Was I in the Wrong?

serendipity said:
According to my friend, he said he was more than willing to pay as money wasn't an issue for him-he was merely annoyed that I didn't offer.
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As I have stated before, I don't do the fake grab for the wallet or any other indicators that I am going to pay for a single thing on a date. Heck Nah. Now, once we are in a relationship, I love to shower my man with gifts, trinkets, some tail and so forth, but so far as dates, he will ALWAYS pay, unless it is his birthday.

Heck, the man I was engaged too in 2011, didn't even want me to pay for dinner on HIS BIRTHDAY. He let me pay, but I found money in the side slot of my purse the next day. I did not see him put in in there.

Since Valentine's day, the man who has been courting me daily has spent plenty o money on me and insisted on purchasing a whole bottle of wine at dinner last night even though I only wanted a glass. He told me that I never know. Well he was correct because I nearly drank the whole dang bottle.
 
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A man is to provide....point. bank. period. He sounds straight up btichmade.

Sent from my SGH-T959 using LHCF
 
You should be SPOILT! :lol: If you can't be spoilt on your first few dates, then WHEN??:perplexed

serendipity said:
Thanks ladies for your responses. I definitely felt that I was not wrongful here but one of my bffs was telling me that she would have at least offered to pay and maybe bought snacks at the theatre. She said that I was acting entitled to be spoilt :ohwell:, so I wanted to gather more opinions on this matter.BTW this guy is 31 years old.
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For some reason, I got the vibe that he was trying to test you. Run girl run

ETA: I see that you said he was willing to pay but was annoyed that you didn't offer um ok....this man has issues that he needs to work out and you don't need to help him. Chalk this one up and be glad he disqualified himself
 
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Sounds like he's used to women using him for his money or he thinks that women use him for his money! He needs to go back to the drawing board... This is not how you weed out the gold diggers!!!
 
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serendipity said:
Thanks ladies for your responses. I definitely felt that I was not wrongful here but one of my bffs was telling me that she would have at least offered to pay and maybe bought snacks at the theatre. She said that I was acting entitled to be spoilt :ohwell:, so I wanted to gather more opinions on this matter.BTW this guy is 31 years old.
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Your friend is embarrassing. I would never ask her opinion on anything ever again
 
Men who are hypersensitive to a woman's level of princess-ness tend to have problems with and deep rooted hatred towards women in general.

Women who think being "spoilt" is a form of entitlement tend to take anything they get from men, regardless of how mediocre, and mostly live by the "a piece of a man is better then no man" type of mentality.
 
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Mai Tai said:
Men who are hypersensitive to a woman's level of princess-ness tend to have problems with and deep rooted hatred towards women in general.

Women who think being "spoilt" is a form of entitlement tend to take anything they get from men, regardless of how mediocre, and mostly live by the "a piece of a man is better then no man" type of mentality.
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Nailed it.:yep:

Sent from my DROID BIONIC using LHCF
 
smdhhh the old me woulda had dude effed up...for wasting my time--princess complex..oh i will give you a hood princess complex...lmaooo

someone need to put the paws on him....***


Froreal3 said:
A man is to provide....point. bank. period. He sounds straight up btichmade.

Sent from my SGH-T959 using LHCF
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ladysaraii said:
What the hell with the water test? What kind of nonsense? How do guys even come up with this stuff.

I swear if they put this much effort into getting to know us, there would be no need for these "Tests"

and you weren't wrong
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:thankyou:

Mai Tai said:
Men who are hypersensitive to a woman's level of princess-ness tend to have problems with and deep rooted hatred towards women in general.

Women who think being "spoilt" is a form of entitlement tend to take anything they get from men, regardless of how mediocre, and mostly live by the "a piece of a man is better then no man" type of mentality.
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^^THIS^^ ... and often see it where it doesn't exist.
 
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I think some men just don't find it attractive, even though they are willing to pay for everything. They like a woman that makes a token gesture during at least one date. Even though they are going to reject it anyway.

I suppose the women are looked at slightly differently character wise by some guys. They have their right not to find not offering attractive #shrugs# If he's wealthy he may have experiences with the more extreme gold digger types and is looking out for himself with "tests". Leave him to it.

In this situation and after what he said I definitely wouldn't talk to the guy again.
 
You definitely should be spoilt (team #spoilme) ... but you definitely should also show a lot of appreciation too, I think.

I think it reflects poorly on the guy if he doesn't pay for the date, and I also think it reflects poorly if the woman doesn't say thank you and show appreciation... if we are going with the gender roles theme.
I personally lay it on a little sweeter afterward. I thank the guy for dinner either immediately after he pays, or by the time we leave the establishment. Like, "dinner is great, thank you:)" while looking them in the eyes. They're generally like "oh, of course :)"

At the end of the date, I'll say I had a good time, which is a general thanks for the entire date, but the earlier thanks is a thank you for treating.

