Why is it wrong for the wife to stay home.

[Te'TahHead]

Yes, it is because black women are supposed to be work horses that carry the entire world on their back. Better not ever depend on any man because you will probably end up doing it alone anyway! Oh, and staying home and caring for your family is only for white women.

I know very few(if any) working mothers that wouldn't like the option of staying home, or at least, more help. Let's see, work 14 hours a day or nurture and care for my child? Such a dilemma.

Okay!!

I will admit, I am tired of seeing/hearing how bad it is to "depend on some man". I mean, that is old.


***Honesty alert***

I wouldn't mind staying home (I get summers off/teacher), But I am going to be honest and say that I worry about losing some of my "power" and "queeness" in my home. I spoke with my man about it and he said he wouldn't mind but he would EXPECT a clean home everyday and a home cooked meal everyday. I am an okay homemaker, but I can't say I enjoy it so much as to have EVERYTHING made out everyday. I like the fact that my SO seems to care I am tired from "work" and massages my feet, cooks and cleans. he is one of those black folks who think that being a SAHM is "not working". So, I guess for my rel., being a SAHM wouldn't work.

So, SAHMS.. questions.. do you feel as though you maintain a good amount of "power" within your home now are a SAHM. How was the adjustment to being a SAHM? What were the both of your expectations?

Sorry to jack the thread, just curious.

 

[fmnnity]

I'm not sure why people look down on it, but if my future husband wants children, a clean home and dinner on the table then I expect him to be able to provide financially so that I don't have to be superwoman. Matter of fact, I refuse to be superwoman . I have ZERO plans to work fulltime while caring for my home and family. Every man I've dated was OK with that and that's all that matters to me.

Preach sista preach!!!! I killed the superwoman and buried that broad under the front stairs.

 

[Te'TahHead]

Preach sista preach!!!! I killed the superwoman and buried that broad under the front stairs.

That **** will DIE the end of this month!

 

[hairsothick]

Being a stay at home mom/wife who actually cleans the house, takes care of the kids and cooks the meals is one thing.

Being a stay at home mom/wife who has a nanny, chef, and a house cleaning service to do everything for her is another thing.

The former is to be admired, the latter is not.

 

[MD_Lady]

Two words: Women's Liberation

Although I appreciate all the hard work and blood, sweat and tears that were put into affording me the right to choose, I think it has gotten overlooked that there is sometimes an option for the choice to stay home. I'm not married, but I would have no problem being married and my husband asking me to stay home and hold down the home front. So long as it was not for some chauvinistic reasons. Shoot, I feel that anyone who stays home, man or woman, deserves an award and a check from somewhere because it is a job that is full time, overtime, on call, no holiday, no benefits, no vacation, no sick day and NO PAY! You have to be a maid, nurse, teacher, sex therapist, chef, chauffeur, chaperon, coach, volunteer, and you still have to find time in there to take care of your basic needs and keep yourself looking presentable as not to embarrass your family whom you basically work for. WHEW!!! glad I got that out. I feel better now.

Which is a doggone shame because the whole point of Women's Lib was to give women choices. Too bad that's lost on most folks.

 

[MizAvalon]

Preach sista preach!!!! I killed the superwoman and buried that broad under the front stairs.

 

[MizzBrown]

Being a stay at home mom/wife who actually cleans the house, takes care of the kids and cooks the meals is one thing.

Being a stay at home mom/wife who has a nanny, chef, and a house cleaning service to do everything for her is another thing.

The former is to be admired, the latter is not.

This iritates the hell out of me. And i can't stand a lazy housewife/SAHM either.

A SAHM/wife should know how to cook, clean and run the house like its her office. No excuses. Maid services here and there but not full time.

YES dinner should be on the table at 6p.m. I'd look at you funny just like your hubby if it wasn't.

You ever seen a SAHM who can't cook? All the kids eat is takeout, Chef Boyardee, T.V. dinners? That disgusts me...You had 9 months to learn on your first child.

Or children who are behind in school? Children's schoolwork better be up to par if moms is home all day & evening.

