Can You Be A Mistress?

[barbiesocialite]

I totally agree. I've had things happen to me that I wanted to run and share in OT but I was like... pass....

I didn't pm the poster but I'm definetly of the camp she should have deleted that post.

I'm a fairly open sharer who's not anonymous but realistically speaking I don't think its fair to hold others to my standards. I can take ish. I know how to deal with it or handle it. But ime here that's not most posters. anonymous or known. That poster will never be able to be an active poster on here without that bit being thrown in her face later. Her choice is to take it like G or get run off from embarrassment or humiliation. People talk ish about me or attempt to come for me all the time. They fail miserably. But that's not most people. I've seen posters truly hurt on or off line by people using their openness against them. Its effed up. I'm not the most sensitive person in the world so when it happens to my people all I can do is listen or try to take up for them. But most times they are too through after the event. It takes a lot to get those posters to come back to the board or post again after experiencing people be so cruel to them for no reason at all. Its sick, sick, sick.

 

[barbiesocialite]

Omg I just had a flashback.

In college me and my friend went to this celebrity basketball tournament. We were in our early twenties and after the tournamennt we were approached by these suuuper sexy groups of undercover detectives/cops who were all in their late thirties to mid forties. When i mean they were sexy, every one was fione with curly hair and bodies built like adonis.There four of us and four of them. 2 were married, 1 single and the other dicorced (my guy). Check it, why did they take us to their married friends' mansion for a fight party. His wife was there and everything. And a couple married couples. No one said a word. Those dudes were sooooo thirsty and pressed. We spent alllll of their money that day, it was so fun! But If that was my husband I woulda pissed. He wouldn't have any friends for like five years. Ninja on time out indefinitely.

I dated my guy for a few weeks, my home girl briefly talked to married guy and the rest went about their business. Now 2 of us are married, I've been engaged 50-11 times and only one of us is single (but none of the guys liked her then anyway, she chased them)

Different strokes for different folks!

 

[Honey Bee]

However, when it comes in the posture of "I might be open to being a mistress because idgaf and if you have a problem with that then you should know it's likely for men to cheat" then devolves into a discussion of the history and value of mistressdom, that is where it comes across as condonation.
...

I'm getting disgust at the idea of "it happens so idgaf because it was happening before me so let me run down history and act like you're silly when you disagree with me." People tend not to like the sleight of hand with any topic, not just this one. I'll repeat: it's circular.

You're allowed to be disgusted.

Don't mind me, with my reality-based sense of perspective. And you're right, it was silly of me to think St Augustine could make a bunch of self-professed Christians see reason.

Keep believing that you can raise a community of whole adults with their parents swapping partners every few years. It's worked so well thus far.

 

[curlytwirly06]

All of these posts have really been eye opening. They made me go to my parents and have a conversation with them about the trials of their 30+ year marriage.

They talked about all the terrible fights they have had. Some I was to young to remember and some I did. Neither of them have ever been unfaithful to the other and neither of them have ever looked at other people. I asked them what stopped them even in the hardest parts of their marriage and through the arguments and strife. My mom said even though there were times where she felt like she couldn't be under the same roof with him but she never hated him and knew that he loved her. He was a good man but imperfect just as she was. They vowed in the beginning that no matter how difficult it got they would try their hardest to work past it. My dad said that the idea of breaking up his family tore his heart apart. He could not risk losing my mother no matter how difficult things got. Cheating was never an option because he knew that he would never be able to call himself a man if he did. He would never feel like a worthy husband or father ever again. He would lose not just the trust if his children but his marriage as well. My mother would never take him back after an affair. He said losing her forever is not a reality he could deal with. While times were not always perfect at home he loved his family and nothing but The Lord came before that.

He told me a story about his younger days when he was at his office and this white young intern stayed flirting with him and inviting him out for drinks even though she knew he was married. He said that he got some of my mothers ultrasound pictures (she was pregnant with me at the time) and put them in frames around his desk and office so you would have to see them when you walk in. He said he made it a point to talk about his lovely pregnant wife and two kids at home every time she made a pass. Needless to say, she got the picture.

I really respect my parents. Their not perfect and sometimes I really get angry with them but they tried their hardest to do right by their children and each other.

 

[ThirdEyeBeauty]

I don't understand the posters that say they could possibly be a mistress but their (future) husband better not think to have one for himself. How does that work?

