2018 Relationship And Dating Thread

SurferBabe said:
So this will be my first legit V-day and I don't know how any of this works :look:. We've been dating for about 3 months and official for maybe a month. Should I get him something? I'm sure he's getting me something, even though I told him I'm not really into V-day like that. :p
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Nope I say you don’t have to. Men know v-day is for women. Valentine’s Day is for him to shower you. Period.
 
While I was out and about last night after work I found the most perfect desk to go into my small home office. I called SO to see if he can pick it up for me on his way home from work and by 9pm it was in the house. I'm in the middle of redoing the home office with a white, pink and grey color scheme.
 
So I have a date tonight! We were both in a wedding last week and introduced by five bride and groom but came to find out, I worked with his mother last year and we met then. :lol: Anyways, he seems really nice and he’s actually picking me up. I’ve never been picked up for a first date!
 
ClassyJSP said:
While I was out and about last night after work I found the most perfect desk to go into my small home office. I called SO to see if he can pick it up for me on his way home from work and by 9pm it was in the house. I'm in the middle of redoing the home office with a white, pink and grey color scheme.
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That's the color scheme my boyfriend suggested to me, because I'm about to repaint my bedroom. I told him absolutely not. That's really cute for an office, though.
 
sarumoki said:
So... His ex messaged me on social media the other day.
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Okay I was going to wait until I got on my laptop tomorrow but I'm up anyway so I'll do it now.

She messaged me asking how long we were dating and basically accused me of being the other woman in their relationship. Her dates didn't even line up, by her own admittance they were done for months before he asked me out. Her proof was "but I've seen you at his job before." Yeah, because I used to work there? And then she ended the whole thing with "I'm actually smiling right now because the Lord revealed all of this to me in a dream. I pray the two of you have a blessed life together and I hope you're happy because that's what I'm supposed to do as a Christian."

I swear not a single part of that was made up.
 
sarumoki said:
Okay I was going to wait until I got on my laptop tomorrow but I'm up anyway so I'll do it now.

She messaged me asking how long we were dating and basically accused me of being the other woman in their relationship. Her dates didn't even line up, by her own admittance they were done for months before he asked me out. Her proof was "but I've seen you at his job before." Yeah, because I used to work there? And then she ended the whole thing with "I'm actually smiling right now because the Lord revealed all of this to me in a dream. I pray the two of you have a blessed life together and I hope you're happy because that's what I'm supposed to do as a Christian."

I swear not a single part of that was made up.
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Sounds like a ball of mess. The sisterhood in me asks: how long before they broke up did he decide to jump back in the dating game? (Did you ask him this when y’all met?—should be one of the questions asked during the intro). When did he make it 100% known that he moved on....because for her to reach out to you with what she said would be concerning.
 
So here’s my post/rant today:

Why do some women close the gap for a man to chase them? Why? (I swear this stuff is easy—-men are easy!!!!)

You can’t drive by a dudes house 50-11 times, be there at his every whime, give him the cookie only when he wants it, cook for him, accommodate him, make excuses for his nonchalant behavior toward you, beat yourself up about his failures, ONLY to call me asking: “why are you a bch to men and you get more flowers delivered in 2 weeks than I have all year, men falling over you and you don’t lift a finger..here I am doing all this and getting nothing! So why am I not getting chased?!”

Well sweetie...you are closing the gap for a man to chase. *takes a whiff of the 2nd bouquet* maybe you should’ve actually read the book (men don’t love women like you) I gave you instead of saying you don’t need that type of advise.

Le sigh....men are like dogs—-they need a reason to hunt not be domesticated.
 
007PMP said:
Sounds like a ball of mess. The sisterhood in me asks: how long before they broke up did he decide to jump back in the dating game? (Did you ask him this when y’all met?—should be one of the questions asked during the intro). When did he make it 100% known that he moved on....because for her to reach out to you with what she said would be concerning.
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Yes, I asked him all of that when he first asked me out. He told me his last relationship ended in October and that they had been dating for a about a year. We started dating in January. He said that he ended it because he wasn't as into her as she was into him. She says that she saw me at the job once, which is possible because we did used to work together. Depending on when exactly they started dating it would've been right around the time that I left that job but I don't remember ever being introduced to any girlfriend of his but I was going through a lot back then so it's possible that he did and I just don't remember. I don't know what would have made her remember my face, though. At that point we were just friends/coworkers.
 
sarumoki said:
Yes, I asked him all of that when he first asked me out. He told me his last relationship ended in October and that they had been dating for a about a year. We started dating in January. He said that he ended it because he wasn't as into her as she was into him. She says that she saw me at the job once, which is possible because we did used to work together. Depending on when exactly they started dating it would've been right around the time that I left that job but I don't remember ever being introduced to any girlfriend of his but I was going through a lot back then so it's possible that he did and I just don't remember. I don't know what would have made her remember my face, though. At that point we were just friends/coworkers.
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My girlfriend is going to through something similar (hence my other post)...the guy was with someone for 2 years—they broke up in October and she started dating him in December. That same month she decided to sleep with him before he even showed/proved his character and intentions. Now she’s upset because he’s acting like he’s not into her anymore....she thinks the ex came back into the picture.

