Can You Be A Mistress?

[barbiesocialite]

You never know. Some mistresses "win" others end up being dragged out of their homes and beat on their front porch. It all depends if you think the risk is worth the reward. Truthfully women in general need to stop settling for grown boyscout,.

I know, that really sux for those women. I'm sad for them they experienced that. Hey, waddudo. Bad things happen to nice people everyday. Life is hard.

 

[sj10460]

yes and I would do it again

lmfao!

 

[SophieDulce]

I just hope the mistress feels the same when she is in a relationship and she is the one cheated on. In my experience women who cheat with married men/men who have GF are the first ones ready to dog out the other woman when it's their turn to deal with a cheating man.

This exact same thing happened to someone I know she was messing with a married guy for like 2 years,met the wife and everything. So when she finally decides to settle down and is really in love, she finds out her fiancé cheated on her wit ha bunch of women while she was pregnant with all of her children. karma

 

[Christina Dior]

I had a friend who would always find herself being hollered at by taken men or in bed with someones man smh its too many single men to be with someone else's for real

 

[barbiesocialite]

This exact same thing happened to someone I know she was messing with a married guy for like 2 years,met the wife and everything. So when she finally decides to settle down and is really in love, she finds out her fiancé cheated on her wit ha bunch of women while she was pregnant with all of her children. karma

I hate when people bring up karma. first they often misuse the word, it's a Buddhist principle for reincarnation.

Secondly, if karma is real that would also mean that the people that are cheated on deserve to be cheated on, correct?

 

[FemmeFatale]

There is nothing for anyone to be concerned about that is, unless some women are scared a mistress will steal their man. Then in that case, it's in a woman's best interest to be super mad at him----but then again he's gone, so she'd just have to file for divorce.: look: Eta: but I will say that people should be careful what they wish for. The Duchess of Windsor is a good example. She stole Prince Edward from his wife. After they were exiled he ptlretty much became a needy broken man that smothwresy her to death. Pretty sure he was like that before but now she got what the wife.was getting.

Girl I'm trying to save someone from the high likelihood of a drama, a beat down, being a baby mama, and the like.

 

[SophieDulce]

I hate when people bring up karma. first they often misuse the word, it's a Buddhist principle for reincarnation. Secondly, if karma is real that would also mean that the people that are cheated on deserve to be cheated on, correct?

Meh, probably maybe they cheated in past life who knows. Maybe there lessons they need to learn about choosing a quality a spouse or maybe it's a learning experience.

I believe in it. People do what they do,not my problem either way.

 

[barbiesocialite]

Girl I'm trying to save someone from the high likelihood of a drama, a beat down, being a baby mama, and the like.

you should try harder.

Because by the looks of things doesnt seem like that's the message being sold in this thread.

Fight for you POV to save the souls.

 

[SophieDulce]

Girl I'm trying to save someone from the high likelihood of a drama, a beat down, being a baby mama, and the like.

You can't tho, some women are just about that life. I'm not but I think that not everyone can get married/nor wants to so there's an alternative. That's why I believe polygamy and prostitution should be legal.

 

[barbiesocialite]

Meh, probably maybe they cheated in past life who knows. I believe in it. People do what they do not my problem either way.

people who are cheated on were cheaters in a past life?

so wouldn't that make everyone in the situation a guilty party and cheater?

if that's the case. all is fair in love and war.

 

[SophieDulce]

people who are cheated on were cheaters in a past life? so wouldn't that make everyone in the situation a guilty party and cheater? if that's the case. all is fair in love and war.

I think people who get cheated on may have life lessons they need to learn or karamic debt they need to pay off. I believe in "you reap what you sow." I can only speak for myself in that I don't want any energy on my soul in contributing to the potential demise of a family. What other women choose to do is none of my business.

 

[barbiesocialite]

I think people who get cheated on may have life lessons they need to learn. I believe in "you reap what you sow." I can only speak for myself in that I don't want any energy on my soul in contributing to the potential demise of a family. What other women choose to do is none of my business.

