Why is it wrong for the wife to stay home.

[SouthernTease]

I don't look down on it, I want that lifestyle.
I think she should maybe work from home, start a home based business
just so she has something
to fall back on in case something happens to husband/marriage.

 

[Te'TahHead]

I think that some folks believe that SAHM'S just fart around all day!!!

I do that and I work!!!



Perfect career to do it too..in a school. I get to blame it on the kids!!!!

 

[klb120475]

Right!!!

 

[Te'TahHead]

add to that "with kids over the age of majority" as most men buy time. they wait until the kids are "grown" like age 18 before they really split. then the SAHM, is no longer needed as much in the household. so then courts will consider her role in the home less and less.

i just give more credit to women who work and who also have kids because the jobs that a lot of SAHM do (cooking, cleaning, discipline, etc.), so do the working moms and then some. there are a lot of members on here who get kudos from me because they do all that and they help the home financially. i don't think there is anything wrong with being a SAHM. I just hate when some SAHM act like working mothers don't do what they do too (cooking, cleaning, kids, etc.)

I agree with everything you said, but especially the bolded. I don't like it when someone feels that because you work outside of home, you care less about your children's physical, emotional and intellectual welfare. People act like it is hard to believe that a woman can work, cook everyday, keep a clean home (Dlewish comes to mind) and homeschool their children part-time (i.e. spend an hour or two ensuring their children academically excels). People now a days are doing the best they can. For some people, they need two incomes to survive. Some women like the intellectual stimulation. Whatever it be, people shouldn't knock another woman's situation/

IMO, BOTH sides may have some insecurities about their titles and can be really snooty in making sure that the other side has an insecurity....

Kinda like we do all the time on the board. LOL

 

[envybeauty]

I agree with everything you said, but especially the bolded. I don't like it when someone feels that because you work outside of home, you care less about your children's physical, emotional and intellectual welfare. People act like it is hard to believe that a woman can work, cook everyday, keep a clean home (Dlewish comes to mind) and homeschool their children part-time (i.e. spend an hour or two ensuring their children academically excels). People now a days are doing the best they can. For some people, they need two incomes to survive. Some women like the intellectual stimulation. Whatever it be, people shouldn't knock another woman's situation/

IMO, BOTH sides may have some insecurities about their titles and can be really snooty in making sure that the other side has an insecurity....

Kinda like we do all the time on the board. LOL

Yup. I was thinking of D when I was typing my post. She holds it down especially in the cooking arena and she is always trying to keep up with what her kids are doing. A great example of a working mom who does what a lot of SAHMs do.

 

[JFemme]

I agree with everything you said, but especially the bolded. I don't like it when someone feels that because you work outside of home, you care less about your children's physical, emotional and intellectual welfare. People act like it is hard to believe that a woman can work, cook everyday, keep a clean home (Dlewish comes to mind) and homeschool their children part-time (i.e. spend an hour or two ensuring their children academically excels). People now a days are doing the best they can. For some people, they need two incomes to survive. Some women like the intellectual stimulation. Whatever it be, people shouldn't knock another woman's situation/

IMO, BOTH sides may have some insecurities about their titles and can be really snooty in making sure that the other side has an insecurity....

Kinda like we do all the time on the board. LOL

I worked two jobs, home schooled, attended uni the evenings, kept a clean house, my marriage intact, my body on point, and my spirit soaring.....for many years...(and KEPT folks outta by business, cause ya know peeps are noisy, oops, I mean concerned)erplexed

but that aint for everybody....

I'll never understand the name-calling.... we can not have everything, in one sitting...

 

[SparklingFlame]

I worked two jobs, home schooled, attended uni the evenings, kept a clean house, my marriage intact, my body on point, and my spirit soaring.....for many years...(and KEPT folks outta by business, cause ya know peeps are noisy, oops, I mean concerned)erplexed

but that aint for everybody....

I'll never understand the name-calling.... we can not have everything, in one sitting...

THANK YOU!!!!!

 

[Zaynab]

I think that some folks believe that SAHM'S just fart around all day!!!

Oh, errah...that's what I do when I'm home. Along with my cleaning lady

 

[Zaynab]

I worked two jobs, home schooled, attended uni the evenings, kept a clean house, my marriage intact, my body on point, and my spirit soaring.....for many years...(and KEPT folks outta by business, cause ya know peeps are noisy, oops, I mean concerned)erplexed

but that aint for everybody....

I'll never understand the name-calling.... we can not have everything, in one sitting...

That's the main thing you know. Women we compare ourselves to what another woman is or is not doing, that's all it's about. We sit around and think...hmmm, well she has this and she has that. Whatever works for THAT woman, is not going to work for you. Figure out how you can make your sitiuation best for you and your family

 

[FlowerHair]

Well if they want to do that, then fine, but I won't look at them in the same light as another woman who actually does all of the work herself. I just don't see how one can take credit for running the household when they don't even lift a finger.

