Re: Spinoff: Why do men cheat but then fiercly defender the wives against the mistres
This is not always the case. There are women out there who have mutual agreements with these men. They get money, time, and attention. The role of the mistress has evolved, somewhat. Someone made a great point upthread about "emotional" cheating. This does not require a woman/mistress to relinquish her self respect or meet a man at odd hours of the night.
That is not what his thread is about. If she had a mutual agreement with the man, then I doubt that she would be confronting the wife talking about, "He looooooves ME!" And the man won't have to defend the wife. The type of woman you are describing is in it for the material things the man can give her, not for the love of the man.
I also do not know many women who will not bat an eyelash at her husband leaving her at nights to go on dates with other women. I don't know any wife who's going to sit at home alone or just with her kids on Christmas, birthdays and Valentine's Day without a very good reason. I don't know any married woman who's going to be okay with her husband staying out all night at the mistress's house. It just doesn't happen like that. The mistress is a secret, and the husband is not going to be raising these red flags for the wife.
I will use my original post as an example. The guy who was pursuing me was married. I didn't know he was married. He worked late nights, so he would have a good excuse for being away from home or unavailable to me if I had started dating him. The first day he asked me out, he left his business early to ask me out. Still, it was around 9:00 at night. I was at work and wouldn't be off until 10:00. It was a Saturday night, and he asked me if I was free on the same night.
First of all, what self-respecting woman would accept a date two hours before the date? Second of all, where could we possibly have gone at 11:00 on a first date? Probably the only thing that would have been accomplished would have been his going on a date without his wife's friends finding out. They were probably all sleeping.
2) He was planning on going home to get ready for the date. For the life of me, I cannot imagine what he would tell his wife to let him get all dressed up and leave the house that late at night!
3) He had seen me the week before and didn't ask me out. Why did he have to ask me at the last minute.
I did not go with him. I did not allow myself to be disrespected or to be placed in the mistress category. Later, he did get my number and ask if he could call me. He did not call me.
1) He may have texted me, but I didn't have text messaging. If he did text, that's men's universal language for "I don't like you. I just want to get into your pants." Also, texting would cut down on the possibility of the wife finding out. He could have been texting me while sitting right next to her, and she wouldn't have known.
2) He would act differently aroud his male and female employees. I'm sure they all knew he was married. Around the female employees, he would be all business. Around the male employees, he would be openly flirting with me.
3) I did go to see him once to tell him that he was going to call, do it before a certain time, because I was leaving town. (He had previously expressed that he felt like he was bothering me since I hadn't been responsive to him.) I wasn't responsive to last-minute date offers, but if he given me the courtesy of asking me ahead of time, I would be fine. I went into his place of business, and two of his female employees were standing there. His first words to me were, "We're closed." That was a far cry from the reception I usually get from him. I guess he thought I was going to say something that would blow up his spot. I think one of the girls is his neighbor. He then explained who I was to her. His description of me was not the one he normally gives people. I wasn't sure what was going on, and I didn't want to find out. As soon as I got what I came for, I left.
4) Even after that, he came to my job and acted like nothing had happened. I hadn't seen him for a month. He had gotten a fresh haircut, a line up, and was wearing nice clothes. Again, it was a Saturday, so I suspect he was trying to ask me on another last-minute date. Only this time, he stopped by in the morning before he went to work instead of at night after he left work. This time when he came over, he used his Amex card to pay for what he purchased. After he left, I took the credit card slip and wrote down his name.
I wasn't sure what was going on with this guy, but I knew something shady was up. If I had ignored that and still responded to his advances, I would not have been respecting myself. A prospective mistress may have made excuses for his behavior. She may have listened to what he said and dismissed his actions. In essence, I think she would have allowed herself to be disrespected like this. Therefore, I do think a man thinks his wife deserves more respect than his mistress. His wife would not have likely put up with this kind of behavior.
lawd no!!!
We never got into sex talk. When the whole thing blew up, I showed all the emails to a friend I really trust and she confirmed that it was all very innocent until he got frustrated with his life and started looking at his options. 