No it won't be perfect but a lot of lazy SAHM/wives give others a bad name.

 

[MizAvalon]

This iritates the hell out of me. And i can't stand a lazy housewife/SAHM either.

A SAHM/wife should know how to cook, clean and run the house like its her office. No excuses. Maid services here and there but not full time.

YES dinner should be on the table at 6p.m. I'd look at you funny just like your hubby if it wasn't.

You ever seen a SAHM who can't cook? All the kids eat is takeout, Chef Boyardee, T.V. dinners? That disgusts me...You had 9 months to learn on your first child.

Or children who are behind in school? Children's schoolwork better be up to par if moms is home all day & evening.

No it won't be perfect but a lot of lazy SAHM/wives give others a bad name.

I agree with a lot of this but I'm cool with hiring someone to come in and clean. I don't enjoy doing it at all and that would just mean more time I can spend with my family.

Scrubbing floors and cleaning toilets? I HATE that stuff!

 

[MizzBrown]

I agree with a lot of this but I'm cool with hiring someone to come in and clean. I don't enjoy doing it at all and that would just mean more time I can spend with my family.

Scrubbing floors and cleaning toilets? I HATE that stuff!

Understandable, but some women won't even do that. They won't even take the time to realize the house is in dissarray and call for help to cook, clean, etc.

If it was their job at company xyz then it would get done so as not to get fired, so the same commitment should be in the home as well.

I know someone like this. Just refuses to do her job as a housewife. Won't clean, cook, do laundry, doesn't want to leave the house to run errands, NADA! NOR will she call for assistance. I think she uses this tactic to get back at her hubby because he complained in the first place.

 

[MizAvalon]

Understandable, but some women won't even do that. They won't even take the time to realize the house is in dissarray and call for help to cook, clean, etc.

If it was their job at company xyz then it would get done so as not to get fired, so the same commitment should be in the home as well.

I know someone like this. Just refuses to do her job as a housewife. Won't clean, cook, do laundry, doesn't want to leave the house to run errands, NADA! NOR will she call for assistance. I think she uses this tactic to get back at her hubby because he complained in the first place.

Agreed. If you're going to be a homemaker, then BE ONE.

 

[illustrioussplendor]

I have been a SAHM for about five+ years off and on. I don't think SAHM get enough credit or respect for all that they do. Especially in the black community. I think alot of that stems from those who grew up in single parent homes. It's just expected for the woman to carry the load. I think if you are married and you are working fulltime and still have to come home and maintain the house, your husband should share the responsibility of maintaining the home. My husband likes me being home and having the home cooked meals, clean clothing, house etc. He doesn't make me feel like I have less power because I am a SAHM, however it is me that would like to go back to work. For one I'm like having my own spending money, and for two I am not the type of woman that would sit back and expect my husband to figure out how to pay all the bills, if we get caught in a jam I wouldn't hesitate to jump back in the workforce. My husband has no problem helping around the house either, there have even been times when he's been home with the children while I worked. I just think the family benefits the most financially when we are both employed.

 

[Ladyhenri]

You have one camp who doesn't see full time homemaking as a "real job".

You have another who believes that women lose too much of their power by staying at home and letting the man 100% financially support the family.

Then you have another camp who sees a black woman full time homemaker as a foreign concept (something that only white women do).

Then you have the last group, who just wishes it could be them and passive-aggressively directs their resentment towards you.


I think its a great thing you can stay home and nuture your family full time.

I'm in the enboldened camp...


If said marriage ends in divorce, as most marriages do these days, the woman is in deep s***.

I love the idea of staying home to look after kids and run the house, but in this day and age, i'm not sure its a safe thing to do.

 

[FlowerHair]

Being a stay at home mom/wife who actually cleans the house, takes care of the kids and cooks the meals is one thing.

Being a stay at home mom/wife who has a nanny, chef, and a house cleaning service to do everything for her is another thing.

The former is to be admired, the latter is not.