I'm just trying to understand correctly, is cheating an act of karma or reaping what one sows?

well I guess they are both the same. so in a way, that means you're saying it's out of one's immediate control. They clearly did something in a past life or did something awful to someone to attract a spouse that cheats on them--regardless if they were a mistress themselvrs or not. Nonethelss, I think I'm understanding you correctly, in the event of cheating the cheated on derved to be cheated on because they were cheaters in a past life, and the cheaters will be cheated on eventually because they cheated?

I kinda understand what you are saying. makes sense. karma or not, people ultimately only get what they sow. Guess this kinda goes back to my post upthread, g-d makes no mistakes.

 

[FemmeFatale]

you should try harder. Because by the looks of things doesnt seem like that's the message being sold in this thread. Fight for you POV to save the souls.

Ok girl, you got it lol.

 

[dicapr]

Girl I'm trying to save someone from the high likelihood of a drama, a beat down, being a baby mama, and the like.

Don't waste your keystrokes. I have a friend who is always making some excuse about being with someone else's man. She felt all justified until the main chick started stalking her, showed up at her house trying to knock her out, following her around town, ect. Then she wanted to say main chick was crazy, they all needed to be adults ect. Women who are the side chick/mistress believe that they will never run into a crazy main chick. Truthfully most of them won't. But when their luck Runs out the want to cry innocent victim.

 

[jennboo]

See, this is why i'm lackadaisical about marriage. I don't know that either partner could be sexually satisfied for the duration of a marriage or maintain adequate sexual stimulation and desire for the long haul with the same person.

I'm of the opinion that men do not want to be monogamous. They may tough it out for a while, maybe even a long while, but they naturally desire sexual variety. I'd hate to be the chick that my husband looks at with lukewarm 'desire' while he experiences mind-blowing, passionate sexual feelings for someone else. My ego would not be able to handle it lol. One of my worst fears is ending up the stereotypical, frumpy, bad-bodied nagging wife with a life revolving around children and taking care of household duties.

There has got to be a better, happier way.

 

[mychai]

You know, the way people on LHCF use money/entertainment/material things to justify any and everything, you would think that 99% of us were living subsistence lifestyles.

It's really not that serious. It's good to have a financially generous man, but that's just one quality. If you're with a married man, what other qualities will you actually get to benefit from? Stop and think about whether being with an unavailable man is really that attractive.

Yes there are a lot of lonely married people. But obviously a person who doesn't have the skills to deepen the intimacy in his primary relationship will expect you to do all of the intimacy work in your relationship with him. So even if you get the "marriage prize" you're still married to a lemon, in a way.

Being a mistress is not a dating strategy. It's for women who are hiding. If that's what you want to do, fine. Just know that there's a cost. Not just to the family of the man you are with, you pay a price too. You learn to be very comfortable with a superficial level of intimacy. You learn to be comfortable with callousness. You learn to accept that your needs will never be paramount. Ultimately, being with a married man is an emotionally abusive relationship, IMO, and the coping strategies that long-term mistresses develop to function can have detrimental effects on future relationships.

 

[ThirdEyeBeauty]

See, this is why i'm lackadaisical about marriage. I don't know that either partner could be sexually satisfied for the duration of a marriage or maintain adequate sexual stimulation and desire for the long haul with the same person.

I'm of the opinion that men do not want to be monogamous. They may tough it out for a while, maybe even a long while, but they naturally desire sexual variety. I'd hate to be the chick that my husband looks at with lukewarm 'desire' while he experiences mind-blowing, passionate sexual feelings for someone else. My ego would not be able to handle it lol. One of my worst fears is ending up the stereotypical, frumpy, bad-bodied nagging wife with a life revolving around children and taking care of household duties.

There has got to be a better, happier way.

Me too. He would have to practically demand marriage before I consider it.

 

[SurferBabe]

The moral fabric of society will be fine. People have been cheating since the beginning of time and before then. If anything, people are more faithful and "virtuous" now than they were back in the day.

Go back a few hundred years and you'd be hard pressed to find a man of a certain status who didn't have a female companion (or companions) outside of his marriage. You had common street walkers, brothel workers, mistresses, middle-class escorts, and high-class escorts (courtesans). In Ancient Greece, high-class escorts were among the only women allowed to debate politics and philosophy with men and become independently wealthy. They were the most educated and influential women in Ancient Greece. This trend continued throughout Western society and in many societies outside of the west until cultures started doing away with dowries and bride price thus making it possible for anyone and everyone to get married.

