Would You Ever Date Someone In A Wheelchair?

IronButterfly said:
Welp...judging by the comments in this thread, I better get used to gaining a white daughter-in-law.
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I think plenty women period would take on a disabled man. I have been caretaking my whole life. I've been through so much. It is my nature to caretake and I am consciously choosing to not live that way anymore. I have to force myself to put myself and my needs first. So I don't think it has anything to do with race or even character. More to do with how a woman chooses to live and what she needs to be happy. Most black women are natural caretakers to the extreme and often to their detriment IMO.
 
Black Ambrosia said:
29o0bxd.gif
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Oooooooo my God....... I can't stop crying.
 
yes. im tired of caretaking. still caretaking 2 adults and 1 child. my plate is full.

hopeful said:
I think plenty women period would take on a disabled man. I have been caretaking my whole life. I've been through so much. It is my nature to caretake and I am consciously choosing to not live that way anymore. I have to force myself to put myself and my needs first. So I don't think it has anything to do with race or even character. More to do with how a woman chooses to live and what she needs to be happy. Most black women are natural caretakers to the extreme and often to their detriment IMO.
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This thread makes me sad. :( Then I feel like I can't be honest and say it makes me sad. I'm supposed to be sooo optimistic and aloof. I get it. I mean it is what it is. But I get so upset when people say: Seek your happiness. You deserve the best. You can always find someone else and etc. but people's true feelings are always evident in conversations and in threads like this.

It's so confusing. I've been here since 2008. I have always felt I had to work with what I got because the actual men that wanted a RELATIONSHIP with a disabled girl even though I'm fully independent is slim to non. Here...As a teenager it was like...No Priss don't talk like this. Someone will come along and love you for you despite your disability...you're such a beautiful personality....blah blah blah. But like the people that's willing to look past the imperfections... it's slim to none. You end up debating should you just take what u can get.

So then you find someone...and they are aight but really aint your cup of tea...but you want a family and you want a regular life so it's like....what do you do? You want to die alone and hold on to all this optimistic crap u got from being disabled and all these degrees and awards....or do you just kinda work with what you can get to get what you want. Do u Keep playing yourself and "wait" for someone who is willing to accept you and your disability...or just take what you can get (which I must say is not THAT bad at all. I'm heavily spoiled...but he's just not my cup of tea personality wise)

I digress. I hate when all my friends say....Priss just leave...you will find someone else. No, YOU would find someone else. I will not because 75% of the people in the world just like this thread feel this way.

Sorry for the rant. I'm just having one of those days. Let me get a nice glass of wine.

I guess this is my dad gave it to me straight no chaser.....Priss don't know man want a woman in a wheelchair...you need to fight to walk and walk now.
 
PrissiSippi said:
This thread makes me sad. :( Then I feel like I can't be honest and say it makes me sad. I'm supposed to be sooo optimistic and aloof. I get it. I mean it is what it is. But I get so upset when people say: Seek your happiness. You deserve the best. You can always find someone else and etc. but people's true feelings are always evident in conversations and in threads like this.

It's so confusing. I've been here since 2008. I have always felt I had to work with what I got because the actual men that wanted a RELATIONSHIP with a disabled girl even though I'm fully independent is slim to non. Here...As a teenager it was like...No Priss don't talk like this. Someone will come along and love you for you despite your disability...you're such a beautiful personality....blah blah blah. But like the people that's willing to look past the imperfections... it's slim to none. You end up debating should you just take what u can get.

So then you find someone...and they are aight but really aint your cup of tea...but you want a family and you want a regular life so it's like....what do you do? You want to die alone and hold on to all this optimistic crap u got from being disabled and all these degrees and awards....or do you just kinda work with what you can get to get what you want. Do u Keep playing yourself and "wait" for someone who is willing to accept you and your disability...or just take what you can get (which I must say is not THAT bad at all. I'm heavily spoiled...but he's just not my cup of tea personality wise)

I digress. I hate when all my friends say....Priss just leave...you will find someone else. No, YOU would find someone else. I will not because 75% of the people in the world just like this thread feel this way.

