2018 Relationship And Dating Thread

hopeful said:
And he was rude from the get go. You shouldn’t have had to call at 9am or at 6pm. Yes, it’s a no no to not plan ahead and get tickets in advance. But what bothered me more is that 1) he caught an attitude with you when you called and 2) then had the nerve to still not follow up with you in a timely manner and handle business properly. To me this is not about someone who doesn’t plan well or should be allowed to be a man and take the lead, but is a signal to you that 1) he is not taking dating you seriously and 2) is not behaving like an adult.

You learned two lessons: 1) don’t call a man to coordinate and firm up a date that he asked you out on and 2) if you do ask for details you do not deserve for the guy to be snappy or smart with you. You deserve kindness and courtesy, to be treated gently and kindly. And it’s not your job to teach a man how to treat a lady.

Set standards that work for you and stand your ground. I don’t care if he asked you out 2 weeks ago. If plans aren’t firmed up a couple days before I can start making other plans.
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thats what stood out to me i didnt like the way he treated her sorry but i would never deal with him again.
 
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Had my second date with man #2.....i was 45 minutes late due to road closure and he waited for me...we had an early dinner that went very very well...when time to pay the waitress states her and her staff took a poll and rated us the cutest couple in the restaurant and comp'd our dinner.

Then we leave my car & go for a drive...he pulls out a gift. The gift bag...my fav color...inside lots of old skool candies that i like...Love Hearts...nerds...blow pop etc etc..then an item that was wrapped. He said a speech before i opened it..no idea what he said.. so anyway...I tear it open and it's a ring pop....soooo cute!!

We will see how things go...so far I like him...it's been a month...taking it one day at a time and keeping my legs closed.
 
007PMP said:
So...this date was amaz’ing. Ya’ll know I’m a sucker for a Gemini and I found out he’s a gem. I wanted to grope him after he walked me to my car...I kept it in and gave him a hug. We’re going on a second date — a day of wine tasting.

LAWD!!! That’s all imma say! Hopefully things continue to be good as they were tonight. Chemistry off the charts, we talked all night, and he was very upfront about what he’s looking for. His statement was he’ll compete because he knows I’m getting flooded with messages. I said “just a few” :giggle:
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Update: The Gem is becoming my favorite. We have plans this weekend and I like the fact that he has it all planned out. He calls me “baby girl” and “good girl”. Ya’ll know that makes me weak! Just weak.

I’ve cut the roster down after a few first and second dates, which I know why I’m doing this....starting to become really focused on the Gem.

Beta Beau is tryin to sneak back through the friendzone tunnel and getting upset because I’m not responding....so he sends a text asking if we can just have relations because he’s struggling and don’t want to settle for just anyhing. “I know I can’t have all of you but I rather have some of you”.

Like bro you actually think you have the option?! :lol: Nope. Sorry. *kanye shrug*
 
I've been dating a man, I call him MFT in the Single Ladies thread, for one month tomorrow. The week of our first date, I had 2 first dates plus dinner with my first love who's thinking of moving here, back to back to back and then 2 second dates back to back and MFT rose to the top. Things are going great. He makes me laugh so much. Emotionally/intellectually we connect deeper than I've connected with a man ever. He's so self-aware, probably because he is an MFT, which I appreciate because after all the work I've done on myself, I'm not going to invest in someone who hasn't worked on himself. I learned that lesson with the last man I dated. The only thing we're moving slow in is the physical stuff, which at first was fine because after the last man I dated, I wasn't here for it. But now that we're getting closer emotionally, I want to get closer to him physically too. I don't mean sex but cuddling and hand holding. He's working on it but it doesn't come naturally to him because of his upbringing. Physical Touch is one of my love languages so I need it.

Anyway, I have a first date date with another man, I call him Cute Engineer, on Thursday. It was supposed to be on Monday but got moved. I'm feeling torn about it. MFT and I haven't defined our relationship yet, we're not exclusive but I'm getting more and more used to him. And unlike any man before, he's showing a real interest in getting to know me, not his idea of me. So we'll see. This is bringing up my issues around relationships and how I protect myself from getting hurt.

This is good though. A couple years ago I never would've thought I'd be in this position.
 
