Who has Actually Given Up on Black Men...What Did it for You?

WomanlyCharm said:
O.k., that really made me laugh! :lachen:

I'll never give up on black men. How would I feel if my mom had given up on my dad? Or some women gave up on my wonderful brothers?

I know way too many great black men and boys out there who are working hard, doing all they can to be successful and productive husbands and fathers.

I may not end up with a black man *sigh* but hey, I'm not turning my back on them.
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This is how I feel. I don't want to give up on them. They are beautiful. Just one look into their big brown eyes and all you see is 'love.'

We've had so many "Black Men" threads/topics; I just wanted to see if 'we' have really given up 'them' or if we were just venting.

And a Black Man will cause or drive a Black Woman to vent.... for sure. ;)
 
Glib Gurl said:
I agree with SummerRain's sentiment. Whenever I get frustrated I think about the two black men I am closest to -- my father and my brother -- and I feel reassured. Yes, they are triflin' sometimes (who isn't?) but overall they are good, decent people.

Shimmie you have given me an idea for a follow-up thread . . . more drama to ensue :lol:
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:lol: Anything to keep our Black Men alive and loved... 'Bring it on' ;)
 
I may have given up on the black men in DC metro area. not all men in general. I can't give up on black men. Through it all, we have shared experiences, they know what it is to be black. Not to say that I will date a black man exclusively. I will date a man I am attracted to and someone who complements me. But I will never turn away from a black men or eliminate them from my choice for a mate in life. If that's who God brings in my life so be it. Just because you date someone out of your race, does not mean you are turning from your race.
 
These types of threads truly disgust me because it’s making an unfair generalization about black men based the experiences of a few bitter black women. As I stated numerous times if all a woman is attracting is trash, then perhaps she should evaluate herself. Perhaps you aren’t as on point as you think you are if nothing but trash is coming your way. Jerks and bad apples come in every race, size, profession, and age. Why even go there about giving up on black men and just live your life. If you want to give up on black men then you might as well thrown in the towel and either turn lesbian or be single for the rest of your life because the perfect man does not exist. From my experience I’ve met good and bad black men. I’ve dealt with men of different races who give a new meaning to pompous idiot pig. Nevertheless I will not allow those few bad experiences change my whole perception of a whole group or race of people. No progressive thinking individual with an ounce of intelligence will buy into such ignorance. Giving up is for people with defeatist attitudes and refuse to see the positive in a situation.
 
MuseofTroy said:
These types of threads truly disgust me because it’s making an unfair generalization about black men based the experiences of a few bitter black women. As I stated numerous times if all a woman is attracting is trash, then perhaps she should evaluate herself. Perhaps you aren’t as on point as you think you are if nothing but trash is coming your way. Jerks and bad apples come in every race, size, profession, and age. Why even go there about giving up on black men and just live your life. If you want to give up on black men then you might as well thrown in the towel and either turn lesbian or be single for the rest of your life because the perfect man does not exist. From my experience I’ve met good and bad black men. I’ve dealt with men of different races who give a new meaning to pompous idiot pig. Nevertheless I will not allow those few bad experiences change my whole perception of a whole group or race of people. No progressive thinking individual with an ounce of intelligence will buy into such ignorance. Giving up is for people with defeatist attitudes and refuse to see the positive in a situation.
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Thank you. ITA :)
 
FRO-EVER 21 said:
Some of yall holding your tongues......... As many IR threads on this board.... come on now.

btw, I love black men.
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I'm not sure the abundance of IR threads necessarily means lots of women on this board have given up on black men. I imagine that for some people, it's just an idle thought.
Lots of people start imagining things would be so much better if _______, when they know in reality that's not the case.
For example, the first year I was married my husband pissed me off (don't remember what it was now, something stupid and minor) and I sat down and spent a few minutes figuring out a budget for living by myself in a small, metro-accessible studio apartment. :lol: Knowing full well that I love that man and he is a great husband. I was just blowing off steam.
 