If the woman is not working then why should the nanny be the one taking their kids to the park and helping with homework? Why should the chef be the one slaving away to prepare meals in the kitchen? Why should the maid be the one to clean up their dirty house?

I don't consider staying at home and making sure they look pretty for their husband to be hard work.

Oh and I too will move to Sweden when I have a baby! lol

I see what you're saying and welcome to Sweden you too
I just feel that sometimes we value hard work so much that if a man wants his wife to just relax and take care of herself we get mad... It's every family's decision to make, I guess
I wouldn't mind being a luxury wife
Not everything in this world is about working your knuckles to the bone. I think I'm just lazy by nature...

 

[Te'TahHead]

I see what you're saying and welcome to Sweden you too
I just feel that sometimes we value hard work so much that if a man wants his wife to just relax and take care of herself we get mad... It's every family's decision to make, I guess
I wouldn't mind being a luxury wife
Not everything in this world is about working your knuckles to the bone. I think I'm just lazy by nature...

So, you don't think being a SAHM is hard work? Because I do... I think cooking EVERYNIGHT, cleaning the house, and caring for multiple kids (this doesn't count school aged kids) is alot. Not to mention, those who homeschool. God bless them.

Now a SAHW..to ME that is laughable.

 

[SparklingFlame]

So, you don't think being a SAHM is hard work? Because I do... I think cooking EVERYNIGHT, cleaning the house, and caring for multiple kids (this doesn't count school aged kids) is alot. Not to mention, those who homeschool. God bless them.

Now a SAHW..to ME that is laughable.

PREACH!!!!!!!!

 

[MizzBrown]

So, you don't think being a SAHM is hard work? Because I do... I think cooking EVERYNIGHT, cleaning the house, and caring for multiple kids (this doesn't count school aged kids) is alot. Not to mention, those who homeschool. God bless them.

Now a SAHW..to ME that is laughable.

I would want to be a SAHW.

But they need to assume their roles to, IMO.

If hubby gets up at 5 a.m. then she needs to get up with him and cook breakfast, run ALL the errands between the two of them, clean, clip coupons,dry cleaners, household bills, etc.

It should still be like a 7-4 job. I remember an old SAHW who was seemed to work more than her husband. Volunteered at the local schools, garden, had time to cook fresh meals, she'd even do light groundswork, etc....I'd be catchin the school bus at 7a.m. and she's driving by to go do her errands as a SAHW.

 

[FlowerHair]

So, you don't think being a SAHM is hard work? Because I do... I think cooking EVERYNIGHT, cleaning the house, and caring for multiple kids (this doesn't count school aged kids) is alot. Not to mention, those who homeschool. God bless them.

Now a SAHW..to ME that is laughable.

When did I say all that?
I just said that we tend to over-value hard, grinding work when life is more than that for some people who can afford it. Why is it so bad to hire help if you can afford it -that's the question I asked.

I never said it's not hard work being a SAHM and even harder working 9-5 and taking care of the house and kids at the same time, cause that's the reality for most women in the Western world today.

If someone wants to be a SAHW and can live comfortably, who am I to rain on her parade? Some wives to high profile men have a full schedule even though they don't scrub floors or do the things that we do...

 

[JFemme]

The word wife needs updating, imho...(perhaps even husband)idk...

I think its assumed it means in part, maid, caretaker, baby maker, household manager, cook, et cetera.

Nothing wrong in any of those duties, but....I'm just sayingerplexed

your thoughts, ladies...

 

[MizzBrown]

The whole purpose IMO of wanting to be a SAHM is to be able to see my kids more than just a couple hrs everyday.

To be able to catch their first word, first step, first crawl, first homemade mother's day card made at our kitchen table and to basically just watch them grow cause they grow so fast.

I'd hate to be in someones office 10 hrs a day OR have them in somone's elses care and miss all that only so i can sit home and sip orange juice while watching "The View" and planning dinner parties.

 

[MizAvalon]

OT, Flowerhair what are those candies in your siggy?

 

[FlowerHair]

The word wife needs updating, imho...(perhaps even husband)idk...

I think its assumed it means in part, maid, caretaker, baby maker, household manager, cook, et cetera.

Nothing wrong in any of those duties, but....I'm just sayingerplexed

your thoughts, ladies...

I agree...why does it have to be wife = sufferer? Household manager sounds more like it. Whatever finances the household has she can spend it on hired help or not depending on what she sees as best for the family. Anything but baby maker can be leased out...or wait, some people do that too

OT, Flowerhair what are those candies in your siggy?

