Can You Be A Mistress?

[ambergirl]

I doubt the issues with fidelity are about insecurity for most people.

On the other hand, I have yet to met anyone deep into alternative sexual lifestyles or sexing married folks for sport who was emotionally healthy...and I know a lot because I live on the Left Coast. They've all been damaged in some way and struggle with making healthy connections.

 

[barbiesocialite]

I think he would be right for the right person. He just needs someone who is willing to explore his sexual adventurous side. Other than that he is very ambitious in his career(s) [he is multi-talented in the arts and sciences] and cares about people in general. He just appears to have no limits sexually. With the right woman, he would be satisfied and have no reason to do things behind her back. He seems nice and caring. I just didn't want to waste his time.

Maybe. But idk, if my ideal likes me I tend to run

I have severe test anxiety. Academic and personal, I'm very afraid of people who like me too much. I feel like I. Have to perform and deliver on spot. My psuedo SO said the "l-word" for the second time and my response was thank you. Well apparently, that was bad. We were supposed to talk face to face but I've been dodging him for two weeks.

 

[ThirdEyeBeauty]

Maybe. But idk, if my ideal likes me I tend to run

I have severe test anxiety. Academic and personal, I'm very afraid of people who like me too much. I feel like I. Have to perform and deliver on spot. My psuedo SO said the "l-word" for the second time and my response was thank you. Well apparently, that was bad. We were supposed to talk face to face but I've been dodging him for two weeks.

Wow, that just happened to me about 4 weeks ago. In the past I would say "thank you" too. I almost do every time. I think I said "why" this time. I was not expecting him to say it. I started to avoid him and now he has avoided me. I don't like the l-word unless it is an obvious part of the man's vocabulary and I can play off of it. This guy was dead serious. I was speechless.

 

[sj10460]

the thing that bothers me about these threads is people take one instance of disagreement and extrapolate it into a whole new theory. i think you are making huge assumptions because i havent seen anyone else in this thread really elaborate on their personal feelings about love and relationships.

my stance on this issue is this: i dont care about mistresses. i dont care about women who are mistresses. i dont care about wives whose husbands have mistresses. but a mistress scenario would not be acceptable in MY relationships. i have no interest in being a mistress in someone else's relationships. it seems like you are saying the two cant exist at the same time - how can one be indifferent on adultery while being decided opposing to it personally? the same way everything else exists in the world that i dont care about its not me and mine so idgaf what other people do. its that simple. something not being right FOR ME personally doesnt mean i have an opinion on it being right or wrong for someone else.

i just am not interested with what other people do with their lives, frankly.

This sums up my opinion on the issue and I kinda wrote something similar in one of my previous post. Basically, what works for one and what is acceptable for one, is just that- acceptable for THAT PERSON. Doesn't mean it works for me or mine. Frankly, I don't care what others do with their vaginas. I'm not screwing them or paying their bills, so get it how you get it. Just leave me and mines alone and we're good.

 

[barbiesocialite]

Has anyone else noticed a marital/relationship status theme with this thread?

 

[Honey Bee]

No, I would've said it. You know, how like dirty whores become saved Christians.

My point was I don't go into those threads or shade people that have those beliefs if they mention something. I asked what her gripe with Christians since I've peeped some of side the comments.

Is that what you took objection to? Nooo. I didn't mean that dirty whores exclusively become Christians. I meant that that would be the only acceptable narrative on a board of Christian wives.



eta: FemmeFatale

 

[barbiesocialite]

Is that what you took objection to? Nooo. I didn't mean that dirty whores exclusively become Christians. I meant that that would be the only acceptable narrative on a board of Christian wives.



eta: FemmeFatale

I think she told the truth.

It's always the birds or dirty whores that become saved or born again, just like she said.

I mean that's not shade at all, just the facts is all. It is what it is. No harm done. People are just different t. No oaths are new tho. There is plenty of research on the topic.

 

[Honey Bee]

Has anyone else noticed a marital/relationship status theme with this thread?

I am unable to prove my hypothesis.

eta: ...but on second thought, I don't think I'm right. I think it has more to do with personality type. Remember the INTJ thread?

 

[Ganjababy]

I think it's the norm in the Jamaican culture. Especially with the older generation. Proper kept mistresses.

 

[barbiesocialite]

I am unable to prove my hypothesis.

eta: ...but on second thought, I don't think I'm right. I think it has more to do with personality type. Remember the INTJ thread?

