Why Don't Women Put As Much Effort Into Finding A Husband As They Put Into A Career?

[jhcprincess]

EverythingOldIsNew made a good comment in another thread:

"If you want it and go for it you can get it. If some if you approached dating the way you did : make up, hair care, education, career, etc. you would have your pick of husbands."

So why don't more women do this? I'm taking a hiatus from dating right now but when I start up again I'm going to be serious about it. And yes, I would like to be married and have children by a certain age.

 

[Live.Laugh.Love]

Another one of these threads...lol...we sure know how to beat a DEAD horse!!!

 

[anon123]

Re: Why don't women put as much effort into finding a husband as they put into a care

Well, I think the simple answer is that earning a living allows you to do things you need to actually, you know, not die. Like continue having shelter and food. That's not to say that we shouldn't put serious effort into other things that are important to us, like finding a mate. We should. But it doesn't have the urgency of an empty belly behind it.

Then again, finding a partner can be harder than finding a job, depending on what kind of job you're going for. Maybe for that reason we should put more effort into it than career-seeking . . .

 

[mech]

Re: Why don't women put as much effort into finding a husband as they put into a care

because we're women. men are supposed to be working hard for us.

 

[Zaynab]

Re: Why don't women put as much effort into finding a husband as they put into a care

I've been saying this on this board for eight years I actually gave step by step instructions on how to do this in fact.

 

[Zaynab]

Re: Why don't women put as much effort into finding a husband as they put into a care

because we're women. men are supposed to be working hard for us.

Well jobs don't come and ask you to apply either, you do have to kind of 'job hunt'

 

[bibs]

I think it's just one if those things that's harder for some people than others. Finding a suitable, like-minded, attractive and dedicated mate(s) was easy for me. Finding a job after graduation, however I don't think I'm one of those people that looks at love or at least admiration and affection in business terms, though.

Sent from my iPad using LHCF

 

[mech]

Re: Why don't women put as much effort into finding a husband as they put into a care

Well jobs don't come and ask you to apply either, you do have to kind of 'job hunt'

well i try to separate business from pleasure. i do understand there has to be some type of game plan tho but i personally don't believe in the "working hard to get a man" approach. i am a damsel in distress and still believe men should be falling at my feet. that's my game plan: being a woman lol. but hey, what do i know? i'm single lol.

 

[EverythingOldIsNew]

because we're women. men are supposed to be working hard for us.

He can work hard as heck but if you are hold up on Lhcf between classes (with no men in them) how is he going to find you? ( universal you)

 

[sharifeh]

Re: Why don't women put as much effort into finding a husband as they put into a care

I think some people honestly don't know how to approach dating like we do hair, makeup, etc... but yeah we do tend to be more passive in this area....

 

[EverythingOldIsNew]

well i try to separate business from pleasure. i do understand there has to be some type of game plan tho but i personally don't believe in the "working hard to get a man" approach. i am a damsel in distress and still believe men should be falling at my feet. that's my game plan: being a woman lol. but hey, what do i know? i'm single lol.

That's a great plan. Dare I say one of the best. Being cute and available isn't easy. If it was this thread wouldn't exist.

All I'm saying is DO SOMETHING.

 

[Menina Preta]

Re: Why don't women put as much effort into finding a husband as they put into a care

because we're women. men are supposed to be working hard for us.

True, I agree. We have to put ourselves out there to be found though. If you're a homebody and single, don't be surprised that you're still single. Can't find a man behind your work computer and your weekly runs to the grocery store. Not really maximizing your potential.

 

[melisandre]

Re: Why don't women put as much effort into finding a husband as they put into a care

This is an interesting thread. On the one hand, if you want something you have to go for it. You can't just sit around waiting for it to happen for you. On the other hand, if a woman "works" too hard for a husband, she often comes across as desperate.

 

[Syrah]

Re: Why don't women put as much effort into finding a husband as they put into a care

There is a difference between doing all the work (pursuing) and having a game plan and "promotion" goals.

 

[Syrah]

Re: Why don't women put as much effort into finding a husband as they put into a care

This is an interesting thread. On the one hand, if you want something you have to go for it. You can't just sit around waiting for it to happen for you. On the other hand, if a woman "works" too hard for a husband, she often comes across as desperate.

Seems like a catch 22 to me: On one hand folks are constantly lalala'ing about the lack of "good" black men out there and on the other hand are saying that he should find us.

You can either play the odds or position yourself to be found. There's a lot of middle ground to be explored.

 

[Southernbella.]

well i try to separate business from pleasure. i do understand there has to be some type of game plan tho but i personally don't believe in the "working hard to get a man" approach. i am a damsel in distress and still believe men should be falling at my feet. that's my game plan: being a woman lol. but hey, what do i know? i'm single lol.

No I agree with you but there is still work to do on our end. Women have to be available and worthy of being found, and that doesn't necessarily happen by chance, especially if you ate going for a certain type of man.

Sent from my DROID BIONIC using LHCF

 

[jhcprincess]

well i try to separate business from pleasure. i do understand there has to be some type of game plan tho but i personally don't believe in the "working hard to get a man" approach. i am a damsel in distress and still believe men should be falling at my feet. that's my game plan: being a woman lol. but hey, what do i know? i'm single lol.

These two approaches aren't mutually exclusive

ETA Southernbella elaborated on this; we posted at the same time lol

 

[wigsnatcha3000]

Re: Why don't women put as much effort into finding a husband as they put into a care

 

[SelahOco]

Cause we don't want to be thirsty and be accused of 'looking for a man.' I like to think of it as being 'good at' living a fulfilling life as a marriage minded, unmarried woman.

