newflowers
New Member
I am still going to read all 11 pages of this - but I'll bite.
I gave up on black men years ago. It was not necessarily because they were black, though that was one of the common demoninators, but I was making wrong choices in dating and relationships. Each time I dated a black man, he was not good for me. Drugs, immediate sex, did not want to use protection, could not show up on time, did not keep a steady job, did not pay child support, complained about my children causing me to not pay attention to them... It was a long list.
What I finally discovered for myself is that I was choosing the wrong man. These problems above were never issues when I dated other men - white, mexican, asian. The problem was more the black men I was choosing, not black men in general. I often found that "quality" black men were not interested in single mothers, at least not the ones I met.
The last straw for me was a man with whom I was really in love. He worked at the same job for ten years - until we started living together - he moved into my house. About a month later, he began making excuses why he could not go to work. And he did this repeatedly, until finally he lost his job. He was okay, of course, because I worked and paid the bills. He was called to court for not paying child support and expcetd me to pay it for him. He slept all day, ate continuously, never made dinner or cleaned the house while he was home. It was horrible. I reached the point that I hated coming home from work because he would be there, laying on the bed, dishes all over the kitchen, the faint scent of pot smoke, wet towels on the bathroom floor, wanting sex that lasted minutes, dinner and to borrow my car so he could go out. I refused to live like that. I was appalled at what I had exposed my children to.
Six months later, I moved out of my house and left him there.
After this, I did not date anyone for years because I felt the problem was me. When I finally started dating again, I made wiser choices. My choices did not include black men specifically, but I was extremely picky in general.
I am now happily married to the best man ever. Yes, he is white, but that is not why I dated and married him. He is the best, most loving, most wonderful man I have ever met. He does not make lots of money, but he has always worked, absolutely no drugs - we talked about my concerns and requirements, and never has he disappointed me.
What I need in a man is not about skin color, but what I need I could not find with black men.
I gave up on black men years ago. It was not necessarily because they were black, though that was one of the common demoninators, but I was making wrong choices in dating and relationships. Each time I dated a black man, he was not good for me. Drugs, immediate sex, did not want to use protection, could not show up on time, did not keep a steady job, did not pay child support, complained about my children causing me to not pay attention to them... It was a long list.
What I finally discovered for myself is that I was choosing the wrong man. These problems above were never issues when I dated other men - white, mexican, asian. The problem was more the black men I was choosing, not black men in general. I often found that "quality" black men were not interested in single mothers, at least not the ones I met.
The last straw for me was a man with whom I was really in love. He worked at the same job for ten years - until we started living together - he moved into my house. About a month later, he began making excuses why he could not go to work. And he did this repeatedly, until finally he lost his job. He was okay, of course, because I worked and paid the bills. He was called to court for not paying child support and expcetd me to pay it for him. He slept all day, ate continuously, never made dinner or cleaned the house while he was home. It was horrible. I reached the point that I hated coming home from work because he would be there, laying on the bed, dishes all over the kitchen, the faint scent of pot smoke, wet towels on the bathroom floor, wanting sex that lasted minutes, dinner and to borrow my car so he could go out. I refused to live like that. I was appalled at what I had exposed my children to.
Six months later, I moved out of my house and left him there.
After this, I did not date anyone for years because I felt the problem was me. When I finally started dating again, I made wiser choices. My choices did not include black men specifically, but I was extremely picky in general.
I am now happily married to the best man ever. Yes, he is white, but that is not why I dated and married him. He is the best, most loving, most wonderful man I have ever met. He does not make lots of money, but he has always worked, absolutely no drugs - we talked about my concerns and requirements, and never has he disappointed me.
What I need in a man is not about skin color, but what I need I could not find with black men.
