Do Flirty/Naturally Flirtatious Women Finish First?

[Crystalicequeen123]

What is your opinion? Do you think that flirty/outgoing/gregarious/flirtatious women finish FIRST with men?

I know that men marry women of ALL types of different personality types, and conversational levels lol.... But on a whole do you think/feel that women who are more on the flirty side have more of an advantage in attracting men? Does it sometimes seem like your besties or girl friends who are more flirtatious around guys have more luck pulling the men? And if so, how can you avoid feeling insecure around them and get men to notice YOU as well, w/out resorting to completely changing your personality? erplexed

I have a personal experience that I'm going through right now, but I figured I would get some input first....

This is a question for ALL the ladies, but I would especially like to hear from the women who are more reserved yet still have plenty of dates or are already married.

What do you think???

 

[Live.Laugh.Love]

Here is my .02

I think it's less about be flirty and outgoing and more to do with being comfortable in your own skin. When you are comfortable with yourself you could care less and do as you please. I.e "I'm a grown woman i do what I want" - Beyonce

If you are a shy person you have to go into environments that work for you. Maybe that's going to lecturers, Starbucks, libraries, etc. places where you will feel
Comfortable and at your best and attract the kind of man that would be a match for you.

Don't compete with her on her turf you won't win.

You let your friends with bigger personality, push you into your shell which is exactly the opposite of what you should be doing.

Also, I don't know if you are ok with this but strike up conversations with strangers when you go out to do things like grocery shop, waiting in line to buy something, in these situations there will be no pressure because you will be out of them very quickly.

All in all...when dating and looking for a relationship its not about flirty vs.non flirty its about being yourself and going in environments where you will be at your best and the most comfortable in your SKIN. Play up your strengths!!

 

[RocStar]

My answer is no, but I didn't vote because the only no answer was because flirty girls are easy (or something along those lines).

Anyway, it is not a contest. This is not the Hunger Games. It is not all or nothing. 50% of marriages end up in divorce...that is for both flirty and non-flirty girls. There is not one type that gets married more than the other.

You and your personality will shine through ONCE you are really cool with yourself (once you love yourself) whatever your true nature is...shy, introvert, extrovert, flirty, non-flirty, etc. It takes a whole lot more than just being flirty to get a man's attention and to keep that man's attention.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

Live.Laugh.Love

RocStar

Thanks ladies for your input.

It's good to hear another point of view.

Here is my .02

I think it's less about be flirty and outgoing and more to do with being comfortable in your own skin. When you are comfortable with yourself you could care less and do as you please. I.e "I'm a grown woman i do what I want" - Beyonce

I've heard this many times before, but HOW do you convey that you're "comfortable" with yourself? Usually I think that I'm comfortable with myself, but when I go out with my friend who's also my roommate, she's more gregarious than I am and so she's always "calling me out", trying to say: "Hey girl!!! Why are you so quiet???" (all loud and stuff.... erplexed)

Personally, I don't think I'm "quiet/shy" (not anymore at least), and I DO have a wild and crazy side, but I'm not "ON" 24/7 like she is. She seems to think that being reserved or less "outgoing" than her means that someone is not having a good time, or is "shy" or whatever.

But I'm just enjoying myself too! I just happen to give her (and others with BIG personalities) the spotlight when we're out together. It's too much work trying to compete w/people like that, so I don't even bother lol.

And don't even get me started on the guys.... She is a guy MAGNET. I love her to death (she really is sweet), but I know that hanging around her 24/7 I will not have a snowball's chance in Hades in snagging a guy if she's around.... erplexed

She is VERY flirtatious...even if she doesn't LIKE the guy!

You let your friends with bigger personality, push you into your shell which is exactly the opposite of what you should be doing.

So what does a person like myself do?? I don't want to compete ,but how do I not let her push me into my shell??

Just last night, she threw a party over our house, and a guy (that I KIND of liked) was invited, and she ended up flirting with him ALLLLLLL night.... smh.... Meanwhile I'm sitting there like this: ........... But INSIDE I was like: erplexed

Also, I don't know if you are ok with this but strike up conversations with strangers when you go out to do things like grocery shop, waiting in line to buy something, in these situations there will be no pressure because you will be out of them very quickly.

