Why is it wrong for the wife to stay home.

[barbiesocialite]

But, what I don't get is HOW is this topic about money. The majority of the SAHMs in the world aren't rich (ie RHWA) or close to it. The majority of AMERICANS are middle class with incomes from 40-100K a year. I think it's an overstatement to imply that a woman cannot fathom SAHM'dom because she hasn't been exposed to the life of luxury. It seems as though we are forgetting that everyone who is a SAHM isnt one by choice of additional finances, but there are some women who stay at home because they cannot afford Childcare. In fact, most women I know who SAH are "struggling" to make ends meet just like the next woman. Everyone doesn't have a husband who brings in high class dollars and she shouldn't have to feel inferior, or be perceived as infererior, if she doesn't. It's truly okay if your husband and my husband has different ideals for their wives, and vice versa.

now the bolded is def serious truth. Most SAHM are not well off at all Moreover, with the sky rocketing price of childcare, the underpaid nature of many WAH jobs along with the recent polarization of the workforce forcing many women to stay home it is a known fact that the majority of SAHMs stay home because they have to. The problem becomes further exasperated for a lot of women that do this and have working to middle-class economic status because they are now forced to pay for their own health benefits. In addition to attempting to establish retirement funds, and sufficient savings for future security, the cost of SAH for a lot of women is truly back and bank breaking. Def is no luxury in that.

However, as it pertains to the nature of the discussion in this thread the fact that there are a few women are afforded "luxury" SAHM lifestyles makes this specific type of SAHM mothering a class issue. For those few, and very few, women that are married to spouses that makes enough money to afford a housekeeper, nanny, etc. just because they arent working doesnt mean they are they lazy ingrates or are less busy or working any less than women with 9-to-5s and those SAHM that do all of their own manual labor. These particular women falling into the luxury SAHM tend to be active in volunteerism, social clubs, children's school and have very busy community service and/or social lives. They are always somewhere doing something. But then again, its also important to realize that these women are not the norm for standards of SAHMs for any race.

 

[Te'TahHead]

Economic status is a popular way to explore the root causes of certain social phenomena. I've done it here. But putting the way you have above--that it comes across as a judgment about what's better or superior--that the worth of a person's personal goals is based on the wealth of the person--I can see how it would be offensive.

I admit that in my own personal example, to defend myself against judgment, I was judgmental. It's not productive.

You put it in the way I was trying to explain it. I kept deleting what I was saying, because I couldn't find the right words, but you just said what I was thinking.

I think that looking at race/class is good way to explore social phenomena too, but I think a woman's opinion on whether she would work in home or outside of the home is NOT a social phenomena. Neither is a woman's opinion of a SAHM/SAHW who does/does not decide to hire help. Social phenomenas are often problematic (ie teen pregnancy or the BM in jail) but, what I don't get is the TREATMENT of CHOICE is this thread being treated like it is problematic. It's a choice with several factors included which MAY have correlation to economic perceptions and experiences, but race? I disagree.

It's all good to say someone has a slave mentality when they don't understand things. That's not okay.

 

[Te'TahHead]

now the bolded is def serious truth. Most SAHM are not well off at all Moreover, with the sky rocketing price of childcare, the underpaid nature of many WAH jobs along with the recent polarization of the workforce forcing many women to stay home it is a known fact that the majority of SAHMs stay home because they have to. The problem becomes further exasperated for a lot of women that do this and have working to middle-class economic status because they are now forced to pay for their own health benefits. In addition to attempting to establish retirement funds, and sufficient savings for future security, the cost of SAH for a lot of women is truly back and bank breaking. Def is no luxury in that.

However, as it pertains to the nature of the discussion in this thread the fact that there are a few women are afforded "luxury" SAHM lifestyles makes this specific type of SAHM mothering a class issue. For those few, and very few, women that are married to spouses that makes enough money to afford a housekeeper, nanny, etc. Just because they arent working doesnt mean they are they lazy ingrates or are less busy or working any less than women with 9-to-5s and those SAHM that do all of their own manual labor. These particular women falling into the luxury SAHM tend to be active in volunteerism, social clubs, children's school and have very busy community service and/or social lives. They are always somewhere doing something. But then again, its also important to realize that these women are not the norm for standards of SAHMs for any race.

