What did I do wrong?

[Geminigirl]

That's my point I don't get out. The men that I have met I wouldn't give a second look.

Yea cost of living is low but I have been trying to get on my feet and one thing keeps happening after the next. I was better off in MD. Everything is backed up here. I am trying to go through the workforce center to get into a career school cause they will pay for it right? Well tell me why my appt isn't until November? I called them in Sept and the quickest they could get me was November. My point exactly. I am going to keep trying though and never give up.

I have been trying to take advantage but I don't know where to go who to reach out to. Everyone wants money up front that I don't have. I don't get ANY assistance from this state at all. My income is 0. Child support keeps flucking up my checks so i haven't recieved any money so far this month. I went about 3-4 months with no income because of them too. I am out everyday trying to get a job but I don't know where to look. My mind is so clouded and I am so depressed I lack motivation. I know these things and I do want to change. Everyday I get my DD ready and take her to school to turn around and have to pick my brother up from work. That messes up my mornings right there because lately he has been getting off early...look I am trying. if Only ya'll knew.

 

[Geminigirl]

There are so many life lessons in your story. *sigh*

If you have not specifically decided on being an exclusive couple, then you are not. It doesn't matter how many "my girls" and "my honeys" and "my babys" you get from him.

ALL dude's friends will play into whatever game he is selling you. So, if he wants you to believe you are his girlfriend even though you are not, his friends will sign onto that program and conduct themselves in a way that leads you to believe they view you as whatever he wants you to believe HE views you as.

Don't ever date a man with no car who is content to use you and your resources. A real man is ashamed that he cannot provide for himself better and will not require a woman to do all the work.

WHY, if he is older than you, doesn't he have his i$ht together? What's he been up to? Has he done time?

You didn't like the slippers. But, from your comment "they've grown on me" it appears that you went ahead and bought them and are wearing them. WTH? Don't change who you are for a man...and especially a raggedy man.

Whether or not a man's shoe game is on point is not even among the top TEN reasons that you should give him your heart. Things like "he dresses nice" and "his shoe game are on point" are things that you should view as the icing on the cake. They should never carry weight in your decision to be with a man. He gets zero points for having an on point shoe game.

He's overly sensitive because he is insecure about his station in life, IMO. He gets easily offended at how you put things because dude is probably feeling like the true scrub that he is...it's his way of elevating himself - to find fault with you for having standards. lmao. Does this man live with family? Does he have anyone else who lives at his place? You are running him around for his errands? He's not self-sufficient.

Your right. I wasn't his girl. I am over it now. i just needed to hear it and to get some support and feedback on my situation. Like I said I don't have any friends or anyone to talk to. I really mean that. I have been so Alone lately. It's really starting to effect me and my health. My face breaking out the panic attacks my chest pain. I am bery OVERWHELMED.

I know his clothes and shoes don't matter. My point is he had a good heart. And was a nice person PLUS he had those things too.

He lives with a friend. I didn't buy the slippers...PUH LEASE. He gave them to me. he also gave me some nice sunglasses and some other crap. I thought he really liked me and I was fooled. I can't believe I let myself get played like that. Oh well. Things happen for a reason and I think this happened for a reason.

 

[Bunny77]

That's my point I don't get out. The men that I have met I wouldn't give a second look.

Yea cost of living is low but I have been trying to get on my feet and one thing keeps happening after the next. I was better off in MD. Everything is backed up here. I am trying to go through the workforce center to get into a career school cause they will pay for it right? Well tell me why my appt isn't until November? I called them in Sept and the quickest they could get me was November. My point exactly. I am going to keep trying though and never give up.

I have been trying to take advantage but I don't know where to go who to reach out to. Everyone wants money up front that I don't have. I don't get ANY assistance from this state at all. My income is 0. Child support keeps flucking up my checks so i haven't recieved any money so far this month. I went about 3-4 months with no income because of them too. I am out everyday trying to get a job but I don't know where to look. My mind is so clouded and I am so depressed I lack motivation. I know these things and I do want to change. Everyday I get my DD ready and take her to school to turn around and have to pick my brother up from work. That messes up my mornings right there because lately he has been getting off early...look I am trying. if Only ya'll knew.

Okay, one quick question... why do you have to pick up your brother from work? Ain't he a grown man? He ain't got a car? Bus? Is he helping you with your kids and your situation?

If there is no benefit to you in that, make him get his damn self home from work, and you use that time to improve your life in whatever way you can.

Keep trying!!!

