Can You Be A Mistress?

I agree that married people are by average the loneliest. For some reason I attract people who want to run their mouth and 9/10 they are married and just want someone who is interested in THEM again.
 
One of my friends is currently dating a married guy. Dating? Well, yeah, dating..I guess. They go out. He buys her lots of stuff. According to her, they don't have sex. We've even met him lol.

But yall sound old up in here talking about "mistress" lol dating a married man who buys you stuff and no sex is called being a "sugar baby". And it is all the rage lmao. I knew lots of (white) girls who dated married guys in college.

I'm just kidding about the terms...i don't know. I'm not about that life lol. I've just seen and heard.

Was the question would it be a deal breaker? Like others have said, spending lots money and time and having babies with other women, all vows are off. **** that. That's messing with MY money. I want to get married so I can accumulate wealth faster and more easily. That's the primary reason I would get married. So if you're squandering away MY money, what are you here for? Why am I married to you? No point. You had sex with some chick cuz you were drunk or horny or whatever? I honestly don't think i would care. I certainly wouldn't get divorced over it. Because sex isn't the reason I would've gotten married. So it wouldn't be a reason to get divorced. (I mean. ..that wouldn't even be cheating to me, if he told me about it. But we would've already had an agreement :look: )

Oh oh, wait the original question was would YOU be a mistress, right? Oh, I don't think so. I hate dating and going out with people lmao. I'm an introverted homebody. The less people I have to talk to, the better lol.
 
And oh my goodness at barbies former mayor lmao. What tho???? You said she introduced you to married man who she knew was interested in you? My my my. I knew her and her kids. I used to dance with them for years and years. And yes, she is the nicest person! Lol this just takes the cake. First the fraud, now this! I mean you can't trust nobody! Tsk tsk!
 
I was joking with dh the other day and told him he doesn't make enough money to ever let me turn the other cheek. I have too many damn responsibilities that I dont hire out for to let **** slide. Lol
 
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I just don't know if I can inflict that kind of pain on the wife.

It's one thing to be with a man who lies to you about being married. It's another to do it knowing good and well he is married.
 
I couldn't be a mistress because I don't like sex or conversation enough to make that workable. And I don't want free sh*t from some random that will be difficult to get rid of bc he's an emotional cripple. I also find offensive the idea that you would offer me less than. Obviously your wife has access to something, so I get less than the whole. And I am I expected to keep a secret about it? Gtfowtbs. The only situation I could fathom ever agreeing to that is if it were on some Naomi Campbell type sh*t where I could stand my ground and be proud of my sh*t in front of the wife and everything, because I don't lurk in the shadows for any mf. But again, that won't work bc the only reason the wife is playing it so cool she sticking around is because she's paid. She's good. Which means my arse is getting less than the whole. Again, this offends me. As for me and mine:

I tend to have been very detached in my past dating and in relationships with ppl that aren't my 2 parents or current FH, so I've always had a very "I won't fight or drop a tear over a man" demeanor in regard to male attention or potential SO cheating, but I honestly think I would **** any so called mistress of my FHs up. Emotionally at the very least. Forget pride or non-cha lance. First of all, id take it very personally. So if I find out anyone's thinking it's cute to get life financed off my money, her emotions better be as steely as she claimed. I'll get to him in a second. And that dack? That belongs to me as well. It's all mine.

I remember in college, this boy that I accidentally ended up in a relationship with (long story, not interesting. Basically, I didn't think he thought I was serious when I agreed to be his gf :look: and then it bc difficult to get rid of his arse...which leads back to why I wouldn't be a mistress. See para 1). Anyway he let everyone know we were together but after like however long, idk, felt that I wasn't showing him enough attention (duh :look:) and let me know he had slept with somebody and he was sorry but that's why he had done it and blah blah. I didn't like dude at all...but at this point, it's personal. You've associated yourself to me and also this lame that accepts whatever else you have leftover when you're done following me around? A loser? (See: para 1) This girl ended up leaving our program bc when I was done with playing the pretty damsel in distress to her half arsing bottom feeding loser, every is was laughing in both of their faces to their faces. I remember one dude that had a crush on me was following her through the door and she held it open and he said "don't hold the door open for me you ole *****" even the dudes turned against this troll. And the guy offered to fight my alleged bf. this was some sh*t I ended up in arsebackwards and didn't care about. I pretty much would **** up whatever's important to somebody at this point in my life and probably while smiling damselishly.

