Men Don't Fall In Love "gradually".... True Or Not?? What Do You Think?

[aviddiva77]

Have you ladies her this?
They say women have two ladders. A guy is either on the friends ladder or the potential S/O ladder. (And I personally believe that women are likely to give a "friend" a chance and move them to the S/O ladder).

Men also have two ladders (this is my spin on it). One is women they would marry and the other ladder is everyone else...and they will have sex with anyone from either ladder. But I think it hardly ever happens that women move from the "everyone else" ladder to the wife one. They will be with someone for years, have kids with them etc. and still not relocate them to the wife ladder.

The Ladder Theory? Yeah I've heard of it. Not sure if I believe it lol.

 

[LivingInPeace]

I don't know about men. I just know about me. And I know within 15 minutes if a man is someone I'd have sex with. I've never had a man grow on me. As far as marrying? That's much more difficult to tell and takes some time.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

Yeah that movie thing (tomboy bff turning into ultimate love interest) has a lot of women disappointed. I can't even count the number of women who have taken the stance, "If I be a good friend, then he will realize he likes me,"...um no. More likely if you be a good friend he may eventually have sex with you or settle with you. It happened to me. I had a guy friend who later wanted to date.

Curse those Hollywood romantic comedies!!!! LOL!

How dare they fool women everywhere! The one that really did women a disservice was that movie "He's Just Not That Into You". All through the movie the guy kept telling the main girl that if a guy isn't doing x, y, z then he's just not into you. Well, at the end of the movie in turns out the guy WAS interested in the girl, so then it's like you spend the whole movie hearing you're not the exceptiong you're the rule, but at the end of the movie the girl turned out to be the "exception"... ARRRRGH!!! So confusing!

It's like, they can't have it be like real life where it just DOESN'T work out in the end lol.

Early on in dating I figured out it's never good when I have an immediate extreme reaction to a man when I meet him. It's better when I'm like "he's ok." Obviously if I have a negative reaction, then it's not going to happen LOL. But if I'm totally ga-ga over a guy at first glance that's not good either. Studies show romantic feelings blind us to that person's faults. So if you're ga-ga for someone at the beginning you might miss some potential deal breakers that come back to bite you later. That's definitely happened to women I know.

YES....I have figured that out too. If I have an instant attraction reaction to a man when I FIRST meet him, it's NEVER a good sign.

Plus, I find that I always end up acting weird or nervous around him because I'm too attracted lol.

I find it better when the guy is nice, not bad looking, but I'm more so indifferent to him ("he's cool"..."he's a fun guy", "he's alright") as opposed to "OH EM GEE Becky... I want to have his babies!! ) . Whereas with men, don't they have to be feeling like "OMG....I want HER NOW..." from jump in order to even want to START something with you??? I guess that's how men and women are different I guess. #shrug

@Crystalicequeen123

Just want to make sure you got my PM. With the new system, I'm not able to see if I actually sent it. No rush, just wanted to make sure.

Hey! Yes girl I got it!! I read it and boy do I have a LOT to say lol. It's going to take me a while to respond. Maybe when I get some downtime at work lol.

Have you ladies her this?
They say women have two ladders. A guy is either on the friends ladder or the potential S/O ladder. (And I personally believe that women are likely to give a "friend" a chance and move them to the S/O ladder).

Men also have two ladders (this is my spin on it). One is women they would marry and the other ladder is everyone else...and they will have sex with anyone from either ladder. But I think it hardly ever happens that women move from the "everyone else" ladder to the wife one. They will be with someone for years, have kids with them etc. and still not relocate them to the wife ladder.

Ahhhh yes.... The "Ladder Theory". Yes, I've heard of this , and I think it's pretty much accurate as well.

Although, the theory is that men only have ONE ladder, and women have 2. Meaning, a woman has a seperate ladder for guys who she ONLY views as friends and would never ever in her life get with. And of course one ladder for guys who are "potentials" or guys she would DEFINITELY go with.

Whereas men say that they only have ONE ladder, meaning, they have women on a totem pole. Ones they really want to be with/sleep with are way at the top, and the ones they aren't that attracted to are down below. But they say that if a woman were to change up her appearance somewhat (ie. better dresser, lost weight, looking good, etc), she can actually move UP the ladder! Or if things don't work out with the woman at the top, another woman can move on up lol. Hence, why men always swear that don't really put women in the "friendzone" because they may still sleep with you if they are drunk enough or haven't had any, or you've changed up your look, etc.

But with women, it seems that either the man was her "potential" ladder or he wasn't. If a guy changes up his look, it doesn't matter lol. I think that's because women go by more than just LOOKS when looking at and assessing a guy. If a man is going to make a bad bf, or isn't confident, or doesn' thave the qualities a woman is looking for, it doesn't matter how much he changes up his "look", he's still not in the "relationship worthy" category for a woman lol.