Sorry for the rant. I'm just having one of those days. Let me get a nice glass of wine.

I guess this is my dad gave it to me straight no chaser.....Priss don't know man want a woman in a wheelchair...you need to fight to walk and walk now.
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All I can say is :bighug:
 
PrissiSippi said:
This thread makes me sad. :( Then I feel like I can't be honest and say it makes me sad. I'm supposed to be sooo optimistic and aloof. I get it. I mean it is what it is. But I get so upset when people say: Seek your happiness. You deserve the best. You can always find someone else and etc. but people's true feelings are always evident in conversations and in threads like this.

It's so confusing. I've been here since 2008. I have always felt I had to work with what I got because the actual men that wanted a RELATIONSHIP with a disabled girl even though I'm fully independent is slim to non. Here...As a teenager it was like...No Priss don't talk like this. Someone will come along and love you for you despite your disability...you're such a beautiful personality....blah blah blah. But like the people that's willing to look past the imperfections... it's slim to none. You end up debating should you just take what u can get.

So then you find someone...and they are aight but really aint your cup of tea...but you want a family and you want a regular life so it's like....what do you do? You want to die alone and hold on to all this optimistic crap u got from being disabled and all these degrees and awards....or do you just kinda work with what you can get to get what you want. Do u Keep playing yourself and "wait" for someone who is willing to accept you and your disability...or just take what you can get (which I must say is not THAT bad at all. I'm heavily spoiled...but he's just not my cup of tea personality wise)

I digress. I hate when all my friends say....Priss just leave...you will find someone else. No, YOU would find someone else. I will not because 75% of the people in the world just like this thread feel this way.

Sorry for the rant. I'm just having one of those days. Let me get a nice glass of wine.

I guess this is my dad gave it to me straight no chaser.....Priss don't know man want a woman in a wheelchair...you need to fight to walk and walk now.
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The thing is that all of us deserve to be loved. And settling because you think no one else will choose you sets you up for a lifetime of unhappiness. Perhaps you won't have as many options as one of your friends, idk about that. Perhaps you would have fewer options, again IDK. But I know that you will have options. As you did, and got married, and had a child.

If you deep down believe no one would want you then you will attract someone who agrees with you on some unconscious level. Which means they may think you were the lucky one to have been chosen.

It can be true that you have fewer options (again idk how true this is) AND that someone, a particular someone or someones could adore you and consider it a privilege to be your partner. Both possibilities can exist at the same time.

Also, you have to understand that you are a woman too, not a man. Many women want a man who can be protective. So for some of us having a partner who potentially would not be able to protect us is scary. This would not be a concern for most men. And even though some of us said we are done with catetaking, some people want to caretake and enjoy doing so. But as you said, you are completely independent, which means you don't need someone with a desire to be a caretaker.

You have to keep your mind open to the possibilities and understand that everyone deserves to be loved and that settling often leads to more heartache than being single. The world is a complicated place and our minds play tricks on us. Your dad was trying to be helpful but he set in motion a belief that you were undesirable and unlovable. It takes many of us a lifetime to undo things our parents did to us or said to us.
 
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hopeful said:
The thing is that all of us deserve to be loved. And setting because you think no one else will choose you sets you up for a lifetime of unhappiness. Perhaps you won't have as many options as one of your friends, idk about that. Perhaps you would have fewer options, again IDK. But I know that you will have options. As you did, and got married, and had a child.

If you deep down believe no one would want you then you will attract someone who agrees with you on some unconscious level. Which means they may think you were the lucky one to have been chosen.

It can be true that you have fewer options (again idk how true this is) AND that someone, a particular someone or someones could adore you and consider it a privilege to be your partner. Both possibilities can exist at the same time.