 

[barbiesocialite]

All of these posts have really been eye opening. They made me go to my parents and have a conversation with them about the trials of their 30+ year marriage.

They talked about all the terrible fights they have had. Some I was to young to remember and some I did. Neither of them have ever been unfaithful to the other and neither of them have ever looked at other people. I asked them what stopped them even in the hardest parts of their marriage and through the arguments and strife. My mom said even though there were times where she felt like she couldn't be under the same roof with him but she never hated him and knew that he loved her. He was a good man but imperfect just as she was. They vowed in the beginning that no matter how difficult it got they would try their hardest to work past it. My dad said that the idea of breaking up his family tore his heart apart. He could not risk losing my mother no matter how difficult things got. Cheating was never an option because he knew that he would never be able to call himself a man if he did. He would never feel like a worthy husband or father ever again. He would lose not just the trust if his children but his marriage as well. My mother would never take him back after an affair. He said losing her forever is not a reality he could deal with. While times were not always perfect at home he loved his family and nothing but The Lord came before that.

He told me a story about his younger days when he was at his office and this white young intern stayed flirting with him and inviting him out for drinks even though she knew he was married. He said that he got some of my mothers ultrasound pictures (she was pregnant with me at the time) and put them in frames around his desk and office so you would have to see them when you walk in. He said he made it a point to talk about his lovely pregnant wife and two kids at home every time she made a pass. Needless to say, she got the picture.

I really respect my parents. Their not perfect and sometimes I really get angry with them but they tried their hardest to do right by their children and each other.

Great post!

I can't imagine my father or maternal grandfather cheating. Like ever. First they are too introverted and emotionally lazy, second the love their wives solo much. Now my grandmother a d mother, I don't trust den heauxs. They aren't flirters but they are so introverted and secrerative I can see them doing dirt in their younger years making their men cry behind closed doors.

Now my paternal grandfather, I kinda think he's had a mistress or cheated. He's super successful, accomplished and handsome down to the salt n pepper hair and he works out and plays tennis regularly. He's also been with my grandma since they were 14. My paternal grandmother is the only female relative I've senlen act jealous---and we were in church!

Them again it could be that no one would want my dad or maternal grandfather but their wives. A lot of chicks want my paternal grandaddy

So for me, I attract my father but my paternal grandfather is my ideal. I think my he stressed out my paternal GMA which is why she'll probably die before him whereas my matetnal GMA husband died before her. Not that much of a narcissist like my maternal gma who acts like she wants to live forever. For me, I'd rather enjoy today and let tomorrow take care of itself. Kinda like my fave quote from my favorite movie, Scarlett O'Hara who said: " I won't worry about that today, I'll worry about it tomorrow"

 

[Honey Bee]

I don't understand the posters that say they could possibly be a mistress but their (future) husband better not think to have one for himself. How does that work?

Everything ain't fair. Some people refuse to follow the rules.

 

[barbiesocialite]

I don't understand the posters that say they could possibly be a mistress but their (future) husband better not think to have one for himself. How does that work?

Selfishness.
I'm selfish and I'm a dick

Aye what can I say. I want what I want. Fairness doeant roll with me. *ye shrug*

 

[FemmeFatale]

You're allowed to be disgusted. Don't mind me, with my reality-based sense of perspective. And you're right, it was silly of me to think St Augustine could make a bunch of self-professed Christians see reason. Keep believing that you can raise a community of whole adults with their parents swapping partners every few years. It's worked so well thus far.

You seem to have the biggest gripe against Christians and I don't get why.. Why do they bother you so much?

 

[Honey Bee]

My dad said that the idea of breaking up his family tore his heart apart. He could not risk losing my mother no matter how difficult things got. Cheating was never an option because he knew that he would never be able to call himself a man if he did. He would never feel like a worthy husband or father ever again.

Great post!
First they are too introverted and emotionally lazy, second the love their wives solo much.

I'm starting to trust that SO is like this. At first, I didn't quite believe it, tbh. But he *is* lazy. And sentimental. Like, he'd never even want a threesome, he's into ME. If he actually did cheat, I suspect he'd feel guilty enough to stay, again, with full knowledge of my plan should shtf.

I still don't entirely trust it, though, and as a general life rule, I always plan for the worst.