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BrownSkinPoppin said:
This guy is canceled. We had been consistently hanging out and talking so I felt comfortable going to his house so we could ride together for our date. Plus I found out that he knows my cousin from high school and my cousin confirmed that he’s a decent guy.

Anyway. We get back to his house after the date and he starts talkin about how he wants to eat me out. Uugghhh. So I’m like nah I’m calling it a night. He wouldn’t let it go. Smh.

Maybe I’m ruthless but I cancel guys who do this in the early stages. I just feel like at 30+ we shouldn’t be acting like horny teenagers with someone you’ve known for less than a month.
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Hayle no. He should know how to control himself. If he can't then it's off with his head. No mercy. I've never been one to put up with much BS but now that I'm 30 the gloves are off. I don't have time for games.
 
ScorpioBeauty09 said:
I've been dating a man, I call him MFT in the Single Ladies thread, for one month tomorrow. The week of our first date, I had 2 first dates plus dinner with my first love who's thinking of moving here, back to back to back and then 2 second dates back to back and MFT rose to the top. Things are going great. He makes me laugh so much. Emotionally/intellectually we connect deeper than I've connected with a man ever. He's so self-aware, probably because he is an MFT, which I appreciate because after all the work I've done on myself, I'm not going to invest in someone who hasn't worked on himself. I learned that lesson with the last man I dated. The only thing we're moving slow in is the physical stuff, which at first was fine because after the last man I dated, I wasn't here for it. But now that we're getting closer emotionally, I want to get closer to him physically too. I don't mean sex but cuddling and hand holding. He's working on it but it doesn't come naturally to him because of his upbringing. Physical Touch is one of my love languages so I need it.

Anyway, I have a first date date with another man, I call him Cute Engineer, on Thursday. It was supposed to be on Monday but got moved. I'm feeling torn about it. MFT and I haven't defined our relationship yet, we're not exclusive but I'm getting more and more used to him. And unlike any man before, he's showing a real interest in getting to know me, not his idea of me. So we'll see. This is bringing up my issues around relationships and how I protect myself from getting hurt. So we'll see.

This is good though. A couple years ago I never would've thought I'd be in this position.
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The hi-light in blue above is very similar to my situation right now. He had another date set up with someone a couple of weekends ago and told me he felt torn about going...someone he met before me. Some of his friends said go...others said no based on how he feels about me. In the end, he didn't go....
I know it's been said unless we discuss exclusivity we should circulate...and it's probably the best thing to do in order to protect ourselves from being to invested & getting hurt. I'm still o dating sites and I'm thinking of going on a date..although I know I'm not interested in doing that, I'm trying to navigate differently than I have in the past, which is not circulating. If I do go on one, I'll let him know and see how he feels about it.
 
Sweetg said:
The hi-light in blue above is very similar to my situation right now. He had another date set up with someone a couple of weekends ago and told me he felt torn about going...someone he met before me. Some of his friends said go...others said no based on how he feels about me. In the end, he didn't go....
I know it's been said unless we discuss exclusivity we should circulate...and it's probably the best thing to do in order to protect ourselves from being to invested & getting hurt. I'm still o dating sites and I'm thinking of going on a date..although I know I'm not interested in doing that, I'm trying to navigate differently than I have in the past, which is not circulating. If I do go on one, I'll let him know and see how he feels about it.
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Please don’t let him know. Go on your date and continue to date him. You two are not exclusive. There is nothing wrong with you dating more than one man. You don’t owe him an explanation. Live your life, have fun, maintain your rotation, manage your emotions. Maybe be cancelled a date, maybe he didn’t. You’ve only been dating a month, right? Take it easy. Give yourself time to really get to know him while also, as you said, doing things differently.
 
Sweetg said:
The hi-light in blue above is very similar to my situation right now. He had another date set up with someone a couple of weekends ago and told me he felt torn about going...someone he met before me. Some of his friends said go...others said no based on how he feels about me. In the end, he didn't go....
I know it's been said unless we discuss exclusivity we should circulate...and it's probably the best thing to do in order to protect ourselves from being to invested & getting hurt. I'm still o dating sites and I'm thinking of going on a date..although I know I'm not interested in doing that, I'm trying to navigate differently than I have in the past, which is not circulating. If I do go on one, I'll let him know and see how he feels about it.
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Yeah this is exactly my situation since I’m doing the online thing too. We both still have our profiles up and apps active. It’s weird. Now that we’ve established a rapport I don’t want to have to go through all the introductory stuff again.

