AnnDriena_
New Member
I don't consider him a bad person either but if you're just going to hang out, why do you need advice? I posted some questions above.
Would u date a guy that...
- Thread starter Poohbear
- Start date
Poohbear
Fearfully Wonderfully Made
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AnnDriena_ said:
why did you call this topic "should i date"?
In your responses you say you just want to hang out with him.
In your response to my post about raising our standards you said you hung out with all kinds of people who have done unChristian things. Well good. But why are you asking for advice on this one if you are just hanging out with him? Why does his kid matter if you're just hanging out?
Have you decided what kind of hanging out you're going to do with this guy?
I'd just like a little more information becaue your responses are confusing me.
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sorry to confuse u...i guess i used the wrong word when I said "date". Im sure you and others are confused when u read the post and see my response. The only reason I asked is to see what everyone else opinion was about it...Im not really looking for advice...just seeing what u guys would do if u were in that situation...ive never met a guy that has a kid or about to have a kid...thats all (if that makes sense
)
AnnDriena_ said:
why did you call this topic "should i date"?
In your responses you say you just want to hang out with him.
In your response to my post about raising our standards you said you hung out with all kinds of people who have done unChristian things. Well good. But why are you asking for advice on this one if you are just hanging out with him? Why does his kid matter if you're just hanging out?
Have you decided what kind of hanging out you're going to do with this guy?
I'd just like a little more information becaue your responses are confusing me.
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PrettyBrownEyes
Well-Known Member
I was under the impression that you were interested in him as a potential boyfriend and maybe some of the others did as well. If you were I definately didn't think you should "date" him because there are a lot of issues that he will face once the baby is here that you shouldn't have to expose yourself too. That's all, and no he isn't a "bad" person but, he has baggage that you shouldn't have to deal with, baggage that isn't fun in the least.
itismehmmkay
Well-Known Member
Yes, girl........run! The very fact that you're asking us means that something inside of you is making you question.
I'm not that much older than you, but God has taught me alot over the years:
1) Pray!! - If you're confused about a situation and you want someone's advice, ask Him. Even if you don't know what to ask, at least ask to take away your confusion and give you the right answer. There man times that I waited before praying, asking for the advice of other's and wading in the water. I got my certainty as soon as I prayed (weeks into the situation)
2) Go with that gut feeling.........man! that intuition has not failed me yet. It's only been me who has failed it by not heeding to it.
3) Be wary of trying to be "just friends" with men that I find charming and attractive, but off limits (based on intuitions or other red flags). It's so easy to slowly but surely get attached.
Also, this guy is surely still in a relationship w/ the BM. It would be a worse story if he wasn't.
!
I'm not that much older than you, but God has taught me alot over the years:
1) Pray!! - If you're confused about a situation and you want someone's advice, ask Him. Even if you don't know what to ask, at least ask to take away your confusion and give you the right answer. There man times that I waited before praying, asking for the advice of other's and wading in the water. I got my certainty as soon as I prayed (weeks into the situation)
2) Go with that gut feeling.........man! that intuition has not failed me yet. It's only been me who has failed it by not heeding to it.
3) Be wary of trying to be "just friends" with men that I find charming and attractive, but off limits (based on intuitions or other red flags). It's so easy to slowly but surely get attached.
Also, this guy is surely still in a relationship w/ the BM. It would be a worse story if he wasn't.
!
Isis
New Member
As some of the other ladies recently stated, when you started this thread asking about dating such a guy, rather than just being friends with him, it has a whole different meaning. Dating implies starting a relationship with a person other than just friendship, a relationship that could lead to something more serious like sex and marriage. That is why the responses by most of the ladies here, including me, to your original questions was NO. Perhaps if your thread was "Would you associate with a guy that..." the responses would be somewhat different.
Since you are now stating you are not interested in dating him and now want to just have a friendship with this guy, why not go out with your friends as a group? Meaning no one-on-one with this guy. That way there are no misunderstandings about your intentions from all involved and you can still have all the fun you say you really want anyway.
Since you are now stating you are not interested in dating him and now want to just have a friendship with this guy, why not go out with your friends as a group? Meaning no one-on-one with this guy. That way there are no misunderstandings about your intentions from all involved and you can still have all the fun you say you really want anyway.
Poohbear
Fearfully Wonderfully Made
[ QUOTE ]
Isis said:
As some of the other ladies recently stated, when you started this thread asking about dating such a guy, rather than just being friends with him, it has a whole different meaning. Dating implies starting a relationship with a person other than just friendship, a relationship that could lead to something more serious like sex and marriage. That is why the responses by most of the ladies here, including me, to your original questions was NO. Perhaps if your thread was "Would you associate with a guy that..." the responses would be somewhat different.