I have been doing more of this lately, and I have to admit...I LIKE it! I feel more "connected" with people.

My answer is no, but I didn't vote because the only no answer was because flirty girls are easy (or something along those lines).

Anyway, it is not a contest. This is not the Hunger Games. It is not all or nothing. 50% of marriages end up in divorce...that is for both flirty and non-flirty girls. There is not one type that gets married more than the other.

You and your personality will shine through ONCE you are really cool with yourself (once you love yourself) whatever your true nature is...shy, introvert, extrovert, flirty, non-flirty, etc. It takes a whole lot more than just being flirty to get a man's attention and to keep that man's attention.

LOL @ Hunger Games!! True....that's true... I mean, men like ALL types of women. My problem is, I feel like I can't even get a guy to notice me or take a look at my "strengths" when she's around, because guys automatically gravitate to her (she's pretty, and has a HAPPY and BIG personality). And if a guy hasn't noticed her, then she will flirt her way in his direction so that he DOES notice her....

What's an outgoing, yet more reserved woman supposed to do in this type of situation??

 

[CaraWalker]

nice girls finish last.

i get what i want out of men and relationships, and im not a wallflower. so, judging from experience as far as endorsements go....

 

[topnotch1010]

nice girls finish last.

i get what i want out of men and relationships, and im not a wallflower. so, judging from experience as far as endorsements go....

I agree with this. The more flirtier/outgoing types get the guys, while the nice girl/introverts get left behind. Flirty does not equal easy, btw.

 

[frizzy]

Flirty women are more approachable and they make men feel comfortable. That's all you need to be to get a man. It's really that simple.

Flirty does not equal sex or even sexy.

 

[PeaceFlow]

I know that men marry women of ALL types of different personality types, and conversational levels lol.... But on a whole do you think/feel that women who are more on the flirty side have more of an advantage in attracting men? Does it sometimes seem like your besties or girl friends who are more flirtatious around guys have more luck pulling the men? And if so, how can you avoid feeling insecure around them and get men to notice YOU as well, w/out resorting to completely changing your personality?

First bolded: No.

Some men like flirty women specifically, others don't mind either way.

The main advantage that flirty women have is providing men (in larger numbers) an opportunity to feel comfortable enough to make a move.

Second bolded: I feel we give men much more credit than they are due

Men notice EVERYTHING cute, or sexy. They notice the reserved pretty woman, the serious pretty women, the flirty and bubbly pretty women etc....

There have been many times where my friends have been grabbing attention and flirting with men, while I am not. It turns out sometimes that the guy liked me the most out of the group, but I wasn't really throwing him any crumbs at all.

The funny thing is in some instances I would have NO idea that was the case. Just recently my BFF was naturally flirting with a guy a lot while I stayed polite and quiet since I don't know much about carserplexed. Men kinda light up when she's around as she has great energy (I love my bff ). Anyhoo , later he asked to take us both out for drinks. BFF couldn't understand why he would think she was interested lol

Turned out that I was the one he was really into despite me not saying barely two sentences. This happens quite regularly. Especially now since I have a SO and don't engage much more than niceties with men if I don't have to.

When I am single and mingling I am very warm and friendly, but not really flirty. I had a lot of admirers apparently, but people had less confidence to make a move. This worked in my favour though as it was always nicer guys that were serious who tried. Player types can have the most fragile egos and wont actually make moves on women that don't give them crumbs IME.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

Thanks for the input ladies!! Btw, I hope nobody is taking the poll questions TOO seriously.

The poll options were just options..... SOME people actually DO think that girls who flirt a lot are "easy", but that's not necessarily MY personal opinion. I just put that there just in CASE some people felt that way. *shrug* Didn't mean to offend if anyone was put off. Just putting that out there.


With that said.....

I DO think that the quieter, more reserved girls/women DO get left behind in some way at times.... I know quite a few really NICE, smart, attractive, and good-head-on-their shoulders girl friends of mine who stay single, and I can't explain what it is other than the fact that maybe they/we don't put ourselves out there enough for guys.... erplexed


But on the same token, I DO see women who are more quiet, reserved, or even mysterious having guys falling over them everyday... So what is the difference??