 

[ThirdEyeBeauty]

I appreciate the honesty and explaining that fairness is not a part of the game.

I like how your father handled that intern curlytwirly06.

 

[barbiesocialite]

I'm starting to trust that SO is like this. At first, I didn't quite believe it, tbh. But he *is* lazy. And sentimental. Like, he'd never even want a threesome, he's into ME. If he actually did cheat, I suspect he'd feel guilty enough to stay, again, with full knowledge of my plan should shtf.

I still don't entirely trust it, though, and as a general life rule, I always plan for the worst.

Let me overshare one more bit of honesty....

My nightmare is husband that doesn't want thressomes. And that's all I get are these goody two shoes men that always wanna do the right thing. Like my boring arse daddy. Yo, why can't we be ratchet sometimes and get it in buckwild then pretend it never bappened.

Eta: I mentioned her up thread but I relate soooo much to Syleena Johnson. All her hubby wants is all of her, at and her love. He's never cheated, she has. She is the one that wants a threesome, all he wants is more sex with her.

 

[Honey Bee]

You seem to have the biggest gripe against Christians and I don't get why.. Why do they bother you so much?

Gripe?! Not at all. (As a matter of fact, I'm having a preacher and his wife over to the house today.) I am, however, often amused by the fact that they don't know their own texts (or apply them) and I'll admit that I take great joy in enlightening them.

 

[FemmeFatale]

All of these posts have really been eye opening. They made me go to my parents and have a conversation with them about the trials of their 30+ year marriage. They talked about all the terrible fights they have had. Some I was to young to remember and some I did. Neither of them have ever been unfaithful to the other and neither of them have ever looked at other people. I asked them what stopped them even in the hardest parts of their marriage and through the arguments and strife. My mom said even though there were times where she felt like she couldn't be under the same roof with him but she never hated him and knew that he loved her. He was a good man but imperfect just as she was. They vowed in the beginning that no matter how difficult it got they would try their hardest to work past it. My dad said that the idea of breaking up his family tore his heart apart. He could not risk losing my mother no matter how difficult things got. Cheating was never an option because he knew that he would never be able to call himself a man if he did. He would never feel like a worthy husband or father ever again. He would lose not just the trust if his children but his marriage as well. My mother would never take him back after an affair. He said losing her forever is not a reality he could deal with. While times were not always perfect at home he loved his family and nothing but The Lord came before that. He told me a story about his younger days when he was at his office and this white young intern stayed flirting with him and inviting him out for drinks even though she knew he was married. He said that he got some of my mothers ultrasound pictures (she was pregnant with me at the time) and put them in frames around his desk and office so you would have to see them when you walk in. He said he made it a point to talk about his lovely pregnant wife and two kids at home every time she made a pass. Needless to say, she got the picture. I really respect my parents. Their not perfect and sometimes I really get angry with them but they tried their hardest to do right by their children and each other.

Thanks for sharing this, I hope that people can read this and understand that while marriage is hard work, not every man is a nasty thoughtless thot and there are men that try their best

 

[Honey Bee]

Let me overshare one more bit of honesty....

My nightmare is husband that doesn't want thressomes. And that's all I get are these goody two shoes men that always wanna do the right thing. Like my boring arse daddy. Yo, why can't we be ratchet sometimes and get inlt in buckwild then pretend it never bappened.

Keeping it 100, I would have agreed with you before I met him. He's so freaking morally upright*, it's interesting to observe. We're of the same mind on most things, sex is where I diverge from the morally-upright crew. Suffice it to say, I'm working on him, but his line seems to be third parties. Good thing I already got it out of my system.

*when I divulged my plan to put a 'boot' on his penis , he looked equal parts shocked, intrigued (at my presumed skill level), and... 'relieved'? that I do, in fact, have a plan for everything. As I said earlier in the thread, if he cheated/ took a mistress, I would assume he'd lost his mind. Apparently, so would he.

 

[FemmeFatale]

Gripe?! Not at all. (As a matter of fact, I'm having a preacher and his wife over to the house today.) I am, however, often amused by the fact that they don't know their own texts (or apply them) and I'll admit that I take great joy in enlightening them.

Nah you've made a few comments here alone to make me think otherwise.

I don't go into astrology/metaphysical/witchcraft threads nor do I shade people about their beliefs, even those are into satanism.. I ignore it all and stay in my lane.