Since you are now stating you are not interested in dating him and now want to just have a friendship with this guy, why not go out with your friends as a group? Meaning no one-on-one with this guy. That way there are no misunderstandings about your intentions from all involved and you can still have all the fun you say you really want anyway.
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I know I know! Im not getting mad at anyone on here or attacking anyone...Im fine with all the responses. I just respond with clarification...Give me a break!
Isis said:
As some of the other ladies recently stated, when you started this thread asking about dating such a guy, rather than just being friends with him, it has a whole different meaning. Dating implies starting a relationship with a person other than just friendship, a relationship that could lead to something more serious like sex and marriage. That is why the responses by most of the ladies here, including me, to your original questions was NO. Perhaps if your thread was "Would you associate with a guy that..." the responses would be somewhat different.
Since you are now stating you are not interested in dating him and now want to just have a friendship with this guy, why not go out with your friends as a group? Meaning no one-on-one with this guy. That way there are no misunderstandings about your intentions from all involved and you can still have all the fun you say you really want anyway.
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I know I know! Im not getting mad at anyone on here or attacking anyone...Im fine with all the responses. I just respond with clarification...Give me a break!
Poohbear
Fearfully Wonderfully Made
[ QUOTE ]
itismehmmkay said:
Yes, girl........run! The very fact that you're asking us means that something inside of you is making you question.
I'm not that much older than you, but God has taught me alot over the years:
1) Pray!! - If you're confused about a situation and you want someone's advice, ask Him. Even if you don't know what to ask, at least ask to take away your confusion and give you the right answer. There man times that I waited before praying, asking for the advice of other's and wading in the water. I got my certainty as soon as I prayed (weeks into the situation)
2) Go with that gut feeling.........man! that intuition has not failed me yet. It's only been me who has failed it by not heeding to it.
3) Be wary of trying to be "just friends" with men that I find charming and attractive, but off limits (based on intuitions or other red flags). It's so easy to slowly but surely get attached.
Also, this guy is surely still in a relationship w/ the BM. It would be a worse story if he wasn't.
!
[/ QUOTE ]
Thanks for your response...I understand what you're saying...God has taught me so much too from every relationship or experience I have had and I'll make sure I do this
itismehmmkay said:
Yes, girl........run! The very fact that you're asking us means that something inside of you is making you question.
I'm not that much older than you, but God has taught me alot over the years:
1) Pray!! - If you're confused about a situation and you want someone's advice, ask Him. Even if you don't know what to ask, at least ask to take away your confusion and give you the right answer. There man times that I waited before praying, asking for the advice of other's and wading in the water. I got my certainty as soon as I prayed (weeks into the situation)
2) Go with that gut feeling.........man! that intuition has not failed me yet. It's only been me who has failed it by not heeding to it.
3) Be wary of trying to be "just friends" with men that I find charming and attractive, but off limits (based on intuitions or other red flags). It's so easy to slowly but surely get attached.
Also, this guy is surely still in a relationship w/ the BM. It would be a worse story if he wasn't.
!
[/ QUOTE ]
Thanks for your response...I understand what you're saying...God has taught me so much too from every relationship or experience I have had and I'll make sure I do this
Poohbear
Fearfully Wonderfully Made
[ QUOTE ]
vevster said:
I don't think you need our advice. I think you know you should associate w/ him in your gut, and posted to try and find a way out of it.
It doesn't really matter if you hang w/ him or not. Cause it will be a life lesson regardless.
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I agree...but I dont think I "should" associate with him...I just "would like to" associate with him since he's nice, mature, and good-looking...I know he has that baggage on him about the baby but I just wanna let y'all know Im NOT going to make him my man.
vevster said:
I don't think you need our advice. I think you know you should associate w/ him in your gut, and posted to try and find a way out of it.
It doesn't really matter if you hang w/ him or not. Cause it will be a life lesson regardless.
[/ QUOTE ]
I agree...but I dont think I "should" associate with him...I just "would like to" associate with him since he's nice, mature, and good-looking...I know he has that baggage on him about the baby but I just wanna let y'all know Im NOT going to make him my man.
B
Bublnbrnsuga
Guest
Like I mentioned earlier, DO WHAT YOU WANT TO DO!!