I know there are a lot of IR threads. But lets take into account there are a lot of females on LHCF. Those threads represent a small fraction of the females on this board. So it is unfair to conclude that the responses on this board is untrue.
 
sunnydaze said:
Looking over this entire thread I only count 1 woman who actually said she has given up.
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You are right Sunnydaze...I agree with you.

AND she was only 'venting'. So let the ventees vent. It's healthy and we're all here to support whoever needs it.

No one is giving up on our men. Even when we say it. ;) We just need to 'vent' sometimes to get a clear perspective and to keep our faith in them on focus. We've all been hurt. Now it's time to just vent it out and allow ourselves to heal. ;)
 
UmSumayyah said:
I'm not sure the abundance of IR threads necessarily means lots of women on this board have given up on black men. I imagine that for some people, it's just an idle thought.
Lots of people start imagining things would be so much better if _______, when they know in reality that's not the case.

For example, the first year I was married my husband pissed me off (don't remember what it was now, something stupid and minor) and I sat down and spent a few minutes figuring out a budget for living by myself in a small, metro-accessible studio apartment. :lol: Knowing full well that I love that man and he is a great husband. I was just blowing off steam.
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Thank you so much for sharing this. (((hugs))). It supports what I was sharing above (women who just need to do some venting). ;)
 
Hil84figer said:
I know there are a lot of IR threads. But lets take into account there are a lot of females on LHCF. Those threads represent a small fraction of the females on this board. So it is unfair to conclude that the responses on this board is untrue.
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This board, other broads, and in real life discussions I've heard way too many black women using the argument that they aren't any good black men therefore they decided to give up on them. It's a silly statement to make but that's just my opinion. IF someone wants to give up on a whole group of people then so be it.
 
sunnydaze said:
I think those of us who were fortunate enough to have father, uncles, grandfathers, etc who were hard working and providers, have a harder time b/c we really expect the same from our generatation of men. Sometimes I think I would have been better off not knowing what men are supposed to be doing.:perplexed
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I agree with the bolded statement. :)
 
Hil84figer said:
I know there are a lot of IR threads. But lets take into account there are a lot of females on LHCF. Those threads represent a small fraction of the females on this board. So it is unfair to conclude that the responses on this board is untrue.
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Agreed. :)
 
MuseofTroy said:
This board, other broads, and in real life discussions I've heard way too many black women using the argument that they aren't any good black men therefore they decided to give up on them. It's a silly statement to make but that's just my opinion. IF someone wants to give up on a whole group of people then so be it.
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Muse,

I will agree with you that from an LOA (law of attraction) perspective, believing the hype that there are no good black men out there will only ensure that the good ones aren't drawn to you...and maybe its putting negative vibes out into the universe by talking about "giving up" but you no darn well that most (not all) bw are still holding out for that "good black man" whether they admit it or not and when the right one comes along, all that will float out of the window. Its just venting.
 
sunnydaze said:
Muse,

I will agree with you that from an LOA (law of attraction) perspective, believing the hype that there are no good black men out there will only ensure that the good ones aren't drawn to you...and maybe its putting negative vibes out into the universe by talking about "giving up" but you no darn well that most (not all) bw are still holding out for that "good black man" whether they admit it or not and when the right one comes along, all that will float out of the window. Its just venting.
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I totally agree with you as well. Anyone who walks around with a negative attitude can't expect positivity to come their way. Your mentality often does shape your life will turn out.
 
ambergirl said:
It sounds to me like you're making generalizations about those women who aren't that interested in dating black men. No, we're not all bitter. No, we're not all trash or trash attractors. No we're not wanna-be lesbians.

Of course not all black men are "bad". My father is an amazing black man. But one need only look at statistics to know that black men are in serious trouble in this world. I for one am not going to sacrifce my happiness by limiting myself to black men. That's my choice. You obviously have chosen differently, more power to you.
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My generalization was based on women who are giving up on black men as a result of their negative experiences dealing with them. No one is telling you to sacrifice your happiness and take one for the team by dating some lame ass. I would hope that more women have standards and enough self respect not to compromise their integrity and well being just to be with a man. I don't want to challenge your reading comprehension skills but my post clearly articulated where I was coming from and no where did I indicate that a woman should sacrifice her happiness by limiting herself to just dating black men. Although I have a preference for black men I don't limit myself to them. I date individuals who interest me on a mental, spiritual and physical level and there have been times that a guy who encompasses those qualities happens to be someone of a different race. However I don’t have this mentality that men of other races are more on point than black men.