Thats what I am SAYING!! Now we >>>here<<< **does the Martin eye and finger coordination*

I never KNOCKED anyone's choice to be either, because you can be rich or poor doing both. I was only stating that I can understand why someone would look at a woman cock-eyed if she stated she is a SAHM but she has a maid, nanny, and homemaker. That's common sense. I am guessing that about 80% of people would look at anyone funny if they did that. Check the RHWOA thread.

I didn't think this thread was about the "luxury SAHM", but the average SAHM who clips coupons, signup for freebies and worry about health insurance and gas prices like MOST Americans. I also have a problem, and will not apologize for it, with women wanting to be "luxury SAHMs" when they are using government benefits (foodstamps, medicaid, Child Care Vouchers). That is an issue that I cannot began to fathom, that a woman feels that she is owed something because she does NOT WANT to work, not because she wants the BEST fOR her child.

So, basically I agree with what you said.

 

[JFemme]

what I don't get is the TREATMENT of CHOICE is this thread being treated like it is problematic.

Its the white elephant in the room...ohwell:

 

[barbiesocialite]

Where I am coming from is that this issue has been made a race AND class issue. This always happens on this board. On all of my parenting boards, this issue in itself cause the women to throw hell parties. At the time of my heavy posting on them, I was a SAHM and was reluctant to give any opinions on the subject. But, the one thing I have never came across is that it is a racial and socioeconomic debate. The women of the board, seems ironic looking at it, always considered the WM to be "elitest" while the SAHM were looked at by the WM as "struggling". I think it is extremely important that I dually note that ALL of my parenting boards were predominately white. It's funny how the issue is a differnt one once we speak to black women about it.

It seems on this board everything comes about because of how much you have in the bank. It seems as though it is the popular consensus that having "money" is what sets you different from other black people; therefore your ideals as a black woman with money is superior to those ideals of the BM without it. That's just my opinion and I am seeing it a lot in posts that speak heavily of marriage.

I have seen both WM and SAHM who struggle and those who don't. "Struggling" (evidently this word is subjective too) is not mutually exclusive of ANY woman.

That's all I'm tryna say.

ITA with what you are saying; esp the bolded.

I have been fortunate enough to be raised around literally all types of people, the only WW I've ever met that look at SAHM is a luxury are caked out the *** old money and have always been for generations. Most of the upper-middle and middle-class WW (particularly the upper-middle) see SAHMs as being illogical and short-sighted with their choices of staying home. The theory there is that "you never know"

When I worked for a all-female nonprofit run by well-off WW they were telling all the women to get jobs, even if they were pt jobs. They looked down on the women that were running around telling women to stay at home and take care of the children.

A lot of black women, imo, have rarely seen (or acknowledged) the extrmemes among both poor and rich WW, in addition to poor and rich BW. This board is full of middle-class and upper middle-class BW, the culture in itself is very different. These kinds of women see SAHM-ing as luxury because they have seen fewer SAHMs fall from grace from generation to generation like WW. WW have seen many many SAHM live well off, get divorced now they are living on the poverty line. So not working in many of their eyes if you arent filthy rich is too volatile and a serious gamble.

 

[Ramya]

Thats what I am SAYING!! Now we >>>here<<< **does the Martin eye and finger coordination*

I never KNOCKED anyone's choice to be either, because you can be rich or poor doing both. I was only stating that I can understand why someone would look at a woman cock-eyed if she stated she is a SAHM but she has a maid, nanny, and homemaker. That's common sense. I am guessing that about 80% of people would look at anyone funny if they did that. Check the RHWOA thread.

I didn't think this thread was about the "luxury SAHM", but the average SAHM who clips coupons, signup for freebies and worry about health insurance and gas prices like MOST Americans. I also have a problem, and will not apologize for it, with women wanting to be "luxury SAHMs" when they are using government benefits (foodstamps, medicaid, Child Care Vouchers). That is an issue that I cannot began to fathom, that a woman feels that she is owed something because she does NOT WANT to work, not because she wants the BEST fOR her child.