I guess I don't understand what the difference is. I dont' think anyone should try to change up their whole personality if that's not who they are. But how can a less "flirty" woman make her "strengths" known when it APPEARS as if more flirty women are getting more play??

Your thoughts??

 

[Live.Laugh.Love]

Flirty women always have men because they know how to interact with men...

You mentioned above that you had a party at your house and your roommate was flirting with the guy you like all night. She can do that because she knows you won't do anything and you are not a threat to her.

I going to tell you a little secret, really out going women love to keep insecure women around them. Because that means they are always 1st choice, you aren't any competition for your roommate you won't even flirt with a guy you like.

Also you say you don't want to compete. I learned very early that you have to compete or you fall to the bottom of the pack. Like if I am on the treadmill next to someone I don't know, me and that person are racing..lol

Next time you are around your crush turn the charm on to 1000x...an keep going until he ask you out somewhere or to do something.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

First bolded: No.

Some men like flirty women specifically, others don't mind either way.

The main advantage that flirty women have is providing men (in larger numbers) an opportunity to feel comfortable enough to make a move.

Second bolded: I feel we give men much more credit than they are due

Men notice EVERYTHING cute, or sexy. They notice the reserved pretty woman, the serious pretty women, the flirty and bubbly pretty women etc....

There have been many times where my friends have been grabbing attention and flirting with men, while I am not. It turns out sometimes that the guy liked me the most out of the group, but I wasn't really throwing him any crumbs at all.

The funny thing is in some instances I would have NO idea that was the case. Just recently my BFF was naturally flirting with a guy a lot while I stayed polite and quiet since I don't know much about carserplexed. Men kinda light up when she's around as she has great energy (I love my bff ). Anyhoo , later he asked to take us both out for drinks. BFF couldn't understand why he would think she was interested lol

Turned out that I was the one he was really into despite me not saying barely two sentences. This happens quite regularly. Especially now since I have a SO and don't engage much more than niceties with men if I don't have to.

When I am single and mingling I am very warm and friendly, but not really flirty. I had a lot of admirers apparently, but people had less confidence to make a move. This worked in my favour though as it was always nicer guys that were serious who tried. Player types can have the most fragile egos and wont actually make moves on women that don't give them crumbs IME.

Hmmm...very interesting take!! Thanks!!

I think you might be right.... THIS might be the only difference between overtly flirtatious women and women who are more reserved with showing their interest! I think that with the more flirty women, men have more of a "green light" to pursue, but with the more reserved women, some men might actually be interested in them too, but the men don't want to risk damaging their ego, so they end up not making a move on the girls who aren't giving them anything... erplexed

I'm working on this I swear lol! I have to get better at being more OBVIOUS (I guess) with my interest....

 

[carcajada]

Flirty women are more approachable and they make men feel comfortable.

This. They also appear less up tight, more approachable and fun...if done right.

 

[C@ssandr@]

Ah man, I typed a post and it disappeared! Here it is again...

Op, I was in a similar situation as you in the past. My bff is gorg and men always notice her first and last . One time we were at a bar and a guy sitting next to me asked me for her name erplexed. The difference between then and now is how comfortable I am with myself. I get noticed more now that I have alot more confidence.

I also have another friend who attracts alot of men. She is a great wing woman and when we go out she double checks my style to make sure we are equally as awesome looking (she is the fashionista in our duo). See, this is the difference between a good friend and a great one...we don't compete, we actually take pride in helping each other win.

I know you didn't ask, but did your friend know about your crush?If so, her job was to get you noticed since she knows you are more reserved than her

 

[LiftedUp]

I think that they get to choose the guys they want vs waiting to be chosen then sifting out of that pool.

 

[SelahOco]

I agree with the poster who said real friends help get you noticed. Growing up my best friend was very outgoing and loved getting attention from men.

She was always dressed to 'get numbers' and have any man who looked at her eye contact and a smile. I, on the other hand, thought I was above this and generally didn't relish in make attention the way she did.

Over time, she got more and more confident and I actually started to think something was wrong with me. EVERYTIME I went anywhere with her, she was grinning and cooing before the dudes ever got to us....and they always chose her.

