Would You Reject a Man based on looks only?

[Duchesse]

I'm way too aesthetically minded to date an ugly man. If I have to squint my eyes after downing a shot of vodka, and making sure that we were in a dark,remote area as my prerequisites to a kiss, it ain't happening.

When I first meet someone, I go on looks on whether or not I would want to get to know them further on that level.

On the other hand, I wouldn't want to date an incredibly handsome man either. An 8.5 on my attractive scale is my preference.

 

[SilkyandSmooth]

Yes. Physical attraction is pretty important to me. If I'm not physically attracted to a man, nothing is happening. We could be friends but that's about it.

 

[Ms Red]

There are too many factors to consider for me to say 'Yes' definitively.

 

[chebaby]

If he was that busted, we wouldn't even get to the part where I find out about his 'good' qualities.

my thoughts exactly. unless we were friends first

 

[SweetNic_JA]

I have to think about survival of the fittest here, because looks have a huge impact on how you are received and treated in society. Dating an ugly man opens up the possibility for marriage and children, and I could not intentionally procreate with a man who looks like a gremlin. That would be a complete disservice to my children! They'd spend their lives asking "why Momma, why???".

 

[ChasingBliss]

I have to think about survival of the fittest here, because looks have a huge impact on how you are received and treated in society. Dating an ugly man opens up the possibility for marriage and children, and I could not intentionally procreate with a man who looks like a gremlin. That would be a complete disservice to my children! They'd spend their lives asking "why Momma, why???".

Just wrong I tell you. Wrong!

 

[SweetNic_JA]

Just wrong I tell you. Wrong!

It's all about the kids.

 

[cocoberry10]

I have to think about survival of the fittest here, because looks have a huge impact on how you are received and treated in society. Dating an ugly man opens up the possibility for marriage and children, and I could not intentionally procreate with a man who looks like a gremlin. That would be a complete disservice to my children! They'd spend their lives asking "why Momma, why???".

I hate to admit to this, but this is probably the biggest reason I wouldn't want to either (not saying I wouldn't). Honestly, I could overlook it for myself (in terms of him not looking good). But I know that other kids are mean.

I remember in high school being on the dance/cheer team, and girls didn't make the squad b/c they weren't considered pretty enough, even if they were good dancers; meanwhile girls who couldn't dance as well made it b/c they fit the teams "aesthetic standard." And I hate to say it, but it's even harder when you are a woman of color in a majority white school (like me). Then, everything has to be on point for people to consider you pretty enough to get these things.

And sadly, it continued in college. Sorority was like this. I used to think "why don't we pick people for the 'content of their character?' and my sorors would look at me and say "b/c your character doesn't get people to come to your parties"

I would worry about this more for my daughter b/c it always seems like even a not so hot guy can still "bag a babe" if other things are in order

But is there hope for an "aesthetically challenged" woman? I think so, but the forecast is not as good.

 

[Xavier]

If he was that busted, we wouldn't even get to the part where I find out about his 'good' qualities.

This made me laugh. I was thinking the same thing.

 

[Sly]

Just wondering. If a man had all the other qualities you wanted, but he was truly unattractive to you (I'm talking almost repulsive looking), would you reject dating/marrying him?

My cousing just ended things with a guy b/c she said there was no physical attraction. I'm not as caught up in looks myself, but I will admit, he wasn't a handsome guy. However, I think he was a wonderful person, and would have been good for her. But, obviously, I can't make decisions for anyone but myself!

repulsive?

 

[angenoir]

BTW being beautiful and having a handsome man does not guarantee beautiful kids.

I know physical attraction is important in a relationship but I have also realized that it does not relate only to looks. There are other things usually a bit intangible, that actually make a person attractive. I am sure you would agree that sometimes you meet a really handsome guy and yet there is no attraction, you can appreciate him aesthetically but you wouldn't necessarily swoon over him. So I wouldn't reduce attractiveness to looks. For me its also in someone's manner of being, of carrying themselves etc...

AND.... we all know beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so all those supposedly "ugly" men being passed up... well, someone will see their beauty.

AND.... I hope those so bent on a guys looks are at least equally beautiful/attractive... because it would be unfair not to use the same measuring stick (that we use on the guys) on ourselves.

So to answer the OPs original question, I wouldn't outright reject someone based on looks. At least I hope not. First of all I have never been approached by what some people here are describing as 100% ugly - is there such a thing?? And even when someone isn't the whole package when it come to looks, I listen to what they have to say and try to get to know them if I am so inclined. If not, then I hope its not based on looks alone.

Just my two cents worth.

 

[cocoberry10]

BTW being beautiful and having a handsome man does not guarantee beautiful kids.