So, basically I agree with what you said.

Foodstamps are great! Qualifier: I'm in college and yes I do work HOWEVER, they gave foodstamps out like candy around these parts. I'd rather spend my money shopping or paying my part time personal assistant than buying food. It's the truth . In fact she'll probably start shopping for my groceries and cooking for me too. . Could I afford to do all 3? Yes, but I just DONT WANT TO and DONT HAVE TO. Doesn't change the fact that I will marry a certain caliber of man nor that I probably will come out of college with more money than most people in my age group. Again, it's about knowing what you want and working to get that. My goals are slightly different. Some are career-oriented but most are not. I'm totally OK with that.

 

[Te'TahHead]

ITA with what you are saying; esp the bolded.

I have been fortunate enough to be raised around literally all types of people, the only WW I've ever met that look at SAHM is a luxury are caked out the *** old money and have always been for generations. Most of the upper-middle and middle-class WW (particularly the upper-middle) see SAHMs as being illogical and short-sighted with their choices of staying home. The theory there is that "you never know"

When I worked for a all-female nonprofit run by well-off WW they were telling all the women to get jobs, even if they were pt jobs. They looked down on the women that were running around telling women to stay at home and take care of the children.

A lot of black women, imo, have rarely seen (or acknowledged) the extrmemes among both poor and rich WW, in addition to poor and rich BW. This board is full of middle-class and upper middle-class BW, the culture in itself is very different. These kinds of women see SAHM-ing as luxury because they have seen fewer SAHMs fall from grace from generation to generation like WW. WW have seen many many SAHM live well off, get divorced now they are living on the poverty line. So not working in many of their eyes if you arent filthy rich is too volatile and a serious gamble.

The issues on my boards were that the SAHMs were always thinking that the WMs were looking down on them. Usually no one really was, but perception IS a reality. Everytime a SAHM would vent about her frustrations of being a SAHM (usually they included having to live a very frugal life, high cost insurance, and needing adult stimulation) the WMs would in so many words tell them to get a job. It was GO.DOWN. from then on.

It seems as though many Blacks think of being a SAHM as WPS. I think that WPS=the right way to do it and this ideal manifests in people who think that the "poor black man's mentality" is slavery. They in a backwords thinking, feel that since they are doing WPS and they may have WP "money" their goals and values are superior to those who value a different set of the two. IMO, it's just a classist, JIm Crow thinking but instead of it being white/black it is manifested in the Black community as rich/poor. But, that really isn't the nature of the debate here.

Just My thoughts... I agree with a lot of what you are saying.

OP...there is NOTHINg wrong with a woman being a SAHM.

 

[Zaynab]

It's ok and it's funny because I never wanted to get to know an army officer's wife. They were corny and boring to me. They lived totally for their family and their husband's career was their career. I was like, where is the party at? I wasn't a cookie baker and could careless what their lil Bob said today or what lil Susie wore today. I had a life outside my family and they were like the stepford wives.

ETA: I don't think it's about money, but I do think the SAHM has to loooooove being around children all day everyday in order to do it!!!

My mom was an officer's wife. Trust, I know how those women are They live for the next easter egg hunt on the lawn at the general's house or their attic sales

 

[barbiesocialite]

The issues on my boards were that the SAHMs were always thinking that the WMs were looking down on them. Usually no one really was, but perception IS a reality. Everytime a SAHM would vent about her frustrations of being a SAHM (usually they included having to live a very frugal life, high cost insurance, and needing adult stimulation) the WMs would in so many words tell them to get a job. It was GO.DOWN. from then on.

It seems as though many Blacks think of being a SAHM as WPS. I think that WPS=the right way to do it and this ideal manifests in people who think that the "poor black man's mentality" is slavery. They in a backwords thinking, feel that since they are doing WPS and they may have WP "money" their goals and values are superior to those who value a different set of the two. IMO, it's just a classist, JIm Crow thinking but instead of it being white/black it is manifested in the Black community as rich/poor. But, that really isn't the nature of the debate here.

Just My thoughts... I agree with a lot of what you are saying.

OP...there is NOTHINg wrong with a woman being a SAHM.

