GreenEyedJen
Well-Known Member
Weren't you just talking about premarital counseling? What would make you leave a guy that you're considering marrying for "logistical reasons"?
2018 Relationship And Dating Thread
- Thread starter okange76
- Start date
Weren't you just talking about premarital counseling? What would make you leave a guy that you're considering marrying for "logistical reasons"?
GreenEyedJen
Well-Known Member
My boyfriend is moving into our new place this week. My lease isn't up until the end of April. I can't wait.
quirkydimples
Well-Known Member
Long story short, he wants me and my kid to move to his side of town so he can be near his kids, but my career (and chances for advancement) is on my side of town.
If I move I’ll have an hourlong commute each way and I’ll be an hour away from my kid during the day (I’m five minutes away now) assuming my kid switches schools to be with his two kids.
Because my guy spends half the month out of state that means for two weeks a month I’m alone and at least an hour from my kid (his would be with their mother when he’s gone, but my kid is always with me). I’m not comfortable with that.
He mentioned these issues before and I blew them off, but as we’ve been discussing marriage I’ve thought more deeply about the compromises I’m willing to make and I feel like I’m making the majority of them. I’m the one who’s here 100% of the time so why am I making the majority of the changes?
We talked; he says he’ll move here full time so he can be there for the kids while I commute, but he was (understandably) thrown for a loop.
hopeful
Well-Known Member
@quirkydimples
Are you saying that you would still be moving to his side of town? But he won’t be gone 2 weeks out of the month anymore? I’m confused. Or is he moving to your side of town? Whatever the case I agree that you should not be making the majority of the compromising. That’s not fair.
Are you saying that you would still be moving to his side of town? But he won’t be gone 2 weeks out of the month anymore? I’m confused. Or is he moving to your side of town? Whatever the case I agree that you should not be making the majority of the compromising. That’s not fair.
quirkydimples
Well-Known Member
Yes. He will get a job on that side of town and be here full time so that he can pick up the kids if they get sick, be there to cook dinner, etc. Since the kids will be step siblings, he wants them in the same school.
I was close to ending it yesterday and now he feels insecure. I totally get that because as @GreenEyedJen said we were talking about premarital counseling and he was planning to propose soon. However, me being slow on the uptake doesn’t mean I’m obligated to continue if moving forward doesn’t serve me and my kid. (I’m not saying she said that - just thinking out loud.) We’ll see what happens.
hopeful
Well-Known Member
Take all of the time you need. And you have every right to change your mind again re moving and even getting married. This is your and your son’s precious lives. Whatever choices you make will affect you and him (good or bad) for years to come.
quirkydimples
Well-Known Member
Agreed. That’s why, although I understand his feelings, I don’t feel bad about voicing my concerns and being ready to end things. I’m not going to drag something out if I don’t see a viable future or if things are entirely too complicated. I like to keep my life (and my kid’s life) as stress free as possible. If he can make this a low-stress endeavor, great; otherwise...
NappyNelle
Kinky Coily 4A, Fine Strands, WSL
Wrong thread!
qchelle
Well-Known Member
We booked our honeymoon! The places in Europe were only available in November/ December, which we were both fine with, until we looked at the temperature at that time of year lol. So we started looking at South America and decided on Panama! So that's bookedGoing in May for 7 days
We're using his dads timeshare and his dad is covering the all inclusive fees and our flights, too!
I told him I want some more stuff done to my bathroom, so he's researching contractors this week. I'm researching premarital counselors this week so we can start that soon.
So I finally told my mom that we're doing a small reception dinner with 30-35 people. She already knew and mentally accepted the courthouse ceremony, so she was not pleased with the reception downgradeShe asked if we had already put the deposit down? I said yea. She said well maybe yall can get it back and look at [insert her suggestion here]?
uhhhh no. crazy woman.
Now we have to get his ring size so I can order his band. He had it picked out, but now he's changing his mind. Maybe I'll let him pick out my band, since I picked out my engagement ringhmmmm probably not, but it was a nice thought
My dad called me today (with my mom chiming in in the background like always lol) to 'confirm that we want to go to the JOP because if we wanted to do a church wedding, he'd pay for it'
He wasn't pushy and crazy like my mom....he was probably calling on my moms behalf whole time The convo went fine, and he ended up offering to give us spending money for Panama in the 4 figure range 
weaveadiva
Well-Known Member
LushLox
Well-Known Member
This was such a mistake, he was dreadful company; and I had to endure two hours of it! I won't be doing that again drinks or coffee for a first date nothing more!