As for my husband: I'm sure that I would react physically, esp if he's tricking off my money. We don't do that (my fiancé knows now not to spend money on his employees, friend girls, or any other woman that's not his momma, my momma or me unless I know about it and it's from us. I don't play about that--I love him but I don't really have a reason to pursue this further i can't account for his income, outflow, and investments. I really could be alone--team introvert.) I would want to divorce if he was tricking off on somebody. Not only is it messing with my money but it's disloyal and it shows me he's a simp. a loser. There's always a wh*re that looks good enough and speaks well enough that would give it for free. And you trickin? Oh.

I don't know if I would leave for sexual infidelity alone but I can be very emasculating. I don't practice it--i actually have affected a very sunny disposition and my FH deserves the utmost respect. However, I watch, I remember, I know the weaknesses, I have the tongue of a hood girl and a mind like a steel trap and it will *** you up to realize somebody you trusted and had your back has an inventory of your insecurities, access to your colleagues and an absolute ability to ring your motherf*cking bell. Play with me and I'll do it. If we stay married after that it's up to you. A have a FH that believes in a permissive prenup and good set up for his retirement, I also have a set of friends that practice family law and a law degree my own self. If, God forbid, it came to this, my sh*t is click tight. Stay or go.

Oh, back on topic, though I'm not perfect I also wouldn't be a mistress because I fear The Lord. That may not jive with all my profanities and pettiness but I'm really still very much a work in progress :look:
 
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Oh, and I'm s womanist (except when I'm lmao at a man calling a woman all kinds of sh*t or taking away her entitlements because he's trying to make me happy :look: again: work in progress :look:)
 
ditto....

...i dont want to be locked up over the decision a man made with his penis...lolol

i would divorce walk away with half and enjoy some young fine men...lmaooo
my emotions are not clouded when it comes to how these things work...ive seen to much!!!:look:

Theresamonet said:
I couldn't. Not really a moral dilemma for me. I just don't like to knowingly put myself in situations where I could end up on the Next 48 or Snapped or Inside Edition, etc. I don't want to get caught up in anyone's "War of Roses". You never know what type bullisht people have going on. I feel like if I were to ever take on the role of mistress, I would have to focus all of my attention on him and keep tabs on his wife. Lest I slip up and end up with my throat slit.

I just... I know how I would be if my future husband had a mistress. It wouldn't end pretty.
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barbiesocialite said:
I see you in here sunnieb :lol::kiss:

before you became the prototype for happy wives, ever played the bad girl?

And dont shoot me for the next question....its just hypothetical lol.....

but, hypothetically speaking, how would you react if your husband suddenly lost his damn mind and ever stepped out on you?

you know what, let's keep the ball rollin... since I just asked for the thoughts of a seasoned wife, how about the thoughts of a new wife? Menina Preta speak chick. lol
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:lol: barbiesocialite let me be as honest add I can on here.......

I have the ability to shut down my emotions like a light switch. And that's what I'd do. But guess what? I wouldn't divorce him. For what? For that B to get him? Sheeeeeeiiiiiiitttttt. I'd punish his arse every time we were alone, but put on the Stepford wife routine for outsiders.

Oh and I got a lil sum sum for Ms. Thang too. She'd have to get ready for dat arse to be put on blast. Her job, family, friends errrybody would know about her shenanigans. I am related to some crazies who know what to do when they get the call. No questions asked.

My innocent looking face can play the victim very well thank you. Everyone would be on my side and admire my courage during such a "difficult time".

Sent from my SCH-I545 using LHCF
 
SoopremeBeing said:
I just don't know if I can inflict that kind of pain on the wife.
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I will never understand this---I always wonder why do people care what other people do/think?

First of all you have no power in someone else's life, you can't control other people.

Second, people unintentionally or accidentally hurt people all the time. Doesnt matter if the perpetrator was malicious in intent, hurt is the same.

Lastly, other people are thinking about you when they act. In this case, the wife doesnt care about you. She cares about him.

It blows my mind that people feel some kinda of way about another person's relationship. Esp when they don't even know the person.
 
barbiesocialite said:
yea I'm not into the bible. it sux.
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This is where you are confusing. You just got through talking about attracting like-people into your circle and how that outweighs any new ideas you might have taken on in your early years as an adult. You did mention conservative society and that you attract christians (I'm assuming, of a certain caliber and not name-only). Then you talk about your own personal brand of morality and ask what lying is. Well, that's confusing.