One of my comments to her: well 2 months is not enough time to get over someone...especially if the time they were together ends in the word “year(s)”....you can expect that those 3 words were exchanged, a ton of memories created for him to think back on, and the emotional connection is still there...so you’ve been a rebound. Period.

For certain women, guarding the heart means guarding the vagina too—-because they are interdependent. So guard your heart, your drawls, and your emotions until he proves with his actions that he is into only you for the long haul and not into you you to get past a broken relationship. A ton of women have a hard time identifying the signs of “passing through” intentions of a man.
 
007PMP said:
Also: I have dated women (even though I’m currently in a relationship with a man) and I tell you....we can be a trip—especially when we like a person.
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No lies told there. My mother is a social worker and she says the worst DV cases she's ever seen were lesbian relationships.
 
sarumoki said:
No lies told there. My mother is a social worker and she says the worst DV cases she's ever seen were lesbian relationships.
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:lol: lawd!!!

Yeah never been in a DV situation but I’ve dated the butch type women (who on the inside are softer than the sports bras they strap themselves in) and I’m uber feminine on the exterior but alpha personality....what I’ve learned is a woman is a woman is a woman. Some can be more emotional than logical and that’s what gets them in trouble. Every.Single.Time.

I’m like 80% logic - 20% emotions :lol: the blessing and the curse.
 
007PMP said:
My girlfriend is going to through something similar (hence my other post)...the guy was with someone for 2 years—they broke up in October and she started dating him in December. That same month she decided to sleep with him before he even showed/proved his character and intentions. Now she’s upset because he’s acting like he’s not into her anymore....she thinks the ex came back into the picture.

One of my comments to her: well 2 months is not enough time to get over someone...especially if the time they were together ends in the word “year(s)”....you can expect that those 3 words were exchanged, a ton of memories created for him to think back on, and the emotional connection is still there...so you’ve been a rebound. Period.

For certain women, guarding the heart means guarding the vagina too—-because they are interdependent. So guard your heart, your drawls, and your emotions until he proves with his actions that he is into only you for the long haul and not into you you to get past a broken relationship. A ton of women have a hard time identifying the signs of “passing through” intentions of a man.
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I'm not worried about her, for a few reasons. I've known him for years. We hang out all the time, hang out in the same friend group, attend the same parties, including some that he threw of his own. I never saw this woman. He's never brought her or anyone else to anything, ever. In the four years that I've known him the only woman he's ever mentioned is his child's mother, not this other girl. The only time he's not with me is when he's not at work. I may not work with him anymore but my friends do. I have an army of spies in there so I'd know if he'd had someone there. Plus, he's a social media addict and I never saw her on his social media ever. But you can believe that I'm all over his social media. That's how she found me. I know for a fact that I'm the only woman he's ever brought his kid around, and I met the child's mother this past Christmas. I don't think she likes me very much. I was worried about the kid's mother at the beginning of the relationship but I don't think she likes him very much, either. :lol:
 
007PMP said:
So here’s my post/rant today:

Why do some women close the gap for a man to chase them? Why? (I swear this stuff is easy—-men are easy!!!!)

You can’t drive by a dudes house 50-11 times, be there at his every whime, give him the cookie only when he wants it, cook for him, accommodate him, make excuses for his nonchalant behavior toward you, beat yourself up about his failures, ONLY to call me asking: “why are you a bch to men and you get more flowers delivered in 2 weeks than I have all year, men falling over you and you don’t lift a finger..here I am doing all this and getting nothing! So why am I not getting chased?!”

Well sweetie...you are closing the gap for a man to chase. *takes a whiff of the 2nd bouquet* maybe you should’ve actually read the book (men don’t love women like you) I gave you instead of saying you don’t need that type of advise.

Le sigh....men are like dogs—-they need a reason to hunt not be domesticated.
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Off to find men don't love women like you I've heard about this book before but never read it.
 