My favorite sweet licorice candy I had a few today

 

[Cinda2503]

I don't think there is anything wrong with SAHM or SAHW. If your husband can afford to take of the house - why not let him?

My mother was a SAHM until I was in high school. Then she went back to college and now has a full time job. Most of the women in my family were/are SAHM. Most of my aunts have grown children and they still stay at home.

Learning from my mother, I would still want to be SAHM and/or SAHW BUT the household money has to contribute to my ROTH IRA and I would defintely have savings set aside.

I also see nothing wrong with a SAHM or SAHW having help around the house. Taking care of a home and/or children is a lot of work - the more help you can have the better. I don't mind nannies, maids, etc... If you can afford it - what's the big deal?

I firmly believe that you can't have it all at the same time. The superwoman mentality needs to go sit down somewhere. I know I can't do it all and I don't want to do it all. Working and taking care of a family is not something I would like to do.

Why is it that woman are expected to work outside and inside the home - take care of the house, the husband, the children, stay in shape, look like a supermodel, and swing from the chandeliers every night? And what, the man is expected to go to work and bring home the paycheck? That's it. I have a real problem with that. Working is relatively easy compared to being at home with children all day long.

I believe that when you are married - it is the man's responsibilty to take care of the entire house financially - the woman going to work or not is optional. The woman in return supports the house/man emotionally. Getting a husband so you can split the bills is not a marriage that is a roommate. This is how I was raised and what my father expects of the man I marry.

 

[Te'TahHead]

I would want to be a SAHW.

But they need to assume their roles to, IMO.

If hubby gets up at 5 a.m. then she needs to get up with him and cook breakfast, run ALL the errands between the two of them, clean, clip coupons,dry cleaners, household bills, etc.

It should still be like a 7-4 job. I remember an old SAHW who was seemed to work more than her husband. Volunteered at the local schools, garden, had time to cook fresh meals, she'd even do light groundswork, etc....I'd be catchin the school bus at 7a.m. and she's driving by to go do her errands as a SAHW.

Loving the siggy. You would do that if you saw my hair.

I don't know ANY SAHW who does that much work. I agree that if you choose to do it, you really have to surround your existence around him and your home from before he goes in to after he gets off. I'm just not down with that. IMO, a SAHW should get up before him, prepare breakfast, have his clothes/briefcase ready..see him out clean, happy and fed. Then, the home should be emaculent, fridge stocked, clothes cleaned, bills paid. When he comes hom she should have dinner ready, home serene and (this is where it gets UNpc) she should be willing to allow him rest time.

I strongly dislike that job description.

Every morning there is a SAHM who is here at 8am and basically is like a secretary. She has NEVER missed a day (done it for years) and volunteers for3 hours everyday. I'm like, I thought the whole point was to get a non traditional schedule. but, her kids are grown so I guess she is bored.

 

[MizzBrown]

^^A lot of SAHM take credit for raising their kids and taking care of home when they don't. The "staff" does.

Me and my brother were so close to one of our nanny's that we went across country twice to visit her.

My mom has said on more than one occasion that she essentially raised my little brother.

 

[Te'TahHead]

When did I say all that?
I just said that we tend to over-value hard, grinding work when life is more than that for some people who can afford it. Why is it so bad to hire help if you can afford it -that's the question I asked.

I never said it's not hard work being a SAHM and even harder working 9-5 and taking care of the house and kids at the same time, cause that's the reality for most women in the Western world today.

If someone wants to be a SAHW and can live comfortably, who am I to rain on her parade? Some wives to high profile men have a full schedule even though they don't scrub floors or do the things that we do...

Oh okay, I think I misread it. I took you're saying that you are lazy as a way of saying "I am lazy therefore I should be a SAHM". But, obviously you didn't. my bad.

In MY OPINION a true Homemaker has no room for the laze. I say this because my ex BFF used to be like "I hate working, I hate schedules, so Imma get pregnant so he can let me be a SAHM". Well, she got pregnant and was a SAHM. They were living in a tiny 1 bedroom apt while he worked two jobs and was a student and they had to rely off gubment aid. She hardly cooked (and when she did it was like canned veggies and fried stuff) and their home stayed smelling like ballz. He cited this as a reason he became resentful of her and kicked her out.

So, FF two years, they get back together and he tells her she HAS to work. He always known SAHMs as his mom was one. So, she gets a job.. and says that she is tired of working... she gets preggers AGAIN. LOL. Now, they can't afford to send 3 kids (he has a child before their marriage) to daycare and sports, so she finally gets to be a SAHM for good this time.

didn't mean to rant, but I apologize for reading it wrong

 

[Crackers Phinn]

I think this comes from both the "slave mentality", and the "single mother" culture that is SO rampant in our community. Black men are used to seeing THEIR mothers with 2 jobs and struggling and scraping by... So enter the year 2008, and they meet a black woman who is tryna stay home and their brain literally "DOES NOT COMPUTE" the concept of a *BLACK* woman in their opinion "sitting on her a$$" all day. They've never seen it, so they have NO idea.

