Where Did I Go Wrong???

This is it in a nutshell.

LiftedUp said:
Actually I think he just want to make himself feel better. That is what it sounds like to me. He want to ensure that he and OP are "cool" to reinforce that they weren't anything in the first place and that he did nothing wrong. He's selfish and doesn't care about the OP's feelings. If he did, he would apologise and give her space. Instead he's trying to force her to get over it and return to friend mode.

OP being around him is actually giving him what he needs. That's why I agree that she should disappear from his life and pretend he doesn't exist. That would hurt him more.
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Patience is truly a virtue and I'm running out!

This man called me at 1530. Talked a bit about the meeting we had earlier, then moved on to personal stuff. Talked for a good 10 mins with me giving yes/no answers. Finally he asked me what I did this weekend. I told him "nothing". He's like - really? I told him I drove down to Death Valley and tooled around. This man actually sounded hurt!!! Seriously! Talking about - oh........really? I'm like, "yes, it was great"! This is one of the trips we had planned for this summer and I guess his feelings were hurt. Well, join the club.
 
curlicarib said:
Patience is truly a virtue and I'm running out!

This man called me at 1530. Talked a bit about the meeting we had earlier, then moved on to personal stuff. Talked for a good 10 mins with me giving yes/no answers. Finally he asked me what I did this weekend. I told him "nothing". He's like - really? I told him I drove down to Death Valley and tooled around. This man actually sounded hurt!!! Seriously! Talking about - oh........really? I'm like, "yes, it was great"! This is one of the trips we had planned for this summer and I guess his feelings were hurt. Well, join the club.
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ghost that bytch
 
I agree for the life of me I don't know why she would still be around him or his family or even utter his name

Had this been me dude would no longer exist.

Your single! He is not! That statement alone speaks volumes.

LiftedUp said:
Actually I think he just want to make himself feel better. That is what it sounds like to me. He want to ensure that he and OP are "cool" to reinforce that they weren't anything in the first place and that he did nothing wrong. He's selfish and doesn't care about the OP's feelings. If he did, he would apologise and give her space. Instead he's trying to force her to get over it and return to friend mode.

OP being around him is actually giving him what he needs. That's why I agree that she should disappear from his life and pretend he doesn't exist. That would hurt him more.
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I'm not around him or his family. I'm at work. He works where I work. I have to interact with him professionally. I'm trying to limit our interactions, but I'm NOT going to act out in my place of employment. I can compartmentalize, but sometimes I have to vent. That's what this thread is for - to vent.

Yes, I am single and I've made plans to remind myself of that this weekend and the next.

I'm in no danger of falling back into his trap.


lux10023 said:
I agree for the life of me I don't know why she would still be around him or his family or even utter his name

Had this been me dude would no longer exist.

Your single! He is not! That statement alone speaks volumes.
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Carib, pull all the way back. No personal talk or anything. He's tryna have his hand in 2 pots. If you allow this to continue, he will say you knowingly agreed to be the side piece, when the fall out comes ..and it will because he's not as great as person as he seemed. He still expects you to play the same role, and he has a gf? No girl, he's slick to death. Let him go allll the way...and do not let him come back when they are over, unless A) you really want him B) he grovels and apologizes C) makes his full intentions for y'all relationship clear going forward. But please know that we even if he does A, B, and C... he's still probably full of chit. I wouldn't waste my time.

Hugs to you girl, you can do this..
 
keyawarren said:
Once it got personal you should of ended the call.
Is it necessary for you to take personal calls on your cell? If so let him go to voicemail next time.
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You took the words right out of my mouth...
At this point in time this "man" shouldn't even feel comfortable asking you about what you did over the weekend, WTF.
curlicarib said:
I'm not around him or his family. I'm at work. He works where I work. I have to interact with him professionally. I'm trying to limit our interactions, but I'm NOT going to act out in my place of employment. I can compartmentalize, but sometimes I have to vent. That's what this thread is for - to vent.

Yes, I am single and I've made plans to remind myself of that this weekend and the next.

I'm in no danger of falling back into his trap.
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You don't have to do the bolded but you don't have to entertain his assz either.
And it's not about falling into his trap, it's about the fact that he treated you shittty, didn't bother to apologize and now trying to worm his way back into your life- even if as just friends... Sorry, but F him! He should be walking on egg shells around you, he shouldn't even have the audacity to ask you anything personal, he lost that right.
Keep it short and sweet and business matters ONLY with him.
 
LOL! You guys really are the best!