What I learned was that if guys liked me they were afraid to speak up because I looked so mean all the time. They would ask her about me (if she was dating a friend or something) and he would always 'forget' to tell me.

Then once we went out and I was dressed in something tight, which garnered me a lot of attention and she was very uncomfortable with that.

I learned too soon that I was the 'shy one' so she could shine compared to me. She did not want to see me shine.

And I was so awkward because I got used to being overlooked, despite the fact that I was an attractive young woman who should have been coming into my own.

Don't over think what is happening. She may get quantity, but you can get quality. Don't be afraid to smile, speak up, hold conversations.

My friend was bubbly, but if a guy spent a few minutes talking to me he never forgot me and I always made an impression.

Don't let it shake you. Nothing's wrong with you. Just be yourself and be friendly.

 

[RocStar]

nice girls finish last.

i get what i want out of men and relationships, and im not a wallflower. so, judging from experience as far as endorsements go....

I don't believe nice girls finish last...at least not in my experience.

 

[FemmeFatale]

Closed mouth don't get fed.

 

[chronicity]

I'm not a flirty woman and it has probably cost me a lot of opportunities. Lol.

But I'm happy with the guy I'm with right now, and it's unlikely we'd still be together if my personality was significantly different. He is attracted to my reserved nature and my ability to be content without being the center of attention. He's not a in-your-face flirt either.

Quality versus quantity. If being flirty and outgoing was the ticket to relationship success, natural selection would have culled non-flirty, quiet types from the gene pool a long time ago. So I honestly don't think the flirts finish first; it just seems that way because they date more.

 

[LiftedUp]

I tried being that flirty woman once, when I was 18/19. It was too much damn work to put it plain. I guess it's easier if that's your personality. Then I felt like the guy wanted me to do (imo may be different to others) a lot of work. I like to be chased and I felt like I was pursuing the guy. I ended up dropping him like a hot potato because it just wasn't working for me. He was a bit confused though and asked me about later on but it was too late.

I have a theory, if a guy is that interested in me, he would approach me, and if he's afraid to then that is not the type of man I want to be in a relationship with. I've had the shyest, nerdiest guys approach me because they saw what they want and went after it.

Being overly flirtatious is just not within my personality. You got to man up and approach me.

I cosign with just being yourself.

 

[Southernbella.]

I agree with the poster who said real friends help get you noticed. Growing up my best friend was very outgoing and loved getting attention from men.

She was always dressed to 'get numbers' and have any man who looked at her eye contact and a smile. I, on the other hand, thought I was above this and generally didn't relish in make attention the way she did.

Over time, she got more and more confident and I actually started to think something was wrong with me. EVERYTIME I went anywhere with her, she was grinning and cooing before the dudes ever got to us....and they always chose her.

What I learned was that if guys liked me they were afraid to speak up because I looked so mean all the time. They would ask her about me (if she was dating a friend or something) and he would always 'forget' to tell me.

Then once we went out and I was dressed in something tight, which garnered me a lot of attention and she was very uncomfortable with that.

I learned too soon that I was the 'shy one' so she could shine compared to me. She did not want to see me shine.

And I was so awkward because I got used to being overlooked, despite the fact that I was an attractive young woman who should have been coming into my own.

Don't over think what is happening. She may get quantity, but you can get quality. Don't be afraid to smile, speak up, hold conversations.

My friend was bubbly, but if a guy spent a few minutes talking to me he never forgot me and I always made an impression.

Don't let it shake you. Nothing's wrong with you. Just be yourself and be friendly.

I could have written this post. On point.

 

[InchHighPrivateEye]

I think naturally flirty women finish first with random men in matters of liitle import. Or, not LITTLE import, because I think (mild) filtration can help in your career and in all sorts of situations, but I think when it comes down to something like finding love, or even male interest, no. Flirty types may attract more numbers of men, but that doesn't mean quiet women aren't getting their share of attention. Men have eyes and some are intrigued by mystery.

 

[barbiesocialite]

Being flirtatious is good for life.

Acquiring a flirtatious charming nature is a valuable skill/trait that will get you far. It's not just limited to men.

People love flattery. They love people that make them smile and laugh.