I'm enjoying being extra in love with SO right now lol like a cloud 9 type love.

My son has been sick since Friday which resulted in a 5 1/2 hour wait at patients first to find out he has the flu. He texted/called the entire time, washed the bedding on my son's bed and shampooed all of the carpet for me while I was gone. I woke up this morning on a hunt to find Tamiflu (currently sold out everywhere) and he stayed behind to give him his asthma meds and a few other things.

It's just so nice to have his help at home and not have to worry about trying to do all of this by myself.
 
ClassyJSP said:
Off to find men don't love women like you I've heard about this book before but never read it.
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There’s a thread on here about it. Good book but some parts I don’t subscribe to because the advise is not natural to me—I’m an INTJ, Alpha female libra, who loves beta men so I can enjoy being submissive (I’m making 100% of the decisions at work, so at home I’m a damsel in distress) and basking in my feminine side. HOWEVER when with a woman—-I’m the dominant one for obvious reasons. :look:

So I will recommend that you pair the book with your Myers Briggs (plus some other assessments like leadership style) and level of self-actualization. If you can’t be honest with yourself as a starting point then the seeds from book will fall on concrete.
 
007PMP said:
There’s a thread on here about it. Good book but some parts I don’t subscribe to because the advise is not natural to me—I’m an INTJ, Alpha female libra, who loves beta men so I can enjoy being submissive (I’m making 100% of the decisions at work, so at home I’m a damsel in distress) and basking in my feminine side. HOWEVER when with a woman—-I’m the dominant one for obvious reasons. :look:

So I will recommend that you pair the book with your Myers Briggs (plus some other assessments like leadership style) and level of self-actualization. If you can’t be honest with yourself as a starting point then the seeds from book will fall on concrete.
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Thank you for pointing me in the right direction I'll go dig up the thread on the book first.
 
sarumoki said:
So apparently I'm INFP. Why does this whole article describe me to a T? :lol: https://owlcation.com/social-sciences/30-Struggles-All-INFP-Personalities-Experience
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You’re a feeler which is good but it can be your blind spot too. When things feel good, you go all in. Without wisdom and discernment (logic), you may fall into the trap of being taken advantage of—-feelings can be misleading because men know how to make us FEEL good which creates a false sense of security if the commitment and progressiveness isn’t present. This is where your P comes in with regards to logic — sometimes perception truly is reality so don’t forget that.

That’s my take but we are 50% similar however I bet you go with your heart more than I do. I’m a thinker and a judger — no much emotions there despite being a woman. :lol:
 
007PMP said:
I’m an INTJ, Alpha female libra, who loves beta men so I can enjoy being submissive (I’m making 100% of the decisions at work, so at home I’m a damsel in distress) and basking in my feminine side. HOWEVER when with a woman—-I’m the dominant one for obvious reasons. :look:
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Why are we the same person? :assimilate:

It took me a while to figure out that betas are where it's at for me. :dinner:
 
I'm feeling pretty down today. I met a wonderful man who makes me very happy, but I'm ready to relocate and our relationship hasn't progressed enough for me to remain where I am. We're not in the same city currently. We're about 100 miles apart, so with the distance being there, the relationship is progressing at a snail's pace. When we do see each other (every weekend when we can), there are fireworks. Everything is amazing and he goes above and beyond to make me happy. The intimacy is AMAZING. I feel a deep soul connection with him. But during the week I don't really feel like I have a boyfriend. We're doing our own thing living completely separate lives. If I was happy in this city it wouldn't matter. I'd let things continue to develop organically. But because I'm unhappy here, seeing someone 2-4x a month just isn't enough for me right now. I'm ready to move and for a moment I thought I'd stay here, but I know that I'd only be staying to see where things go with him. I have no desire to continue to see him if I move even further away. 100 miles is far enough. I'm going to meditate on it and surrender. I gotta put me first.
 
@SurferBabe
Yes, you have to put you first. Stay focused. No offense to the current guy, but you will likely meet someone in your new city with whom you will have an even better connection and with whom you can have a more normal relationship, and a much better shot at having a serious relationship. It is very difficult to really get to know someone when you don’t live in the same city. Seeing each other so seldom kind of creates a false chemistry because you are apart so much so the “newness” and excitement lasts longer. Keep moving forward toward your dreams and goals. Have courage and faith in yourself and the universe.

ETA: I wouldn’t even consider staying in a city I didn’t like if I were a single woman. And of course you feel like you don’t have a boyfriend during the week. You deserve a normal, healthy, non-long distance relationship.
 
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