Tonya
New Member
[ QUOTE ]
Poohbear said:
The thing is...he hasnt said anything at all to me about sex and he doesnt even know whether im a virgin or not. He's not charming in a "sexual" way....he's charming in that he's a sweet mature person. To me, it just seems like the thing with his baby's mama is like a mistake. Anyone that has sex is risking becoming pregnant. So thats what happened with him. Im only seeing this guy as a friend...nothing more. I hope that makes it a lil more clear...
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Honey if he wants sex he is not going to say "i am tryiong to get in them draws" The best ones come off sweet and innocent...that s how they get you. The thing with baby mama may be a mistake in your opinon buiit let;s look at it...if it is a mistake it is a result of CASUAL sex...how likely he will cut off a longtime girlfriend right when she gets pregnant and they continue to be cool??? from this baby mama here I say NOT likely. Being that you are 20 years old i would flee....you have too many more options AND other ways to have fun that will not be half as stressfula s this situation. He and his baby mama may be "cool" now but traust that 9 times out of 10 the emotional experience that they are about to go thru is going to have an affect on either both or one of them. I have been there trust me....on BOTH ends.
Poohbear said:
The thing is...he hasnt said anything at all to me about sex and he doesnt even know whether im a virgin or not. He's not charming in a "sexual" way....he's charming in that he's a sweet mature person. To me, it just seems like the thing with his baby's mama is like a mistake. Anyone that has sex is risking becoming pregnant. So thats what happened with him. Im only seeing this guy as a friend...nothing more. I hope that makes it a lil more clear...
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Honey if he wants sex he is not going to say "i am tryiong to get in them draws" The best ones come off sweet and innocent...that s how they get you. The thing with baby mama may be a mistake in your opinon buiit let;s look at it...if it is a mistake it is a result of CASUAL sex...how likely he will cut off a longtime girlfriend right when she gets pregnant and they continue to be cool??? from this baby mama here I say NOT likely. Being that you are 20 years old i would flee....you have too many more options AND other ways to have fun that will not be half as stressfula s this situation. He and his baby mama may be "cool" now but traust that 9 times out of 10 the emotional experience that they are about to go thru is going to have an affect on either both or one of them. I have been there trust me....on BOTH ends.
Tonya
New Member
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Bublnbrnsuga said:
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Poohbear said:
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Bublnbrnsuga said:
Poohbear, just do what you want to do.
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Im so difficult...since he's going to be a new father and all...I will not get involved with him sexually or seriously. I'll just be his friend. I wanted to mention that I am a STRONG black woman and I dont give in to any man's BS.
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Poohbear, not many here are concerned with you giving into him physically, it is the emotional issue many of us are concerned about. You are already physically attracted to him and you describe him as mature- who doesn't want this in a man? The thing is he has a huge strike against him with this upcoming baby. We women are so easily influenced into being with some men,that we overlook an issue in his life can can definitely make or break the relationship and in return,end up breaking us.
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Well said Bubbln
Bublnbrnsuga said:
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Poohbear said:
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Bublnbrnsuga said:
Poohbear, just do what you want to do.
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Poohbear, not many here are concerned with you giving into him physically, it is the emotional issue many of us are concerned about. You are already physically attracted to him and you describe him as mature- who doesn't want this in a man? The thing is he has a huge strike against him with this upcoming baby. We women are so easily influenced into being with some men,that we overlook an issue in his life can can definitely make or break the relationship and in return,end up breaking us.
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Well said Bubbln
Poohbear
Fearfully Wonderfully Made
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Tonya said:
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Poohbear said:
The thing is...he hasnt said anything at all to me about sex and he doesnt even know whether im a virgin or not. He's not charming in a "sexual" way....he's charming in that he's a sweet mature person. To me, it just seems like the thing with his baby's mama is like a mistake. Anyone that has sex is risking becoming pregnant. So thats what happened with him. Im only seeing this guy as a friend...nothing more. I hope that makes it a lil more clear...
[/ QUOTE ]
Honey if he wants sex he is not going to say "i am tryiong to get in them draws" The best ones come off sweet and innocent...that s how they get you. The thing with baby mama may be a mistake in your opinon buiit let;s look at it...if it is a mistake it is a result of CASUAL sex...how likely he will cut off a longtime girlfriend right when she gets pregnant and they continue to be cool??? from this baby mama here I say NOT likely. Being that you are 20 years old i would flee....you have too many more options AND other ways to have fun that will not be half as stressfula s this situation. He and his baby mama may be "cool" now but traust that 9 times out of 10 the emotional experience that they are about to go thru is going to have an affect on either both or one of them. I have been there trust me....on BOTH ends.