Women were getting it in, too. Half of our grandfathers probably aren't our real grandfathers. It's not like they were doing paternity tests back then. I grew up hearing stories about the milk man sneaking out the back door while the repair man was hiding under the bed.

I think people have more incentive to stay faithful nowadays and so it is expected. We can choose our own marriage partners and we get married much older than we used to. Women are free to test the goods before marriage so we don't get stuck in a lifelong commitment with bad sex. There really is no excuse for the average Joe or Jane to step outside of the marriage. But alas, most people settle so I get it.

I wouldn't be a mistress but would I turn down the offer to be a female companion to a married wealthy, powerful man? Probably not. In some circles it is still quite common and somewhat acceptable. The wife knows it is going on and she doesn't care. They married for status and not love. I don't want his love, I just want the adventure without the attachment. However, I'd have no desire to get in between a loving relationship between a committed husband and wife because I don't want to get caught up in other people's drama and emotions.

 

[ThirdEyeBeauty]

You know, the way people on LHCF use money/entertainment/material things to justify any and everything, you would think that 99% of us were living subsistence lifestyles.

It's really not that serious. It's good to have a financially generous man, but that's just one quality. If you're with a married man, what other qualities will you actually get to benefit from? Stop and think about whether being with an unavailable man is really that attractive.

Yes there are a lot of lonely married people. But obviously a person who doesn't have the skills to deepen the intimacy in his primary relationship will expect you to do all of the intimacy work in your relationship with him. So even if you get the "marriage prize" you're still married to a lemon, in a way.

Being a mistress is not a dating strategy. It's for women who are hiding. If that's what you want to do, fine. Just know that there's a cost. Not just to the family of the man you are with, you pay a price too. You learn to be very comfortable with a superficial level of intimacy. You learn to be comfortable with callousness. You learn to accept that your needs will never be paramount. Ultimately, being with a married man is an emotionally abusive relationship, IMO, and the coping strategies that long-term mistresses develop to function can have detrimental effects on future relationships.

Well said. I agree. It changes you and not for the better.

 

[CaraWalker]

theres actually a lot of literature out there making a scientifically based argument that humans are not predisposed to monogamous mating and its just a side effect of switching from nomadic hunting and gathering to an industrial-based economy. they do a lot of studies comparing humans to the way the societies of our closest monkey relatives function.

basically monogamy is a new invention and one that humans are not particularly well suited to.

 

[barbiesocialite]

The moral fabric of society will be fine. People have been cheating since the beginning of time and before then. If anything, people are more faithful and "virtuous" now than they were back in the day.

Go back a few hundred years and you'd be hard pressed to find a man of a certain status who didn't have a female companion (or companions) outside of his marriage. You had common street walkers, brothel workers, mistresses, middle-class escorts, and high-class escorts (courtesans). In Ancient Greece, high-class escorts were among the only women allowed to debate politics and philosophy with men and become independently wealthy. They were the most educated and influential women in Ancient Greece. This trend continued throughout Western society and in many societies outside of the west until cultures started doing away with dowries and bride price thus making it possible for anyone and everyone to get married.

Women were getting it in, too. Half of our grandfathers probably aren't our real grandfathers. It's not like they were doing paternity tests back then. I grew up hearing stories about the milk man sneaking out the back door while the repair man was hiding under the bed.

I think people have more incentive to stay faithful nowadays and so it is expected. We can choose our own marriage partners and we get married much older than we used to. Women are free to test the goods before marriage so we don't get stuck in a lifelong commitment with bad sex. There really is no excuse for the average Joe or Jane to step outside of the marriage. But alas, most people settle so I get it.

I wouldn't be a mistress but would I turn down the offer to be a female companion to a married wealthy, powerful man? Probably not. In some circles it is still quite common and somewhat acceptable. The wife knows it is going on and she doesn't care. They married for status and not love. I don't want his love, I just want the adventure without the attachment. However, I'd have no desire to get in between a loving relationship between a committed husband and wife because I don't want to get caught up in other people's drama and emotions.