Also, you have to understand that you are a woman too, not a man. Many women want a man who can be protective. So for some of us having a partner who potentially would not be able to protect us is scary. This would not be a concern for most men. And even though some of us said we are done with catetaking, some people want to caretake and enjoy doing so. But as you said, you are completely independent, which means you don't need someone with a desire to be a caretaker.

You have to keep your mind open to the possibilities and understand that everyone deserves to be loved and that settling often leads to more heartache than being single. The world is a complicated place and our minds play tricks on us. Your dad was trying to be helpful but he set in motion a belief that you were undesirable and unlovable. It takes many of us a lifetime to undo things our parents did to us or said to us.
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Ima inbox you or write on the blog. I appreciate u responding. I didn't mean to derail the thread. :( I'm just kinda down by this thread and life. #JustOneOfThoseDays
 
Rastafarai said:
Hey hun, is your condition permanent or can physical therapy help?
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It's permanent. I mean if you saw me on the street you wouldn't think that much of it but it's evident and it's there.

This thread disheartening and why I pray fervently my son doesn't have my disability. Life with a disability I have painted a good picture. And it has made me very strong and very optimistic but it sucks, it drastically decreases your ability to find love, diminishes your job availabilities, and how other people see you.

Threads like this reiterate You are not undesirable or undeserving because of a disability but don't expect nobody to want you. Survival of the fittest.

And All these "rules" you learn on women empowerment books and boards like this like if you just love yourself love will find you do not apply to you. And if it does it is due to pure luck.

I mean it's important to love yourself your you but....it's gonna be hard to get someone to feel the same. It's like the advice you should never say out loud but i fully believe is... Be prepared to settle and just work with the cards you get....because no matter how u feel about yourself 75% in life (like shown in this thread) WILL NOT feel the same.
 
PeaceLover said:
She's completely independent so it's different. She's short but other than that her disability does not hinder her at all. I told her it's not the same thing.
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Lies.

Not different.

I'm fully independent but life doesn't say oh u get a pass because of it. It's disabled cause not disabled.

A past boyfriend straight up told his bff I don't want to have kids with her because my kids might be disabled too. But your parents are...nevermind.

People ask DH all the time when we were dating why didn't he get someone athletic that could work out like him. Why didn't he get a regular person.

Jobs ask "can I handle" xyz in a job interview. Which I'm slick sure is illegal. Or I just don't get called at all because I'm too much of a liability. They fear I won't show up for work or be sick often or etc. They don't want to accommodate me.

In high school I never had a job. Not because I didn't want one. They ALWAYS got my application and said they would call back in two weeks. Never got a single interview. Which is why I focused on education.

It just feels better to say this doesn't apply to me because I am your best friend of you know how awesome I am through our experience.

For society. For the rest of the world.
No1elseCurr lol
 
*sigh*

You're taking this entirely too personal. This is a thread full of women, and maybe only 10, 15 at that. So how have you concluded that no man is gonna to want you? Especially when you're currently married. Absolutely no one has said that.

Sorry that you feel bad, but the people in this thread shouldn't be made to feel bad about their feelings either.
 
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MzLady78 said:
*sigh*

You're taking this entirely too personal. This is a thread full of women, and maybe only 10, 15 at that. So how have you concluded that no man is gonna to want you? Especially when you're currently married. Absolutely no one has said that.

Sorry that you feel bad, but the people in this thread shouldn't be made to feel bad about their feelings either.
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I don't feel bad about how people feel. People are entitled to their own opinions. I just don't want to hear the fairytale lies ever again.
 
PrissiSippi said:
I don't feel bad about how people feel. People are entitled to their own opinions. I just don't want to hear the fairytale lies ever again.
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No offense but this is another reason why I wouldn't date someone with a handicap. No one wants a man who is all woe is me. It's a major turn off. Clearly your husband doesn't care what those ppl said to him about you. I'm sure he defended you and went right about his business. He chose you for a reason and you said yes for a reason. If you said yes for the wrong reasons then that's on you. I'm saying no to a man with a disability because I cannot deal. Plain and simple. I wish I would feel bad that I have a preference.
 