He will not be allowed back into my life, but short of throwing him out of my office, which I won't do because that would create a scene, I can't really separate from him at work. This is a small base (less than 30 civilians) and word travels fast, so I will not feed the gossip mill. I can, however, keep our interactions short, which is what I'm doing. I know he's trying to get back in, but that is not an option for me. As you said, the simple fact that he knows he did sh*t and hasn't even acknowledged it or apologized is more than enough for him to be on my sh*t list forever.

I actually have no problem with things the way they are now (except for the constantly trying to get next to me) because he thinks all is well. He will eventually do or say something that will allow me to drop the bomb on him in a very polite, quiet, lady like manner, and he'll never see it coming because he thinks I'm OK with the sh*t he dished me. I'm a patient and conniving person. The way things are is working for me right now.

Jas123 said:
You took the words right out of my mouth...
At this point in time this "man" shouldn't even feel comfortable asking you about what you did over the weekend, WTF.

You don't have to do the bolded but you don't have to entertain his assz either.
And it's not about falling into his trap, it's about the fact that he treated you shittty, didn't bother to apologize and now trying to worm his way back into your life- even if as just friends... Sorry, but F him! He should be walking on egg shells around you, he shouldn't even have the audacity to ask you anything personal, he lost that right.
Keep it short and sweet and business matters ONLY with him.
Click to expand...
 
I ghost ppl at my work place on the regular...

'oh dear ... wasnt able to answer the phone... can you send that in an email'.... as I pass in the hall way

Oh dear, I'm a bit busy or in a rush... is it something you can emaill....?

they get they idea eventually...

granted I'm not the best person to emulate. I'm sure there are lessons in there.. apparently everyone here knows I'm capable of jumping ship at will.. :/
 
Totally understand.

Wishing you all the best and im sure things will work out fine.
curlicarib said:
I'm not around him or his family. I'm at work. He works where I work. I have to interact with him professionally. I'm trying to limit our interactions, but I'm NOT going to act out in my place of employment. I can compartmentalize, but sometimes I have to vent. That's what this thread is for - to vent.

Yes, I am single and I've made plans to remind myself of that this weekend and the next.

I'm in no danger of falling back into his trap.
Click to expand...
 
I have done this as much as possible. Unfortunately, I'm an Engineer and he is an Engineering Tech., we have to review plans, submittals, samples, do job walks, etc.. I have moved quite a bit of that to email, but there is much that requires face to face interaction.

Itgirl said:
I ghost ppl at my work place on the regular...

'oh dear ... wasnt able to answer the phone... can you send that in an email'.... as I pass in the hall way

Oh dear, I'm a bit busy or in a rush... is it something you can emaill....?

they get they idea eventually...

granted I'm not the best person to emulate. I'm sure there are lessons in there.. apparently everyone here knows I'm capable of jumping ship at will.. :/
Click to expand...
 
Well y'all, the dam broke. We had a meeting this morning, afterwards as he was leaving my office I reminded him of the schedule he used as an excuse to call me about, just before quitting time yesterday. He was like....."oh yeah, I forgot about that". :rolleyes: So I took that opportunity to try and talk to him. You know this grown asz man wouldn't even acknowledge his bad actions??? I can tell he was uncomfortable having this conversation, but so was I. I told him that he really hurt my feelings and he's like "what"? I tried one more time and he ran out my office like his pants was on fire. Seriously!!! I knew I was done, but now I know. I have no time or patients to deal with a man-child.

This man is pure ****ery.
 
^^^ because he doesn't think he did anything wrong and therefore is 'surprised' that your feelings are hurt.

Stop giving him ammunition. Now he thinks you're 'crazy'.

You're gonna hv to be overtly nice and covertly nasty with him because he most likely told enough people about the exchange for it to get traction and for people to take notice of your actions.

I know your feelings are hurt but as someone said up thread, "stay mad".
 
Actually, I think he never expected me to say anything to him and he was surprised that I did. I caught him off guard.

I don't think he told anyone. As I said before, we are both very private in our relationship. The only way this would get out is if someone over heard or saw anything. Many people have seen us together and there has been much speculation, but neither of us has ever confirmed anything to anybody.

Anyway, it matters not, I'm done with him COMPLETELY.


LiftedUp said:
^^^ because he doesn't think he did anything wrong and therefore is 'surprised' that your feelings are hurt.

Stop giving him ammunition. Now he thinks you're 'crazy'.

You're gonna hv to be overtly nice and covertly nasty with him because he most likely told enough people about the exchange for it to get traction and for people to take notice of your actions.