I know physical attraction is important in a relationship but I have also realized that it does not relate only to looks. There are other things usually a bit intangible, that actually make a person attractive. I am sure you would agree that sometimes you meet a really handsome guy and yet there is no attraction, you can appreciate him aesthetically but you wouldn't necessarily swoon over him. So I wouldn't reduce attractiveness to looks. For me its also in someone's manner of being, of carrying themselves etc...

AND.... we all know beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so all those supposedly "ugly" men being passed up... well, someone will see their beauty.

AND.... I hope those so bent on a guys looks are at least equally beautiful/attractive... because it would be unfair not to use the same measuring stick (that we use on the guys) on ourselves.

So to answer the OPs original question, I wouldn't outright reject someone based on looks. At least I hope not. First of all I have never been approached by what some people here are describing as 100% ugly - is there such a thing?? And even when someone isn't the whole package when it come to looks, I listen to what they have to say and try to get to know them if I am so inclined. If not, then I hope its not based on looks alone.

Just my two cents worth.

I agree with everything you said, and I think exactly the same way as you, especially the bolded parts As I said before, I do admit that I have "concern" or "worry" for my daughter, b/c I know how mean girls can be to other girls they consider "ugly." When I was in high school and college, I saw this from the inside. I never mistreat people b/c of how they "look" and have even dated a few "ugly" guys (meaning others considered them ugly). I am not obsessed with beauty, but I have been told enough that I am very pretty/beautiful, even by complete strangers, and have had enough experiences being treated "nicely" or "well" to know that looks are not "irrelevant" in this society. As I said above, I remember being in high school on dance team, and watching qualified girls NOT get chosen b/c they were considered "ugly." I was in that room b/c I was on the team, and I heard the way my teammates spoke, so I know it can be hard for a girl who's not thought of as "pretty." Likewise in college, I remember that when I was in my sorority. I was in one of the two most popular Black women's sororities, and I specifically remember one candidate that I really liked. And sadly, some of my sorors said "she needs to go out for (one of the "less popular" Black women's sorority)" So, me as a sensitive soul, knows that this can be a cold world for the "less aesthetically pleasing"

 

[Much2much41]

I hate to admit to this, but this is probably the biggest reason I wouldn't want to either (not saying I wouldn't). Honestly, I could overlook it for myself (in terms of him not looking good). But I know that other kids are mean.

I remember in high school being on the dance/cheer team, and girls didn't make the squad b/c they weren't considered pretty enough, even if they were good dancers; meanwhile girls who couldn't dance as well made it b/c they fit the teams "aesthetic standard." And I hate to say it, but it's even harder when you are a woman of color in a majority white school (like me). Then, everything has to be on point for people to consider you pretty enough to get these things.

And sadly, it continued in college. Sorority was like this. I used to think "why don't we pick people for the 'content of their character?' and my sorors would look at me and say "b/c your character doesn't get people to come to your parties"

I would worry about this more for my daughter b/c it always seems like even a not so hot guy can still "bag a babe" if other things are in order

But is there hope for an "aesthetically challenged" woman? I think so, but the forecast is not as good.

I have to agree with this post. Kids are cruel, and so are adults. It's hard to get hired if the person doing the hiring can't stand to look you in the face. I'd at least TRY to give my kids a fighting chance.

 

[cocoberry10]

I have to agree with this post. Kids are cruel, and so are adults. It's hard to get hired if the person doing the hiring can't stand to look you in the face. I'd at least TRY to give my kids a fighting chance.

There is some truth to this (unfortunately). However, simply being beautiful won't get you the job either (unless it's a secretary and not even then)

 

[Spongie Bloom]

yes i probably would maybe im a bit shallow but i need to have that attraction if i dont have attraction i wouldnt even want him to hug me or show affection with me and i would live in fear of when he wants to kiss me..no he has to be attractive to me ...not so bothered if other pple dont think hes gorgeous as long as i find him attractive

 

[Sosoothing]

Yes I would and have done it may times before. Attraction/looks is/are more important than we like to admit.

 

[cocoberry10]

Well, according to the survey 94 of you would reject a man based on looks only, whereas only 13 of you wouldn't

Keep it coming ladies

I have to say, hopefully I WOULDN'T reject a man based on looks ONLY. However, I admit that I am human. I guess you can say I grew up constantly being told I was "pretty/beautiful" by people (family, family friends, my own friends and strangers). As I said before, I remember being on dance team in high school and sorority in college, and in both situations, I remember some women rejecting girls b/c of their aesthetics (moreso in high school, not as bad in college). I think that is terrible, but I would honestly worry for my daughter if she was considered "ugly." Certainly, I wouldn't love her any less, b/c I could care less what she looked like. But I would be concerned that she would struggle. What do I say to her if she gets teased for how she looks? I admit, I wouldn't know On the other hand, I remember in college, there were a lot of girls that may not have been considered "pretty," and boy could they keep a man! So, I do think that confidence also matters. I just admit that I'm a little concerned for the above. I want my child to have at least a "fair shot." But as someone said above, I've seen two beautiful people who make a not so beautiful child, and I've seen a beautiful person and a not so beautiful person still make a beautiful child. Heck, I've even seen two not so attractive people make a beautiful child. At the end of the day, I think it's the two person's features and how they blend together more than whether they are both beautiful.