LushLox
Well-Known Member
SuchMagnificent
Taking a Break from Posting
I found Kitty dead in one of my spare bedrooms today.. SO and I had a lazy morning in bed and were getting up to do some work around the house. I walked in and knew immediately she was gone. I screamed at the top of my lungs for SO and immediately started crying.
This man packed her up, consoled me and drove me to the store to get materials to bury her at mom's house. My stepdad dug a hole and him and SO buried my girl for me.
I was so surprised by SO's willingness to be apart of that moment. He is NOT a animal person but he knows I had kitty for almost 10 years and she was my baby.
I told him I will miss being needed by someone an he told me that he needed me. He is really giving me hope.
This man packed her up, consoled me and drove me to the store to get materials to bury her at mom's house. My stepdad dug a hole and him and SO buried my girl for me.
I was so surprised by SO's willingness to be apart of that moment. He is NOT a animal person but he knows I had kitty for almost 10 years and she was my baby.
I told him I will miss being needed by someone an he told me that he needed me. He is really giving me hope.
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hopeful
Well-Known Member
I am so sorry to hear this @SuchMagnificance. Had she been sick? Losing a pet is so heartbreaking.
SuchMagnificent
Taking a Break from Posting
@hopeful thank you. I don't believe she was sick. She usually goes outside with her friends at night and comes home in the morning to update me with all the gossip.
I let her in this morning, she ate, we talked, and went upstairs. I found her about 3 hours later. I am hurting and it will definitely take me some time to get back to normal.
hopeful
Well-Known Member
Aww so sorry this happened. I am glad she came home this morning and that you two had time to talk and spend time together. It will definitely take awhile for you to heal from the loss. If things get too hard you should consider grief counseling. After I lost a beloved pet I attended a group session with others who had recently lost a pet. That was helpful. Although it still took a couple years before I was healed and fully stopped grieving losing her. (((Hugs))).
oneastrocurlie
Well-Known Member
007PMP
INTJ
What was so dreadful?
LushLox
Well-Known Member
He was very dull, there was no connection, no vibe, nothing, just quite awkward. Shame cause I could see he had a bit of dough!
ClassyJSP
Well-Known Member
Literally about to start pulling my hair out trying to plan SO's bday trip. All he requested this year was a nice weekend at a cabin (any cabin) and i'm trying to book it for the upcoming 3 day weekend. Well the problem is some of these cabins have so many restrictions, or their booked, or they want too much money.
ClassyJSP
Well-Known Member
Airbnb for the win I found a nice cabin this morning at the perfect price and booked it.
SuchMagnificent
Taking a Break from Posting
A beard grooming kit plus beard "softener/conditioner."
And some naughty coupons for him to redeem.
I went all out for his birthday last month so Valentine's day will be lightweight.
SurferBabe
Well-Known Member
I was going to suggest this! BF and I stayed in a really nice cabin in the Ozarks for a great price. I'd definitely use them again.
ClassyJSP
Well-Known Member
We're just going to dinner since the next weekend is his bday trip
ClassyJSP
Well-Known Member
Yes, the cabin for the whole weekend is half the price of other rental cabins I was finding.
rafikichick92
Well-Known Member
I’m thinking a qalo or Enso ring since he works with his hands a lot. Not sure what else, if anything. I went all out for Christmas, but skipped his birthday (January), so I figure I should get him a little something for V-day.
SurferBabe
Well-Known Member
So this will be my first legit V-day and I don't know how any of this works 
. We've been dating for about 3 months and official for maybe a month. Should I get him something? I'm sure he's getting me something, even though I told him I'm not really into V-day like that. 
. We've been dating for about 3 months and official for maybe a month. Should I get him something? I'm sure he's getting me something, even though I told him I'm not really into V-day like that.
qchelle
Well-Known Member
So this will be my first legit V-day and I don't know how any of this works
I don't know how it works either
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