Can You Be A Mistress?

InchHighPrivateEye said:
wait the bolded was for Fela but I was joking! And,you're right, you didn't. I'm not personally offended (although I am offended at the idea that people have no shame) but the posts I was referring to were the ones toward the beginning of the thread where the poster with the Shirley temple wig and furs talking about if a woman wants to sleep with a married man she shouldn't feel bad "if she wants it" or another poster relaying the story of forgetting that a married man was married. First of all, I don't consider that mistressdom, but yes, if I had something in mind it was that in particular.
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we all form our opinions based on personal experiences. I'm my family divorce ain't a thing. Something like 80% of the marriages have ended in divorce...and the single women are still miserable. So I figure I'd rather try and work on whatever in going on in my marriage than live with the regret of not trying to work it out. Now that's means I had to be extra careful about who I married because I'm in it til the end. Has it always been rainbows and kittens? Nope. We both have out flaws but I'm no saint so the idea of not being able to forgive him ....hold on let me rephrase that.... I can't imagine not being able to stay married to him because I have not necessarily forgiven him for his mistakes as much as I have decided to take his word for it when he says he's sorry as well as Im ok with making him earn that forgiveness with no guarantee that it will ever be given. Cheating means he's willing to live in a possibly permanent state of purgatory. Actually he can be faithful and still face that consequence. I don't deserve it for infidelity. So what I'm saying is I've never been a mistress, never would be. However if my husband decided to have an affair that doesn't mean it's over. Hell I still punish him for stuff that happened 4-5 yrs ago. I'll remember something he did last year and get mad all over again...he knows the deal and generally acts accordingly. I wish I could go into details but I can't trust yall so I wont.












M
 
Femmefatal1981 said:
Cheating means he's willing to live in a possibly permanent state of purgatory. Actually he can be faithful and still face that consequence. I don't deserve it for infidelity. nt. M
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yeah, this is how I see it. Earlier in this thread I said if my FH sleeps with someone else, then it will be his choice to stay or leave, because I wouldn't necessarily leave but his life would be hell. (That's why when I got back today and saw a poster insinuating I said something about leaving at the first sign of cheating, I think she had me confused with somebody else). I would not tolerate my FH keeping or financing a woman or a mistress because that's ****** the entire game up. The long term marriages I have seen where the men have had sexual affairs have become very "yes dear"ish, because the men wanted to stay married and that's what it took. So that's what I mean when I say my FH could either do what it takes and stay, or go. My interests in his matters are already secured, so I mean :look:
 
InchHighPrivateEye said:
yeah, this is how I see it. Earlier in this thread I said if my FH sleeps with someone else, then it will be his choice to stay or leave, because I wouldn't necessarily leave but his life would be hell. (That's why when I got back today and saw a poster insinuating I said something about leaving at the first sign of cheating, I think she had me confused with somebody else). I would not tolerate my FH keeping or financing a woman or a mistress because that's ****** the entire game up. The long term marriages I have seen where the men have had sexual affairs have become very "yes dear"ish, because the men wanted to stay married and that's what it took. So that's what I mean when I say my FH could either do what it takes and stay, or go. My interests in his matters are already secured, so I mean :look:
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And that is what some women mean when they say their marriage improved after an affair. If you are going to stay then it needs to be worth swallowing your pride. I'll be damed if I forgive you and you continue to act an ***. What exactly is the point of that? A husband who cheats and keeps his wife should live his remaining days earning her forgiveness. On the days he forgets how lucky he is, she needs to remind him.
 
Kilacurlz said:
I see I may have made some people uncomfortable so I did delete the post. I can't delete the quotes though. That wasn't my intent. I really appreciate everyone that gave me words of support because until now I hadn't told anyone.
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I deleted your quote from my post.
 
barbiesocialite said:
Out of consideration for the poster ambergirl HairNinja and anyone else.that quoted should delete or unquote.
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I'm not on here like that. If I wasn't bored her quote would have never got deleted.

Word to everyone if someone quotes your post, and you want them to remove it. PM them if it's that serious. Sometimes we share our lives on LHCF and hate the thought of it being around forever. Especially sensitive subjects. And beware of the LHCF LBI.
 
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Honey Bee said:
CoilyFields, So... your response to a well-sourced comment is to... doubt history? :lachen:

I don't even know what to say. I really can't. In that case, why talk about anything at all? :spinning: Marriage is an institution that pre-dates the historical record, people been doing this a looooong time, and it wasn't EVER about "(romantic) love" (a novel concept in and of itself), it was about alliances and finances. Even today, the majority of love-based marriages dissolve due to money concerns. Y'all talking crazy in here! :lol:

UmSumayyah, You really need to start that thread, girl. :look:
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Honey Bee

You quoted Augustine. Who gave his opinion on prostitution. I must have missed the other sources you cited.