Sins of commission and omission and all the gray areas in between when you know something is holding back information that is detrimental to another...that's still lying. Anyone can fall in love with a married man but that's a singular event. If you don't think it's problematic and indicative of a moral condition, then I don't know what to say. I've been attracted to someone married but I didn't pursue anything because I knew it was wrong. You often cannot help your feelings....it's what you do with them that is the problem. And christians nor the bible sux...what sux is sin and all people do that. What's horrible in my book is women's inhumanity towards other women. And adultery is a bad thing in just about every society and religion and areligious people everywhere. I'm not pulling straws from a hat.
 
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kanozas said:
This is where you are confusing. You just got through talking about attracting like-people into your circle and how that outweighs any new ideas you might have taken on in your early years as an adult. You did mention conservative society and that you attract christians (I'm assuming, of a certain caliber and not name-only). Then you talk about your own personal brand of morality and ask what lying is. Well, that's confusing.

Sins of commission and omission and all the gray areas in between when you know something is holding back information that is detrimental to another...that's still lying. Anyone can fall in love with a married man but that's a singular event. If you don't think it's problematic and indicative of a moral condition, then I don't know what to say. I've been attracted to someone married but I didn't pursue anything because I knew it was wrong. You often cannot help your feelings....it's what you do with them that is the problem. And christians nor the bible sux...what sux is sin and all people do that. What's horrible in my book is women's inhumanity towards other women. And adultery is a bad thing in just about every society and religion and areligious people everywhere. I'm not pulling straws from a hat.
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I am a "do as I say not as I do" kind of person.

I attract conservatives because that's who/what I know. My ex is a minister. My highschool best friend is a gospel singer. My grandfather is the dean of a Divinity school. My father baptized me. I attended a Baptist school for elementary, a lutheran school for middle and a catholic school for highschool. My dad used to make me read the whole Bible every year on this weird list thing he made me checkoff. When I was a teen.my mother pissed me off and I set two of her Bibles on fire. And, please, the biggest whores I've known were religious zealots preachin that ish. I dont handle hypocrisy and hypocrites well. If you want me to take something seriously I expect you to follow EVERYTHING with consistency and precision down to the letter. That means if I hear you talkin that Bible ish, then we are in the car and you're bumpin secular music I wont take you seriously. That means I expect virgins til marriage, no suckin peen or anal on the side.n

I dont believe in any moral code but my own. Which for me means as long as I stay loyal, do what I say I'm going to do, I will always do what I want. If other people are hurt by me, it's usually their fault for putting themselves in such a position. I don't owe anyone anything or care what they think except for my spouse and my future children.

Also there is a reason why conservatives usually take to me. Either they want to fix me or aiming to live vicariously through me. In their mind, I'm a devil's advocate, probably the devil to some, I will tempt you and lure you to the dark side. I tried to get my grandmother to smoke weed. She said no and told me to leave her alone. lol Still working on my parents to get them to drink, I'm going to win that battle before they die though. Just might take another decade. :angeldevi
 
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^^^Oh, ok. You made it seem like your personal values and total circle are primarily bible belt. I'll say this, every man leads his own life. Just having the title of a christian doesn't make anybody one automatically in the biblical sense. Same for other religions (read: "good" one). Shrugs. Don't become defensive, it was for clarification. What I was responding to was the confusion because I thought you were saying one thing. I get it...your culture is christian. That's nothing new or weird. Hey, I have my own religious prejudices. Shrugs.

But about moral code, I do remember you coming down hard on divorcees and you implying they are poor in values because they broke "the contract." I don't see how anybody, religious or not, can justify adultery. Tis all.
 
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LOL. You tried what with your grandmother? LOL. "Hey, nana, make me some brownies!"

a98349_stoners-grandma.jpg
 
kanozas said:
^^^Oh, ok. You made it seem like your personal values and total circle are primarily bible belt. I'll say this, every man leads his own life. Just having the title of a christian doesn't make anybody one automatically in the biblical sense. Same for other religions. Shrugs. Don't become defensive, it was for clarification. What I was responding to was the confusion because I thought you were saying one thing. I get it...your culture is christian. That's nothing new or weird. Hey, I have my own religious prejudices. Shrugs.

But about moral code, I do remember you coming down hard on divorcees and you implying they are poor in values because they broke "the contract." I don't see how anybody, religious or not, can justify adultery. Tis all.
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Divorce is being disloyal. Cheating is just untrustworthy.

#Imjustsayin :look:

well in all fairness, I dont have any friends above the Mason-Dixon. Most folks I know are married. They are actively Christian, AAs or naijas, except my BFF. She's married tho. I do kinda look for those traits in friends and SO. To me, they are familiar. I understand them. I'm good as long as people dont bother me with that ish.
 