I don’t know that telling him is the best thing though. That seems like opening Pamdora’s Box. I just know that if/when I get exclusive with a man, I want to be sure there isn’t anyone else I’d rather be with. Because since I’m 30 now, being exclusive means we’re considering marriage in a couple years, I can see us having children etc. And as much as I like MFT, if he asked me today, I wouldn’t be sure.
 
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ScorpioBeauty09 said:
Hayle no. He should know how to control himself. If he can't then it's off with his head. No mercy. I've never been one to put up with much BS but now that I'm 30 the gloves are off. I don't have time for games.
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Right. So he knew I was out of town so when I got back texted me...STILL ASKING!

So I simply responded “today must be Thirsty Thursday” with the eye rolling emoji. It was a Thursday so I had to do it. I haven’t heard from him since lol.

The last guy I had left on my roster eliminated himself too. I was telling him how I’m moving and was buying new furniture for my bedroom and he asked what size mattress I have. So I told him it was a Queen and he goes “that’s a good size. enough to do what you gotta do.” I was like yeah..sleep.have a nice day.

I’m exhausted!
 
Sweetg said:
@hopeful @ScorpioBeauty09 Thnks for your responses. My friend said it may backfire on me if I do. One thing I know for sure is that if he ask me, I'm not lying about it.
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Oh yeah me neither. If MFT asks me point blank, I'm not going to lie but we've been clear with each other that we're still in the dating phase. He still asks me things like "what are you looking for in a relationship?"
 
Sweetg said:
@BrownSkinPoppin That's ha-larious! What could he say after that? He probably felt stupid.

@hopeful @ScorpioBeauty09 Thnks for your responses. My friend said it may backfire on me if I do. One thing I know for sure is that if he ask me, I'm not lying about it.
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Makes sense re not lying :yep:. Give yourself the permission to be free and to enjoy dating. One month in is just so soon to lock yourself in or to feel you have to share your whereabouts. Good luck and looking forward to more updates.
 
hopeful said:
Makes sense re not lying :yep:. Give yourself the permission to be free and to enjoy dating. One month in is just so soon to lock yourself in or to feel you have to share your whereabouts. Good luck and looking forward to more updates.
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That's what I'm thinking, despite how well things are going.
 
I agree with hopeful....

Do not lock yourselves down until you know that you know exclusivity is what you can say you two have with confidence.

Thats why its called dating — getting to know and meet people to decide which one is good for you. This takes time and requires going on dates with several prospectives.
 
Sweetg said:
Seriously, thank you for the feedback.
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The feedback was helpful to me too @hopeful. Some older people in my family, people who haven't been on the dating market in nearly 40 years were criticizing me for entertaining other peasants while I'm dating MFT and why I'm not throwing myself in head first. o_O They later backed off and admitted dating has changed since they did it, but I have a hard time trusting myself (working on it though) and their words triggered some of my deep seated issues.
 
so did the gemini attempted to manipulate me into a label??

Him: So what intellectual criteria is required for a guy to keep your attention.

Me: Alt views and fun facts. I also enjoy someone who’s a “know it all”. What about you?

Him: Elements. Not only that but confidence, intellect, and ambition and how they coexist and who she choses to bring these elements to and converses with.

Me: Well I won’t bring anything to you first.

Him: why?

Me: because you talk too much and don’t listen...so how can a student bring a teacher anything. They can’t. BUT I’m in no rush as our dialogue will evolve as time will have it.

Him: So what about who you bring that to???

Me: Well my main focus is cultivating a good ecosystem...

Him: So we’re in a relationship....

Me: not really...we’re developing an ecosystem. :-)

Him: that’s a relationship and I’m good with that.

Me: no its an ecosystem and very fluid one.
 