I didn't doubt (western) history but pointed out that the history you referenced included a small number of people.

You pointed out that men held mistresses because they only got married to pass down property. My response; the majority of people throughout history did not have property to pass down nor the means to support a mistress. So mistress-dom has not been the common pairing with marriage that your slice of history would lead one to believe.

That's what we're talking about.
 
My god! Y'all still in here?? I have to go out, but I will come back later, catch up, and see what I'm being accused of now. :lol:
 
I think the "idgaf what other people do" stance is odd because what people do affects us. That's why we have laws (and most of them are based on moral values).

To me, it's pretty simple why I should 'care'. Example, teaching my kids not to steal is good. But if stealing is not labled as bad in general then others will not teach their kids not to steal...and it's their kids that will be stealing my stuff...affecting me. So wouldn't it be better to condemn stealing altogether?

And caring does not constitute picketing, public service announcements, nor searching out random mistresses to give them beat-downs. For me it means not being silent when it is celebrated, personally not associating with people who indulge (men/women), and using my privilege as a relative to give my two cents about your actions.
 
CoilyFields said:
I think the "idgaf what other people do" stance is odd because what people do affects us. That's why we have laws (and most of them are based on moral values).

To me, it's pretty simple why I should 'care'. Example, teaching my kids not to steal is good. But if stealing is not labled as bad in general then others will not teach their kids not to steal...and it's their kids that will be stealing my stuff...affecting me. So wouldn't it be better to condemn stealing altogether?

And caring does not constitute picketing, public service announcements, nor searching out random mistresses to give them beat-downs. For me it means not being silent when it is celebrated, personally not associating with people who indulge (men/women), and using my privilege as a relative to give my two cents about your actions.
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it affects YOU. tiffany ****ing bethany's man in texas has absolutely no effect on me at all.
 
Just some random thoughts now that I caught up.

Not too make too fine of a point of it but when **** hits the fan innocent bystanders get splattered right along with the defecaters.

I think it's short sighted for a mistress to be unconcerned with the wife because said wife really can become her problem. The phrase 'stay in your lane' doesn't mean ignore the surrounding traffic. Just saying.

This is why I think a lot of chicks who think they are slick enough to come out ahead of the game aren't built mentally to play.
 
Crackers Phinn said:
Just some random thoughts now that I caught up.

Not too make too fine of a point of it but when **** hits the fan innocent bystanders get splattered right along with the defecaters.

I think it's short sighted for a mistress to be unconcerned with the wife because said wife really can become her problem. The phrase 'stay in your lane' doesn't mean ignore the surrounding traffic. Just saying.

This is why I think a lot of chicks who think they are slick enough to come out ahead of the game aren't built mentally to play.
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I think everything happens for a reason.

If it's your time to go, it's your time to go. If you lose an eye or end up deformed or get burned, it was supposed to happen. G-d makes no misakes as I keep saying. Evidently you're supposed to learn something.....

If its time for you to get your arse kicked, you're gonna get it kicked. Just be prepared to have the necessary trauma and crying skills to manipulate the situation and excellent legal counsel capable odr turning seedy situations into a win if you're the type to seek revenge.

No one should live a life of fear.
AND
Ni should live a life determined by or according to others lives and hopes or wishes.
 
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InchHighPrivateEye said:
wait the bolded was for Fela but I was joking! And,you're right, you didn't. I'm not personally offended (although I am offended at the idea that people have no shame) but the posts I was referring to were the ones toward the beginning of the thread where the poster with the Shirley temple wig and furs talking about if a woman wants to sleep with a married man she shouldn't feel bad "if she wants it" or another poster relaying the story of forgetting that a married man was married. First of all, I don't consider that mistressdom, but yes, if I had something in mind it was that in particular. I thought those things in particular were ridiculous, gutterbutt, and ratchet. Nothing I haven't seen before, but whenever I see it, I think it's ridiculous, gutterbutt, and a little sad.
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Im confused! :lol:

you mean I wouldnt agree wth your posts in this thread rght cos I usually do agree with your midget arse :lol:

ant got much to say cos well when you are from a country that is about 55% Muslim and the state grew up in counted towards 15% plus the traditional religions that allow countless wives. It's whatever. I mean Fela had 27. :lol: Every Alhaji I know has at least 3 wives, how were they able to get the other 2 without them being mistresses first..although some did dscuss it with the frst wives. My grandmother was the 1st of 3, my grandfather wanted more than 4 kids, my gma said Im done so he told her he would get another and she told him she would be part of the vetting process.But they werent Muslims. ATR..Ifa religion.

anyway the whole mistress thing is like whatever. It has its place in society whether we like it or not and it will never go away. *shrugs*cultural difference blah blah
 
Everyone posting cares to a certain extent. Whether it's about the topics discussed, another posters opinion, or you posting your own opinion to be read.
 