 

[newbiemom]

You should not call him. If he is sooo much older than you and this is how he behaves good riddance. You have a child, any guy you are dealing with especially if they are older should have a vehicle, gainfully employed, live alone and not in his mama's basement. Some of this foolishness have to be done away with past a certain age. And I mean like 23 yrs old. You are not his gf.Why oh Why do we women like to give ourselves titles. The next guy you have a connection with that fits the criteria that you deserve you should define your relationship before jumping feet first. It is perfectly fine if that relationship is just for the time being, some men are place holders for the one. But you both need to know that. This way everyone stays in their lane.

 

[Geminigirl]

What's most important to me now is getting my own place. Alot of my stress is caused by my living situation so I am working hard to get out of this situation. I will be out and at it again tomorrow. Trying to get on my feet. Because the way I am living now...I don't know how much more I can take. I have never been so stressed in my life that I can really feel it taking a toll on my body. Something just isn't right. There are so many bad memories out here I just can't wait to leave.

 

[Bunny77]

Oh, and I really think you should just get the financial aid to go to school... you will then have access to resources that only students get and you can possibly see a counselor about your depression and panic attacks at low cost.

You have to think long term here... yes, you will have to pay back loans, but that's better debt than what you're facing now.

Sorry to get off topic, but you need a full life makeover here.

 

[Mai Tai]

OP, Please do not let your lonliness drive you to be with a man that ain't worth ish! No man is many times a WHOLE lot better than any piece of a man.

Stop being too scared to apply for financial aid for school girl! That's what it is there for. Get your education, because even if you find a great man, he is going to want a woman that is on his leval, and your "woe is me" attitude with minimal education ain't going to attract nothing but losers. Most "good" men don't want to date a victim of circumstance, they want someone who has risen above setbacks and made something of themselves. Get out there and FIGHT to improve your life! Don't sit at home and wait for your luck to change. Luck is where preparation meets oppurtunity. Prepare yourself, and create opportunities. Believe me they are out there!

I don't mean to come across as harsh or mean, but I hate it when I see beautiful sisters fall victim to their own negative self talk. Yes...times are hard for everyone, but no one is going to help you unless you help yourself, and it is damn near impossible to help yourself when you are busy chasing after a boke down, no car having, non-contraceptive using, low-life, poor excuse of a man! Get you ISH together and KIM!

 

[Geminigirl]

Okay, one quick question... why do you have to pick up your brother from work? Ain't he a grown man? He ain't got a car? Bus? Is he helping you with your kids and your situation?

If there is no benefit to you in that, make him get his damn self home from work, and you use that time to improve your life in whatever way you can.

Keep trying!!!

Girl where to even begin. Basically I've been going through it barely making it since I got here. But The same week I got a job was the same week they came and repo'd my car. My parents helped me to get it back so now i OWE them. Which really sucks. My mom said she is getting in trouble at work from picking him up so they pushed it on me. As well as every other week I have to take and pick him up from school.

My brother isn't the least bit mature so no he doesn't help me with my kids. The most I get is a gas card and they only gave me $30 for this month. It's too much running around on me when all I wanna do is get up out of here.

 

[Geminigirl]

OP, Please do not let your lonliness drive you to be with a man that ain't worth ish! No man is many times a WHOLE lot better than any piece of a man.

Stop being too scared to apply for financial aid for school girl! That's what it is there for. Get your education, because even if you find a great man, he is going to want a woman that is on his leval, and your "woe is me" attitude with minimal education ain't going to attract nothing but losers. Most "good" men don't want to date a victim of circumstance, they want someone who has risen above setbacks and made something of themselves. Get out there and FIGHT to improve your life! Don't sit at home and wait for your luck to change. Luck is where preparation meets oppurtunity. Prepare yourself, and create opportunities. Believe me they are out there!

I don't mean to come across as harsh or mean, but I hate it when I see beautiful sisters fall victim to their own negative self talk. Yes...times are hard for everyone, but no one is going to help you unless you help yourself, and it is damn near impossible to help yourself when you are busy chasing after a boke down, no car having, non-contraceptive using, low-life, poor excuse of a man! Get you ISH together and KIM!

Trust me none of ya'll are being harsh. This is what I need to hear. My "associate" is just going to tell me what I want to hear. I don't have anyone to talk to that can deliever an eduacated message to me like you all so I really appreciate this.

 

[Bunny77]

Girl where to even begin. Basically I've been going through it barely making it since I got here. But The same week I got a job was the same week they came and repo'd my car. My parents helped me to get it back so now i OWE them. Which really sucks. My mom said she is getting in trouble at work from picking him up so they pushed it on me. As well as every other week I have to take and pick him up from school.

My brother isn't the least bit mature so no he doesn't help me with my kids. The most I get is a gas card and they only gave me $30 for this month. It's too much running around on me when all I wanna do is get up out of here.