I know your feelings are hurt but as someone said up thread, "stay mad".
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Glad you are completely done. His response was very typical. Doe-eyed and innocent. I have no idea what you're talking about. I'm so confused yada yada yada. If you think about it he is staying true to who he is. Using up lots of your time but never being clear about his intentions. Being romantical but steering clear of sex. Blowing up your phone non-stop then nothing without any hint to what was going on. Good riddance to him. I wish the new gf luck.
 
IMO: he wanted a relationship with OP, but was too scared to approach it. The new gf is a cover-up for his insecurities and weaknesses. I still think that he will come to his senses, due to the guilt, and attempt to come back. Unfortunately, when he gets some balls to come back, OP will be long gone and happy! Now, it's time for OP to show him what he missed out on.

Hugs to OP!!!
 
Atthatday said:
IMO: he wanted a relationship with OP, but was too scared to approach it. The new gf is a cover-up for his insecurities and weaknesses. I still think that he will come to his senses, due to the guilt, and attempt to come back. Unfortunately, when he gets some balls to come back, OP will be long gone and happy! Now, it's time for OP to show him what he missed out on.

Hugs to OP!!!
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Girl men are not this analytical lol.
They don't do all of this over analyzing they either want something or they don't.

He ain't ish and he ain't thinking about OP or his girlfriend like that. He is only thinking about himself.
 
I have no idea what he intended. What I do know is I'm done. His reaction when confronted was completely off putting. Very immature and childish. I can't remember ever being so turned off by anybody. I'll never be able to look at him the same again.

Interestingly enough, I do think he'll be back, but my delicious, tasty tea will no longer be available to him. Chapter closed.
 
I don't necessarily think that what he did or didn't do was wrong, because there was never any communication between the two of you as to what your intentions were. Maybe deep down inside neither one of you really wanted to be in a serious/committed relationship with each other, because at least one of you would've communicated that during the course of those 8 months. I mean he probably should've disclosed that he had a girlfriend, but from it appears he scaled back on his friendship with you out of respect for his new relationship, which I don't think you can really fault him for. It would've been worse if he had been carrying on in the same manner as he was with you in the past, while having a girlfriend at the same time. At least you didn't have sex with him, because that might have made things worse too.
 
God_Favor said:
Girl men are not this analytical lol.
They don't do all of this over analyzing they either want something or they don't.

He ain't ish and he ain't thinking about OP or his girlfriend like that. He is only thinking about himself.
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Men aren't analyzing and going back and forth but that doesn't mean her comments were wrong. They do a lot of this stuff in knee jerk fashion. We as women analyze what they're doing because we're used to men not communicating and/or wanting to talk long after we're over it.

I think he wanted to be with OP and was hoping things would progress without him having to do or give more. The new girl sounds like she was easier in every sense of the word so he went there. Naturally he wants things to be the same with OP. That's how selfish people are. It doesn't mean he wasn't really into OP. He doesn't sound like a man. He's behaving like a boy.
 
Wow, this thread is still continuing :look: I'm starting to see you like his attention whether its romantic, work, personal, friendship, or other wise. I know you claim you and him got mutual friends, but the way you keep analyzing ya'll interactions proves you still like him in some way. If you didn't you wouldn't discuss the daily conversation or interactions. Maybe you should become friends with another guy.
 
Black Ambrosia said:
Men aren't analyzing and going back and forth but that doesn't mean her comments were wrong. They do a lot of this stuff in knee jerk fashion. We as women analyze what they're doing because we're used to men not communicating and/or wanting to talk long after we're over it.

I think he wanted to be with OP and was hoping things would progress without him having to do or give more. The new girl sounds like she was easier in every sense of the word so he went there. Naturally he wants things to be the same with OP. That's how selfish people are. It doesn't mean he wasn't really into OP. He doesn't sound like a man. He's behaving like a boy.
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I agree, but over analyzing get us in predicaments that stifle us. And most of the time the over analyzing leads too " he really likes/loves me he just can't show, too scared...." And sometime it true, especially when the actions match... But for situations when you are analyzing mistreatment , it's usually the person is showing you all you need to know
 
**SaSSy** said:
Wow, this thread is still continuing :look: I'm starting to see you like his attention whether its romantic, work, personal, friendship, or other wise. I know you claim you and him got mutual friends, but the way you keep analyzing ya'll interactions proves you still like him in some way. If you didn't you wouldn't discuss the daily conversation or interactions. Maybe you should become friends with another guy.
Click to expand...

To be fair, most of us in the thread were wondering what happened next. She's keeping us updated. Also, she's enjoying the petty she's serving. It's part of the healing process. I think you're reading too much into it.
 
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