Where Did I Go Wrong???

We're at Jr's graduation now. I'd made plans with Jr's GF (D) to sit with her. Why did this man save me a seat? Next to him?? D told me she didn't get a chance to say anything. He was like - this is curlicarb's seat, don't sit here. Lawd! Pray for me y'all.
 
Back from graduation. He was calling and texting me all morning - where was I? What time was I getting there? Hurry up. And when I got there, this man spoke to me the entire time. I eventually had to go take a walk. It's hard to maintain the calm persona when all you want to do is cry. I can't lie, it was too easy to talk and laugh with him. I really like him as a person. I had to remind myself to maintain some distance.

Sigh, we're all meeting for dinner this evening. I hope he doesn't save me a seat there.
 
I was actually hoping he wouldn't come. I mean, after all, he has a whole new relationship to focus on. Unfortunately, we're going to a Thai restaurant and that's his favorite. I hope he decides not to come.

hopeful said:
He will pull out all of the stops at dinner. Be prepared. Look gorgeous and focus your energy on yourself and everyone else. Be polite but don't let him overtake you and monopolize your time or energy. Be strong. Get fresh air when you need it.
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curlicarib said:
???
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You're treading on thin ice. Keep hanging around him and you're going to wind up more hurt than you are now. These little "victories" you're getting will suck you right back in if you're not careful and honest with yourself. The ghost thread might encourage you to cut the dude off who blindsided you with that punk bs he pulled at the expense of your feelings.
 
OP, will your friend Jr. tell GG how you feel / your PoV? I lightweight feel that between him and his mom they are rooting for you to give GG another chance so will facilitate that. Which is fine if that is what you want but this is where you need to be strong and know what you want. That's why I don't think you should give him that 'exit interview' as you call it.
Why? Because nothing he says now to explain himself matters or will fundamentally change the past. He made his choice, he is with someone, claiming her as a girlfriend. He told at least two people you know (co worker and Jr) before telling you about his new girlfriend. Not only is that disrespectful but didn't he think you were going to find out? Surely Jr would have dropped it in conversation at some point.

It's a shame that you work with this guy otherwise I'd suggest that you go totally ghost and never speak to him again.
 
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Thanks @Browndilocks. I'm not spending time with him on purpose. This is a mutual friends day and I'm supporting him. I couldn't very well tell Jr to uninvited him, he's his friend too. This is the only event I intend to attend with him. The three Brewing contests we are entered in, I'm bowing out of. Unfortunately, we have MANY mutual friends so avoiding him completely will be very hard to do. I won't curb my socializing to accommodate him.

Browndilocks said:
You're treading on thin ice. Keep hanging around him and you're going to wind up more hurt than you are now. These little "victories" you're getting will suck you right back in if you're not careful and honest with yourself. The ghost thread might encourage you to cut the dude off who blindsided you with that punk bs he pulled at the expense of your feelings.
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No, never. Jr and I have been keeping each other's secrets for years. We served in the military together. He is my brother. He would never knowingly betray me.

RUBY said:
OP, will your friends Jr. tell GG how you feel / your PoV? I lightweight feel that between him and his mom they are rooting for you to give GG another chance so will facilitate that.
Which is fine if that is what you want but this is where you need to be strong and know what you want. That's why I don't you should give him that 'exit interview' as you call it.
Why? Because nothing he says now to explain himself matters or will fundamentally change the past. He made his choice, he is with someone, claiming her as a girlfriend. He told at least two people you know co worker and Jr before telling you about his new girlfriend not only is that disrespectful but didn't he think you were going to find out? Surely Jr would have dropped it in coversation at some point.

It's a shame that you work with this guy otherwise I'd suggest that you go totally ghost and never speak to him again.
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@curlicarib: IMO, he knows where he wants to be, which is with you. He'll be back. As the saying goes, "you never know what you had until it's gone". Some folks have to step back, just to realize and recognize how good they had it. Some men process things slower than us strong women. He knows that another woman can't compare to you. He'll come back with a certainty and a new attitude.

Enjoy this moment and do you!!!
 
He's an Italian guy from Queens, NY who spent 10 years in the military. I don't know for sure that I'm the first black women he's been involved with but I don't think so. His ex-wife is Brazilian, not sure if she is brown/black. I have no idea what the new girl's race is.

sweetnikki_6 said:
This guy is white right? Has he dated BW before? Maybe you were a tester and he decided that he couldn't handle it? Is new girlfriend white?
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Atthatday said:
@curlicarib: IMO, he knows where he wants to be, which is with you. He'll be back. As the saying goes, "you never know what you had until it's gone". Some folks have to step back, just to realize and recognize how good they had it. Some men process things slower than us strong women. He knows that another woman can't compare to you. He'll come back with a certainty and a new attitude.

Enjoy this moment and do you!!!
Click to expand...

Actually I think he just want to make himself feel better. That is what it sounds like to me. He want to ensure that he and OP are "cool" to reinforce that they weren't anything in the first place and that he did nothing wrong. He's selfish and doesn't care about the OP's feelings. If he did, he would apologise and give her space. Instead he's trying to force her to get over it and return to friend mode.

OP being around him is actually giving him what he needs. That's why I agree that she should disappear from his life and pretend he doesn't exist. That would hurt him more.
 
curlicarib said:
He's an Italian guy from Queens, NY who spent 10 years in the military. I don't know for sure that I'm the first black women he's been involved with but I don't think so. His ex-wife is Brazilian, not sure if she is brown/black. I have no idea what the new girl's race is.
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Thanks for responding. I'm just sitting here creating theories... trying to figure him out.
 
LiftedUp said:
Actually I think he just want to make himself feel better. That is what it sounds like to me. He want to ensure that he and OP are "cool" to reinforce that they weren't anything in the first place and that he did nothing wrong. He's selfish and doesn't care about the OP's feelings. If he did, he would apologise and give her space. Instead he's trying to force her to get over it and return to friend mode.

OP being around him is actually giving him what he needs. That's why I agree that she should disappear from his life and pretend he doesn't exist. That would hurt him more.
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Bingo! Trying to make himself feel better. He is very selfish. No apologies, no acknowledgement of wrong doing, no interest in her feelings, pushing himself on her, making her uncomfortable, etc.
 
Dinner was great! He didn't show.

Unfortunately, this morning he wandered into my neighbor's office and stayed there for a good 15 mins. Then ended up in my office trying to make small talk. I was polite and didn't encourage him. He eventually found his way out. Then we had a 1000 meeting. I got there early to make sure I sat at the other end of the table. He found his way to the seat right next to mine. :mad: Seriously, why do men always want what they can't have???? He had a chance and messed up. Now you're all in my face??? Why, Lawd???

Anyway, I'm happy to report that I'm out my feelings. His sniffing around has not moved me one iota.

Nyssa28 said:
How did dinner go?
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