 

[barbiesocialite]

Keeping it 100, I would have agreed with you before I met him. He's so freaking morally upright*, it's interesting to observe. We're of the same mind on most things, sex is where I diverge from the morally-upright crew. Suffice it to say, I'm working on him, but his line seems to be third parties. Good thing I already got it out of my system.

*when I divulged my plan to put a 'boot' on his penis , he looked equal parts shocked, intrigued (at my presumed skill level), and... 'relieved'? that I do, in fact, have a plan for everything. As I said earlier in the thread, if he cheated/ took a mistress, I would assume he'd lost his mind. Apparently, so would he.

Ahh I faith in y'all, he'll give in eventually but pron won't talk to your arse for 4-6 months

I think this thread is a testament to:

Good boys like bad girls.
Bad boys like good girls.

 

[barbiesocialite]

Nah you've made a few comments here alone to make me think otherwise.

I don't go into astrology/metaphysical/witchcraft threads nor do I shade people about their beliefs, even those are into satanism.. I ignore it all and stay in my lane.

Rewind are you calling Honey Bee a witch???? That's not right and that's not fair. What does witchcraft or astrology have to do with this topic?

 

[Honey Bee]

Nah you've made a few comments here alone to make me think otherwise.

I don't go into astrology/metaphysical/witchcraft threads nor do I shade people about their beliefs, even those are into satanism.. I ignore it all and stay in my lane.

When you use your religious text as the basis for your opinion, 'the door has been opened', no?

I actually agree with you generally, which is why I avoid the Christianity forum like the plague.

 

[Honey Bee]

Rewind are you calling @Honey Bee a witch???? That's not right and that's not fair. What does witchcraft or astrology have to do with this topic?

Don't worry about it. I think it was slight shade, but who can tell with so much of it flying all up and through this thread? Christians always call people who utilize (God's ) herbs witches, I'm cool.

 

[FelaShrine]

There's a witchcraft thread?

 

[ThirdEyeBeauty]

Let me overshare one more bit of honesty....

My nightmare is husband that doesn't want thressomes. And that's all I get are these goody two shoes men that always wanna do the right thing. Like my boring arse daddy. Yo, why can't we be ratchet sometimes and get it in buckwild then pretend it never bappened.

Eta: I mentioned her up thread but I relate soooo much to Syleena Johnson. All her hubby wants is all of her, at and her love. He's never cheated, she has. She is the one that wants a threesome, all he wants is more sex with her.

You can have the guy that wanted a date with me. He didn't say but he implied the wiliness for threesomes, foursomes, orgies, and everything with anybody available--women and men. He wants a wife but he also wants a free-spirited sexual relationship. He can get extremely buckwild...extremely. I knew right away I could not handle him.

 

[CaraWalker]

No one is shocked that spouses cheat and that long marriages have been long suffering. It is the invocation of these facts to defend "why yes I would because idgaf. It already happens" that is putting ppl off, accompanied by the sleight of hand that comes with calling ppl naive like the concept we are discussing isn't fairly simple. No one is shocked by cheating or the commonality of it, and there's room for naïveté in all sides of the discussion. For instance, I don't take seriously a claim that someone would be unbothered by the cheating of a future spouse when they are bothered that strangers don't agree with their comments on a message board. Your sensitivity about one thing betrays your claims about nonchalance for the other thing. It's bravado. Now, this doesn't include Barbie bc she already said she'd cuss everybody out, and she tends not to care who agrees with her or who doesn't. But some posters are like "nah, I don't love em. Marriage isn't simply about love. I do what I want!" And then wanna call ppl naive and stuff when people post in reply. Which is why I'm thinking....no, honey. You're not about that life either--you just aren't there yet.

the thing that bothers me about these threads is people take one instance of disagreement and extrapolate it into a whole new theory. i think you are making huge assumptions because since you are excluding barbie, i havent seen anyone else in this thread really elaborate on their personal feelings about love and relationships.

my stance on this issue is this: i dont care about mistresses. i dont care about women who are mistresses. i dont care about wives whose husbands have mistresses. but a mistress scenario would not be acceptable in MY relationships. i have no interest in being a mistress in someone else's relationships. and i would live dissolve the marriage, at least socially, if my husband had a mistress. it seems like you are saying the two cant exist at the same time - how can one be indifferent on adultery while being decided opposing to it personally? the same way everything else exists in the world that i dont care about its not me and mine so idgaf what other people do. its that simple. something not being right FOR ME personally doesnt mean i have an opinion on it being right or wrong for someone else.

where is this idea about love mattering or not mattering coming from? personally my beef with this thread is not that people are naive, or that people believe or dont believe whatever about love in marriage. i am just wondering why people care so much about women who are mistresses. as long as she's not ****ing your husband, why would you have an opinion on it?

i just am not interested with what other people do with their lives, frankly.

