You've Never Been To His Place - What Does That Signal?

L

loved

Well-Known Member
Someone I care about has been seeing someone for 3 years and has never been to his place. They've even broken up over it at different points, but I guess in moments of weakness she takes him back.

So she tells me that he's flying out to meet her at her daughter's house for Christmas. I ask her is she crazy. Why is he flying all over the country to your family events (he's traveled to our events on other holidays) and you can't go down the street to see where he lives? After this, she makes "Save the Date" for our wedding calls to my relatives and I'm through. I think she gave him an ultimatum after talking to me and he upped it - baby I love you and want you to be my wife.

Is he married? How could he be if he spends the holidays with her. My thought is that even JJ Evans & Project Billy want you to come to their home or their momma's basement so it can't be the living quarters.

What is going on?
 
It signals that he's married, living with someone or just not that into your friend.

ETA: some folks lie so much its easy to fool their trusting mates. He can cheat on holidays just like he could cheat during an outing with the kids. If a person really wants to do something, they will find a way.
 
I agree with justNikki. He is hiding something or someone at his house.

I just wanted to add another possible reason but I don't think it applies here. Another reason is if he is dating outside of his race and/or culture and he is still living with family, he may not want to bring her over to his place.
 
He's either married or has a live-in girlfriend?

There's no way I would date a guy for 3 years and not see his place, thats just crazy to me.
 
I definitley agree he's hiding something, most likely another woman. Has she ever asked him who he lives with? I'm sure your friend knows what's up, even if she doesn't want to admit it. Deep down she knows that's not right, hence the arguements and break-ups.

Also, she needs to do a check of her local court sites, like the county's probate site and the county's clerk of courts site. If he's married, his marriage license is public record. She may find some answers there. I do those searches up front for EVERY guy that I meet. Period. That way there's no guessing games later, no hurt feelings months into it. I wanna know it all upfront and unfortunately not all guys share that info. from jump.
 
Cincysweetie said:
I definitley agree he's hiding something, most likely another woman. Has she ever asked him who he lives with? I'm sure your friend knows what's up, even if she doesn't want to admit it. Deep down she knows that's not right, hence the arguements and break-ups.

Also, she needs to do a check of her local court sites, like the county's probate site and the county's clerk of courts site. If he's married, his marriage license is public record. She may find some answers there. I do those searches up front for EVERY guy that I meet. Period. That way there's no guessing games later, no hurt feelings months into it. I wanna know it all upfront and unfortunately not all guys share that info. from jump.
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Thanks for that idea & the feedback ladies. When they're on a breakup moment, I'll ask if she's ever checked him out. I'm not pleased that my family is getting excited about the idea of a family wedding this year. It would be the first family gathering since a relative died this year. They don't know about this and I don't think it's a small thing.

I have a friend who had a suspicion and used 1-800-US-SEARCh to run a check on her SO while she was pregnant. She found out he was married.

Another friend who is hosting for Christmas says that is obvious that her FIL is calling his girlfriend while he's visiting at her house. He keeps leaving to make phone calls outside. They all know that he has an SO since he was caught in his home with her a year or so ago by 1 of his kids.
 
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I agree that he is definitely hiding something. 3 years and she hasn't been to his home?? That's just ridiculous. :nono:
 
loved said:
Thanks for that idea & the feedback ladies. When they're on a breakup moment, I'll ask if she's ever checked him out. I'm not pleased that my family is getting excited about the idea of a family wedding this year. It would be the first family gathering since a relative died this year. They don't know about this and I don't think it's a small thing.

I have a friend who had a suspicion and used 1-800-US-SEARCh to run a check on her SO while she was pregnant. She found out he was married.

Another friend who is hosting for Christmas says that is obvious that her FIL is calling his girlfriend while he's visiting at her house. He keeps leaving to make phone calls outside. They all know that he has an SO since he was caught in his home with her a year or so ago by 1 of his kids.
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Your friend needs an intervention. Has anyone shared this information with her?
 
His place could be super messy. :lachen: That's what happened to me when I was first going out with my bf. He would not let me see his place for a couple of months. Then finally he let me see it and boy I wished I hadn't. I never went back. His place was so dirty and messy.
 
drasgrl said:
His place could be super messy. :lachen: That's what happened to me when I was first going out with my bf. He would not let me see his place for a couple of months. Then finally he let me see it and boy I wished I hadn't. I never went back. His place was so dirty and messy.
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Wow, LOL.

Sorry, but I don't buy it in this case. If you're really feeling a chick, you will find the time IN 3 YEARS to get your spot situated so she can come over.

That is ridiculous. :nono:
 
Cincysweetie said:
Also, she needs to do a check of her local court sites, like the county's probate site and the county's clerk of courts site. If he's married, his marriage license is public record. She may find some answers there. I do those searches up front for EVERY guy that I meet. Period. That way there's no guessing games later, no hurt feelings months into it. I wanna know it all upfront and unfortunately not all guys share that info. from jump.
Click to expand...