Easiest way to attract friends, win conversations and get your way. plus you receive better service too

I flirt with everybody. lol my good friend used to say the reason I usually got what I wanted because "shawty put da charm on em." lmao

 

[CoutureMe06]

I think it definitely has to do with being personable! People that have an easier going disposition have more gratification in all areas of life.

I don't really go out of my way to flirt. I definitely do not approach men. I just engage in their conversation when its towards me and I know how to dish it right back when they throw those types of jabs. To me that's just the art of conversation.

I feel I am still reserved but being thrown in environments where I have to be super social for work I've learned how to be approachable and how to talk people, especially men. Men are easy. A little body language, simple words, and a smile go a long way.

Body language is a key strength for me. I know how to give that sensual vibe. I really don't do it purposely sometimes, it comes a bit natural for me.

Sent from my iPhone using LHCF

 

[CoutureMe06]

Being flirtatious is good for life.

Acquiring a flirtatious charming nature is a valuable skill/trait that will get you far. It's not just limited to men.

People love flattery. They love people that make them smile and laugh.

Easiest way to attract friends, win conversations and get your way. plus you receive better service too

I flirt with everybody. lol my good friend used to say the reason I usually got what I wanted because "shawty put da charm on em." lmao

I totally agree. Life is so much more easier now that I've acquired this skill.

Sent from my iPhone using LHCF

 

[Zaynab]

Being flirtatious is good for life.

Acquiring a flirtatious charming nature is a valuable skill/trait that will get you far. It's not just limited to men.

People love flattery. They love people that make them smile and laugh.

Easiest way to attract friends, win conversations and get your way. plus you receive better service too

I flirt with everybody. lol my good friend used to say the reason I usually got what I wanted because "shawty put da charm on em." lmao

Yep. All of this.

 

[SincerelyJane]

Hmm in terms of whether flirty women get the guys in the end, I don't know. I believe there is some merit to being the quiet, nice girl that a guy would want to go home to. The type he isn't worried about messing around. If you're the fun, sexy, vivacious chick that's true, but you can err on giving off a mistress kind of vibe. Like a good time girl. So there's that.

In terms of advice, you don't have to be talkative and out there to be flirty. I think being flirty and being outgoing are two very separate things. Personally I'm flirtatious enough to get what I want and I'm also an introvert.

As a woman, of course you want to be an excellent conversationalist, but its not your job to lead the conversation with a guy in the courting process, especially not in the beginning. So I don't really think the gregariousness matters. So much of flirtation is non-verbal. If your friend is really as good of a flirt as you say she is, there are probably a lot of non-verbal cues she gives off to attract men to her. So watch for that. Eye contact is a big one, there's prolonged eye contact, side glances, shy smiles, sipping your drink to draw attention to your lips, crossing and uncrossing your legs, touching yourself, touching him, touching your hair, etc. I really could go on and on.

Also a big part of it is how a man feels around you. Introverts might not do well in group, but we're usually great in one on one conversations. So providing opportunities for him to showcase his wit, leading conversations in areas where he feels smart and comfortable, laugh at his jokes, frown and pout when he teases, comment on his choices, even random ish. One guy was super flattered when I mentioned his drink was a typical man drink. He literally stood up a little straighter, because I validated his masculinity. Guys love that sort of thing.

Be deliberate about creating opportunities for guys to come talk to you. IF you give off even a hint of looking lost, guys will come try to give you directions. Basic stuff, ask a guy to open a bottle for you, and when he does thank him and comment on his strength, boom... you're flirting. Or you can comment how delicate and tiny your hands are compared to his, same difference.

These are the type of things that work for me, but everyone is not me. Take whatever is cute or quirky or endearing about you and play that up. Your type of flirting is probably super different from mine.

 

[barbiesocialite]

Hmm in terms of whether flirty women get the guys in the end, I don't know. I believe there is some merit to being the quiet, nice girl that a guy would want to go home to. The type he isn't worried about messing around. If you're the fun, sexy, vivacious chick that's true, but you can err on giving off a mistress kind of vibe. Like a good time girl. So there's that.

In terms of advice, you don't have to be talkative and out there to be flirty. I think being flirty and being outgoing are two very separate things. Personally I'm flirtatious enough to get what I want and I'm also an introvert.

