trash and mowing grass and hubby will be cooking and doing the dishes.

 

[natural2008]

dtachi - you are too much girl :0).

 

[natural2008]

My grandma always taught me to learn all that I can and to never depend on anyone. I willnot change a flat tire if I got one because I have roadside assistance. i say that because another one of the members mentioned that she would not be caught changing a tire. I take my car to the dealership when I need an oil change, service etc and sometimes aske to see the old parts or pop the hood so that I can see that things are looking peacheeee under the hood. Eventhough I go to the car dealership and have since day one, I still look and see whats going on. I take my car to get new tires and know when they are low. There are things that women like men should know. When I gorcery shop my SO is right there and has learned a lot. I can send him to the store and not have worry because he has learned how to grocery shop correctly so he can go.

 

[dlewis]

Ah man, I love getting on the riding lawn mower! It's therapeutic. I prefer mowing the lawn to doing dishes any day! Now watch. When I'm married you'll see me taking out the trash and mowing grass and hubby will be cooking and doing the dishes.

not me. Once he was trying to get me to sit on it so he could see how I looked. And I said no way brother, we're not doing that.

He tried to teach my daughter how to clean fish when she was younger and she said "Moma said ladies don't do that". So then he tried to force her to do it she started crying and when I got home and she told me that, I let him have it.

 

[Loves Harmony]

I make my husband plate all of the time. Its like second nature, just was brought up that way lol lol sometime he have to tell me that he got it lol lol

 

[anon123]

I'm really surprised to learn that the "pro-platers" (cute term) also make the plates for any male. Honestly it wouldn't have even occurred to me to make my brother's plate. I really would not have even thought of it. Or rather, make his plate to the exclusion of a woman's. If I cook and have people over, I fix everyone's plate. It's a sign of courtesy for me and I wouldn't deny my female guests this courtesy. Besides, I don't like other people in the kitchen when I cook. If I'm going to discriminate in the plate making, it would definitely be according to age rather than gender. Old people would be the most likely to get served, and served first. So rather than give my mother a plate to serve her husband, I'd serve them both. I've never cooked for a ton of people, but if there were too many people to serve myself, people could serve themselves. I guess if I were married and it was a buffet sort, I might make one for my husband, but every other male is on their own.

OP, I don't think you were wrong. As long as you didn't talk disrespectfully to his father.

 

[justNikki]

OP, your FIL was out of line. Wrong is wrong, old or young. I grew up in a family where women make the plates for men. My nana always made me make plates for the men in the family and there is lots of pressure to do so to this day, but I refuse. It makes me feel like a slave when its expected.

I have no problem doing it sometimes at home, even when my husband asks. My MIL once asked my husband if he was thirsty and then instructed me to get him something to drink. She learned that day that I am not like her.

I don't doubt that for some its a sign of affection, but for me, it's a courtesy as well.

 

[FAMUDva]

I have no problem making a man a plate. I was raised to do it and I LIKE to do it. I fix my male friend's plates as well as my male family member's plates. It's not a big deal to me. If you don't feel comfortable doing it then don't do it, but keep in mind that your SO was raised in a family where the women did this without thinking about it.

To be honest, I always fixed my man's plate too, it was what I saw growing up.
But sometimes he fixes my plate too so it's really not a big deal for me.

If you don't want to, don't.

I make dh's plate now, but I didn't always. He never asked or expected me to. He likes it now that I do it, but sometimes I don't feel like it. I get really cranky when I'm hungry, and after cooking, making plates for two kids, smelling the food, then having to make a gigantic plate for him, plus get his drink and then take it to him, I sometimes have a slight attitude. When he knows I'm really hungry, he'll tell me to go ahead and eat. I love him for that.

THese 3 responses sum me up. I was raised by VERY Southern (Geechee) old school women. This was the type of hospitatilty my grandmothers imparted on all the male family members. And as a matter of fact, My maternal grandmother wouldn't eat until everyone had a plate, and often times she fixed her guests plates.

I've never had a problem fixing my DH's plate and like Alabama I mostly like to do it. When I'm not in the mood to do it, I don't. Like Southernbella, I get cranky when I'm hungry and he understands that. And sometimes he fixes my plates.

The one thing about me and my DH is that while we're young and a "new generation" southern couple, we both hold on to (and enjoy) very traditional gender roles. That's not to say I'm his maid, but we are each other's help mates. He doesn't refuse to do anything nor does he expect me to do anything... God knows he's learned after 10 yrs together that I ain't doing NOTHING I don't feel like or want to do.

 

[FAMUDva]

Hmmm... is this idea of a woman having to fix a man's plate a black thing???

Nope, I know plenty of Southern white women who do it too!
But in my parts we EXPECT our man to open the door for us too. My momma waits in the car for him to come around and let her out even.

 

[MizAvalon]

I would be very happy to fix a plate for a SO.

 

[Nsslovely]

I don't have a problem with doing it either but I don't want anyone to tell me me that it is my duty to do certain things.................that's when the problems start.