SlimPickinz said:
No offense but this is another reason why I wouldn't date someone with a handicap. No one wants a man who is all woe is me. It's a major turn off. Clearly your husband doesn't care what those ppl said to him about you. I'm sure he defended you and went right about his business. He chose you for a reason and you said yes for a reason. If you said yes for the wrong reasons then that's on you. I'm saying no to a man with a disability because I cannot deal. Plain and simple. I wish I would feel bad that I have a preference.
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Could u blame us though? I mean of course I wouldn't say this in real life. But duhhh I got reason to be upset. I didn't ask for this life. This life chose me lol.
 
..huh? This sounds harsh but i dont mean it that way...

I agree with @MzLady78. How you say all this and youre married with a newborn and from other posts, I gather DH adores you (despite whatever internal process you're having about the marriage on your own).

You have so much going for you that you're a fabulous catch.

However, what i hear here smacks of depression. real depression.

hope you are seeing someone to assist in your healing.

PrissiSippi said:
Lies.

Not different.

I'm fully independent but life doesn't say oh u get a pass because of it. It's disabled cause not disabled.

A past boyfriend straight up told his bff I don't want to have kids with her because my kids might be disabled too. But your parents are...nevermind.

People ask DH all the time when we were dating why didn't he get someone athletic that could work out like him. Why didn't he get a regular person.

Jobs ask "can I handle" xyz in a job interview. Which I'm slick sure is illegal. Or I just don't get called at all because I'm too much of a liability. They fear I won't show up for work or be sick often or etc. They don't want to accommodate me.

In high school I never had a job. Not because I didn't want one. They ALWAYS got my application and said they would call back in two weeks. Never got a single interview. Which is why I focused on education.

It just feels better to say this doesn't apply to me because I am your best friend of you know how awesome I am through our experience.

For society. For the rest of the world.
No1elseCurr lol
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DarkJoy said:
..huh? This sounds harsh but i dont mean it that way...

I agree with @MzLady78. How you say all this and youre married with a newborn and from other posts, I gather DH adores you (despite whatever internal process you're having about the marriage on your own).

You have so much going for you that you're a fabulous catch.

However, what i hear here smacks of depression. real depression.

hope you are seeing someone to assist in your healing.
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Im married yes. My DH adores me too. But part of it is how I glowed up his life I believe. And he's kiddy and immature and passive aggressive and etc. I feel like I had to put up with this and look the other way because honestly just to find someone that is willing to look past a disability is slim to none. Either u find men that look at u as a fetish, dudes that wannna color, or dudes already taken. Very rarely will I find men that are emotionally ready for a relationship AND willing to deal with a disability.

Kid included. I have a newborn but essentially it's a kid that I paid for and wanted on my own and worked hard to have on my own. (DH can't have kids and didn't put forth effort to have kids)

And I feel like I have to put up with a lot of bs because it ain't nothing out there. I look at the relationship forum and I know it's hard for every black woman. But lord is daaaaaarn hard on me.

Maybe all of this has me in a funk. And it probably a little depression and life frustration. Just life *shrugs*. I just hate all this whole optimism that's not real. It's make believe and sounds good for a book. But it's just not real.
 
SlimPickinz said:
So you want someone to deal with something you can't even deal with?
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lol i never said that. I don't mind my disability. I have dealt with it amazingly. Accomplished more than most because of my Drive as a result of it. Don't twist my words.

Im just saying this thread is a clear depiction of my life experiences and people's true feelings. You will see "Don't judge me by my disABILITY" and all that it at the end of the day...No one wants the man or woman with the disability. And rightfully so I understand it and why. But it gets so frustrating with the optimistic advice given throughout life. There is someone for everyone blah blah blah. Lies. And if it is...u might not find them if you're disabled. Lol.
 
PrissiSippi said:
Lies.

Not different.

I'm fully independent but life doesn't say oh u get a pass because of it. It's disabled cause not disabled.