Money is new to black folks. middle-class=money because the majority of black americans are barely at the cusp of that even in 2008.

Economically we are just creeping upon the amount of money many white Americans have had for a long time; consequently whey are just now WW were a few hundred years ago in some of our viewpoints about mothering, career and family.

Here's an even interesting way of seeing the variances in money and social attitude. If you look at many black women who 4th generation college graduates, most of these women are overachieving workers. Sure they may retire before a lot of women but they are rarely SAHMs or even aspire to be such. These women tend to work at least into their mid-thirties in my experience. I'm from the Baltimore/DC area, there are a lot of "old-money" blacks here. The BW that are seen as always had it have usually had mothers or gradmothers that were SAHMs with cushiony lifestyles but now in their own generation they want to make a name for themselves and not ride off the backsides of their last name or their husbands. Its funny because many of their mothers and grandmothers look down on them and wanna know why the hell they are working when they dont have to lolololol

 

[Te'TahHead]

Foodstamps are great! Qualifier: I'm in college and yes I do work HOWEVER, they gave foodstamps out like candy around these parts. I'd rather spend my money shopping or paying my part time personal assistant than buying food. It's the truth . In fact she'll probably start shopping for my groceries and cooking for me too. . Could I afford to do all 3? Yes, but I just DONT WANT TO and DONT HAVE TO. Doesn't change the fact that I will marry a certain caliber of man nor that I probably will come out of college with more money than most people in my age group. Again, it's about knowing what you want and working to get that. My goals are slightly different. Some are career-oriented but most are not. I'm totally OK with that.

Aint nothin wrong with gubment aid. When I was childless in school I had stamps too. IMO, you really need em as a struggling college kid. I believe in Stamps as a "come up program"...not a "stay on" program. I'm sure you don't think...'when I growed up.. Imma be on stamps so i won't have to work'. It's the menality.

Good luck with graduation!!!

 

[barbiesocialite]

Te'TahHead really is right to a certain extent.

Being a SAHM is giving up a serious portion of your power and personal autonomy; mainly because if these women wanted to get divorced or leave they cant. I mean, they physically can if they have will power to leave if their marriage is making them miserable, however, that wouldnt be financially sound at all. Since they were a SAHM, leaving these relationship situations would mean they would now need to find gainful employment and pay disporportionate amount of family/child costs. One thing I learned in a few business communication classes, as well as working on current women's issues is that women that stay home for long periods of time, degree'd or not degreed, have more difficulty finding a job than women who have been working. Employers dont want to hire someone that has little to no work experience, esp if they havent worked for ten years. That is a burden for companies because these women are under qualified for the positions these former SAHM think they are entitled to. A lot of women dont really see some of the dangers that being a SAHM could potentially cause if they were to become widowed or divorced.

My career path was actually chosen for SAHM motivations. Thats def why I would work at least pt from home (but attached to a normal company-- for me that would be teaching online courses for a university which is EXCELLENT employment) to save and stash away money because with divorce rates and life being unpredictable, you never know. I can't give up that much of my personal autonomy and put my livelihood completely in the hands of someone else. That wouldnt be smart at all.

 

[Princess4real]

My mom was an officer's wife. Trust, I know how those women are They live for the next easter egg hunt on the lawn at the general's house or their attic sales

Yes they do!!!

 

[Priss Pot]

Aint nothin wrong with gubment aid. When I was childless in school I had stamps too. IMO, you really need em as a struggling college kid. I believe in Stamps as a "come up program"...not a "stay on" program. I'm sure you don't think...'when I growed up.. Imma be on stamps so i won't have to work'. It's the menality.

Good luck with graduation!!!

I wish more people had your mentality. I'm dealing with a friend now who's trying to get on government aid knowing darn well she needs to get off her lazy butt and help her situation rather than trying to get the government to take care of her....and then have the nerve to say that w/ the extra money, she can have a kid. *****, you 24 makin 800 a month with half going towards rent, no car, no education (not even a HS diploma), unpaid credit card bills, and takin care of a no-good negro who could give a damn about your money.....and you want a kid?