 

[LoveisYou]

After hearing from different men I feel like it varies. Some men seem to know instantly some deem to realize after getting to know the woman.

My cousin said what got him about his current wife was seeing how devoted she was to her family. She had a "good heart" and it won him over. Go figure!

 

[Cheleigh]

My DH fell for me when we first met. It took me much longer to fall for him!

Now, I will say that the fact the guy might know how he feels for you quickly doesn't mean that he won't pursue/marry someone else, or that he'll even immediately marry you. It doesn't mean he'll become your lap dog. Neither my DH or I were thinking about marriage at the time we met. I just saw that "something" in his eye immediately that made me know that he's always have some sort of love for me.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

My sister and her hubby were friends for 3 years before they started dating. He actually liked her friend and she actually liked HIS friend. They "swear" there was NOOOO attraction on either end ("not like that") in the beginning.

I'll never forget though that my bro-in-law mentioned that when he first met my sister he thought she looked like "Black Barbie", so that must have meant he found her attractive. But he said it wasn't until he started hanging out with her in groups (as strictly friends) that he found out that she actually had a good mind as well...he thought she was just all looks and no brains lol .

Plus, add on to the fact that the girl he REALLY originally liked had the worst personality I think it can happen where guys may secretly be thinking that you're ATTRACTIVE, but for whatever reason they don't feel inclined to pursue you in that way (ie. maybe they're interested in someone else more, or they're dating someone, or they have other things holding them back, etc.), but every now and then things change/circumstances change (a breakup, a bad experience w/the one they were interested in) and it opens the door for a new romance w/the woman who they always found attractive. I think this might be what happens in some cases w/guys, that's why it looks like it took YEARS upon years for the couple to get together. In reality, the attraction was probably always there from the start (on the guy's end at least), but something was holding him back from acting on that attraction.

So I've seen it happen both ways.....

 

[MissJ]

Good information, but how can you tell if a man is falling for you in the early stages?

 

[movingforward13]

Good information, but how can you tell if a man is falling for you in the early stages?

My guess is he lets you know so it would be very obvious. He says exactly what he means and tells you what he wants.

 

[ScorpioBeauty09]

Good information, but how can you tell if a man is falling for you in the early stages?

It ranges depending on the man. One man was always asking to hang out with me, just us. He also found some way to touch me and make fun of me. Like go to lunch or shopping since we were in study abroad. Another guy was always talking to me, smiling at me whenever I spoke. My ex roomie paid my half of the utilities a lot of the time. Like wouldn't even let see the invoice.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

You know what.... I just thought of something....

I believe what this blogger is saying is true....and if what he is saying IS indeed true, then this actually explains a phenomenon that I have wondered about for a long time.

A lot of women always complain that a lot of times a man will come on strongly, and then later on he may fade away or lose interest. NOW I'm finally understanding why this happens!!!!!

Men don't fall in love like women do, so a lot of the "criteria" they use to decide on whether or not to date you is very PHYSICAL....things you can only discern from the outside within maybe one or two meetings/or sometimes even with in the first few minutes. So, for a man, if he likes what he sees on the physical outside level, he WILL approach/flirt/give you attention,etc. and may even ask you out on a date.

But what men may not realize is that the physical doesn't = the inside person. I swear I think men are blinded by looks at times lol, because if they are attracted to a woman they may think she's the most wonderful woman in the world or he can't see that her personality may not be all that complimentary with his. He may even deal w/a "crazy" gf simply because he's attracted to her.
It's only through perhaps time and going on at least one date where the guy has a chance to see if he really likes "you" or just your looks. So.... a lot of times women will be so confused as to why a man would call/ask her out on a date, and then won't ask her for a 2nd date. Or, he'll be coming on strong at first, but will all of a sudden back away/stop calling/disappear, etc. I think what is going on in these instances is that the man may have gotten to know more about the woman and realizes that he dosen't really see her as relationship material, or there is a deal breaker, or he may have just found another woman who he's more attracted to.

But women are different in that what attracts US to a man is more than just looks. Sure, we may like the outer package, but if we're "liking" you, it's usually because we have seen that the man posseses the QUALITIES that we're looking for in a boyfriend/husband, etc. And this takes TIME. That's why a woman can feel "meh" about a man at first, but after she gets to know him she can become wildly attracted. So, by the time we've decided that we "like" a guy, we've already SEEN his inner qualities (some of them at least), and have figured that he would be a good "fit" for us since our infatuation isn't JUST based on "oh he looks nice". So I think this is why women can't understand how a man can like you and be hot with it one minute, and then all of a sudden drop you like a hot potatoe the next. We erroneously assume sometimes that the man has used the same discernment and has seen our "qualties" and liked them and that's why he asked us out. But men (it appears) don't opperate that way. It's like...Looks 1st, THEN I'll find out if I like her personality lol.