I know that's right. I do searches too. I discovered this one fool I was talking to had a PFA against him from his ex. It was time to move on after that.
 
if you have been dating a guy or seeing him for over a month . and he has not invited you to his place within a month that is a bigggggggg problem. either he isnt comfortable with you yet , seeing someone else or has items of someone else in his house. i suggest you try to suugest having dinner at his house or maybe watching a movie . if he makes up an excsue to why not and it doesnt sound legitate you should runnn away . there are many more fish in the sea .
 
gabulldawg said:
There's no way I could further pursue a relationship with a guy without addressing that issue! Seems like she's setting herself up for disappointment. :ohwell:
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ITA, we got to start telling dudes to bounce!!! :wallbash: I do not understand why some women feel that they have to hang in their and stand by the side of a person who makes them feel bad. :nono:
 
I dont know how women "date thru" these big arse red flags. Then later on when it ends they try to pretend like they dont know what happened.

By chance has she ever followed him back to his place? :look:
 
Bint Yusef said:
I dont know how women "date thru" these big arse red flags. Then later on when it ends they try to pretend like they dont know what happened.

By chance has she ever followed him back to his place? :look:
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Girl, this ain't even a flag, this is one of those big *** billboards you see on the side of the highway. :nono:
 
He's more than likely married.

Situation #1: A few years ago, this guy and I were just friends, but we'd go out occasionally. He'd been to my place before, but I'd never been to his place (after about 4 months) with some BS about his roommate....turned out he was married. He told me he was separated and this wife was in Michigan, she was right here in GA. :angry2:

Situation #2: Earlier this year, began dealing with this guy for a while, again, he'd been to my place a couple times and he never invited me to his place. I'd make little comments about coming over to his place and he'd always avert the topic. He was married. :nono:
 
I have questions. Does this dude takes her places in their town (I am assuming they live in the same town)? I mean if she wants to go to the local Applebees with him, is this an issue? Or do they go to the Applebees on the other side of town? Catch my drift. Has he ever spent a night over your friend's house? Has she ever met his family and friends? Is so, how was she introduced?
 
OP, your friend already knows what's up. She's just playing crazy like we do sometimes when we're in denial, but trust, she knows.
 
prettyeyez0724 said:
if you have been dating a guy or seeing him for over a month . and he has not invited you to his place within a month that is a bigggggggg problem. either he isnt comfortable with you yet , seeing someone else or has items of someone else in his house. i suggest you try to suugest having dinner at his house or maybe watching a movie . if he makes up an excsue to why not and it doesnt sound legitate you should runnn away . there are many more fish in the sea .
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Everyone has their level of comfort. I myself would not go to a man's home I was dating after only a month nor would I invite him over to my place in such a short period of time. I would think that most would agree that not see someone's place after a month of dating is not a big deal at all.

Now the OP's friend has a problem if she still has not seen this guys place after 2 years of dating. I just don't get it. It never ceases to amaze me the type of crazy, stupid, disrespectful things that women will put up with.:nono:
 
My friend was seeing a guy and he would never let her in his place, come to find out, he wasn't working, had a kid, and was basically sleeping wherever he could. He was TRIFLING to say the least.
 
Yeah, I would agree that nothing good can come out of this situation. He may not be married, but whatever the case, it probably won't be pretty. :nono: I think we are talking about more than a dirty house here... :perplexed
 
gabulldawg said:
Yeah, I would agree that nothing good can come out of this situation. He may not be married, but whatever the case, it probably won't be pretty. :nono: I think we are talking about more than a dirty house here... :perplexed
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yea I was just thinking the same thing. Even if he isnt married, there's still something serious going on with dude. And like a previous poster said, your friend knows whats up, she just dont wanna tell you. :nono:
 
justNikki said:
OP, your friend already knows what's up. She's just playing crazy like we do sometimes when we're in denial, but trust, she knows.
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Yep, she knows. 3 years is too long a time to pretend you don't know.

She is probably hoping he will leave his wife or live-in girlfriend for her.
 
They live in a metro area that's big enough so that he really doesn't have to hide. No hotel, they're staying with her daughter.

I didn't think he could be married and spend the holidays with her.

She tells me about other guys that seem decent and are into her, but she's not into them. I told her that her heart would not be open to any1 as long as he is in the rotation. He seems to assert his territory whenever it seems like someone else may be interested in her.

Can she really believe something is up if she's telling everyone about a spring wedding? He did not give her a ring.
 
loved said:
They live in a metro area that's big enough so that he really doesn't have to hide. No hotel, they're staying with her daughter.

I didn't think he could be married and spend the holidays with her.

She tells me about other guys that seem decent and are into her, but she's not into them. I told her that her heart would not be open to any1 as long as he is in the rotation. He seems to assert his territory whenever it seems like someone else may be interested in her.

Can she really believe something is up if she's telling everyone about a spring wedding? He did not give her a ring.
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Just wow......

This situation is a straight H.A.M.
 
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