Would You Date a Man...

[LisaLisa1908]

You said in NO way attracted to him. That's key.

I'm a big believer in doing unto others as I would have them do unto me. I would be DEEPLY HURT if some dude was completely UNATTRACTED TO ME but went out with me anyway because my "resume" was good. I'm sorry, I need to be attracted to and be attractive to whoever I'm with IN ADDITION to the other stuff. Why sell yourself short? Clearly, if there's NOTHING there, and you say you are in NO WAY attracted, you're settling. Period.

 

[luvn_life]

Deleted....

 

[1QTPie]

Nothing wrong with dating. I feel that people should date with blindfolds on. Looks fade and really how handsome/pretty can you be if you are a jerk?

Date him and get to know him. Some of the best relationships I've had were with guys that most wouldn't claim are lookers.

With that said though, there MUST be chemistry. I need to be attracted to your pheromones. I need that animal attraction that goes well beyond outward appearance.

 

[weaveologist]

OP, my mother does the same thing. She thinks I am so stupid for not dating an ex from years ago who is now so persistent with marrying me. I keep telling her that his **** is little, so no matter how much he takes care of me, I will ALWAYS be miserable. She thinks I'm being soooo niave. I refuse to live my life unsatisfied.... I have met so many women that are unhappy because either they married someone they did not find attractive for one reason or the next or because thier husband is strictly a bread winner and can't do nothing else.

I'd rather be happily married than just married any day.

 

[weaveologist]

Nothing wrong with dating. I feel that people should date with blindfolds on. Looks fade and really how handsome/pretty can you be if you are a jerk?

Date him and get to know him. Some of the best relationships I've had were with guys that most wouldn't claim are lookers.

With that said though, there MUST be chemistry. I need to be attracted to your pheromones. I need that animal attraction that goes well beyond outward appearance.

This is key! I totally agree. Being fine don't make you sexy. I know alot of "unattractive" sexy men.

 

[Duchesse]

In the past, if I wasn't attracted to a guy, I wouldn't give him the time of day. Now, I'm wiling to give a "catch" a chance even if I have no initial attraction/desire.

Personality and the material accouterments of being "a catch" go a long way in my book nowadays. I'm still kicking myself in the booty for not giving a certain guy a chance because I wasn't feeling him.

 

[scorpio70]

i'm with you Divine. I've dated someone before that i wasn't that attracted to and I vowed never to do it again. when our rel'ship started to fail and he started acting a fool, the first thing i thought to myself was, 'why am i even dealing with this? i'm not even feeling him like that.'

and it all felt like a waste of time and i was pissed off at myself. LOL

i want to at least look back at the rel'ship (if it doesn't work out) and think, '...it didn't work out, but, we had a serious vibe (chemistry) going for a while.'

...and the attraction isn't even about his looks. its just that inexplicable vibe folks get. that spark. i think that is mandatory to pass go!

 

[godsflowerrr]

Nope..I always remember my momma telling me that if you can't picture yourself kissing him then it won't work. If you have to force yourself to kiss him while thinking of someone elses face just forget about it! lol

 

[Ms Red]

I just don't see the harm in meeting for a coffee.

Now months and months, no way. But most of us know within a date or two if there is a 'possibility' of something more. Go get your latte on, girl.

 

[tuffCOOKiE]

OK you're talking about two diff things here:

1. You're not attracted to him - that can be changed (for me). There are things about a man that I'm attracted to, like his consideration for me (the little things).

vs.

2. You have bad vibes. Stay away.

See the diff?? you should not be feeling bad vibes from someone youre going to (maybe) have a relationship with. This also applies to 'OFF' men. (you know how some men are just alittle off??) hth

 

[MD_Lady]

It couldn't be me. Since I know I'm not one of those "learn to like" a guy type of gals, I wouldn't give him any hope that I'd one day become interested.

 

[Avaya]

At this point and time no. If I'm knocking on 40 and still single, probably.

As long as he doesn't look like he fell out of the ugly tree and hit every last single branch on his way down and then a mob came and beat him with ugly sticks and then his neck threw up from the trauma then we can hang .

(OT: Is it "point and time" or "point in time"?)

 

[scorpio70]

(OT: Is it "point and time" or "point in time"?)

Point in time. LOL

 

[Bunny77]

I would go out on a date with him. One date won't kill anyone.

(I'm only talking about a situation involving a decent guy who happens to be average looking. Not some broke down dude on the corner or anything like that.)

I'm of the belief that attraction can grow (or fade), so if the person is interesting and has good conversation, going out with him once won't hurt. The worst that could happen is that I decide to never go out with him again after that, and the best that could happen is that I discover that I enjoy his company and accept a second date!

 

[kandake]

Some of y'all are speaking as if you can't have one without the other.

I wouldn't date a man that I wasn't attracted to. I wouldn't just date him for the sake of just dating him because then I would be leading him on. And I don't want to grow to like somebody. I can see if I'm friends with someone and we grow to like each other but I don't want to purposely set out to do that.

I'm looking for the whole package. You need to be a great person and attractive too. And I'm not necessarily talking about drop dead gorgeous. Because I've been attracted to some okay looking brothas.

 

[DivineNapps1728]

i'm with you Divine. I've dated someone before that i wasn't that attracted to and I vowed never to do it again. when our rel'ship started to fail and he started acting a fool, the first thing i thought to myself was, 'why am i even dealing with this? i'm not even feeling him like that.'

and it all felt like a waste of time and i was pissed off at myself. LOL

i want to at least look back at the rel'ship (if it doesn't work out) and think, '...it didn't work out, but, we had a serious vibe (chemistry) going for a while.'

...and the attraction isn't even about his looks. its just that inexplicable vibe folks get. that spark. i think that is mandatory to pass go!

ITA! If I'm not attracted I'm not interested...point blank. Attractive qualities that lead me to be attracted to someone could be anything from personality to aspirations to looks, etc. I am in no way attracted to him.

Nope..I always remember my momma telling me that if you can't picture yourself kissing him then it won't work. If you have to force yourself to kiss him while thinking of someone elses face just forget about it! lol

Great rule of thumb. You know how even when you're not physically attracted to someone sometimes you still have a desire to be around them, like something about that person is magnetic and you want to know more? There's none of that with dude...

OK you're talking about two diff things here:

1. You're not attracted to him - that can be changed (for me). There are things about a man that I'm attracted to, like his consideration for me (the little things).

vs.

2. You have bad vibes. Stay away.

ITA. I'm aware that I'm not attracted AND on top of having no attraction there's something about him that doesn't sit well with me. I still can't put my finger on it, but something about who he is, is off.



Thanks for continuing to chime in with personal experiences and opinions ladies; I've more or less made my decision, but it's cool to read what others would do in the situation. Alot more people would give love a try without any attraction (social, physical, etc) than I would have thought

I agree with the ladies that said love can blossom, but shouldn't you be attracted to something about the person before the door is opened to try? You could simply like their smile, the passion shown in their eyes while doing something they love, the way they interact with people, or anything simple, but at least it's something.

 

[BillsBackerz67]

nope...no further explanation needed

 

[Butterfly08]

if you have a funny feeling and something is not right them follow your instinct girl.

This is the only part that gives me pause. There's a difference between a wonderful guy that you feel nothing for and a wonderful guy that you gives you bad vibes. If you have nothing else to do, maybe go out on a date but stay alert, listen a lot more than you talk. I too think that attraction can develop over time, but the bad vibe thing is what makes me iffy on this one.....................