Can You Be A Mistress?

[Bun Mistress]

As some one said up thread, many people are side pieces and just didn't know it.

Me personally sure, why not. If it wasn't my best friend (the wife) and if he pursued then you never know. I would have siad Heck no 10 years ago but lets get real. Never say never. It depedns on what you want and realistic expectations. he isn't going to leave his wife for you so don't go getting crazy, but if you and him are having fun, even in love. Then never say never.

 

[Bun Mistress]

What I think some women forget in the whole "well he's the married man and should know better mess" is that the wife is or was in love with him, not the "piece".

See if my husband was doing something like this, while I wouldn't want him, I'd be sure to mess up the trick, just because...well it would amuse me. So she could definitely have him and half of anything he's worth, (if that) if he wants her once I'm finished with her. Though I don't think he's want anything to do with her once my "hired party" was done. IMO If he's worth your face and potential life...hey go for it. Tor will make sure I stay out of jail.

Of course some women are nicer than I am, but I have a mean streak.

Why are women mad at the other woman? Is she your sister? Its your husband, misplaced anger????? Why not mess him up, he plegde to be with you forever and ever and whatebver.

Maybe I just don't understand marriage.

 

[Kilacurlz]

Why are women mad at the other woman? Is she your sister? Its your husband, misplaced anger????? Why not mess him up, he plegde to be with you forever and ever and whatebver. Maybe I just don't understand marriage.

Because you're in love with the man not the mistress. It's dumb, sure, but real. Your feelings didn't change; his did. I don't get how people DONT get it.

 

[Bun Mistress]

Its solves nothing. Its missed placed anger and makes you look silly. Yes one the childish simple level I get it. But unless you know the other woman tracked and hunted your man its not going to solve anything.

You can scare off 1 woman but he can go after another. You don't solve anything. He's a man, he won't think like you do.

I guess I remember the series where a man was going after this single woman she told is wife and the wife and her friends came after her not knowing she was a black belt. Needless to say they all got their butts kicked. I'm a back belt in two martial arts. So I find this type of conflict resolution unproductive.

 

[ambergirl]

Because you're in love with the man not the mistress. It's dumb, sure, but real. Your feelings didn't change; his did. I don't get how people DONT get it.

Right. I'm starting to think a lot of women on this board have never been in love. The lack of empathy is surprising.

 

[Bun Mistress]

I've been in love. I've never been silly. It must e a difference in age and or maturity.
The longer I'm on this board the less I feel a mature conversation can be had or is a reasonable goal.

 

[ambergirl]

I've been in love. I've never been silly. It must e a difference in age and or maturity. The longer I'm on this board the less I feel a mature conversation can be had or is a reasonable goal.

We just have different definitions of maturity, reasonable, silly, and probably love.

 

[Femmefatal1981]

Why are women mad at the other woman? Is she your sister? Its your husband, misplaced anger????? Why not mess him up, he plegde to be with you forever and ever and whatebver. Maybe I just don't understand marriage.

If you don't get that you don't understand relationships/emotions at all. Sometimes everyone must pay. Unless he lied to her she's as responsible as he is. Coveting your neighbors husband is a sin that you must answer for....don't worry about him, he'll pay too.

 

[junipertree]

Right. I'm starting to think a lot of women on this board have never been in love. The lack of empathy is surprising.

Some folks lack empathy. Simple. Why does it have to mean they've never been in love? You could never have been in love and still be empathetic (or been in love and not be empathetic) - the two are not mutually exclusive.

 

[Bun Mistress]

If you don't get that you don't understand relationships/emotions at all. Sometimes everyone must pay. Unless he lied to her she's as responsible as he is. Coveting your neighbors husband is a sin that you must answer for....don't worry about him, he'll pay too.

So what if she didn't know anything. He lied to the wife why couldn't he lie to her? And your response sounds more like being a victim than a woman.

I said on level I understand this response. I'm just not 22 anymore.

 

[ambergirl]

Some folks lack empathy. Simple. Why does it have to mean they've never been in love? You could never have been in love and still be empathetic (or been in love and not be empathetic) - the two are not mutually exclusive.

Fair enough But I Think they are related and I still wonder whether many women on this board have either been in love or felt truly loved.

 

[SophieDulce]

yes some married men lie and yes the man is 100% at fault for having a secret affair, but guess what by not vetting a man you put yourself at risk for getting damaged by a scorned wife. is it fair??nope. life isn't fair, make sure its worth it because a lot of women will blame both the man and the woman. I'm personally fc king them both up.