I think there are a lot of naive women in the world. They get caught up in tv, romance novels and disney princesses. When the find out the truth--the ugly ugly ugly truth--about how effed up human beings are they can't handle it, feel let down and their feelings are hurt. Suddenly morality, or lack thereof, is the reason they arent living a perfect life or responsible for a personal inability to handle disappointment and imperfection.

 

[barbiesocialite]

Random but fluffyforever mentioned it upthread, are there any women with minimal or no interest in monogamy? or would cheat on their spouses?

I'm not so sure how I feel about monogamy. I'm not really into sex but I think I'm prone to emotional infidelity. I will check hell out. There are also a few other things that I wont mention in this thread but I'm not so sure I would commit to being faithful. Commit to marriage, yes. Commit to fidelity, idk.

Cheating is also something I've never worried about in my own relationships. The way I see it, people will do what they want. For the most part I dont care what people do when they are not with me, including SO. After all, there's nothing I can do about---they are not here.

 

[Mortons]

Everyone does not have the same kind of values or life. I would prefer someone who has little time for me at this point in my life and has the cash to hand out. It's the truth. I would rather at least leave a relationship with a padded bank account but slightly disappointed rather than leave with more debt, a bank account on e, and heart broken. That last one is fine for other women who live a whimsical life. I'm much more practical about my life at this point.

 

[jennboo]

The older i get and the more ish i see, the more apparent it has become that what has been largely upheld as 'right' and 'proper' is actually in such stark contrast to our most base feelings as far as intimacy is concerned. Sometimes i wonder if the status quo of corralling ones mate into a lifetime of monogamy is an act of love or an act of aggression.

 

[Mortons]

theres actually a lot of literature out there making a scientifically based argument that humans are not predisposed to monogamous mating and its just a side effect of switching from nomadic hunting and gathering to an industrial-based economy. they do a lot of studies comparing humans to the way the societies of our closest monkey relatives function. basically monogamy is a new invention and one that humans are not particularly well suited to.

Human females are predisposed to hoe activities to better the human race actually.

 

[barbiesocialite]

The older i get and the more ish i see, the more apparent it has become that what has been largely upheld as 'right' and 'proper' is actually in such stark contrast to our most base feelings as far as intimacy is concerned. Sometimes i wonder if the status quo of corralling ones mate into a lifetime of monogamy is an act of love or an act of aggression.

now this is thought-provoking.

I think I need to marinate on this one.

 

[brownb83]

The older i get and the more ish i see, the more apparent it has become that what has been largely upheld as 'right' and 'proper' is actually in such stark contrast to our most base feelings as far as intimacy is concerned. Sometimes i wonder if the status quo of corralling ones mate into a lifetime of monogamy is an act of love or an act of aggression.

It's about control. We don't like what we (humans) can't control.

 

[CaraWalker]

Human females are predisposed to hoe activities to better the human race actually.

i actually think the argument could be made that a.) decrying an evolution of human behavior just because it's different from the way things used to be is not really a valid pov - that just because humans didn't used to be monogamous isnt reason enough to say humans SHOULDNT be monogamous, or that its not a valid progression of human behavior...

or b.) that the emotional drama/passions/intensities that come with being or struggling to be monogamous (the passions of cheating, for example; freud had a theory about people cheating in order to feel close to their primary partner) serve to feed some deeply ingrained human social needs.

but im sort of indifferent on the whole issue. all of the arguments for and against monogamy are plausible and defensible. i have a good feeling on where i stand on the monogamy line, and various economical/sociological/pyschological/biological rhetoric to back it up

 

[ThirdEyeBeauty]

If not an act of aggression then perhaps an act of possessiveness. When I was younger I never wanted to get married. Now, I might for the right man. He needs to be well off, generous, and kind. I don't want to think about the other stuff discussed here lol.

 

[barbiesocialite]

If not an act of aggression then perhaps an act of possessiveness. When I was younger I never wanted to get married. Now, I might for the right man. He needs to be well off, generous, and kind. I don't want to think about the other stuff discussed here lol.

why not?...