I don't see the problem with that. If a family can afford it, why not?
Just because not everyone can afford it or want it, why should that stop the women that do want it?
Most of the time, women who don't work and have cooks, nannies etc are expected to look great and entertain a lot, so they need their time to take care of themselves to that standard.

It's not for me, but maybe for someone else.
My sis-in-law is a stay at home mom with her kids in school and extra help.

I like to have my job to make sure I'm comfortable should the relationship go down in flames. When I have a baby, I'll stay at home for 1 year like everyone else in my country...after that, I'll work 6 hours for another 5 years until my baby goes to school (they start at 6 here). I haven't discussed this with SO, but if he wants to stay at home for a while when the baby is little, that's ok too.

Someone needs to check that the child is doing fine in all areas of life, and in most cases one of the parents is the best person to do this IMO.

Women's lib made sure that most of us are working full time, plus putting in 2-3 hours at home each day while most men work full time and then relax.

 

[mango387]

I don't see the problem with that. If a family can afford it, why not?
Just because not everyone can afford it or want it, why should that stop the women that do want it?
Most of the time, women who don't work and have cooks, nannies etc are expected to look great and entertain a lot, so they need their time to take care of themselves to that standard.

It's not for me, but maybe for someone else.
My sis-in-law is a stay at home mom with her kids in school and extra help.

I like to have my job to make sure I'm comfortable should the relationship go down in flames. When I have a baby, I'll stay at home for 1 year like everyone else in my country...after that, I'll work 6 hours for another 5 years until my baby goes to school (they start at 6 here). I haven't discussed this with SO, but if he wants to stay at home for a while when the baby is little, that's ok too.

Someone needs to check that the child is doing fine in all areas of life, and in most cases one of the parents is the best person to do this IMO.

Women's lib made sure that most of us are working full time, plus putting in 2-3 hours at home each day while most men work full time and then relax.

Howdy, neighbor! I'm moving to your country.

 

[FlowerHair]

Howdy, neighbor! I'm moving to your country.

Howdy!
Welcome to Sweden

 

[Farida]

I'm in the enboldened camp...


If said marriage ends in divorce, as most marriages do these days, the woman is in deep s***.

I love the idea of staying home to look after kids and run the house, but in this day and age, i'm not sure its a safe thing to do.

Not necessarily. Courts will tend to side with having the man continue to support the lifestyle he accustomed his wife and kids to.
I saw this with an attorney I worked with. Wife was a SAHM, after the divorce, she got the house ($3M beach house), the car, the kids and the man pays alimony and child support. The kids are better off at home with mom than in daycare.

Also, most SAHMs are smart enough to either have a prenup, a business, a good lawyer or some type of back up plan etc.

In fact, being a working mom may count against you in a divorce. You and the guy will be considered equally capable of raising the kids, so the court will start looking to who makes more $$ and mud-slinging begins as opposed to a SAHM who right off the bat is seen as the primary caretaker.

If you are a SAHM with no kids and no prenup, you are screwed.

 

[14got]

you will always encounter someone that has SOMETHING smart to say
Until you take care of my household , and my kids Then we can talk. But the financial situation IN my household is NONE of your business

I honestly think it's better to NOT tell people you are a SAHM
cus black folks are quick to look @ you sideways or call you lazy.
My dh is proud of the fact that I can stay home and take care of the kids, he would rather me stay home and express my creativity rather than have a 9-5.

 

[NoNapNique]

you will always encounter someone that has SOMETHING smart to say
Until you take care of my household , and my kids Then we can talk. But the financial situation IN my household is NONE of your business

I honestly think it's better to NOT tell people you are a SAHM
cus black folks are quick to look @ you sideways or call you lazy.
My dh is proud of the fact that I can stay home and take care of the kids, he would rather me stay home and express my creativity rather than have a 9-5.

I think this comes from both the "slave mentality", and the "single mother" culture that is SO rampant in our community. Black men are used to seeing THEIR mothers with 2 jobs and struggling and scraping by... So enter the year 2008, and they meet a black woman who is tryna stay home and their brain literally "DOES NOT COMPUTE" the concept of a *BLACK* woman in their opinion "sitting on her a$$" all day. They've never seen it, so they have NO idea.