Co-signin all day on this.

There are some men who value a wife who knows how to use lunch dates to schmooze their unborn children into X,Y,Z premiere day school that puts them on a set course to Yale.

There are some men who value a wife who knows how to play the political game within their social circle that keeps a pulse on what's going on at the company he's at or the one he's looking to move to.

There are some men who value a wife who can teach their children by example the value of networking with the right people.

These are not men who need a wife to be a chef or maid or to punch an invisible clock.

As ridiculous as I find 'The Real Housewives' as people, the one thing i do walk away from that show with is that almost every minute is spent networking.

 

[MizAvalon]

Co-signin all day on this.

There are some men who value a wife who knows how to use lunch dates to schmooze their unborn children into X,Y,Z premiere day school that puts them on a set course to Yale.

There are some men who value a wife who knows how to play the political game within their social circle that keeps a pulse on what's going on at the company he's at or the one he's looking to move to.

There are some men who value a wife who can teach their children by example the value of networking with the right people.

These are not men who need a wife to be a chef or maid or to punch an invisible clock.

As ridiculous as I find 'The Real Housewives' as people, the one thing i do walk away from that show with is that almost every minute is spent networking.

And the men who are nickel and dime-ing their wives to death will never understand the above. But then, I guess they don't have to. None of those circumstances will apply to them anyway in most cases.

 

[Bunny77]

Co-signin all day on this.

There are some men who value a wife who knows how to use lunch dates to schmooze their unborn children into X,Y,Z premiere day school that puts them on a set course to Yale.

There are some men who value a wife who knows how to play the political game within their social circle that keeps a pulse on what's going on at the company he's at or the one he's looking to move to.

There are some men who value a wife who can teach their children by example the value of networking with the right people.

These are not men who need a wife to be a chef or maid or to punch an invisible clock.

As ridiculous as I find 'The Real Housewives' as people, the one thing i do walk away from that show with is that almost every minute is spent networking.

I think I love you.

 

[Divine Inspiration]

If you are a SAHM with no kids and no prenup, you are screwed.

I've enjoyed reading this thread.

I just wanted to pop in and say that the above is not necessarily true. A friend of mine recently divorced and she was more or less a stay at home wife...no kids. And guess what? Dude is shellin' out those dead presidents in alimony. It doesn't just apply to women who have kids.

 

[amara11]

1) RHWOA is just an extreme example. Most SAHMs are women who stay at home to fully dedicate themselves to their children and home affairs. Not women who have maids, nannies, governesses, house managers, and still stay at home and just sit pretty. That's what the hullabaloo is over RHW (really any of the seasons). Their husbands don't mind and they can afford to still live lavishly without her income, so really it's their business, but I can understand why this would be fodder for debate.

2) Rifts come between real SAHMs and WMs because there are hurtful insinuations (from both sides) about one or the other's ability to be a good mom, set a good example for her daughters, be a balanced woman, not set the women's movement back 1000 yrs, etc. Both sides have great arguments, but sometimes ppl get ugly with attacks- and the worst thing you can do is tell a woman (or imply) that she's not a good mom This is where the flame throwing starts.

 

[InsertCleverNameHere]

Even as a non-parent, I would have no issue staying at home. Lazy? Shoot who knows? I would be too busy shopping, volunteering, educating myself, and having spa days to care.

 

[JFemme]

Even as a non-parent, I would have no issue staying at home. Lazy? Shoot who knows? I would be too busy shopping, volunteering, educating myself, and having spa days to care.

You can say that again....

I'd have no problem being purposefully productive...

so many things to do, so little time...

 

[amara11]

What about some of the ladies who go to professional/graduate school for specific careers? Medicine, Law, Business, Finance, Accounting, Pharmacy, etc.

How does the that play into your decision to consider staying at home should your husband ask you. I think the decision is relatively easier for people who have bachelors and maybe even masters..

But when you go through 4+ years of post graduate schooling (often times even more in research, fellowships, internships, etc) to get into your career, not to mention loans, and the contributions/sacrifices of you/your parents- does it make it harder for you?

I think the SAH thing is great for some women, but being that I'm in school for medicine because I love it and not b/c of the $$, it's hard for me to say that I'd drop it as long as my husband could afford to support our family. B/c I went into the field for reasons other than financial, this reason alone would not suffice for me to leave it....

Thoughts?