Although I haven't voted on the survey, I think I'll say I probably would not reject a man based on looks only! (secretly praying that God sends me a beautiful man)

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

As long as the guy is attractive to ME, then that's all that really matters. I really couldn't care less what other people thought about him. I'm the one who would have to go home with him every night. So if I find him appealing, then that's all that really matters to me.

Attractiveness is also MORE than just "good looks". It could be the person's demeanor, body/physical type, eyes, smile, the way they carry themselves, etc. So, it's not just a "pretty/handsome face". Sometimes a guy will not be the most nice-looking guy in the room, but he has a nice engaging personality, and something about his eyes or smile just draw you in.

So, I'm not saying my guy has to look like a GQ model or anything. Just someone I can stand to look at and won't be disgusted by.

 

[cocoberry10]

As long as the guy is attractive to ME, then that's all that really matters. I really couldn't care less what other people thought about him. I'm the one who would have to go home with him every night. So if I find him appealing, then that's all that really matters to me.

Attractiveness is also MORE than just "good looks". It could be the person's demeanor, body/physical type, eyes, smile, the way they carry themselves, etc. So, it's not just a "pretty/handsome face". Sometimes a guy will not be the most nice-looking guy in the room, but he has a nice engaging personality, and something about his eyes or smile just draw you in.

So, I'm not saying my guy has to look like a GQ model or anything. Just someone I can stand to look at and won't be disgusted by.

I agree with you! I know my intent as the OP was based on what each individual person wanted. I hope we are all mature enough to find a man attractive based on our own standards

 

[winterinatl]

Yes.

They can tell when you are not physically attracted to them sometimes, and it leads to problems (his self esteem).

Not to mention, there are some physical issues that point to his lifestyle habits and overall health. I am trying to be healthy and have healthy lifestyles; I don't really have time and energy to try and change someone.

He doesn't have to be perfect, but even featured and healthy.

 

[BrickbyBrick]

I tried...but he wouldn't give up. We've been dating four years now

 

[DayStar]

I tried...but he wouldn't give up. We've been dating four years now

.............

 

[cocoberry10]

I tried...but he wouldn't give up. We've been dating four years now

Well that's good, and I'm sure he's a very happy man

 

[cocoberry10]

Yes.

They can tell when you are not physically attracted to them sometimes, and it leads to problems (his self esteem).

Not to mention, there are some physical issues that point to his lifestyle habits and overall health. I am trying to be healthy and have healthy lifestyles; I don't really have time and energy to try and change someone.

He doesn't have to be perfect, but even featured and healthy.

I can understand what you are saying from a health perspective. I also try to live a healthy life, and I would want someone who does the same!

 

[vestaluv1]

I couldn't date a guy I wasn't attracted to...I don't see the point.

 

[sprungonhairboards]

I would not date someone I didnt find attractive. There's a guy at my job that has sooo many qualities I look for and has been trying to get with me for 8 years. Can't do it. He is so ugly to me. Great body, dresses nice. Tore up face.

Funny cause I posted in the 'would you date a fat guy' thread that I just started dating a fatso. But he's already lost a significant amount of weight and is still losing. When he's done he'll be all good. You can't change ugly.

 

[Kurlee]

but what about the children?!














No really i dunno............, personality is more important than looks to me

 

[Nay]

Way back when I was dating, I dated all kinds of guys: handsome, ugly, dark, light, tall, short. I was very receptive to people regardless of their looks.

Interestingly, the guy I ended up marrying is beautiful , but I would have given him a chance even if he was just so-so.

 

[cocoberry10]

Way back when I was dating, I dated all kinds of guys: handsome, ugly, dark, light, tall, short. I was very receptive to people regardless of their looks.

Interestingly, the guy I ended up marrying is beautiful , but I would have given him a chance even if he was just so-so.

Well, God bless you! I too hope I wouldn't reject someone based on looks ONLY!

 

[Theo]

Way back when I was dating, I dated all kinds of guys: handsome, ugly, dark, light, tall, short. I was very receptive to people regardless of their looks.

Interestingly, the guy I ended up marrying is beautiful , but I would have given him a chance even if he was just so-so.

Totally OT, but that episode of Bugs Bunny in your avatar has to be my favorite ever.

"I just luuuuuuuuuuv talking to innnnterrrrresting people."

Bugs is the best... ever.