As a woman, of course you want to be an excellent conversationalist, but its not your job to lead the conversation with a guy in the courting process, especially not in the beginning. So I don't really think the gregariousness matters. So much of flirtation is non-verbal. If your friend is really as good of a flirt as you say she is, there are probably a lot of non-verbal cues she gives off to attract men to her. So watch for that. Eye contact is a big one, there's prolonged eye contact, side glances, shy smiles, sipping your drink to draw attention to your lips, crossing and uncrossing your legs, touching yourself, touching him, touching your hair, etc. I really could go on and on.

Also a big part of it is how a man feels around you. Introverts might not do well in group, but we're usually great in one on one conversations. So providing opportunities for him to showcase his wit, leading conversations in areas where he feels smart and comfortable, laugh at his jokes, frown and pout when he teases, comment on his choices, even random ish. One guy was super flattered when I mentioned his drink was a typical man drink. He literally stood up a little straighter, because I validated his masculinity. Guys love that sort of thing.

Be deliberate about creating opportunities for guys to come talk to you. IF you give off even a hint of looking lost, guys will come try to give you directions. Basic stuff, ask a guy to open a bottle for you, and when he does thank him and comment on his strength, boom... you're flirting. Or you can comment how delicate and tiny your hands are compared to his, same difference.

These are the type of things that work for me, but everyone is not me. Take whatever is cute or quirky or endearing about you and play that up. Your type of flirting is probably super different from mine.

I agree with this post overall, just wanted to comment on the bolded.....

Heauxs, jezebels and loose women get married, engaged and attract quality men all the time. Actually, I know more heauxs and community ***** females in decent relationships and more good girls struggling to find one. Not condoning or promoting promiscuity #jussayin men do try to turn heauxs into housewives

sorta ot but not really----some of this makes me wonder, what have some women been doing their entire life with their fathers, grandfathers, brothers and other male relatives??? how does that work? men pretty much operate the same. gas them up, stroke their ego, rub on their "big strong arms" and pretend like they're smart in a soft baby-ish voice with a wide puppy gaze like you're a damsel in distress. pretty self-explanatory. It's the exact same flirtatious behavior without romantic intent.

 

[chronicity]

sorta ot but not really----some of this makes me wonder, what have some women been doing their entire life with their fathers, grandfathers, brothers and other male relatives??? how does that work? men pretty much operate the same. gas them up, stroke their ego, rub on their "big strong arms" and pretend like they're smart in a soft baby-ish voice with a wide puppy gaze like you're a damsel in distress. pretty self-explanatory. It's the exact same flirtatious behavior without romantic intent.

I don't carry on like that with my father or brother, and no other women in my family do either. It would not occur to me to "gas them up" and they'd clown me the minute anything remotely baby-ish came out of my mouth. I talk to them like I would any other relative. The idea that I would have to put on a special performance with the men in my family is foreign to me.

The poster who made the point about introverts being good one-on-one is right. Having a knack for ego-stroking flirtation banter is wonderful for grabbing attention, but this level of engagement can get old if there is no depth or discrimination.

The tradeoff to being a master at being "on" all the time is that it's often difficult to be vulnerable and reveal your real self. The tradeoff to being quiet and reserved is that you're less approachable. I think a balanced approach is best.

 

[Naveah2050]

Flirty girl checking in - yes we get more men BUT the quality of men isn't necessary matched up with the quantity. Some and dare I say most men IMO prefer reserved women it's more mysterious and empowering for a man to break down a woman than it is for him to have to compete with a woman for attention IMO because flirtatious woman tend to be extroverts so unless the guy is an introvert he will probably prefer to wife up that good girl that he can trust not to flirt or talk to other guys who he had to chase to get.

 

[Naveah2050]

Being flirtatious is good for life. Acquiring a flirtatious charming nature is a valuable skill/trait that will get you far. It's not just limited to men. People love flattery. They love people that make them smile and laugh. Easiest way to attract friends, win conversations and get your way. plus you receive better service too I flirt with everybody. lol my good friend used to say the reason I usually got what I wanted because "shawty put da charm on em." lmao

Me to a T. ^^^^ and it works beautifully!