I'm curious what others think about that approach. I *hope* it shows appreciation and is reinforcing desired behavior... or something. Not that I'm coming off broke and saying thanks bc I can't pay for myself:lol: Open to your thoughts.
 
And you know good and well this dude would expect you to keep up paying if you started off paying. Dont even entertain this BS.
 
Vanthie said:
I think some men just don't find it attractive, even though they are willing to pay for everything. They like a woman that makes a token gesture during at least one date. Even though they are going to reject it anyway.

I suppose the women are looked at slightly differently character wise by some guys. They have their right not to find not offering attractive #shrugs# If he's wealthy he may have experiences with the more extreme gold digger types and is looking out for himself with "tests". Leave him to it.

In this situation and after what he said I definitely wouldn't talk to the guy again.
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@the bolded-I can appreciate that but after 1 date:ohwell:

CarLiTa said:
You definitely should be spoilt (team #spoilme) ... but you definitely should also show a lot of appreciation too, I think.

I think it reflects poorly on the guy if he doesn't pay for the date, and I also think it reflects poorly if the woman doesn't say thank you and show appreciation... if we are going with the gender roles theme.
I personally lay it on a little sweeter afterward. I thank the guy for dinner either immediately after he pays, or by the time we leave the establishment. Like, "dinner is great, thank you:)" while looking them in the eyes. They're generally like "oh, of course :)"

At the end of the date, I'll say I had a good time, which is a general thanks for the entire date, but the earlier thanks is a thank you for treating.

I'm curious what others think about that approach. I *hope* it shows appreciation and is reinforcing desired behavior... or something. Not that I'm coming off broke and saying thanks bc I can't pay for myself:lol: Open to your thoughts.
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Believe me, I was in no way impolite. I expressed gratitude and though things were off on the date, when I got home I still sent a thank you text to which he still hasn't responded to.

The fact that he had to go to the ATM machine twice suggests that he had no intention of paying for me whatsoever. I think he was using my lack of offering as a crutch so imo,this guy is of questionable character and I feel I've dodged a bullet.
 
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One more tidbit-he also complained to our mutual friend that I waited for him to open the door to the restaurant before we walked in. Strange huh.
 
serendipity said:
One more tidbit-he also complained to our mutual friend that I waited for him to open the door to the restaurant before we walked in. Strange huh.
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I have male friends and co-workers that open the door for me. He just sounds like a plain ole ordinary punk.:nono:
 
The test mentality is a red flag by itself. It suggests he has a massive chip on his shoulder that has made him cynical and distrustful towards women. I wouldn't be surprised if he has a Madonna/whore complex. Those guys test women too by asking them seemingly innocuous questions about their sexual past just so they can read into their responses and judge them as sluts. But not before sleeping with them first.

What's with the pretense of having insufficient cash anyway? If he wanted to test to see whether or not you'd offer to pay, he could have pulled that off without that bs. He just ended up making himself look ill-prepared, cheap, and lame. So this should tell you he was more concerned about testing your "worth" than making a good impression. What would have been ironic is if, after all of that, you had taken the bait and paid for him, but then ended up dumping him because of how bad he looked.
 
serendipity said:
One more tidbit-he also complained to our mutual friend that I waited for him to open the door to the restaurant before we walked in. Strange huh.
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Facepalm. This dude is nuts.....

Sent from the corner pay phone
 
My spidey senses started tingling as soon as he suggested a fast food joint for a scheduled date (as opposed to an impromptu decision to grab a quick bite). I've heard many men admit to deliberately proposing cheap dates in order to gauge women's responses for golddigging tendencies. :perplexed

I agree that you dodged a bullet with this one, OP. If a woman who expects a man to woo her in the beginning stages of dating has a "princess complex," what do you call a man who pouts into a glass of water and waits for a woman to buy him a drink...?
 
serendipity said:
2 weeks ago I met a guy at a mutual friend's birthday party. We seemed to click and chatted for a while and at the end of the night, he took my number. Over the next few days,we regularly communicated(mainly via text) and agreed to meet on a Wednesday after work.

We went to an up scale bar (his suggestion) and we had a great evening and connected well. he paid the entrance fee and for my drinks which were non-alcoholic as I'm not a big drinker and neither is he-he ordered water for himself. At the end of the evening, we shared a kiss before going home. We decided that we'd meet up 3 days later on the Saturday.

Fast-forward to Saturday. He texted me and suggested a meal at a fast food place equivalent to something like Taco Bell. It wasn't somewhere that I was especially keen on, but I was happy to go along because I wanted to see him. He paid for both our meals and we decided to go to the cinema afterwards.