This actually explains a lot...... This is of course mainly talking about brand new/fresh relationships.

 

[beingofserenity]

You know what.... I just thought of something....

I believe what this blogger is saying is true....and if what he is saying IS indeed true, then this actually explains a phenomenon that I have wondered about for a long time.

A lot of women always complain that a lot of times a man will come on strongly, and then later on he may fade away or lose interest. NOW I'm finally understanding why this happens!!!!!

Men don't fall in love like women do, so a lot of the "criteria" they use to decide on whether or not to date you is very PHYSICAL....things you can only discern from the outside within maybe one or two meetings/or sometimes even with in the first few minutes. So, for a man, if he likes what he sees on the physical outside level, he WILL approach/flirt/give you attention,etc. and may even ask you out on a date.

But what men may not realize is that the physical doesn't = the inside person. I swear I think men are blinded by looks at times lol, because if they are attracted to a woman they may think she's the most wonderful woman in the world or he can't see that her personality may not be all that complimentary with his. He may even deal w/a "crazy" gf simply because he's attracted to her.
It's only through perhaps time and going on at least one date where the guy has a chance to see if he really likes "you" or just your looks. So.... a lot of times women will be so confused as to why a man would call/ask her out on a date, and then won't ask her for a 2nd date. Or, he'll be coming on strong at first, but will all of a sudden back away/stop calling/disappear, etc. I think what is going on in these instances is that the man may have gotten to know more about the woman and realizes that he dosen't really see her as relationship material, or there is a deal breaker, or he may have just found another woman who he's more attracted to.

But women are different in that what attracts US to a man is more than just looks. Sure, we may like the outer package, but if we're "liking" you, it's usually because we have seen that the man posseses the QUALITIES that we're looking for in a boyfriend/husband, etc. And this takes TIME. That's why a woman can feel "meh" about a man at first, but after she gets to know him she can become wildly attracted. So, by the time we've decided that we "like" a guy, we've already SEEN his inner qualities (some of them at least), and have figured that he would be a good "fit" for us since our infatuation isn't JUST based on "oh he looks nice". So I think this is why women can't understand how a man can like you and be hot with it one minute, and then all of a sudden drop you like a hot potatoe the next. We erroneously assume sometimes that the man has used the same discernment and has seen our "qualties" and liked them and that's why he asked us out. But men (it appears) don't opperate that way. It's like...Looks 1st, THEN I'll find out if I like her personality lol.

This actually explains a lot...... This is of course mainly talking about brand new/fresh relationships.

Basically, you're explaining my life.

It's rough being so attractive sometimes.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

Basically, you're explaining my life.

It's rough being so attractive sometimes.

Awwww.... lol...

You are cute (in your avatar)...

So this happens to you a lot huh? I wish men would use something other than simply LOOKS to guide them in their decision-making process. I'm not saying a woman shouldn't be beautiful or attractive to him, but I think men should be more discerning and like something IN ADDITION to her looks. Like, like something concrete in addition to a woman's looks before you ask her out. If the situation/circumstances allow for it, observe her, see how she acts around others, interact w/her on several different occassions before asking a woman for her number and asking her out and getting her hopes up.

 

[beingofserenity]

Awwww.... lol...

You are cute (in your avatar)...

So this happens to you a lot huh? I wish men would use something other than simply LOOKS to guide them in their decision-making process. I'm not saying a woman shouldn't be beautiful or attractive to him, but I think men should be more discerning and like something IN ADDITION to her looks. Like, like something concrete in addition to a woman's looks before you ask her out. If the situation/circumstances allow for it, observe her, see how she acts around others, interact w/her on several different occassions before asking a woman for her number and asking her out and getting her hopes up.

Lolll, thanks. I was being tongue in cheek here, but I feel like the exact set of circumstances you described just recently happened to me. Guy was all over me, ALL OVER ME, and has gone cold in the days following our first date. I just got the impression that he saw me as a play thing when he "introduced me" aka showed me to his friends...

We were at a club. He told me he wanted to show me something and he brings me over to his friends, puts one arm around my neck and gestures towards me with the other telling his friends to "look at her, look at her."

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

Lolll, thanks. I was being tongue in cheek here, but I feel like the exact set of circumstances you described just recently happened to me. Guy was all over me, ALL OVER ME, and has gone cold in the days following our first date. I just got the impression that he saw me as a play thing when he "introduced me" aka showed me to his friends...

We were at a club. He told me he wanted to show me something and he brings me over to his friends, puts one arm around my neck and gestures towards me with the other telling his friends to "look at her, look at her."

OH wow..... From what you've described, he doesn't sound like a "catch" at all. Idk...I would feel some kind of way about a guy who did this. From the way you describe it, it doesn't sound like he would be someone serious/long-term anyway. Perhaps he did you a favor.

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