Ahhhhh maybe. Nice catch!There's def a Lil.myers Brigg's dynamic going on.

Also a few other things....

 

[Honey Bee]

I think she told the truth.

It's always the birds or dirty whores that become saved or born again, just like she said.

I mean that's not shade at all, just the facts is all. It is what it is. No harm done. People are just different t. No oaths are new tho. There is plenty of research on the topic.

I don't keep up with people's religious affiliations (unless they keep mentioning them) enough to have an opinion on this topic. That's why I was cracking up that she thought that. Idgaf, really. I'm interested in ancient texts, that's my knowledge limit on Christianity.

 

[barbiesocialite]

I don't keep up with people's religious affiliations (unless they keep mentioning them) enough to have an opinion on this topic. That's why I was cracking up that she thought that. Idgaf, really. I'm interested in ancient texts, that's my knowledge limit on Christianity.

But you know, I don't think they should be judged.

The Christians or the heathens.

People should be allowed to live lives that make them.the happiest and something they can personally live with

 

[Honey Bee]

I think it's the norm in the Jamaican culture. Especially with the older generation. Proper kept mistresses.

It's the norm in every culture. Most don't think it's worth blowing up a family over.

 

[ThirdEyeBeauty]

It's the norm in every culture. Most don't think it's worth blowing up a family over.

I think I would make him feel less of a man: say he is now a poor provider, poor father, poor husband, poor lover that I have no respect or trust for. He would definitely want a divorce from me or at least separate!

 

[Joigirl]

Let me overshare one more bit of honesty.... My nightmare is husband that doesn't want thressomes. And that's all I get are these goody two shoes men that always wanna do the right thing. Like my boring arse daddy. Yo, why can't we be ratchet sometimes and get it in buckwild then pretend it never bappened. Eta: I mentioned her up thread but I relate soooo much to Syleena Johnson. All her hubby wants is all of her, at and her love. He's never cheated, she has. She is the one that wants a threesome, all he wants is more sex with her.

Quite interesting. Have you asked your self why this need/want to push conventional boundaries?

 

[barbiesocialite]

Quite interesting. Have you asked your self why this need/want to push conventional boundaries?

I'm an arsehole and a sadist.

I love the thrill.

 

[InchHighPrivateEye]

You're allowed to be disgusted. Don't mind me, with my reality-based sense of perspective. And you're right, it was silly of me to think St Augustine could make a bunch of self-professed Christians see reason. Keep believing that you can raise a community of whole adults with their parents swapping partners every few years. It's worked so well thus far.

I'm not sure what you're talking about but have a great day!! It's pretty out where I am :reddancer:

Oh "I'm getting disgust" wasn't a typo for disgusted that means: "what I perceive here is disgust." I was like "chile, I'm disgusted? Whet!" And as for the swapping parents I still don't know what that's about or who that's for but yes good luck with that, as with everything.

 

[FemmeNoir]

I'm an arsehole and a sadist.

I love the thrill.

 

[InchHighPrivateEye]

I don't understand the posters that say they could possibly be a mistress but their (future) husband better not think to have one for himself. How does that work?

exceptionalism.

 

[InchHighPrivateEye]

Not that serious. Goodnight and good luck girls

 

[sj10460]

im excluding Barbie to the extent that she is so contradictory that her posts are always a great read. Never know what she's going to say except that it will be provocative. I don't agree or cosign, I just don't necessarily believe...because it may change in the next thread--no shade.

As for the rest of your post:is this directed at me? I'm doing all this? Or Is this a general thought? As for why people in general would care about mistressdom, I guess there would be various reasons like with anything else. There is quite a bit of acceptance of this in my dad's side of the family-my granddad had kids by a few different women and my grandmom knew the kids and let them visit. Well my mistress aunt was seeing this married man for years. Probably others but the one I know in particular ended up paying her mortgage and bought her a car, like he would be the one that made her a mistress. Anyway, when I was younger she was always kind of an amazon with her nice house in the country and this lady's husband. Now she is an old lady with her house in the country trying to guilt people into coming to see her way out there on holidays or take her to her dialysis. Girl, ummm. Stop that. I am not inviting her to my wedding because she just has this history of trying to hook married folks up with people. Well that and because...who is going to bring her. Nobody is driving way out there. My grandmother was also very pretty when she was younger and was a mistress while married to my grandfather. The man's wife ended killing my grandfather (whom I have never met, obvs) while my mom who was 5 was watching. So to answer your question about why ppl have an opinion on it...some people form opinions outside of Augustine and Euripides. And I am not upset (I have actually started taking Evening Primrose Oil again, which does wonders for my PMS, but that's neither here nor there), I don't see anyone else who is upset either, really aside from the usual fake accusations that other people are upset are thinking too hard because they don't agree with you. I just have a different perspective, a different opinion, and an ambivalence toward receiving street cred on a message board. (not directed at you in a snarky way carawalker, just generally).