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thanks 4 your advice...i found out more info from him and it does seem strange for him to cut it off with a girl he's been with for a year. He said the last time they slept together was in April and then she broke up with him in May, which hasnt been a long time...so im not planning on doing anything with this guy...he has to have feelings for her if he's going back to see her in August for the whole month...thats when her baby is due...thanks for hitting me with this message...it does seem like he'll be a waste of my time...whether he's my friend or not...
Tonya said:
[ QUOTE ]
Poohbear said:
The thing is...he hasnt said anything at all to me about sex and he doesnt even know whether im a virgin or not. He's not charming in a "sexual" way....he's charming in that he's a sweet mature person. To me, it just seems like the thing with his baby's mama is like a mistake. Anyone that has sex is risking becoming pregnant. So thats what happened with him. Im only seeing this guy as a friend...nothing more. I hope that makes it a lil more clear...
[/ QUOTE ]
Honey if he wants sex he is not going to say "i am tryiong to get in them draws" The best ones come off sweet and innocent...that s how they get you. The thing with baby mama may be a mistake in your opinon buiit let;s look at it...if it is a mistake it is a result of CASUAL sex...how likely he will cut off a longtime girlfriend right when she gets pregnant and they continue to be cool??? from this baby mama here I say NOT likely. Being that you are 20 years old i would flee....you have too many more options AND other ways to have fun that will not be half as stressfula s this situation. He and his baby mama may be "cool" now but traust that 9 times out of 10 the emotional experience that they are about to go thru is going to have an affect on either both or one of them. I have been there trust me....on BOTH ends.
[/ QUOTE ]
thanks 4 your advice...i found out more info from him and it does seem strange for him to cut it off with a girl he's been with for a year. He said the last time they slept together was in April and then she broke up with him in May, which hasnt been a long time...so im not planning on doing anything with this guy...he has to have feelings for her if he's going back to see her in August for the whole month...thats when her baby is due...thanks for hitting me with this message...it does seem like he'll be a waste of my time...whether he's my friend or not...
webby
Think Slim
Pooh, everyone has already giving your sage advice, but I must admit that I was little shocked that you even considered this guy dating material. You are very firm in your beliefs and interpretations of the bible, particularly with regards to sinning and gays.
So, I guess the fact that you would consider dating a guy, who is clearly engaging in premarital sex, just baffled me.
Please, proceed with caution.
So, I guess the fact that you would consider dating a guy, who is clearly engaging in premarital sex, just baffled me.
Please, proceed with caution.
MJ
New Member
Poohbear said:
Pooh,
I was in a really toxic relationship with a guy for three years and NOT ONCE did we ever talk about or discuss sex. Emotional attactment can blindside you... I agree with most of the ladies here. Stay away from him. I'm aware that you are a devote Christian, so I'm going to put this in in Christian lingo: this man is nothing more than temptation in the flesh. Nothing more. If one of your closest friends were in this exact situation, how would you advise her?
If you re-read your posts, you'd note that you're making ALOT of excuses for this guy. That's a bad sign
But since this all happened almost a year ago....
All the best.
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notsomebody
Active Member
If I were single and in this situation, I would require an AIDS test before I even considered dating him.
NewlyNature12
New Member
vevster said:
Agreed. Why males choose to spread their seed everywhere with females they hardly know is beyond me.
No. I ain't trying to hear it from his baby mama. I know a guy (he's pretty cool and what not) but in the past 2 years he has had 3 women pregnant and one baby actually born a month ago (the other two were miscarriages). He's attractive, but he obviously doesn't put on his raincoat (he says, well it just happened in the heat of things), so he is not an option for me. Even if I was not in a relationship I would not date him simply because he seems to be careless...Then he swears that he and the baby mama were just friends and one thing led to another, but he also avidly denies any attraction for her, and says if he had a choice, he wouldn't have chosen to have a child with her. Should've worn a condom, dummy. 
At 19 years old, he seems to be sowing his wild oats nicely. 
At 19 years old, he seems to be sowing his wild oats nicely.
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Poohbear
Fearfully Wonderfully Made
cnc911... how in the world did you find this thread??? What did you do a search on?cnc911 said:
Anyway, for a late update, I only talked to him from June thru Sept 2004 after I had broke up with my long-term boyfriend. In Sept 2004, told this baby's daddy that I didn't want anything to do with him.
I'm back with my boyfriend who I've been with since Dec 2002 off & on. We got back together in either Feb or March 2005. I'm happy now!