ScorpioBeauty09 said:
The feedback was helpful to me too @hopeful. Some older people in my family, people who haven't been on the dating market in nearly 40 years were criticizing me for entertaining other peasants while I'm dating MFT and why I'm not throwing myself in head first. o_O They later backed off and admitted dating has changed since they did it, but I have a hard time trusting myself (working on it though) and their words triggered some of my deep seated issues.
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I’m older and inexperienced BUT I have read a lot about relationships over the past few years, had some really good therapy, and have been on this forum for years, and especially on the relationship forum. And I have seen this pattern time and again of women falling too quickly for men they don’t really know all that well, men they’ve only known for a few weeks or just a couple months. They don’t seem to understand how easy it is for people to pretend to be one way in order to get what they want. And women get hurt over and over again. The happiest women seem to be the ones who are less pressed, date a variety of men, and give themselves time, as much time as they need.
 
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hopeful said:
I’m older and inexperienced BUT I have read a lot about relationships over the past few years, had some really good therapy, and have been on this forum for years, and especially on the relationship forum. And I have seen this pattern time and again of women falling too quickly for men they don’t really know all that well, men they’ve only know for a few weeks or just a couple months. They don’t seem to understand how easy it is for people to pretend to be one way in order to get what they want. And women get hurt over and over again. The happiest women seem to be the ones who are less pressed, date a variety of men, and give themselves time, as much time as they need.
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You’re like our Oprah in the relationship forum. We appreciate you! -:)
 
ScorpioBeauty09 said:
Cute Engineer had to cancel again. This time because his coworker fainted on the job and they had to go to the hospital. I had to drive a bit and Cute Engineer feels awful so he says he will come to me.
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Heads up—-if he cancels a 3rd time, bench him. What could be happening is his work/life balance isn’t suitable for dating right now.

To be proactive and get him preprogrammed, on your next date or conversation ask him how much time does he have to actively date someone. Just asking this question will get him reprioritizing and thinking about his cancel/actual date ratio.

Men are not used to being screened but when they see they are, they tighten up if they are really interested.

We don’t have to be rude about either. Remember you’re the prize.
 
007PMP said:
Heads up—-if he cancels a 3rd time, bench him. What could be happening is his work/life balance isn’t suitable for dating right now.

To be proactive and get him preprogrammed, on your next date or conversation ask him how much time does he have to actively date someone. Just asking this question will get him reprioritizing and thinking about his cancel/actual date ratio.

Men are not used to being screened but when they see they are, they tighten up if they are really interested.

We don’t have to be rude about either. Remember you’re the prize.
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Thanks. I was already planning on asking him where he is in his life re: relationships but now I have another incentive. Based on our conversations so far I wonder if his work/life balance has room for dating right now. :look:
 
ScorpioBeauty09 said:
Thanks. I was already planning on asking him where he is in his life re: relationships but now I have another incentive. Based on our conversations so far I wonder if his work/life balance has room for dating right now. :look:
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So here’s what I love about dating and it’s kinda in line with what hopeful said (I’m almost thinking this dating stuff warrants a LHCF meetup)...because we’re not in a rush we have time to be more methodical about how we interact with the prospects.

The more men you go on dates with (don’t even think about future goals, think exposure), the more experience we gain with how to identify the right guy.

Think about sports and tryouts: you cant just walk out in the field and say I’m QB. The coach has to observe you, strategically setup plays (plural) to see how you will respond, and then have a series of 1:1 meetings to see if you’re head is where your heart and physical ability is at. You can have a good tactical player but if he cannot grasp the game as a whole? He won’t get field time—the coach will bench him until he reaches a level of mental maturity. They all have to align.

Men do this—-its in their nature. Dude to Coach (us) put me in! I can to x, y, and z. What do we do as women??? Every single time we put him in based upon what he says and then he gets on the field (taking up our time and emotions) and cannot even execute a play. Why he couldn’t doesn’t matter....the fact that he couldn’t execute does. Trust me, men know this but they also know that not many women will hold them accountable up front.

For us, dating should be a spectator sport. We show up and we watch. We are the coach scouting and recruiting for that all star player.

For men, its a play/action sport.

Definitely inquire about his availability to actually make plays. Coworker fainted—not your problem and now often does that happen (aka how many times can I expect to be put on hold because someone fainted?)....we can’t play ball if you don’t show up.
 
feferity said:
So after a year of dating my bf broke up with me :cry3: I’m pretty devastated right now because i should have broken up with him first. He’s been acting shady the last couple months and I’m almost positive he was cheating too :(
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Aww... (hug)
I'm sorry you are having a rough time. The day will come that you will be over him. The feeling of devastation won't last forever.
 
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