Sorry, that was a mini-rant

 

[Ramya]

I wish more people had your mentality. I'm dealing with a friend now who's trying to get on government aid knowing darn well she needs to get off her lazy butt and help her situation rather than trying to get the government to take care of her....and then have the nerve to say that w/ the extra money, she can have a kid. *****, you 24 makin 800 a month with half going towards rent, no car, no education (not even a HS diploma), unpaid credit card bills, and takin care of a no-good negro who could give a damn about your money.....and you want a kid?

Sorry, that was a mini-rant

The hell? No offense but your friend is mental.

 

[SparklingFlame]

Te'TahHead really is right to a certain extent.

Being a SAHM is giving up a serious portion of your power and personal autonomy; mainly because if these women wanted to get divorced or leave they cant. I mean, they physically can if they have will power to leave if their marriage is making them miserable, however, that wouldnt be financially sound at all. Since they were a SAHM, leaving these relationship situations would mean they would now need to find gainful employment and pay disporportionate amount of family/child costs. One thing I learned in a few business communication classes, as well as working on current women's issues is that women that stay home for long periods of time, degree'd or not degreed, have more difficulty finding a job than women who have been working. Employers dont want to hire someone that has little to no work experience, esp if they havent worked for ten years. That is a burden for companies because these women are under qualified for the positions these former SAHM think they are entitled to. A lot of women dont really see some of the dangers that being a SAHM could potentially cause if they were to become widowed or divorced.

My career path was actually chosen for SAHM motivations. Thats def why I would work at least pt from home (but attached to a normal company-- for me that would be teaching online courses for a university which is EXCELLENT employment) to save and stash away money because with divorce rates and life being unpredictable, you never know. I can't give up that much of my personal autonomy and put my livelihood completely in the hands of someone else. That wouldnt be smart at all.

I suppose I am one of the ones who dont see it.

If you are a SAHM and you get a divorce he has to pay alimony to keep you living the same lifestyle that you were accustomed too. Ya'll remember what happened to Lionel Ritchie right? Because of the children the wife will get the house, more than likely.

If you are widowed, well that would depend on wills and life insurance what the wife would be entitled too.

If I am missing something let me know.

 

[JustKiya]

I suppose I am one of the ones who dont see it.

If you are a SAHM and you get a divorce he has to pay alimony to keep you living the same lifestyle that you were accustomed too. Ya'll remember what happened to Lionel Ritchie right? Because of the children the wife will get the house, more than likely.

If you are widowed, well that would depend on wills and life insurance what the wife would be entitled too.

If I am missing something let me know.

I think the idea is that many, many, many men - esp. if they are divorcing their 'first' wife and mother of their children to 'upgrade' will do their best to short shrift her, and she'll be out in the cold.
I suppose the courts aren't always as supportive of a woman's worth as they should be (no surprise there!)

I have to say, this has been a most interesting thread, all around. It's so odd having grown up in a different culture - I had no clue black women looked down on SAHM's until recently.

 

[SparklingFlame]

I think the idea is that many, many, many men - esp. if they are divorcing their 'first' wife and mother of their children to 'upgrade' will do their best to short shrift her, and she'll be out in the cold.
I suppose the courts aren't always as supportive of a woman's worth as they should be (no surprise there!)

I have to say, this has been a most interesting thread, all around. It's so odd having grown up in a different culture - I had no clue black women looked down on SAHM's until recently.

I see what you mean but I watch Divorce Court a lot ( yeah...I know ) and they usually favor the woman in these instances.

 

[dlewis]

I wish more people had your mentality. I'm dealing with a friend now who's trying to get on government aid knowing darn well she needs to get off her lazy butt and help her situation rather than trying to get the government to take care of her....and then have the nerve to say that w/ the extra money, she can have a kid. *****, you 24 makin 800 a month with half going towards rent, no car, no education (not even a HS diploma), unpaid credit card bills, and takin care of a no-good negro who could give a damn about your money.....and you want a kid?

Sorry, that was a mini-rant

I knew alot of people like that. I grew up in low income housing.

 

[~~HoneyComb~~]

I believe if your husband truly cared about you he would or should try to make sure you have a smooth transition if divorce was certain to happen. If you're a SAHM and your husband passes away, let's hope that life insurance policies will be there to help you until you get on your feet.

