letting go of a GOOD MAN because he's not the BEST MAN for you

[filthyfresh]

Sounds like you dodged a bullet there with that one.
With those kind of ways, he may not be 'good' for anyone.

That's true. I'm struggling with not going back. We still speak but I'm going to have to cut that off. I guess it's true what Jazmine Sullivan said "Just because I love you & you love me, it doesn't mean that we're meant to be."

 

[Latomian]

I've done it. Maybe it's b/c my ultimate goal really isn't to live happily ever after or anything, but I found it unfair that he was very into me and I could not reciprocate those feelings. He was a very nice guy and I believed that there was a woman/or women out there who would do a much better job returning the sentiment than if I pretended to be.

 

[metro_qt]

For me, I have to feel some kind of energetic pull towards you. I'd be pissed if a said boyfriend were to say the reason why he's with me is b/c I'm a "nice girl". Word, that's it? I don't want to be anybody's charity case. You aren't doing me any favors keeping me around soley because I'm a good woman and that's it. That means, you're "settling" for me and I am not anyone's settlement. I don't challenge you, excite you about things, push you to be a better person, etc? These things are important to me. I've tried sticking around with nice guys in hopes that I would develop something b/c I knew that they were "nice" and "treat women right". I felt nothing for them but a good friendship and honestly if after 3 months I don't feel something for a man, I'm not going to. It can't be made to fit. We aren't compatible with every good man that comes our way ya know.

Word!!!!!
You said it ALL in this post.

 

[Kiadodie]

It's not about wanting a perfect man. It's about wanting a man that you click with, have chemistry with, look forward to seeing, etc...

He may be a good man, but not for you. I had a couple men interested in me that were wonderful. But I felt absolutely nothing romantic for them. It wasn't fair to them and definitely not to me to keep a relationship going with them.

I so agree..especially @ the bolded. I met someone 2 months ago and he's good looking, good job, owns his home, no kids, Christian...but NO chemistry AT ALL. I hung in there for 2 months and I just couldn't do it anymore.

 

[Optimus_Prime]

3 guys have tried to start a romantic relationship with me (we're friends and we're going to stay that way).
They are all good on paper so to speak, and all very nice and respectful, smart, well educated, but I'm not attracted to any of them, so it's a no-go.

 

[LBoogie]

Yep...twice. I'm sure they're fine now.

 

[jupitermoon]

It is better to be in a relationship with a good man who adores you than to be alone waiting for the "perfect man" who may not ever come.

I'd say keep that good man and be happy with him.

I agree. I'm getting older and it's hard enough finding a good man to begin with. If I do ever manage to find a good man I'll be damned if I leave him because I'm waiting for something "better". Nothing's perfect in life. I'm more than willing to compromise in some areas.

 

[ScorpioBeauty09]

I wish my mother could read this thread. She always pushes me to date the "good" ones because they are beneficial for me. "What's love got to do with it" is her favorite saying. But my comeback always is "But I at least have to like him". Being in love comes and goes. The butterflies come and go. But if you have a genuine like and kinship with someone, it will most likely last.

How can you learn to love someone that you don't even like??

Your mom sounds like my mom. I agree with you 100%. Until quite recently she was really pushing me to date my now ex-male roommate. He's a good friend but I never saw any romantic chemistry with him (my mom doesn't believe in chemistry btw) personality, emotionally or physically. If there was rest assured I would not have lived with him for 2 years. He's not the first person my mom's pushed me to date and her reasoning is always because he's kind, educated, all the things that look good on paper. I get that but there has to be more. I have to like being around them and feel that spiritual connection otherwise I'm just making both of us miserable and I'll always wonder if the person I'm supposed to be with is out there and I'm missing him. I can't stand that feeling.

 

[Angelicus]

I had to do it. We we going in two different directions, moving in two different physical locations. I really did think that he was perfect but God was calling me to be different.

 

[ebonylocs]

Oh it's hurts even worse when a man and a woman are actually mutually in love, all aspects of their lives being compatible, but your goals are COMPLETELY different. (ex. one wants kids, one does not) This is what kills a lot of relationships. It's what I have to reconcile with concerning a guy right now. I don't wanna make and bake little rugrats. and I'm pretty sure he does

Yeah, that's what really hurts. I had to part from someone I truly loved and would have willlingly spent my life with, because he wanted mini mes and life in a particular country, and I wanted life in another country and was happy for it to be just me and him.

Otherwise, I have no problem letting go good men that are not right for me and that I don't love.

 

[ebonylocs]

I agree. I'm getting older and it's hard enough finding a good man to begin with. If I do ever manage to find a good man I'll be damned if I leave him because I'm waiting for something "better". Nothing's perfect in life. I'm more than willing to compromise in some areas.

It would be immature to seek perfection, I think most are aware of that. Yes, one must be willing to compromise on "some areas", but each person has to determine what those areas are that they are willing to compromise on, and what are the non-negotiables. For me, the non-negotiables are intellectual compatibility, integrity, ambition/industriousness, and communication/emotional connectiveness. I am willing to compromise on looks, interests, education level. Can't be in a relationship that just doesn't feel right. If it does not fit, you must get out of it.

What if you're NOT young?

So, what if finding decent men HAS been a problem for a woman? What is she's fat or unattractive? Does that change the advice?

Ha, Glib, I think most won't touch this with an 8 foot pole, because ya know, "all that matters is confidence, every woman is beautiful, you deserve more and shouldn't settle" and all that jazz.

I think you have to make that decision for yourself and be prepared to live with it. What is more important to you? Having a decent partner that you can marry, have a family and build a life with? Or having a partner that satisfies your soul? For me, currently, it is the latter, because having a family, etc. is not a priority for me. If I am to add a man to my life, it must be because he, *in and of himself* makes my life richer and brighter and connects with me in a special way. Otherwise, I'm fine by myself.

 

[Imani]

Been there, done that, so over it. I'd rather be single than miserable holding on to a "good man".