That man is gonna find you while you're living life and enjoying people. He can't find yo arse if you're always covered in deep conditioner and perched under the steamer!!!

I met DH on black planet between writing papers cause I never did anything but that. If I actually stepped outside....hell I coulda found me a white man or something.

 

[yardyspice]

Re: Why don't women put as much effort into finding a husband as they put into a care

No I agree with you but there is still work to do on our end. Women have to be available and worthy of being found, and that doesn't necessarily happen by chance, especially if you ate going for a certain type of man.

Sent from my DROID BIONIC using LHCF

Here's how you find a husband.

 

[auparavant]

Re: Why don't women put as much effort into finding a husband as they put into a care

@EverythingOldIsNew made a good comment in another thread:

"If you want it and go for it you can get it. If some if you approached dating the way you did : make up, hair care, education, career, etc. you would have your pick of husbands."

So why don't more women do this? I'm taking a hiatus from dating right now but when I start up again I'm going to be serious about it. And yes, I would like to be married and have children by a certain age.

What makes one believe that people are not serious about finding a spouse? Men are human beings. You can control your makeup, haircare, education and even career. You cannot control a husband as he is an individual human being. One doesn't select mates like one selects hygiene products. You cannot read them as easily as you can a book ....so it takes time. What was stated in that op is arrogant, imho. It suggests that anybody worth their salt can conjure up a perfect spouse with the snap of a finger...since they seemingly have one. This is not reality and one should be very careful who one marries - much more careful than selecting your education and career.

 

[Zaynab]

There is a difference between doing all the work (pursuing) and having a game plan and "promotion" goals.

This. This.

Sent from yacht with Beyonce & Blue

 

[Summer_Rain]

Re: Why don't women put as much effort into finding a husband as they put into a care

I've been saying this on this board for eight years I actually gave step by step instructions on how to do this in fact.

I can vouch for this! lol I think he asked me to marry him a year to the day that I started that thread "managing multiple boos"

 

[BlackHairDiva]

Re: Why don't women put as much effort into finding a husband as they put into a care

I realized this last year. Yup last year..it was my ah-ha moment. Im still working on it and working on me as well.

@EverythingOldIsNew made a good comment in another thread:

"If you want it and go for it you can get it. If some if you approached dating the way you did : make up, hair care, education, career, etc. you would have your pick of husbands."

So why don't more women do this? I'm taking a hiatus from dating right now but when I start up again I'm going to be serious about it. And yes, I would like to be married and have children by a certain age.

 

[EverythingOldIsNew]

What makes one believe that people are not serious about finding a spouse? Men are human beings. You can control your makeup, haircare, education and even career. You cannot control a husband as he is an individual human being. One doesn't select mates like one selects hygiene products. You cannot read them as easily as you can a book ....so it takes time. What was stated in that op is arrogant, imho. It suggests that anybody worth their salt can conjure up a perfect spouse with the snap of a finger...since they seemingly have one. This is not reality.

I'm going ahead and step up since clearly you are talking to me. No one said anything about a perfect spouse because they simply don't exist. Human beings are apart of the process of everything we do in life. Let me further explain my previous analogy since you want to look at it on the surface. When I finally decided to go natural I had naysayer's, cosigners, people willing to help, folks trying to sabotage, scissor happy stylist, the list goes on. There are just as many humans involved in that as there is in anything else we do in life. Nothing happens in a bubble. Not getting an MD, or perfecting your smokey eye. For those who need a further explanation: create a plan, don't give up, don't let negative people or bad dates take you off your plan. Nothing gets on the way of tracking WL but a couple of loser dudes turns you off of dating completely? What sense does that make? So there was nothing arrogant about my assertion. I didn't say it was easy. I said put forth some effort which many here have admitted that they aren't doing.

 

[Zaynab]

I can vouch for this! lol I think he asked me to marry him a year to the day that I started that thread "managing multiple boos"

Yes yes!! You did, a real lhcf testimony That was such a good thread!!

Sent from yacht with Beyonce & Blue

 

[BlackHairDiva]

Re: Why don't women put as much effort into finding a husband as they put into a care

I can vouch for this! lol I think he asked me to marry him a year to the day that I started that thread "managing multiple boos"

I remember that!!! Ok, Y'all need to post back them links.... Off searching...

 

[auparavant]

Re: Why don't women put as much effort into finding a husband as they put into a care

I'm going ahead and step up since clearly you are talking to me. No one said anything about a perfect spouse because they simply don't exist. Human beings are apart of the process of everything we do in life. Let me further explain my previous analogy since you want to look at it on the surface. When I finally decided to go natural I had naysayer's, cosigners, people willing to help, folks trying to sabotage, scissor happy stylist, the list goes on. There are just as many humans involved in that as there is in anything else we do in life. Nothing happens in a bubble. Not getting an MD, or perfecting your smokey eye. For those who need a further explanation: create a plan, don't give up, don't let negative people or bad dates take you off your plan. Nothing gets on the way of tracking WL but a couple of loser dudes turns you off of dating completely? What sense does that make? So there was nothing arrogant about my assertion. I didn't say it was easy. I said put forth some effort which many here have admitted that they aren't doing.

I actually meant "man" and not a husband already. But maybe you should take up issue with the OP of this thread at how it was presented? I didn't read your other thread.

 

[mech]

Re: Why don't women put as much effort into finding a husband as they put into a care

i'm not discouraging activism. all i'm asking for is tact lol. i think we can all agree on that.

 

[Mortons]

Re: Why don't women put as much effort into finding a husband as they put into a care

Cause I want my career and money more right now. I'm a good catch, I'll find a spouse at some point. just how i feel right now