 

[barbiesocialite]

You can have the guy that wanted a date with me. He didn't say but he implied the wiliness for threesomes, foursomes, orgies, and everything with anybody available--women and men. He wants a wife but he also wants a free-spirited sexual relationship. He can get extremely buckwild...extremely. I knew right away I could not handle him.

I probably couldn't control him.

I'm controlling and manipulative. :angeldevi

He probably wouldn't like.me.and I probably wouldn't like.him.

Applied to this *specific* aspect of relationships I will agree you usually.can't have it both ways. Not willing to be a kiss arse to get or deal with too much blatant disrespectful defiance to the bad boy.

 

[French Rouge]

Killacurls post is exactly why I would never be a mistress. I could not fathom being apart of something that would put another woman through hell, just so I could be some man's play thing.

 

[FemmeFatale]

Rewind are you calling Honey Bee a witch???? That's not right and that's not fair. What does witchcraft or astrology have to do with this topic?

No, I would've said it. You know, how like dirty whores become saved Christians.

My point was I don't go into those threads or shade people that have those beliefs if they mention something. I asked what her gripe with Christians since I've peeped some of side the comments.

 

[Naveah2050]

Killacurls post is exactly why I would never be a mistress. I could not fathom being apart of something that would put another woman through hell, just so I could be some man's play thing.

Me neither! I am so sorry @killacurls I could never cause another human being so much pain

 

[ThirdEyeBeauty]

I probably couldn't control him.

I'm controlling and manipulative. :angeldevi

He probably wouldn't like.me.and I probably wouldn't like.him.

Applied to this *specific* aspect of relationships I will agree you usually.can't have it both ways. Not willing to be a kiss arse to get or deal with too much blatant disrespectful defiance to the bad boy.

I think he would be right for the right person. He just needs someone who is willing to explore his sexual adventurous side. Other than that he is very ambitious in his career(s) [he is multi-talented in the arts and sciences] and cares about people in general. He just appears to have no limits sexually. With the right woman, he would be satisfied and have no reason to do things behind her back. He seems nice and caring. I just didn't want to waste his time.

 

[barbiesocialite]

Duplicate post...

 

[barbiesocialite]

the thing that bothers me about these threads is people take one instance of disagreement and extrapolate it into a whole new theory. i think you are making huge assumptions because since you are excluding barbie, i havent seen anyone else in this thread really elaborate on their personal feelings about love and relationships.

my stance on this issue is this: i dont care about mistresses. i dont care about women who are mistresses. i dont care about wives whose husbands have mistresses. but a mistress scenario would not be acceptable in MY relationships. i have no interest in being a mistress in someone else's relationships. and i would live dissolve the marriage, at least socially, if my husband had a mistress. it seems like you are saying the two cant exist at the same time - how can one be indifferent on adultery while being decided opposing to it personally? the same way everything else exists in the world that i dont care about its not me and mine so idgaf what other people do. its that simple. something not being right FOR ME personally doesnt mean i have an opinion on it being right or wrong for someone else.

where is this idea about love mattering or not mattering coming from? personally my beef with this thread is not that people are naive, or that people believe or dont believe whatever about love in marriage. i am just wondering why people care so much about women who are mistresses. as long as she's not ****ing your husband, why would you have an opinion on it?

i just am not interested with what other people do with their lives, frankly.

Insecurity is a mutha.

Either that or projection. Women are beta by nature. They love followers and people pleasers. If you color outside the lines they will wag and finger and snap a neck at you.

So applying these facts and such dynamics of impressionable thought, applying it to this topic---Its just the female nature. Annoying as it may be, can't really take too much offense because in that's how women are. *ye shrug*

You noticed there were crickets in the body shape thread where so many of our gorgeous lhcf members posted their smoking hot physiques.