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Contracts are sometimes dissolved. Honey, the disloyal one is the one to break the contract and that begins long before the paperwork. My priest said so. :grin:
 
kanozas said:
Contracts are sometimes dissolved. Honey, the disloyal one is the one to break the contract and that begins long before the paperwork. My priest said so. :grin:
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The only truth is what can be proved. Everything else is hearsay.

Divorce is actively disloyal. Unless you are getting your arse beat, your spouse makes an unthinkable decision that endangers your life or that of your children---there is no excuse for divorce. Divorce is also being a quitter. You should be able to handle whatever challenges life throws your way.

Jesus loves winners.
 
For those women who say they would never date a married man, do you feel the same about dating someone who is 'technically' still married. For whatever reason, haven't filed for divorce?
 
^^Yes, absolutely. I'm bound to certain religious laws...so, I'm not judging others. But there is a line I cannot and don't want to cross. I think you're still married until you have a divorce AND an annulment or the partner dies.
 
Fine 4s said:
For those women who say they would never date a married man, do you feel the same about dating someone who is 'technically' still married. For whatever reason, haven't filed for divorce?
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I always feel like those people are lying about the reasons they are still married. That didn't answer the question but I had to say lol. I just don't think they are being transparent.
 
Fine 4s said:
For those women who say they would never date a married man, do you feel the same about dating someone who is 'technically' still married. For whatever reason, haven't filed for divorce?
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To me, that's married. Not technically.

Now if they were married but had filed papers, maybe. Some states it takes a while between filing and becoming final.

Otherwise, nope, I need to see papers.
 
barbiesocialite said:
The only truth is what can be proved. Everything else is hearsay.

Divorce is actively disloyal. Unless you are getting your arse beat, your spouse makes an unthinkable decision that endangers your life or that of your children---there is no excuse for divorce. Divorce is also being a quitter. You should be able to handle whatever challenges life throws your way.

Jesus loves winners.
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You have some unique ideas but, hey, if they work for ya, great. "Jesus loves (s)inners." (W)inners abide by his commands. But like I say, "do you, boo."
 
In that case, I definetely dated a married man and never saw myself as a mistress. I know a woman who refuses to grant her ex a divorce so she can stay on his health insurance plan and has kept his last name. I've also heard of tails of state police officers' ex wives who want to collect a portion of their ex husband's pension, also avoid divorce. I still don't understand how someone is refused a divorce so please feel free to show me how this works.
 
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unknowingly yes, knowingly no but this is why I don't ask questions to I don't want answers to. I'd never get involved with a married man knowingly, but if he deceived me and I fell in love or became emotionally attached I believe so. I would eventually end things because for ME adultery is the worst sin ever. I also believe in the sanctity of marriage and wouldn't want to contribute to the despise of one's holy union.
 
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Fine 4s said:
For those women who say they would never date a married man, do you feel the same about dating someone who is 'technically' still married. For whatever reason, haven't filed for divorce?
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I've pursued a man who was in the situation. I've known him since he was 13. It was one of those "she's pregnant, so I'm going to join the military and marry her" type of marriages. She not only cheated but destroyed his credit. He signed the papers and everything.


Well needless to say, he never divorced her and I haven't spoken to him in 5 years.
 
Fine 4s said:
For those women who say they would never date a married man, do you feel the same about dating someone who is 'technically' still married. For whatever reason, haven't filed for divorce?
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Yes. Additionally it's mind boggling to me that persons would date/consider dating a married man :nono::nono::nono:. The moral fabric of society is shot :nono::nono::nono::nono::nono:.
 
Fine 4s said:
For those women who say they would never date a married man, do you feel the same about dating someone who is 'technically' still married. For whatever reason, haven't filed for divorce?
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SOO I can speak on this. Being a mistress ehhh not knowingly:look:. Now I have deceived people.

I dated a lot and never told any one of those guys I was still married. Me and the ex had been separated for several years. We lived completely separate lives.

Our reasons for not get a divorce ehhh. I don't really know, but I know I felt soo much better once I got that paperwork in my hands:lachen:.

Technically still married just means that door is always open.
 
leona2025 said:
SOO I can speak on this. Being a mistress ehhh not knowingly:look:. Now I have deceived people.

I dated a lot and never told any one of those guys I was still married. Me and the ex had been separated for several years. We lived completely separate lives.

Our reasons for not get a divorce ehhh. I don't really know, but I know I felt soo much better once I got that paperwork in my hands:lachen:.

Technically still married just means that door is always open.
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My-ex gf is in a greencard marriage. She's been married for like 5 or 6. She's gay! :lol:
 
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