Thanks for answering.

Okay, this is my advice. I would give your brother a (very short) time limit as to how long you'll pick him up because he is causing problems for you, just as he did for your parents. I dont know how much the car cost to get out of repo, but you do not have to be indebted forever to them.

Plus, your parents should be teaching your brother responsibility by making him pull his own weight. It sounds like your parents (and now you) are playing this, "coddle the black man" game at the expense of your own sanity.

Stop being the black female mule. Tell him no. Do what you have to do for yourself, and your kids, not loser dudes (including your bro... sorry) who need to solve their own damn problems.

 

[Geminigirl]

Oh yea my brother is older by 18 months. This is a debate my dad has been having with my mom for years. There is no talking or reasoning with my parents. If I don't do as they say they will make my life hell and I don't need the added stress.

So I comply and pick him up and as soon as I get a job then he's cut off from me picking him up cause it's a nuisacnce it really is. car to get out was in the thousands. Probably a couple thousand. My mom will never teach her baby any responsiblity.

He has never had his own or been out on his own. Atleast I try. And I can't wait to have my own again.

Thanks for the advice but I just don't see it working. I am not close to my parents at all. Which is another reason I am so stressed. So much weighing on me and nowhere to turn.

My parents are very old school and don't listen to me. They treat me like a kid, and they are very immature so talking to them or my brother is out of the question.

 

[antisocial]

You didn't like the slippers. But, from your comment "they've grown on me" it appears that you went ahead and bought them and are wearing them. WTH? Don't change who you are for a man...and especially a raggedy man.

Stupid *** slippers...don't nobody want that ish


I'm getting too mad at this thread like it's me

 

[Geminigirl]

lol. i am over it and I am over him. I am just going to focus on something else. ya'll are right he is a Loser. It' s not like I have a hard time getting guys.

 

[Carrie A]

I gotta take my baby to the doc. Hopefully I get some more responses. I am feeling really sad today.

All I really want to know is should I go over and talk to him or leave him be.

Chile if you google why didn't he call or why did he stop calling you'll come up with a million senarios. This can happen spontaneously at various stages of dating. No need to try to figure out why although it can be difficult. Don't keep calling and texting expecting an answer, just try to put your mind to other things. If he calls he calls and if he doesn't.......well just chalk it up to experience.

 

[deltadreamland]

Speaking as a mother, I don't have time for a man that requires more energy from me than my own child does. Energy being spent on him can be spent on my child. That's all.

 

[Ediese]

A lot of you have given her really great advice.

RECAP - Geminigirl is over this guy! Can we please move on?

She is looking forward to moving her life in a better position (going back to school, finding a job that could possibly help with tuition reimbursement, and getting her own place). Anyone in Dallas with connections??? I know Houston has a community college system that a lot of people attend for their first two years of school. It's much cheaper, and all the credits are transferable to state schools. Is there something similiar in Dallas?

 

[Geminigirl]

Thank you Edise. Yes I need to know cause these people out here are no help. Phone rings no one answers, busy signals all day, no one has time for that mess. They really need to get it together out here.

I am so jelly you went to see my man in concert too. I so wanted to be there. Was it good? I know it was. I wish his sexy *** would sing to me.

 

[Mai Tai]

OP, If I were you, I would move. For real. You are not close to parents and a brother who are obviously using you to the point where you cannot help yourself or your child(ren). Hell...You can pay them their money back without being a slave to their immaturity.

You have a great resource of opportunities just 3 1/2 hours down I-45. Move to Houston. Like Edise said, there is a great educational system here, lower cost of living then DFW, strong job market, and lots of men.

Whatever you do, you have to get from up-under this grip your parents and brother have on you...

 

[Geminigirl]

OK....I am scared of Houston. lol how is the housing and crime out there? But I hate dallas so much I just wanna completly leave TX. But I am all for my own place and and work and education. I am going to look into this.

 

[DigitalRain]

He aint got no car???!!!

 

[Mai Tai]

OK....I am scared of Houston. lol how is the housing and crime out there? But I hate dallas so much I just wanna completly leave TX. But I am all for my own place and and work and education. I am going to look into this.

Housing is great! You can find almost new apartments for a reasonable price. Of course there is crime, it is the 4th largest city in the US. Traffic is a BEAST, and you will learn very quickly what "driving defensively" means.

Girl stop being so scared to live your life. Regardless of what decision you make, you will have to take a huge risk. There is no easy way out, but it is totally worth it in the end. Good Luck!

 

[sistagirlfriend]

It seems to me that you guys are not really in a relationship because if you were he would try to work things out instead of shutting you out. I think you need to ask yourself is this the person i see myself with for a long time and do you really want someone that you can't be yourself with?