A past boyfriend straight up told his bff I don't want to have kids with her because my kids might be disabled too. But your parents are...nevermind.

People ask DH all the time when we were dating why didn't he get someone athletic that could work out like him. Why didn't he get a regular person.

Jobs ask "can I handle" xyz in a job interview. Which I'm slick sure is illegal. Or I just don't get called at all because I'm too much of a liability. They fear I won't show up for work or be sick often or etc. They don't want to accommodate me.

In high school I never had a job. Not because I didn't want one. They ALWAYS got my application and said they would call back in two weeks. Never got a single interview. Which is why I focused on education.

It just feels better to say this doesn't apply to me because I am your best friend of you know how awesome I am through our experience.

For society. For the rest of the world.
No1elseCurr lol
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I'm not doing this with you! You need to go find your happy place. Don't make me drive to your house this weekend lol
 
PrissiSippi said:
lol i never said that. I don't mind my disability. I have dealt with it amazingly. Accomplished more than most because of my Drive as a result of it. Don't twist my words.

Im just saying this thread is a clear depiction of my life experiences and people's true feelings. You will see "Don't judge me by my disABILITY" and all that it at the end of the day...No one wants the man or woman with the disability. And rightfully so I understand it and why. But it gets so frustrating with the optimistic advice given throughout life. There is someone for everyone blah blah blah. Lies. And if it is...u might not find them if you're disabled. Lol.
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I'm not twisting your words. You are coming off as if you're barely dealing. It sounds like you're blaming the women here for previously giving you advice to stay positive and not to settle for less than you deserve. Which is 100% great advice, especially since you've expressed in more than one thread that you feel your DH is less than you deserve.. I'm confused honestly but you got it girlfriend. I hope you work it out in the end.
 
MzLady78 said:
*sigh*

You're taking this entirely too personal. This is a thread full of women, and maybe only 10, 15 at that. So how have you concluded that no man is gonna to want you? Especially when you're currently married. Absolutely no one has said that.

Sorry that you feel bad, but the people in this thread shouldn't be made to feel bad about their feelings either.
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PrissiSippi said:
I don't feel bad about how people feel. People are entitled to their own opinions. I just don't want to hear the fairytale lies ever again.
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I agree with @MzLady78 and I am not trying to come down at you at all. My bio-sister has spina bifida and she is confined to a wheel chair. Even though I am estranged from my bio-family, I have some of them on my Facebook and I see how she, now and again, laments about not being about to find someone... So I sincerely empathize and understand where you are coming. That said, you are married though, which means you did find someone and that is AMAZING considering the men we have out here!

Using myself as an example, I have had men flat out tell me because I have children I need to "accept" whatever comes my way because quality men aren't looking for ready made families. Everything else about me is put together, but the second I mention I have children... nope- I am not good enough. My extremely obese girlfriend has been told that she needs to accept what comes her way because no one wants someone who is 400 lbs. She has succumbed to that and is now a career side chick because she doesn't think anyone else will want her.

Not that I am saying a disability is equal to children or being over weight but we *all* have heard the "fairy tale" (and are tired of hearing it) that if we remain patient, Mr. Perfect for Us will drop out the sky- there is always someone out there looking for us, when honestly it may not be true. Meanwhile we are all getting older and older and still single. I don't know the ins and outs of your marriage but I know if I were married right now, I would do my best to fight for it and hope my partner would be inspired to fight too. Because this dating is for the birds and honestly a few of us ARE going to be alone if we choose not to settle *that is my opinion* because of just how life is set up. Doesn't mean you accept abuse or neglect but a person really need to evaluate their needs/wants concerning men.
 
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PrissiSippi said:
I mean it's important to love yourself your you but....it's gonna be hard to get someone to feel the same. It's like the advice you should never say out loud but i fully believe is... Be prepared to settle and just work with the cards you get....because no matter how u feel about yourself 75% in life (like shown in this thread) WILL NOT feel the same.
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It is sad that I agree with this? Regardless of anyone's situation....
You aren't alone.
 
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