Who should pay?

loveafterwar

loveafterwar

Well-Known Member
In the initial dating period do you think the man should pay for the dates? I met someone recently and he thinks everything should be split down the middle, but in my mind if you invite me on a date and I have to pay then I don't consider it a date. It's just hanging out with a friend at that point. I wouldn't mind paying sometimes if I was in a relationship, but most of the males I know wouldn't let a woman pay because of his pride.
 
I don't mind splitting depending on who set up the date. If he offers to take me out...he should pay.
 
I don't like splitting checks. Either he pays or I pay.

I've been dating my SO since March and I've only paid once. And that was only bc he was in the bathroom when the check came. I wanted to pay and KNEW he wouldn't let me if he got the bill. :lol: He's old school and I like it most of the time.
 
loveafterwar said:
In the initial dating period do you think the man should pay for the dates? I met someone recently and he thinks everything should be split down the middle, but in my mind if you invite me on a date and I have to pay then I don't consider it a date. It's just hanging out with a friend at that point. I wouldn't mind paying sometimes if I was in a relationship, but most of the males I know wouldn't let a woman pay because of his pride.
Click to expand...

I don't do dutch, if I'm doing dutch then it's not a date IMO. It's just two friends hanging out. If a guy asks me out on a date, then i expect him to pay, and if he doesn't than it's just two friend hanging out. There is no middle in the beginning. Now if you really want to go out with him on a date, then ask him, and you pay for the entire date. I believe who ever asks out who, should pay for the whole date, unless two friends are just hanging out then each pay their own way.
 
more and more these days even if i'm just going out with a friend he'll cover the cost... or at least most of it.

i don't have a problem paying, but i feel like most men won't ask that of a woman
 
Women fought for equal rights so you are gonna have to expect men to feel that things should be equal in ALL areas. That said, I'm pretty fliexible. If he pays on the first date, I'll pick up the tab on the next date.
 
Brighteyes35 said:
Women fought for equal rights so you are gonna have to expect men to feel that things should be equal in ALL areas. That said, I'm pretty fliexible. If he pays on the first date, I'll pick up the tab on the next date.
Click to expand...

That holds up until you get married, have a baby and have to run a household. It's almost never 50/50 and they know it.

Nothing against women who pay for dates, but that equal rights mess they pull really doesn't fly,IMO.
 
SelahOco said:
That holds up until you get married, have a baby and have to run a household. It's almost never 50/50 and they know it.

Nothing against women who pay for dates, but that equal rights mess they pull really doesn't fly,IMO.
Click to expand...
Well what about the men that dont mind helping?
 
If we are dating, he is paying. None of that split the tab or dutch. I may, on occasion set something up and pay, but for most of the time, he is paying. For me, the splitting of each date speaks volumes to how they may approach money in general and how they may approach it if we were to get married.
 
loveafterwar said:
In the initial dating period do you think the man should pay for the dates? I met someone recently and he thinks everything should be split down the middle, but in my mind if you invite me on a date and I have to pay then I don't consider it a date. It's just hanging out with a friend at that point. I wouldn't mind paying sometimes if I was in a relationship, but most of the males I know wouldn't let a woman pay because of his pride.
Click to expand...

Are you dating my ex-boyfriend? I think you should call off the date. Can you imagine what the future would be like with this guy? He'll be wanting you to pay for everything. He likely has a history of women spoiling him and paying for things. In my case, the guy's grandmother, mother, aunts and godmother gave him money all the time, and two of these women were in their 80s and 90s!
 
I would not go out with him. Even with all the texting, shenanigans and foolishness going on with men and dating these days, I think most men want and expect to pay. I just wouldn't want to be bothered with a guy like this. No thank you.
 
Any man who expects you to pay for dinner ( full or split bill) is no gentleman. Always heed the early warning signs of stinginess!
 
I don't agree with going dutch. I expect men to pay unless I'm feeling nice/generous and I want to pick up the tab.

However, when I was in college my ex-dh and I used to pool our money to go out because we were broke college students. That's the only circumstance in which I would be ok with splitting the tab.
 
As the others have stated, my date will be paying for our outing; however, there's nothing wrong with you offering to pay or asking him out every once in a while. If you date women, the asker for the date should cover the bill.
 
There's no one that "should" pay for a date, especially if it emerged from mutual attraction. I mean as in set in stone.