 

[Bun Mistress]

Hey hey. As long as you go after both people. That I understand. Lol! But seriously, I would deal with my at home problem. Before I went out in the streets making a fool of myself.

I come from the single women that has had plenty of married men come after me. I never pursued them. Never thought about it. And plenty of men in my life. Some one said you haven't been love if you done understand. How about loving yourself more? Love yourself enough to take mental care of yourself and not confront the wrong person. He wronged you.

 

[junipertree]

Fair enough But I Think they are related and I still wonder whether many women on this board have either been in love or felt truly loved.

And you are free to wonder that. It's just kind of a dig for no good reason. Can't everyone express their POV without the passive aggression? Now they may never have truly been loved? Ok.....

 

[ambergirl]

And you are free to wonder that. It's just kind of a dig for no good reason. Can't everyone express their POV without the passive aggression? Now they may never have truly been loved? Ok.....

What's passive aggressive about it? I stated my opinion you can either agree or disagree. And I purposefully did not quote anybody because I wasn't referring to just that one poster, it's a thought I think often in reading some of the posts in this forum.

 

[Bun Mistress]

It was passive aggressive. "Either you agree with me or you haven't been in love before. "
And yes everyone is entitled to their opinion. You shouldn't flippantly discard others opinions with suggestions like the about quoted.

Off topic. I apologize.

 

[ambergirl]

It was passive aggressive. "Either you agree with me or you haven't been in love before. " And yes everyone is entitled to their opinion. You shouldn't flippantly discard others opinions with suggestions like the about quoted. Off topic. I apologize.

Take it as you want. Your post sparked a thought that was bigger then you. If it's not true for you then it's not true for you.

 

[girlonfire]

I am very anti-adultery. I could fantasize all I want but I don't think I could really go through with it UNLESS there was a buttload of money in it for me somehow and I wouldn't feel like a prostitute.

 

[hopeful]

Right. I'm starting to think a lot of women on this board have never been in love. The lack of empathy is surprising.

I get what you are saying but your statement lacks quite a bit of empathy as well. If indeed you are correct about women never being in love, isn't that heartbreaking? It sounds like you are leaving yourself out of this grouping as well, kind of saying you have experienced a special love that has alluded most women, and women on this board in particular. I apologize if that is not what you are implying. Also, if your statement is true, I wouldn't think that it would be LHCF specific but perhaps true of many woman, period, regardless of race, being on this particular board, etc. Although if there is a female problem black women often suffer more for a myriad of reasons. I think unfortunately that the problem is not women not being in love, but women not being loved back.

 

[barbiesocialite]

I get what you are saying but your statement lacks quite a bit of empathy as well. If indeed you are correct about women never being in love, isn't that heartbreaking? It sounds like you are leaving yourself out of this grouping as well, kind of saying you have experienced a special love that has alluded most women, and women on this board in particular. I apologize if that is not what you are implying. Also, if your statement is true, I wouldn't think that it would be LHCF specific but perhaps true of many woman, period, regardless of race, being on this particular board, etc. Although if there is a female problem black women often suffer more for a myriad of reasons. I think unfortunately that the problem is not women not being in love, but women not being loved back.

Here comes hopeful, making too much sense as usual.

We have different stances on this topic but I have to admit, ita with everything you've said.

 

[Crackers Phinn]

Hopeful is one of the few on this board whose posts always makes me feel like I just got a hug and a mug full of hot cocoa.

 

[barbiesocialite]

Hopeful is one of the few on this board whose posts always makes me feel like I just got a hug and a mug full of hot cocoa.

right?

she's pretty awesome. It's like you HAVE to love her. that's why I think she has some of the most helpful relationship advice that others seek out.

 

[Femmefatal1981]

So what if she didn't know anything. He lied to the wife why couldn't he lie to her? And your response sounds more like being a victim than a woman. I said on level I understand this response. I'm just not 22 anymore.

Lol, oh ok. I see where this is going...

 

[Kilacurlz]

She knew he was married. I only confronted him but I get why some women confront the mistress and not necessarily the husband. That was the only point I was making. I would have preferred to confront them both.

 

[barbiesocialite]

She knew he was married. I only confronted him but I get why some women confront the mistress and not necessarily the husband. That was the only point I was making. I would have preferred to confront them both.

I don't mean to get all in your business but why didn't you confront the mistress?

 

[Kilacurlz]

I don't mean to get all in your business but why didn't you confront the mistress?