 

[Belle Creole]

Hi Geminigirl! I just wanted to know how you were doing and what you've been up to lately?
Any success? I'm a social worker and if you need some help I can point you to some resources. Pm me if you need to. You can get some grants to go to school and I know of some organizations that maybe able to assist you in getting your own place. I really hope your hanging in there, its tough but you'll get through it.

Hugs!

 

[bellezanegra826]

I met this guy a few weeks ago. He's older than me by some years. I never really been with someone older than me but he wasn't looking for a girl and I am not ready to date yet either so we decided to just be friends a chill. Well over time we began to like each other. I could name all the bad things about him but there was so much good too. He really is a sweet person with a good heart. But we are both going through some things right now.

Mostly I was just getting tired of everytime we chill we driving all over and then when we chill it's cool but I kinda wanted to go out and do things. I was also getting kinda irritated because he would call me and want me to come get him right then...he wouldn't say it but when I'd come through he was always ready and always had something to do. I just held it in because I liked him so much and I knew he was trying to get on his feet much like myself.

Anyways there have been a few times where I said something to him, in my way just joking but he took it wrong. Like one time he asked me if I wanted these slippers he had. i asked him to let me see them. He showed them to me and I thought they were kinda ugly and I said that. I am really funny about my shoes. And I hurt his feelings. I apologized to him. I didn't mean to hurt his feelings but the slippers were kinda ugly although they have grown on me now.

OK well yesterday he called me and he was telling me he found this car he wants to buy its real cheap and he has to start putting money to the side for it. I told him he should have been putting money to the side for the car. He immediatly got defensive. He was saying how he was trying but he's been spending mad money everyday. I told him who's fault is that. If you driving my car all over the city then hell yea I want something to eat and Hell yea you can throw some gas in there sometimes. He was like What are you my stepmom? Then he was like what are you doing?(I guess he meant with my life)I thought he was kidding. But he wasn't. He was really mad. He was like I'll see ya later and was trying to get off the phone with me. So I was like Maine and hung up.

He called me around 7 30 pm last night and I was in the store and missed his call. He also had sent a text saying how I don't have to ever worry about answering his calls again. So I called him. And he was talking about how I talk to him any old kinda way and how he always is nice and says sweet things to me(which is true). And then he was like well it looks like we aren't going to get along after all and I was like OK. And he hung up. I called and text NO REPLY.

I really really liked him. We were very physically attracted to each other but our ish wasn't about sex. We never had sex. I loved when we would cuddle and the way his hands felt on my body. In a respectful way not a slutty way. I never talked to a guy before that wasn't trying jump my bones and I really liked that about him. He never pressured me. And he was so cute. I was very nervous because I have a baby face and he looks his age but I liked him still. *** everyone else cause we would get some looks. He dressed nice shoe game on point and he liked me.

What did I do wrong? Should I call him or leave him alone? Right now I have decided to leave him alone. He already told me he doesn't play games so I know he was probably serious about not talking to me anymore but WHY? I wasn't trying to put him down I was just saying.

For you to ask that question, I think maybe you put him on a pedestal and/or settled for someone who was clearly beneath you. He was playing games by turning the tables on you when you told him the truth about himself. If he wasn't into games, he wouldn't have been so defensive about you telling him he needed to save up for a car and would have been able to own up to his shortcomings. Instead, he tried to play a slight of hand to distract you from the facts: he's an old *** man who has to use younger women to do things for him that he should be doing for himself.

The fact that he snapped at you about some hand-me-down-slippers sounds like he's crazy. It was your right not to want his slippers and many people would have gotten a bit offended by him offering some used goods in the first place. It was like he was trying to do you a favor and then got mad that you didn't need his help.

He also seems like he may be feeling a bit inadequate because he is not doing the things that other men and other people his age are doing, such as driving his own cars. You told him nothing but the truth when you said he should have been putting away money all this time for a car, especially if, by his own admission, he's been spending a lot of money everyday, and, by your description, he puts money into his sneakers. If he's an older man, he should be past the point of spending all of his money on things like sneakers when he doesn't have a car. The way he snapped at you about the car thing, sounds like he's a bit emotionally unstable.

When he told you not to worry about calling him again, you shouldn't have called back because you let him know he had control at that point. Now he knows that not only can he use you for transportation, but he knows that he can make you feel bad about his inadequacies. He should always say nice and sweet things to you because you are doing way more for him than he is doing for you at this point. Him getting mad at you about the slippers and asking you what you are doing with your life is not nice and sweet.