^i'm no prude but i don't see what living without fear has for to do with damaging a family for your own ends on the other hand I am happy to be living long enough to see that in a lot of cases people do have to live with the consequence of their decisions whatever those are..
 
menina said:
Everyone posting cares to a certain extent. Whether it's about the topics discussed, another posters opinion, or you posting your own opinion to be read.
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Yep, people are somewhat bothered about how they may be perceived and judged (hence all the slick retort, defensiveness, over explaining, etc). The only person IMO who *truly* dgaf is the OP :look: :lol:
 
hothair said:
^i'm no prude but i don't see what living without fear has for to do with damaging a family for your own ends on the other hand I am happy to be living long enough to see that in a lot of cases people do have to live with the consequence of their decisions whatever those are..
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A lot of people are really damaged, insufferable or effed up anyway regardless if they are mistresses or not so theyll likely damage their children, spouse, or end up divorced or ruining someone else life (or have someone that hates them) regardless of the means.
 
i am sincerely truly genuinely failing to understand why people are insisting so passionately that adultery matters and is something we all need to be concerned with.

yall can have that. my befuddlement is tiring at this point. insist and believe mightily that what you say is true.
 
CoilyFields said:
I think the "idgaf what other people do" stance is odd because what people do affects us. That's why we have laws (and most of them are based on moral values). To me, it's pretty simple why I should 'care'. Example, teaching my kids not to steal is good. But if stealing is not labled as bad in general then others will not teach their kids not to steal...and it's their kids that will be stealing my stuff...affecting me. So wouldn't it be better to condemn stealing altogether? And caring does not constitute picketing, public service announcements, nor searching out random mistresses to give them beat-downs. For me it means not being silent when it is celebrated, personally not associating with people who indulge (men/women), and using my privilege as a relative to give my two cents about your actions.
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Hmmmm...I care about what other people are doing but also don't see doing all the things you're suggesting. Not all infidelity is equal, I wouldn't assume I know what is going on in anyone's life that would lead them to be involved in something extramarital. I also am not down with the Scarlet letter shaming approach. Rather I wouldn't do it, I wouldn't recommend others do it, and we should Never forget the harm that often comes with infidelity.
 
Wow. My whole fling just blew up!! Found out he's in "love" with my neo who lives about 30 min from me. Telling me they were like brother and sister but telling her I was just his friend :lol: OK. I'll be back as this progresses.

He blocked me on IG and FB. Hilarious.
 
for you to call me a midget :rofl: :dead: Well Fela, you know I think Mariah is black. And other than that I just wanted to summon you into this thread :lol:
 
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CaraWalker said:
i am sincerely truly genuinely failing to understand why people are insisting so passionately that adultery matters and is something we all need to be concerned with. yall can have that. my befuddlement is tiring at this point. insist and believe mightily that what you say is true.
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the thread is entitled "Can you be a mistress" and so it's not being discussed in the abstract. In the beginning of the thread, people were responding fro, a personal perspective. When the comments switched from "I wouldn't but I appreciate all perspectives" to :look: THAT is when posters became like "who said they would be a mistress? We are discussing the historical plateaus of the role of mistressdom" nobody is saying adultery matters and people should be afraid of it. The thread was going one way and now certain posters are trying to act like ppl are crazy like people were not talking about jt being okay for themselves at first. I'm not saying you are doing that (I can tell you are being sincere for real) but going back to the beginning of the thread, it was about personally can you be a mistress. That's what the thread is about. Now ppl are trying to act like anybody that thinks certain views are stank are running around clutching pearls and thumping bibles and holding their hands over their men's eyes so they can't see breasts. No, no.
 
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BGT said:
Wow. My whole fling just blew up!! Found out he's in "love" with my neo who lives about 30 min from me. Telling me they were like brother and sister but telling her I was just his friend :lol: OK. I'll be back as this progresses. He blocked me on IG and FB. Hilarious.
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that sucks :ohwell: what happ?
 
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In reference to the actual subject...Could I be a mistress? Now I'm talking about a real mistress, not a girlfriend or a lover or a friend with benefits. Does he have a lot of money? Can he set me up in a nice apartment and give me a shopping allowance and take me on nice trips? Knowing me. Probably.
 
HairNinja said:
I'm not on here like that. If I wasn't bored her quote would have never got deleted. Word to everyone if someone quotes your post, and you want them to remove it. PM them if it's that serious. Sometimes we share our lives on LHCF and hate the thought of it being around forever. Especially sensitive subjects. And beware of the LHCF LBI.
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But I didn't ask anyone to delete it. I think another poster did. I appreciated it but I understand that what I post online is for perpetuity. I'm old-40s, quite naive yes about relationships--my mom was sick for a long time and couldn't teach me a lot, but not dumb. I get it.
 
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