Oprah had a show on a year ago where this woman was a SAHM and her husband committed suicide and a few months before he did, he cancelled his insurance policies. She had about $200 in an account to take care of herself and I believe 4 children.
That show was an eye opener for me. After that I opened up me a separate bank account, and will continue to have it while i'm married. This poor woman never saw this coming, and I just thought that her husband was wrong for knowingly doing that to her.

 

[dlewis]

I believe if your husband truly cared about you he would or should try to make sure you have a smooth transition if divorce was certain to happen. If you're a SAHM and your husband passes away, let's hope that life insurance policies will be there to help you until you get on your feet.

Oprah had a show on a year ago where this woman was a SAHM and her husband committed suicide and a few months before he did, he cancelled his insurance policies. She had about $200 in an account to take care of herself and I believe 4 children.
That show was an eye opener for me. After that I opened up me a separate bank account, and will continue to have it while i'm married. This poor woman never saw this coming, and I just thought that her husband was wrong for knowingly doing that to her.

The thing is there is a thin line between love and hate. People can go from loving and wanting to take care of you to dogging you out. I've seen it happen to many times. My own father did it to my mother.

I wish I could stay home with my children. I'm not sure how my husband would act if I did, I tend to assume to worse in people. When i tell my husband this he always says "You can stay home if you want but all the extra stuff will have to go". Which I guess in reality is true but I like the extra stuff. So I try to make it all work (wife/ motherhood/ working).

 

[Te'TahHead]

The thing is there is a thin line between love and hate. People can go from loving and wanting to take care of you to dogging you out. I've seen it happen to many times. My own father did it to my mother.

I wish I could stay home with my children. I'm not sure how my husband would act if I did, I tend to assume to worse in people. When i tell my husband this he always says "You can stay home if you want but all the extra stuff will have to go". Which I guess in reality is true but I like the extra stuff. So I try to make it all work (wife/ motherhood/ working).

At first that was hard to believe, but then I saw how the deep feeling for love can turn into deep feelings in hate. I saw one story where a man's wife cheated on him and he, in his vengeful ways, made sure her life was a living hell. I saw another story where a man was so fed up with his wife "becoming physically unnatractive" (so he SAYS) he decided to ask her to leave. She was 12 weeks pregnant and they had a "great" life. The woman said she literally got on her knees kissing his feet asking him not to do this to her (make her a single mom, take her from their lifestyle) and she said he looked her dead in the eyes and told her to leave. I don't think my worst enemy could do that to me and I show her that much hate. We just can't rely on *could* and *should* when discussing human beings. because *could* and *should* woulda kept us in the marriage in the first place. Chaos Theory.

I don't know how much I buy into the whole "alimony" debate. I think the likelihood of a round-the-way woman geting paid off of alimony is slim. I don't think judges are buying into that now a days. We can speculate a lot about celebs...but, those are celebs and 99.6% of aren't celebs.

 

[JFemme]

The thing is there is a thin line between love and hate. People can go from loving and wanting to take care of you to dogging you out.

Aint that the truth.

 

[dlewis]

Te'TahHead, I watched a situation unfold right here in our building. This man waited 7 years to divorce his wife. She was a SAHM, when the kids got big he encouraged her to get a job, knowing all the time he would force her to divorce him. 7 years later he made it so bad for her that she filed for divorce. This is a (in every other situation) wonderful man, smart, family man. Because she had been working for the last seven years, she didn't come out ahead with the divorce.

But every situation is different.

 

[dlewis]

Aint that the truth.

I see it all the time. That song was the truth.

 

[Te'TahHead]

Te'TahHead, I watched a situation unfold right here in our building. This man waited 7 years to divorce his wife. She was a SAHM, when the kids got big he encouraged her to get a job, knowing all the time he would force her to divorce him. 7 years later he made it so bad for her that she filed for divorce. This is a (in every other situation) wonderful man, smart, family man. Because she had been working for the last seven years, she didn't come out ahead with the divorce.

But every situation is different.

Just curious...what did he do to make her divorce him?