 

[Arcadian]

There's nothing wrong with it at all. My father hated to watch my mother go to work, but "allowed it" because she did the stay at home mommy stuff while we were kids. She worked until she couldn't anymore.

So now mom and dad are at home together most of the time since he retired. He drives her (and everybody else) nuts.

Each couple has to do whats right for them. If thats what y'all want, then do it.

I work because I'd lose my damn mind otherwise. Granted, I'm at home (for now) most of the time, but that part is changing very soon. SO is already not liking it.



-A

 

[hairsothick]

I don't see the problem with that. If a family can afford it, why not?
Just because not everyone can afford it or want it, why should that stop the women that do want it?
Most of the time, women who don't work and have cooks, nannies etc are expected to look great and entertain a lot, so they need their time to take care of themselves to that standard.

It's not for me, but maybe for someone else.
My sis-in-law is a stay at home mom with her kids in school and extra help.

I like to have my job to make sure I'm comfortable should the relationship go down in flames. When I have a baby, I'll stay at home for 1 year like everyone else in my country...after that, I'll work 6 hours for another 5 years until my baby goes to school (they start at 6 here). I haven't discussed this with SO, but if he wants to stay at home for a while when the baby is little, that's ok too.

Someone needs to check that the child is doing fine in all areas of life, and in most cases one of the parents is the best person to do this IMO.

Women's lib made sure that most of us are working full time, plus putting in 2-3 hours at home each day while most men work full time and then relax.

Well if they want to do that, then fine, but I won't look at them in the same light as another woman who actually does all of the work herself. I just don't see how one can take credit for running the household when they don't even lift a finger.

If the woman is not working then why should the nanny be the one taking their kids to the park and helping with homework? Why should the chef be the one slaving away to prepare meals in the kitchen? Why should the maid be the one to clean up their dirty house?

I don't consider staying at home and making sure they look pretty for their husband to be hard work.

Oh and I too will move to Sweden when I have a baby! lol

 

[Te'TahHead]

Well if they want to do that, then fine, but I won't look at them in the same light as another woman who actually does all of the work herself. I just don't see how one can take credit for running the household when they don't even lift a finger.

If the woman is not working then why should the nanny be the one taking their kids to the park and helping with homework? Why should the chef be the one slaving away to prepare meals in the kitchen? Why should the maid be the one to clean up their dirty house?

I don't consider staying at home and making sure they look pretty for their husband to be hard work.

Oh and I too will move to Sweden when I have a baby! lol

I wish I could thank you a million times. IMO, it makes no sense. And because you can "afford it".. doesn't mean you should do it. I mean, if you won't cook, rear your kids, or clean...what exactly are you home for? Ain't that much beauty/shopping in the world. IMO, cooking, cleaning and your kids full time are tricks of the trade. A "working" mother doesn't have the option of taking a nap or getting her nails done mid shift. A person who works outside of the home doesn't have the option of being able to make all the best choices for her fam and eventually having time to research the ones she is unsure about. A SAHM has all those options. Their are ups and downs of both decisions.

I also look at single mothers (divorced and/or baby mommas...) differently who are SAHMs. I think they are the ones who give hardworking SAHMs a bad name. My friend who used to work in welfare said that the number one job tititle of the women getting benefits were "Homemaker". Like, if you need welfare benefits to be a SAHM.. then you should strongly consider getting a job.

 

[SparklingFlame]

I aint even gonna lie.

I am a stay at home mom, but that is only 1 of my full time jobs. I work full time and I homeschool too.

I cook, clean, take kids to the park, give baths, ect ect ect but if I could afford it, I would hire a cook, maid, and whatever else I could to help me out.

Dos that make me less of a woman and unworthy to be a SAHM if I did hire some hep?

HELL NO!

 

[hairsothick]

I aint even gonna lie.

I am a stay at home mom, but that is only 1 of my full time jobs. I work full time and I homeschool too.

I cook, clean, take kids to the park, give baths, ect ect ect but if I could afford it, I would hire a cook, maid, and whatever else I could to help me out.