this whole post confuses me and contradicts what you've stated earlier. Based on your family dynamics, this behavior is normal and something that should seem familiar to you. You just don't agree with it.

 

[InchHighPrivateEye]

this whole post confuses me and contradicts what you've stated earlier. Based on your family dynamics, this behavior is normal and something that should seem familiar to you. You just don't agree with it.

I never said it was unfamiliar. It's other posters acting like they invented the wheel by explaining hoe shyt like its a new innovative novel concept. I said I don't agree with it, not that I've never seen it or don't understand it. Again I ask: who among those that disagree with the "idgaf attitude" for mistresses has never seen it or didn't know people cheat? Like....do people honestly believe other ppl are naive? I thought it just made ppl feel better to type that No. I don't agree with it, which is what I've been saying.

Anyway, I came back to delete that because i have no reason to put folks business out there. You can unquote or keep it quoted. I'm out.

 

[barbiesocialite]

im excluding Barbie to the extent that she is so contradictory that her posts are always a great read. Never know what she's going to say except that it will be provocative. I don't agree or cosign, I just don't necessarily believe...because it may change in the next thread--no shade.

As for the rest of your post:is this directed at me? I'm doing all this? Or Is this a general thought? As for why people in general would care about mistressdom, I guess there would be various reasons like with anything else. There is quite a bit of acceptance of this in my dad's side of the family-my granddad had kids by a few different women and my grandmom knew the kids and let them visit. Well my mistress aunt was seeing this married man for years. Probably others but the one I know in particular ended up paying her mortgage and bought her a car, like he would be the one that made her a mistress. Anyway, when I was younger she was always kind of an amazon with her nice house in the country and this lady's husband. Now she is an old lady with her house in the country trying to guilt people into coming to see her way out there on holidays or take her to her dialysis. Girl, ummm. Stop that. I am not inviting her to my wedding because she just has this history of trying to hook married folks up with people. Well that and because...who is going to bring her. Nobody is driving way out there. My grandmother was also very pretty when she was younger and was a mistress while married to my grandfather. The man's wife ended killing my grandfather (whom I have never met, obvs) while my mom who was 5 was watching. So to answer your question about why ppl have an opinion on it...some people form opinions outside of Augustine and Euripides. And I am not upset (I have actually started taking Evening Primrose Oil again, which does wonders for my PMS, but that's neither here nor there), I don't see anyone else who is upset either, really aside from the usual fake accusations that other people are upset are thinking too hard because they don't agree with you. I just have a different perspective, a different opinion, and an ambivalence toward receiving street cred on a message board. (not directed at you in a snarky way carawalker, just generally).

this whole post confuses me and contradicts what you've stated earlier. Based on your family dynamics, this behavior is normal and something that should seem familiar to you. You just don't agree with it.

I love me some ihpe and I appreciate her posts in this thread as they have been, thorough and accurate. I don't agree with everything but eh waddudo, opinions are like buttholes

The irony is that I'm.not used to cheating. I've never been cheated on (that I know of) and the women close to me haven't been cheated on (that I know of). Maybe that's why I don't have emotional attachment to the behavior. I can't even fathom a man cheating on me. I can't even fathom my reaction. I'd go *** his brother or best friend if that happened to me. I think I'm probably pretty transparent which is prob why cheating isn't normal to.me and why I dont have a problem with it.

 

[sj10460]

I never said it was unfamiliar. It's other posters acting like they invented the wheel by explaining hoe shyt like its a new innovative novel concept. I said I don't agree with it. No. I don't agree with it. Is this not the whole point?

Anyway, I came back to delete that because i have no reason to put folks business out there. You can unquote or keep it quoted. I'm out.