Because as irresponsible as her behavior was; he is my spouse. I wouldn't give her the satisfaction of watching me lose my career and potentially my spouse as well. As messed up as I have been over this that's what stopped me.

 

[SurferBabe]

Wow. I just ran into a situation that made me think of this thread.

I've been talking to a guy on and off for the past few months. I met him at work (he was doing some consulting there), and we hit it off right away. He lives in another state but travels frequently for work. He's come down once to see me since we first met and he was planning on coming down to see me again. We don't talk a whole lot since I'm not very attracted to him and he lives so far away, but I was willing to see if the attraction could grow. There were some things that seemed a bit off to me that I brushed off because I wasn't too into him.

My curiosity got the best of me and I did some intense internet searching. Turns out he's married. This information was very well hidden on the web.

It all makes sense now. I was browsing the wife's FB page where I saw his big head cheesing in wedding pics, and just felt so sad for her. Maybe she knows the type of man he is. For those wondering, he's black (island boy) and she's Hispanic.

I'm trying to decide if I should just fade away or bust him out. We haven't been intimate at all (Thank goodness!)... not even a kiss which has really frustrated him. What a skeeze.

 

[luckiestdestiny]

Its solves nothing. Its missed placed anger and makes you look silly. Yes one the childish simple level I get it. But unless you know the other woman tracked and hunted your man its not going to solve anything.


You can scare off 1 woman but he can go after another. You don't solve anything. He's a man, he won't think like you do.

I guess I remember the series where a man was going after this single woman she told is wife and the wife and her friends came after her not knowing she was a black belt. Needless to say they all got their butts kicked. I'm a back belt in two martial arts. So I find this type of conflict resolution unproductive.

No one cares about misplaced anger and looking silly . Hubby was cheating, and the woman is sitting there smirking talking about how it's not her fault he came to her and she doesn't care about marriages cause it's not hers(most times...not talking about those that don't know that the man is married).

Powder keg meet flame.

You're talking logic in a situation that is all emotion. Some can keep their cool some can't. Things can go from 0 to 10 really fast (and everywhere in between).

And the black belt thing, that's cute.
Black belts can't dodge a bullet.

People aren't rational and when you don't care about their life, sometimes they snap and don't care about yours either. Kinda like that movie : Unfaithful. You know that whole "not guilty by temporary insanity" thing? Well there's a reason for that. People temporarily lose it for all kinds of reasons and this is one of them. Watch an episode of Snapped and see what I'm saying. Sometimes people are so infuriated they flash in anger, react and are shocked at the aftermath.

I'm not saying I'd snap like that, but I'm saying I understand why others do. No one is blameless in these things. Either you had the lighter fluid or you had the match, you still started a flame (husband and mistress= snaped wife).

But now you wanna tell her to just deal with him when you added the lighter fluid to the match? Naw. It doesn't work that way. We're talking emotions of the heart. Some people will reflect, think about a situation but others...I'm not surprised when they snap because of the circumstances. It happens. Right or wrong.

 

[luckiestdestiny]

I appreciate @killaculz providing some much needed honest perspective btw. I am so sorry this happened to you.

 

[ambergirl]

I get what you are saying but your statement lacks quite a bit of empathy as well. If indeed you are correct about women never being in love, isn't that heartbreaking? It sounds like you are leaving yourself out of this grouping as well, kind of saying you have experienced a special love that has alluded most women, and women on this board in particular. I apologize if that is not what you are implying. Also, if your statement is true, I wouldn't think that it would be LHCF specific but perhaps true of many woman, period, regardless of race, being on this particular board, etc. Although if there is a female problem black women often suffer more for a myriad of reasons. I think unfortunately that the problem is not women not being in love, but women not being loved back.

I hear what you're saying but I don't think it is any less empathetic then some of the stuff ladies post on this forum regularly....regularly and it is rarely called out. In fact it's often celebrated. There are some mean and/or hard women on this forum and every time I see it I wonder about the presence of love in their lives which is why I made a one line observation in this thread.

I think the reason people are making a big to do about my simple one observation (actually posed as a question) that was not directed at a particular poster is that it is resonating with people. And it is sad...but that to me is an invitation to examine whether the perception of a lack of love is actually true for you (and it probably isn't for a lot of people even though they are choosing to see their lives that way because they may not have experienced the type of romantic love they desire) and based on that examination, determine what that means in terms of how they show up in the world and how they can expand the experience of love in their lives. What doesn't seem like a good path is to just continue being hard and hurtful.