 

[Ramya]

prenup... just saying and staying current in my field, through classes, a case here and there ect. I plan to work just not 8-5. either way I'ma be able to take care of myself.

 

[barbiesocialite]

I suppose I am one of the ones who dont see it.

If you are a SAHM and you get a divorce he has to pay alimony to keep you living the same lifestyle that you were accustomed too. Ya'll remember what happened to Lionel Ritchie right? Because of the children the wife will get the house, more than likely.

If you are widowed, well that would depend on wills and life insurance what the wife would be entitled too.

If I am missing something let me know.

you are using someone like Lionel Richie who is crazy rich compared to the average person. Half of his assets gives a woman millions of dollars and thousands of dollars a month for alimony. His kids go to schools that cost 50G a year, his wife is used to squandering thousands of dollars a month on nothing... maintaining that lifestyle would require him to pay a lot of money, so even tho the woman has less money overall she still has enough to maintain a cushiony-enough lifestyle.

Put into average American lifestyle context, where people live paycheck to paycheck, kids go to public school and and the reality that most husbands of SAHMs are middle to working class (annual salary of 30-100G) a year...those women arent going to recieve nearly enough in alimony and child support to live at acceptable standards and afford to maintain the livelihood of their children becase the man only makes but so much in the first place. This leaves these women by the wayside to find means of employment to sustain living and providing for their children because the husband still isnt pay enough money for you, your children, your mortgage, bills, health insurance, food and all those other things.

And like I said before, employers dont want to hire soeone that has little work expereince or hasnt worked in years. At best these ex-SAHMs are going to be forced to take entry-level positions, positions usually people that just gradated from college or underpaid positions with crazy labor for little salary. They arent qualified to be the "boss" in many instances. How do you provide a life as a single mother then when you have 2-4 kids, bills, insurance but u only make 30G a year and only receive a few hundred a month from ur ex-husband. Thats some serious struggling that woman is gonna be doing.

 

[JFemme]

I see it all the time. That song was the truth.

I've seen it all my life....and I think it why I take nothing for granted, play no favorites...

Nothing but the facts, Nothing but the Mf facts, for me...

 

[Te'TahHead]

you are using someone like Lionel Richie who is crazy rich compared to the average person. Half of his assets gives a woman millions of dollars and thousands of dollars a month for alimony. His kids go to schools that cost 50G a year, his wife is used to squandering thousands of dollars a month on nothing... maintaining that lifestyle would require him to pay a lot of money, so even tho the woman has less money overall she still has enough to maintain a cushiony-enough lifestyle.

Put into average American lifestyle context, where people live paycheck to paycheck, kids go to public school and and the reality that most husbands of SAHMs are middle to working class (annual salary of 30-100G) a year...those women arent going to recieve nearly enough in alimony and child support to live at acceptable standards and afford to maintain the livelihood of their children becase the man only makes but so much in the first place. This leaves these women by the wayside to find means of employment to sustain living and providing for their children because the husband still isnt pay enough money for you, your children, your mortgage, bills, health insurance, food and all those other things.

And like I said before, employers dont want to hire soeone that has little work expereince or hasnt worked in years. At best these ex-SAHMs are going to be forced to take entry-level positions, positions usually people that just gradated from college or underpaid positions with crazy labor for little salary. They arent qualified to be the "boss" in many instances. How do you provide a life as a single mother then when you have 2-4 kids, bills, insurance but u only make 30G a year and only receive a few hundred a month from ur ex-husband. Thats some serious struggling that woman is gonna be doing.

How long do you have to be married to recieve alimony?

It's funny because of all the black married I know and the White maried I know... I have observed that the Whites are the ones divorcing. I don't know any SAHMs that are divorced. My exBFF and her hubby was seperated, but they are now back together.

 

[barbiesocialite]

How long do you have to be married to recieve alimony?

It's funny because of all the black married I know and the White maried I know... I have observed that the Whites are the ones divorcing. I don't know any SAHMs that are divorced. My exBFF and her hubby was seperated, but they are now back together.

i dont know how long you have to be married to receive alimony

however, if I were a SAHM and hadnt worked in eons, Id prob never divorce if I wanted to or would get back with my ex too