No, you specifically said it wasn't normal...I've acknowledge that you don't agree with it. However, not agreeing with something that's common doesn't make it abnormal when in fact, it's normal to you. But I'm done.

 

[InchHighPrivateEye]

I love me some ihpe and I appreciate her posts in this thread as they have been, thorough and accurate. I don't agree with everything but eh waddudo, opinions are like buttholes The irony is that I'm.not used to cheating. I've never been cheated on (that I know of) and the women close to me haven't been cheated on (that I know of). Maybe that's why I don't have emotional attachment to the behavior. I can't even fathom a man cheating on me. I can't even fathom my reaction. I'd go *** his brother or best friend if that happened to me. I think I'm probably pretty transparent which is prob why cheating isn't normal to.me and why I dont have a problem with it.

yeah, I e-like you too. We don't have to agree--it's all love. Like, I'm pretty sure Fela* wouldn't agree with any of my posts at.all. And she's the ultimate of my fave posters. Like, it's a message board that's why I don't get why people are mad or like talking about "good luck, naive one." Like, why it gotta be like that?


*we know you're in here, lurking and keeping your **** off front street.

 

[InchHighPrivateEye]

No, you specifically said it wasn't normal...I've acknowledge that you don't agree with it. However, not agreeing with something that's common doesn't make it abnormal when in fact, it's normal to you. But I'm done.

it's not normal in my nuclear home with a mom a dad 2 brothers, a sister and a puppy. My aunt is the lonely old woman with the colostemy bag that interrupts Christmas by asking my dad (her brother) if he's finally coming to visit and my granny....I mean now that she's 78 ( I'm not being cruel. She is only now beginning to appear elderly, she's a good 78) feel like we're just about to be kind regardless, but she and my mom aren't that close so I've never really f*cked with her like that. I love her though but we've only recently started hanging out after the man I knew as my grandfather died and she started to physically resemble an elderly person to me and I see my mom starting to see her as an older lady now, instead of the flashy lady we are used to seeing. Still. When she refers to my grandfathers death as "after my first husband died" as if it was natural causes we're just like

Those weren't natural causes

No...it's not normal to me. I know it's nothing new but these things usually end pathetically in one way or another. I'm sure exceptionalism will allow us to dispute all the holes in everyone else's life and say why that wouldn't happen to us. And that's cool too. Be blessed with it. (And, no, I'm not talking directly to you or being shady.)

 

[DragonPearl]

I've never understood congratulating couples on staying married for long periods of time. Like 20+ yrs. And asking for advice from them...like please lol who cares? Maybe I'm bring cynical and shouldn't make assumptions. ...but if you've done something,anything, for 30yrs of course bad stuff has happened. ...you just decided to continue for whatever reason. "You've been married 30yrs omgggg how can I make my marriage work, too? !" Stay married, don't get divorced lol. Or is the question really "how do I prevent bad things from happening to something (anything ) until I die?" LOLZ.

Hey hey now, my post may not jive with the rest of the thread, I'm just skimming now. If it doesn't, my bad, homeslices.

I do congratulate long married couples because I like to give people the benefit of the doubt, but unless I know them intimately, I don't ask them for advice because I don't know the level of happiness in their long marriage. I have known too many people who are putting up a good front, married a long time and can barely stand each other, have no emotional intimacy, or are just together out of habit or fear of the unknown, or for monetary reasons. That wouldn't work for me. By the time I close my eyes and leave this earth, I intend to live this life to the fullest, and staying in an unhappy marriage is not part of the plan for me.

 

[CaraWalker]

I love me some ihpe and I appreciate her posts in this thread as they have been, thorough and accurate. I don't agree with everything but eh waddudo, opinions are like buttholes

The irony is that I'm.not used to cheating. I've never been cheated on (that I know of) and the women close to me haven't been cheated on (that I know of). Maybe that's why I don't have emotional attachment to the behavior. I can't even fathom a man cheating on me. I can't even fathom my reaction. I'd go *** his brother or best friend if that happened to me. I think I'm probably pretty transparent which is prob why cheating isn't normal to.me and why I dont have a problem with it.

I never said it was unfamiliar. It's other posters acting like they invented the wheel by explaining hoe shyt like its a new innovative novel concept. I said I don't agree with it, not that I've never seen it or don't understand it. Again I ask: who among those that disagree with the "idgaf attitude" for mistresses has never seen it or didn't know people cheat? Like....do people honestly believe other ppl are naive? I thought it just made ppl feel better to type that No. I don't agree with it, which is what I've been saying.