Dos that make me less of a woman and unworthy to be a SAHM if I did hire some hep?

HELL NO!

But at least you're actually doing something. I'm talking about people who just shop and do makeup all day.

 

[SparklingFlame]

But at least you're actually doing something. I'm talking about people who just shop and do makeup all day.

They just got it going on I guess.

You are right, they dont need to take credit for doing stuff. They should give credit where credit is due, to the person paying the bills.

 

[Te'TahHead]

I aint even gonna lie.

I am a stay at home mom, but that is only 1 of my full time jobs. I work full time and I homeschool too.

I cook, clean, take kids to the park, give baths, ect ect ect but if I could afford it, I would hire a cook, maid, and whatever else I could to help me out.

Dos that make me less of a woman and unworthy to be a SAHM if I did hire some hep?

HELL NO!

I wouldn't say all of that.. but I just wouldn't be suprised if people didn't understand what you do allday or if they questioned it.

That's all...

 

[SparklingFlame]

I wouldn't say all of that.. but I just wouldn't be suprised if people didn't understand what you do allday or if they questioned it.

That's all...

I think that some folks believe that SAHM'S just fart around all day!!!

 

[Zaynab]

You have one camp who doesn't see full time homemaking as a "real job".

You have another who believes that women lose too much of their power by staying at home and letting the man 100% financially support the family.

Then you have another camp who sees a black woman full time homemaker as a foreign concept (something that only white women do).

Then you have the last group, who just wishes it could be them and passive-aggressively directs their resentment towards you.


I think its a great thing you can stay home and nuture your family full time.

I lean moreso to this line of thinking. I'm not in this camp exactly because I work a schedule that allows me to be home with my kids during the day-but its a compromise to myself, my level of independence and security. DH would support any decision I want but I like to feel empowered and working is one way I do that.

I just think women should do what works for them. My only complaint with working women is, if you work and you're the boss at work, come home and leave all that ish at the door, turn into the soft, feminine, wifely, motherly you

 

[Highly Favored8]

There is no thing wrong at all with this. My mother did it until we 5 of us finished high school. My dad was able and blessed to provide for his family. I feel as long as the husband does not mind and the wife takes care of the house, and kids then it should not be a problem. IMHO what I mean is take care of making sure when he brings home the pay check even though she is not working she is taking care of the household.

 

[envybeauty]

Not necessarily. Courts will tend to side with having the man continue to support the lifestyle he accustomed his wife and kids to.
I saw this with an attorney I worked with. Wife was a SAHM, after the divorce, she got the house ($3M beach house), the car, the kids and the man pays alimony and child support. The kids are better off at home with mom than in daycare.

Also, most SAHMs are smart enough to either have a prenup, a business, a good lawyer or some type of back up plan etc.

In fact, being a working mom may count against you in a divorce. You and the guy will be considered equally capable of raising the kids, so the court will start looking to who makes more $$ and mud-slinging begins as opposed to a SAHM who right off the bat is seen as the primary caretaker.

If you are a SAHM with no kids and no prenup, you are screwed.

add to that "with kids over the age of majority" as most men buy time. they wait until the kids are "grown" like age 18 before they really split. then the SAHM, is no longer needed as much in the household. so then courts will consider her role in the home less and less.

i just give more credit to women who work and who also have kids because the jobs that a lot of SAHM do (cooking, cleaning, discipline, etc.), so do the working moms and then some. there are a lot of members on here who get kudos from me because they do all that and they help the home financially. i don't think there is anything wrong with being a SAHM. I just hate when some SAHM act like working mothers don't do what they do too (cooking, cleaning, kids, etc.)

 

[JFemme]

I think that some folks believe that SAHM'S just fart around all day!!!

and this is part of the problem....You can not allow your decision to me slammed by those who are not living it... You'd think they'd be so charmed with their career, man, life or whatever to have time to critique someones else's life.

Keep folks outta your business...as best you can...

I know folks are noisy, but hey, that's their problem...

And, so what if you are farting around all day....erry now and again..