Can You Be A Mistress?

Ganjababy said:
I knew a mistress who was with a well known and respected man in the community. She had a baby for him. He upped and died and she was not even allowed at the funeral. She had to view the body in the middle of the night like a thief after the deceased persons brother arranged it with the funeral home. This is does not apply to everyone who chooses this lifestyle. But I have known a few mistresses. Some of them seem to be the kind of women who are so afraid of being hurt by men that the pre-empt what they think is the inevitable. They think that being the mistress means that they will never be hurt by lies and deceit. Because they know the score from the get go... But in the end they are just damaged flowers trying to protect themselves from the pain they think is inevitable...
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there was an episode of scandal like this it was soooo good :lol:
 
Kilacurlz my mind is still trying to process everything you just posted. But, you may want to think about deleting it.

Please go see a counselor to help you through this. You have to get better for your sake and for your children. The ish he did was so ****** wrong, but don't let it break you. Be strong. You will get through this.

Sent from my SCH-I545 using LHCF
 

I'm sorry you had to experience this it's the ultimate betrayal. You may not be religious but God will never betray you he is faithful. I detest homewreckers and the husbands and wives who break their vows. When someone puts your health in danger they aren't worth you what if it was AIDS? Even God understands that's why he says one man one woman. May you have the strength to carry on for your children.
 
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Kilacurlz I am so sorry to hear that. Please get help for you and your little babies. He isn't worth the scum on the bottom of your shoe. I hate that you are going through this and know that nothing I can say will ease your pain. Take care of yourself :kiss:
 
Kilacurlz I have heavy experience with depression in the recent past. Please go to very regular counseling and support groups. Seek out a sponsor, they are not just for aa. And for your own sake let this next half of your life be about You and what you want/need. That was my best cure for depression honestly.
 
Thank you for this...pure truth which has been missing from this thread. And hugs and love you. I will PM you when I get home because there maybe some alternative therapies that can help.
 
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Kilacurlz, you are not the problem! Remember that! . You have your entire life ahead of you to do great things!!! If any of us live or love long enough there will obstacles and possibly pain in this life, I know from experience but this to shall pass. I'm giving you a big e-hug!!!!!! XOXO
 
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If you do decide to stay please please use protection forever. The average marriage is well under 20 years. Well under. You have to be your own forever.
 
Mortons said:
If you do decide to stay please please use protection forever. The average marriage is well under 20 years. Well under. You have to be your own forever.
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But how realistic is that? They're married. What's done is done. He needs to keep his penis in his pants. They need therapy or she may decide that he isn't worth the investment anymore, which he may very well not be. There's nothing wrong with either choice, staying married or leaving. If staying married a the choice, I don't think using protection forever is realistic. Eventually she will have to trust again which should take as long as she feels comfortable.
 
barbiesocialite said:
But how realistic is that? They're married. What's done is done. He needs to keep his penis in his pants. They need therapy or she may decide that he isn't worth the investment anymore, which he may very well not be. There's nothing wrong with either choice, staying married or leaving. If staying married a the choice, I don't think using protection forever is realistic. Eventually she will have to trust again which should take as long as she feels comfortable.
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There are plenty of couples who chose condoms. And she now knows he doesn't protect himself (thereby his family) when with others and will bring back an Std. She has a choice to protect HERSELF now that she knows.
 
Mortons said:
There are plenty of couples who chose condoms. And she now knows he doesn't protect himself (thereby his family) when with others and will bring back an Std. She has a choice to protect HERSELF now that she knows.
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............
 
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Kilacurlz said:
He did use condoms. Unfortunately condoms are not infallible. One came off.
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They aren't 100% definitely. But you using them will protect your future and the ability to be there for your children and future. There is much worse than hpv. I watched a woman faithful in her marriage die of aids caught from her husband. She was 100% pro condom use and I just want to share her wisdom since she is no longer here.
 
Femmefatal1981 said:
I'm not ok with giving relationship advice given the serious of the posters condition. Sometimes you just listen and nod.
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I have no comment on relationship. But condom usage when non monogamous I shout from the mountain top.

Op sorry if I got preachy there but you deserve to be here, alive and well
 
Kilacurlz said:
It actually is helping; being honest. I haven't spoken with a counselor and this is next best...
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I'm so sorry you've had to go through this. Hopefully your story will give someone pause before they consider cheating.

When I first married I my grandma gave me a piece of advice. Unfortunately it syncs with info shared in this thread. She said any woman who has been married for a significant length of time has gone through something. If they claim they haven't they are either lying or extremely naive.

That was to the last thing I wanted to hear with my blissfully newlywed self - but I've never forgotten her counsel.

Be encouraged - you can make it through this whether you decide to remain in the marriage or not.
 
No. Only because an ex tried to make me his mistress and his wife tried to insert herself in my life and it was a clusterfluck. We had a short conversation where I reminded her that she was a married mother of 2 small kids and a public school teacher and I was a crazy, single, childless social pariah with nothing to loose. She could either work on her marriage in private with her husband or she could bring me into the situation and pray for the best. She chose the former.
 
sunnieb said:
Kilacurlz my mind is still trying to process everything you just posted. But, you may want to think about deleting it. Please go see a counselor to help you through this. You have to get better for your sake and for your children. The ish he did was so ****** wrong, but don't let it break you. Be strong. You will get through this. Sent from my SCH-I545 using LHCF
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I see I may have made some people uncomfortable so I did delete the post. I can't delete the quotes though. That wasn't my intent. I really appreciate everyone that gave me words of support because until now I hadn't told anyone.
 
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DragonPearl

Good question. A lot is involved in "preparing" for ME. Understanding human nature, removing judgement from the action, not making it about me etc. years of mental conditioning! Who knows if it will truly prepare me but it's worth a try. The concept of marriage needs to evolve with the way we think and behave today. This notion is untraditional but it's interesting. I enjoyed this documentary on marriage called www.afterhappilyeverafter.

I'd prepare as I would for other life events. Why do I have insurance, savings or would agree to a prenup? Some people plan financially all to not be blindsided to the realities of dealing with another human being with as many flaws if not more than you. Different people prepare differently. For example, I know someone who envisions the worse so HE gets used to it. Weird, but that's what works for him. I agree it can seem a little depressing but this LIFE. It ain't pretty. As long as I can walk away with my assets, I'll be ok....or so I think! Lol
 
Reality sucks. I would never knowingly chose to be a mistress because I've already been a wife. The impact on the marriage and kids is not fully repairable. The trust is never the same. I wouldn't do that to anyone not because I am afraid of karma or retribution, but because it is the right thing to do. I am self focused and I want my own because I ****** deserve it. I share with no one and I would never put up with having leftovers.

Most mistresses I know are missing something emotionally that they want to find in others, even as they hide it as "just gettin' mine". Too often they are just...broken and expect less out of their men.
 
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