Anyway, I came back to delete that because i have no reason to put folks business out there. You can unquote or keep it quoted. I'm out.

yeah, I e-like you too. We don't have to agree--it's all love. Like, I'm pretty sure Fela* wouldn't agree with any of my posts at.all. And she's the ultimate of my fave posters. Like, it's a message board that's why I don't get why people are mad or like talking about "good luck, naive one." Like, why it gotta be like that?


*we know you're in here, lurking and keeping your **** off front street.

first of all i never accused anyone of being upset or thinking too much. i said, why does anyone care? because the reactions to me, specifically in your posts, come across as outsized to the actual opinions being expressed, and this is a good example of why. who is all this shade being directed to? why are people in here talking about "true love exists even if everyone wants to fake like its not" and "you gone learn one day" and all of this? like, honestly, i dont understand this reaction. and maybe you dont mean to sound as extreme as it's coming off, the same way im sitting here puzzled over why these posts sound so strong and wounded. me sitting here trying to figure out what you are talking about and to whom all these dire warnings are being directed = wth is the outrage here?

its like, i understand why mistresses are mistresses. i understand why husbands have mistresses. and i also understand how a wife's world can get turned upside down about a mistress. i understand and can empathize with every POV in that love triangle, but it's just that they all carry the same weight to me. none is more important or meaningful or noble than the other. so it's a wash for me. me wondering why anyone would get up in arms over anyone's role in the scenario is probably the same as people who come into race based threads and whine about how they don't get it and don't understand why anyone cares.

your posts are coming off as if you have a bone to pick with someone and nobody really knows who you are referring to or why unless im just out of the loop on it. you may not mean to sound that way, but thats how it sounds and thats why im going at what comes across as unwarranted force. i want to tell you to chill out but i dont like it when people tone police not knowing whether or not a person is really upset irl either its the internet it's hard to tell. but fyi, your posts are coming off as if you are personally offended.

 

[Kiadodie]

I'm an arsehole and a sadist.

I love the thrill.

Girl your posts crack me up and your honesty is refreshing.

 

[InchHighPrivateEye]

first of all i never accused anyone of being upset or thinking too much. i said, why does anyone care? because the reactions to me, specifically in your posts, come across as outsized to the actual opinions being expressed, and this is a good example of why. who is all this shade being directed to? why are people in here talking about "true love exists even if everyone wants to fake like its not" and "you gone learn one day" and all of this? like, honestly, i dont understand this reaction. and maybe you dont mean to sound as extreme as it's coming off, the same way im sitting here puzzled over why these posts sound so strong and wounded. me sitting here trying to figure out what you are talking about and to whom all these dire warnings are being directed = wth is the outrage here? its like, i understand why mistresses are mistresses. i understand why husbands have mistresses. and i also understand how a wife's world can get turned upside down about a mistress. i understand and can empathize with every POV in that love triangle, but it's just that they all carry the same weight to me. none is more important or meaningful or noble than the other. so it's a wash for me. me wondering why anyone would get up in arms over anyone's role in the scenario is probably the same as people who come into race based threads and whine about how they don't get it and don't understand why anyone cares. your posts are coming off as if you have a bone to pick with someone and nobody really knows who you are referring to or why unless im just out of the loop on it. you may not mean to sound that way, but thats how it sounds and thats why im going at what comes across as unwarranted force. i want to tell you to chill out but i dont like it when people tone police not knowing whether or not a person is really upset irl either its the internet it's hard to tell. but fyi, your posts are coming off as if you are personally offended.

wait the bolded was for Fela but I was joking! And,you're right, you didn't. I'm not personally offended (although I am offended at the idea that people have no shame) but the posts I was referring to were the ones toward the beginning of the thread where the poster with the Shirley temple wig and furs talking about if a woman wants to sleep with a married man she shouldn't feel bad "if she wants it" or another poster relaying the story of forgetting that a married man was married. First of all, I don't consider that mistressdom, but yes, if I had something in mind it was that in particular. I thought those things in particular were ridiculous, gutterbutt, and ratchet. Nothing I haven't seen before, but whenever I see it, I think it's ridiculous, gutterbutt, and a little sad.