 

[Belle Creole]

For you to ask that question, I think maybe you put him on a pedestal and/or settled for someone who was clearly beneath you. He was playing games by turning the tables on you when you told him the truth about himself. If he wasn't into games, he wouldn't have been so defensive about you telling him he needed to save up for a car and would have been able to own up to his shortcomings. Instead, he tried to play a slight of hand to distract you from the facts: he's an old *** man who has to use younger women to do things for him that he should be doing for himself.

The fact that he snapped at you about some hand-me-down-slippers sounds like he's crazy. It was your right not to want his slippers and many people would have gotten a bit offended by him offering some used goods in the first place. It was like he was trying to do you a favor and then got mad that you didn't need his help.

He also seems like he may be feeling a bit inadequate because he is not doing the things that other men and other people his age are doing, such as driving his own cars. You told him nothing but the truth when you said he should have been putting away money all this time for a car, especially if, by his own admission, he's been spending a lot of money everyday, and, by your description, he puts money into his sneakers. If he's an older man, he should be past the point of spending all of his money on things like sneakers when he doesn't have a car. The way he snapped at you about the car thing, sounds like he's a bit emotionally unstable.

When he told you not to worry about calling him again, you shouldn't have called back because you let him know he had control at that point. Now he knows that not only can he use you for transportation, but he knows that he can make you feel bad about his inadequacies. He should always say nice and sweet things to you because you are doing way more for him than he is doing for you at this point. Him getting mad at you about the slippers and asking you what you are doing with your life is not nice and sweet.

Hey! don't know if you read the entire thread, but as an update, she's already moved on.

Now she maybe needing help or resource info to get on her feet. Do you know of any in the Dallas area?

 

[bellezanegra826]

Hey! don't know if you read the entire thread, but as an update, she's already moved on.

Now she maybe needing help or resource info to get on her feet. Do you know of any in the Dallas area?

the thread is still open in the relationship section, so i answered the relationship question. if the only posts that can take place in this thread are about career advancement, then the thread should be moved or closed by a moderator. I don't know if you are a moderator or not, but if you are, then why not close the thread or move it?

in terms of getting on one's feet, the internet seems to be a faster way to go about things than going door to door and waiting for return phone calls.
Step 1: go to fasfa.org and fill out the fasfa ASAP to get financing for next semester.
Step 2: go online to look for community or regular colleges to sign up for some classes before late registration
Step 3: look into applying for jobs with particular companies online like at cvs.com or walgreens.com so that you can get yourself out there during the hours that you aren't taking care of family and save on gas.
Step 4: ask the mods to close the thread if you don't want any more posts about the original thread. Even if you don't have a computer at home, the library has computers and may be a good place for you to meet new people. If you are proactive, you can have the same success with education and funding that you'll have in Houston or any other area. There is no need to relocate unless you have a job in the new location and you already have a few months salary saved up.

 

[Belle Creole]

the thread is still open in the relationship section, so i answered the relationship question. if the only posts that can take place in this thread are about career advancement, then the thread should be moved or closed by a moderator. I don't know if you are a moderator or not, but if you are, then why not close the thread or move it?

in terms of getting on one's feet, the internet seems to be a faster way to go about things than going door to door and waiting for return phone calls.
Step 1: go to fasfa.org and fill out the fasfa ASAP to get financing for next semester.
Step 2: go online to look for community or regular colleges to sign up for some classes before late registration
Step 3: look into applying for jobs with particular companies online like at cvs.com or walgreens.com so that you can get yourself out there during the hours that you aren't taking care of family and save on gas.
Step 4: ask the mods to close the thread if you don't want any more posts about the original thread. Even if you don't have a computer at home, the library has computers and may be a good place for you to meet new people. If you are proactive, you can have the same success with education and funding that you'll have in Houston or any other area. There is no need to relocate unless you have a job in the new location and you already have a few months salary saved up.

ummm...not to be rude... I was simply giving an update, not just to you but for anyone who noticed the thread as the last post before me was from 10/21/09. My response (offering help) bumped it. It hasn't been active in the sense of posters posting everyday. That is way I updated.

Sorry you took offence.

Gimini...pm me if you need any help.

Goodnight!

 

[Ganjababy]

School costs money. I guess I should just try again and apply out here for Fincial Aid but I am so scared of rejection. I know my time is ticking. 30 is around the corner and by then I want a car and my dream car and my own place.

Ive moved on. It's over. Trust me someone will come a knocking again. Sometimes I can barely walk down the street out here. They really appreciate them a natural chocolate girl out here but IMO they aren't wrapped too tight upstairs and they treat females like dookie out here.

Girl, you can do it. Go for it. I wish you all the best!