 
Hil84figer said:
I know there are a lot of IR threads. But lets take into account there are a lot of females on LHCF. Those threads represent a small fraction of the females on this board. So it is unfair to conclude that the responses on this board is untrue.
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I agree with you and see your point perfectly, but I still think some people are holding their tongues. I've seen some posters make comments such as they don't deal with black men, or that's the reason they don't date black men etc. Coincidentally they often the biggest proponents
in the IR threads, so I can’t help but think that some of us have given up on black men.


If a poster has given up on black men they have every right to feel that way. Personally, I would be very interested in hearing the reasons behind their decisions. That’s all.
 
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Umm I don't know if I gave up on brothas I just happened to marry a White guy. but had a brotha stepped up to the plate... nah I would have still married a white guy.

Truth be told when I was on the dating scene. Only white guys were showing interest. In the end I married the man God made for me. I think that's what it should be about finding the one. It was never about his color or my shade we just sincerely enjoyed each other.

I do believe that we have lost and entire generation of men, white and black. so many just seem so complacent and have no ambitious, and they don't seem to care. If you find a good man white, black, other, don't let him go, there is something in the water ruining men!!!


Later
Onyx:cool:
 
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My comments are going to be off-topic but....... I think there's an awful lot of sticking your head in the sand going on in the Black community. For the last twenty years our community has had its own version of don't ask don't tell, and where has it gotten us? Black women have the lowest marriage rate, the highest rate of children out of wedlock (no judgment) fastest growing community infected with AIDs....etc. etc. What will it take for us to wise up? Black women dropping dead in the streets?

I'm sorry, but it's time to call a spade a spade. Yes, there are a number of wonderful black men (my Daddy is a wonderful man too, and my brothers have also managed to stay out of jail:perplexed ), but bottom lining it for you...today, they are the slim minority.

We can play wish upon a star for as long as we want to (I'm just putting that out into the universe), but that is not going to solve the problems that are DESTROYING the black community. God helps those who help themselves, and for that reason I admire women who vote with their feet. If more of our successful, educated, highly sought after black women did that, maybe it would have a trickle down effect. Because right now, too many women are putting up with BS, just so they can say that they've managed to hunt down the elusive black man.

So....have I decided to give up on black men? I truly wonder why we care so much. Based on the number of times I see black women described by other black women on this board as bitter, jealous, triflin, special, etc etc, with little or no provocation, it's clear to me that we find it very easy to give up on black women.
 
I never gave up on black men. It just so happens I am married to a white man.

I think there are some black men out there that should not be allowed to identify with the black culture. However, there are so many that make me feel so proud. They are thoughtful, hard-working, loving, motivated, chivalrous, love their family, believe in God, are successful, et cetera. :D

If someone was to give up on black men, I can't exactly say I would blame her. Many of the younger (40 years old and younger) black men do not know how to treat a woman. Monogamy is unheard of and mocked. They verbally assault and bash black women like it's the thing to do. Have no clue what chivalry is, and the list could go on. How many black men must a woman go through if this is all that she encounters?

If I was not married and I met a wonderful black men that I wanted to be with forever, I would be running down the aisle when he proposed. :bud:
 
MuseofTroy said:

My generalization was based on women who are giving up on black men as a result of their negative experiences dealing with them. No one is telling you to sacrifice your happiness and take one for the team by dating some lame ass. I would hope that more women have standards and enough self respect not to compromise their integrity and well being just to be with a man. I don't want to challenge your reading comprehension skills but my post clearly articulated where I was coming from and no where did I indicate that a woman should sacrifice her happiness by limiting herself to just dating black men. Although I have a preference for black men I don't limit myself to them. I date individuals who interest me on a mental, spiritual and physical level and there have been times that a guy who encompasses those qualities happens to be someone of a different race. However I don’t have this mentality that men of other races are more on point than black men.


I just don't understand your anger.
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