There is however the traditional way and the non traditional way. Whichever you like you should meet others that feel the same to date.:yep:

I've never had a man not be willing to pay. Although if I offer to buy something and he won't accept that's generally a bad sign for me.

Its kinda like saying the woman should always be the SAHP or the wife/gf should always cook because its traditional. Some people enjoy these types of traditional expectations, others don't. It's a moot argument to me.
 
Brighteyes35 said:
Women fought for equal rights so you are gonna have to expect men to feel that things should be equal in ALL areas. That said, I'm pretty fliexible. If he pays on the first date, I'll pick up the tab on the next date.
Click to expand...

no offense, but this is not the point of equal rights for women. i think we should be careful to distinguish women's rights from basic chivalry and a gentleman's courting of a woman.

personally, i let a man court me, which means to me he's paying for the date he asked me on. do i have a problem paying for dates? absolutely not, but if a man insists after my offer to pay, i'll allow him to pay.

if we really wanna get technical, men still make more than us over our lifetimes in the same careers. that money can be used on my meal. ha. in all seriousness though, mellody hobson (chicago based financial advisor and el presidente de ariel investments) recently did a study that shows women spend more on average for dates than men. men usually drive and pay the bill. women tend to spend money on salon visits for hair and nails, new clothes and shoes for the event, shapewear, hair removal, lingere, etc.

so, let dude pick up the check. he'll be fine.
 
Whoever initiates the date should pay. I only should have/had to pay if we're just friends or if I initiate the date, and even in those instances I've had guys pay for me.
 
loveafterwar said:
In the initial dating period do you think the man should pay for the dates? I met someone recently and he thinks everything should be split down the middle, but in my mind if you invite me on a date and I have to pay then I don't consider it a date. It's just hanging out with a friend at that point. I wouldn't mind paying sometimes if I was in a relationship, but most of the males I know wouldn't let a woman pay because of his pride.
Click to expand...

I just asked SO who should pay on the first date, and he said the man. I said, what if the woman asked, and he said, the man should still pay. We've been together almost a year and I've paid ONCE and it was burgers at Five Guys. :lol: Now sometimes, he'll pay for dinner and I'll buy the movie tickets, but we've never split dinner.
 
Flawless_JYM said:
Well what about the men that dont mind helping?
Click to expand...

Key word is 'helping.'. Women don't have to 'help' their husbands because the responsibilities fall on the mother by default.

The mentality is that the man is helping with the load, but even many women don't come to family life with the concept of 50/50.

Equal rights was about a lot of things, but men who try to make it about total level setting in social and romantic situations are tripping.

Women are still women and men are still men, and just because a woman wants equal pay and the right to vote doesn't mean a man can't protect and pamper a woman. Women naturally provide comforts for men, and they should be happy to do the same for women.
 
Ok so i am really bad. I nearly always offer to pay as i just feel so awkward when the bill comes
I want to know, do i ignore that the bill has been placed on the table, do i stand two steps back in the queue for the movies?
I need to get over the awkward feeling.
 
Bublin said:
Ok so i am really bad. I nearly always offer to pay as i just feel so awkward when the bill comes
I want to know, do i ignore that the bill has been placed on the table, do i stand two steps back in the queue for the movies?
I need to get over the awkward feeling.
Click to expand...

LoL. This is me as well.
 
SelahOco said:
That holds up until you get married, have a baby and have to run a household. It's almost never 50/50 and they know it.

Nothing against women who pay for dates, but that equal rights mess they pull really doesn't fly,IMO.
Click to expand...

But what if you're not planning on having any babies. :look:

I mentioned this in another similar thread here when the question of who pays for what came up. It seems the pregnancy/baby argument comes up a lot in this context. Not all couples are planning on having kids. Then what?
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Similar threads

weaveadiva
From B.e.t.: In 2017, Are Men Expected To Pay For Dates?
2 3
Replies
66
Views
2K
LaFaraona
LaFaraona
Glib Gurl
How often do you pay for things on dates with your boo?
2
Replies
39
Views
648
MissYocairis
MissYocairis
F
  • Poll Poll
What does it say when a man won't pay for dinner?
3 4 5
Replies
122
Views
4K
mscocopuff
mscocopuff
envybeauty
Dating -- who pays? when?
2 3
Replies
83
Views
1K
cuteazz1
C
p31woman
Spinoff: Would you help your SO pay for your E. Ring?
2
Replies
33
Views
1K
shortycocoa
shortycocoa
Back
Top