Poohbear
Fearfully Wonderfully Made
webby, I told you in that thread where I disagreed with homosexuality that I treat everyone the same. I don't hate gays or anyone period. I don't hold sins against people, because I sin too, and everyone sins. We (Christians) are all in the same boat in this daily walk. Back when this thread was started last year, I simply liked the guy because he was cute, normal feeling right? That's it really!webby said:
itismehmmkay
Well-Known Member
I say......H-E-L-L no! Run away right now before you get too attached.
I have a problem dating guys w/ children period. But it is a different situation when the child has been in the picture for a minute and the parents have made a confirmed decision not to be together.
Here, the baby hasn't even been bored. So no telling how he's going to act when the baby comes. Matter of fact, it would actually be worse if he wanted no part in the delivery! Sorry and tired is the man who can't keep his priorities straight. And whether he likes it or not, that child is to be priority right now.
I have a problem dating guys w/ children period. But it is a different situation when the child has been in the picture for a minute and the parents have made a confirmed decision not to be together.
Here, the baby hasn't even been bored. So no telling how he's going to act when the baby comes. Matter of fact, it would actually be worse if he wanted no part in the delivery! Sorry and tired is the man who can't keep his priorities straight. And whether he likes it or not, that child is to be priority right now.
YummyC
New Member
Poohbear said:...is about to be a father???
I met this wonderful guy that is from the Navy. I have known him since January and finally got to see him this month. He's 23, caramel skin, and has a nice body. He has a certain glow in his eyes and smile that makes me excited as well.I have never dated someone that was 3 years older than me. All the other guys I have met or dated were too immature for me; this guy is so mature and wants to do so many fun things with me. He even called me when he was overseas. Then I cringed when he told me that he found out that he was about to be a father in August.
He had gotten a girl pregnant while he was in the Navy. He said they are just really coo' with each other, nothing more...
Right now, I am not in love or anything and Im not looking for a serious relationship yet just from experience with the last guy I was with who I became very serious with. The guy I met seems like a very fun person to be around. He let me drive his car yesterday too and told me I could drive it when he goes outta town...
I also want to add that I am someone that does not have sex with guys and Im waiting until I am married...
What should I do?
Hang out,.............. yeah but other than that stay away from him.
Be Positive
Member
Hello Poohbear,
This is a big red flag, proceed with caution. I'm in the Navy and I am very cautious when it comes to dating navy guys. I have 6 junior sailors that work for me and man, the stories I overhear in passing would make your ears burn.
Is he aboard ship or shore command? We have a saying, "what happens at sea, stays at sea." If he's deployed, unless you both are in a exclusive relationship, I wouldn't put all my eggs in one basket. He may break them.
I am in a relationship w/a gunny in the USMC. Believe me, those guys have their issues too.
O.T. If you want to test his loyalty to you, ask him to show you a current copy of his LES (leave and earnings statement). Let's see how he reacts.
His actions alone will tell you if he's in it for short/long run.
This is a big red flag, proceed with caution. I'm in the Navy and I am very cautious when it comes to dating navy guys. I have 6 junior sailors that work for me and man, the stories I overhear in passing would make your ears burn.
Is he aboard ship or shore command? We have a saying, "what happens at sea, stays at sea." If he's deployed, unless you both are in a exclusive relationship, I wouldn't put all my eggs in one basket. He may break them.
I am in a relationship w/a gunny in the USMC. Believe me, those guys have their issues too.
O.T. If you want to test his loyalty to you, ask him to show you a current copy of his LES (leave and earnings statement). Let's see how he reacts.
His actions alone will tell you if he's in it for short/long run.
Poohbear
Fearfully Wonderfully Made
4everblessed, why did you bump this old thread!?!??!4everblessed said:
This thread is over 3 years old! But to give an update on what I did decide to do so-to-speak, I only dated the guy for about 3-4 months and then that was it. I didn't see anything serious that would come out of our hanging out together, and I surprisingly didn't get attached to this handsome guy, so I moved on. We just remained acquaintances. 
ETA: I see that in post #81, I said I went back to my long-term boyfriend...I'm no longer with him either!
I am happily single right now!
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Be Positive
Member
Oops, time to change my contacts.. sorry
misskris816
Well-Known Member
Pepperanne2 said:
Co-signing. You said everything perfectly.
Kurlee
Well-Known Member
i think u should leave him alone. There are way too many fish in the sea, and from ur post, u seem to already "like" him. SOmething about a guy who has a nother girl with a bun in the oven, tryna have 'fun' with another girl irks me. It screams immaturity, irresponsibilty and jus yuck.
VelvetRain
Well-Known Member
Kurlee said:
She has left him alone. This thread is super old.
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