At the cinema, he didn't have enough cash on him so I chipped in with what I had on me which amounted to almost half the cost. He then suggested that we head to a local bar. At the bar, he ordered water and I ordered a non-alcoholic cocktail. I asked him why he was ordering water for himself and he told me that when he goes out with his friends, he always gets water. I found this rather odd but he paid for my drink and soon after we left the bar and parted ways.

Throughout our date I noticed that the vibes were somewhat awkward compared with our previous date on the Wednesday. The connection wasn't the same and overall neither of us really had a good time. When I got home, I had no phone call or message from him. The following morning, I sent him a text thanking him for the evening. I've heard nothing from him since and this was a week ago (last Saturday).

I've since spoke to our mutual friend who pledged to do some subtle digging to find out what was up with him. My friend managed to get some info out of him. Apparently, he was ticked off that I didn't offer to pay my share on the dates and he ordered water at the bar as some sort of 'test' to see what I would do :perplexed. He said he really liked me but wasn't looking for someone with a 'princess complex' who expected to be paid for.

The thing is most guys, I've been out with were more than happy to pay for the first few dates even though I usually offer to contribute. I didn't offer to pay with this guy because in the last few months, my financial situation hasn't been great. I was laid off a few months back and only landed a new job last month-I haven't even received my first pay check yet.

During our dates, I let him know in our convos, that I only just landed a new job after looking for a while. This guy is far from poor-he made no secret of the fact that he had a great well paying job and according to my friend, he's actually from a wealthy background which was apparent from our interactions.

I think I may hear from him again as my friend advised him to call me but in all honesty, I'm not sure what to make of all this. I barely know the guy and I wasn't prepared for this type of issue to crop up so early on. It seems rather petty to me. What do you guys think?
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Um.....no ma'am. Please let this one go. He has issues and obviously was not taught how to treat a lady.
 
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serendipity said:
Thanks ladies for your responses. I definitely felt that I was not wrongful here but one of my bffs was telling me that she would have at least offered to pay and maybe bought snacks at the theatre. She said that I was acting entitled to be spoilt :ohwell:, so I wanted to gather more opinions on this matter.BTW this guy is 31 years old.
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Girl please at this dude. What Princess do you know accepts an offer to eat at a fast food establishment on their first couple of dates? Even my budget friendly arse gas faced that one. He's a dumb arse and your friend's advice is thirsty.
 
I applaud you for seeing the signs early, seeking some advice and applying common sense. If a man thinks you are a princess because he bought a few drinks and annoyed that you waited for him to open the door, those are more than enough indicators of his pedigree---Keep. It. Moving.
 
Red flags for me were right away. He seems like a cheap, loser.

We went to an up scale bar (his suggestion) - I'm not a big drinker and neither is he-he ordered water for himself. Neither of you drinks so why go to a bar?

we shared a kiss before going home. trying to get intimate on date 1?

He texted me and suggested a meal at a fast food place equivalent to something like Taco Bell. Planned a fast food date at age 31?

At the cinema, he didn't have enough cash on him so I chipped in with what I had on me which amounted to almost half the cost. Why didn't he have cash on him since he planned to go on a date? Fast food was what, $20? A man who knows he is going on a date only has $20?

He then suggested that we head to a local bar. At the bar, he ordered water and I ordered a non-alcoholic cocktail. A bar, again, but neither of you drinks? Why?

Apparently, he was ticked off that I didn't offer to pay my share on the dates and he ordered water at the bar as some sort of 'test' to see what I would do :perplexed. He said he really liked me but wasn't looking for someone with a 'princess complex' who expected to be paid for. He is full of crap. Fast food, a couple of non-alcoholic drinks and a movie that was basically 50/50 does not mean a woman has a princess complex. This dude is acting like he flew you to Paris for dinner.
 
naturalmanenyc said:
He is full of crap. Fast food, a couple of non-alcoholic drinks and a movie that was basically 50/50 does not mean a woman has a princess complex. This dude is acting like he flew you to Paris for dinner.
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:lol: Right! I just can't take this dude seriously.

The door opening thing is almost equally sad. He has no regard for women. I feel bad for whoever he ends up with. Her self-esteem will be lower than a worm's belly.
 
serendipity said:
He went to the ATM machine twice-before we went to eat and after the movie.

According to my friend, he said he was more than willing to pay as money wasn't an issue for him-he was merely annoyed that I didn't offer.
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I'm sorry. It should be a Nan's joy to show his date a good trine. Anytime I invite someone out I do my best to pay for everything. Man or woman. It's just polite....and if you have it...what's the problem?

You shouldn't have to offer ish. If he is used to being used, perhaps he should stop telling people he has a well paying job and dropping lines about his wealthy family.
 
serendipity said:
One more tidbit-he also complained to our mutual friend that I waited for him to open the door to the restaurant before we walked in. Strange huh.
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:nono: Hopefully your friend set him straight.

It's sad that he's 31 and doesn't know how to treat a lady.
 
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