What Was This? Was I Wrong?

LivingInPeace said:
Is he really a man? Is he trans or something?
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Your mom sounds like my mom. o_O:lachen: It would be so her to tell me to apologize if I was in your shoes. You did nothing wrong. Even shy guys talk about their hobbies. I can't believe he told you to "respect his boundaries." I'm the most guarded and slowest-person-in-relationships person ever, but no way would I invite a man I'm dating over simply just to talk with no cuddling or something physical. IJS. Are you sure he's straight because I really can't picture a straight man saying something like this lol.:lol:

Cut your losses and move on.
 
This sounds like some Red Dragon mess. Remember when Dr. Francis Dolarhyde went to the blind girls house on a date...they were sitting on the couch and she got him aroused...his mama told him she was a bad girl and he needed to kill her...he started acting the almost exact same way as this guy did.

Chile...count your blessings and don't let that coo coo back in your house. Cause next time...
 
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thanks times a million....grown as man sitting on your couch in his coat not talking

i wouldve had a field day with him ridiculous self lmaoooo


bklynbornNbred said:
Your mom is wrong. He is a grown man. If he wasn't in the mood for company then he should say so and take his butt home.

Dating doesn't require all this analyzing. His inability to communicate is his problem. Don't make it yours. You've shared that you're not into the "fix a man" mindset anymore so toss him back in the pond and get your fishing rod back out there cause he isn't it. Move on to the next.
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Okay, okay, next time, please don't let a strange man in your house after talking to him on the phone and going on a few dates. You really need to get to know people in various situations before determining if they are even worthy of having your address. The fact that his behavior was surprising let's me know that you don't know him well enough to have him in your home, alone, without a weapon near at hand.

I know no one asked this but: How were you dressed? Did you have make-up and hair done? (just curious)

My impression of how you behaved was that you appeared to be aggressive, and strong willed. If that is your normal personality-- you might need a guy that can handle it, instead of one that freezes up on you.

I wouldn't pursue a relationship with him. Case in point: My lively friend that married a "quiet" guy goes crazy every time they are together for long periods of time. He literally sits for hours without speaking. She's an extrovert and she "needs" conversation to feel connected. She said during a long road trip, he might speak once or twice...and they are in "love"...long story short, she knew this going in, married him anyway, and people rarely change. I can't stand to be around him, because...he doesn't talk...so most of us keep in touch with her and avoid him. I'm sorry, I'm not there to keep others entertained.
 
lana said:
Okay, okay, next time, please don't let a strange man in your house after talking to him on the phone and going on a few dates. You really need to get to know people in various situations before determining if they are even worthy of having your address. The fact that his behavior was surprising let's me know that you don't know him well enough to have him in your home, alone, without a weapon near at hand.

I know no one asked this but: How were you dressed? Did you have make-up and hair done? (just curious)

My impression of how you behaved was that you appeared to be aggressive, and strong willed. If that is your normal personality-- you might need a guy that can handle it, instead of one that freezes up on you.

I wouldn't pursue a relationship with him. Case in point: My lively friend that married a "quiet" guy goes crazy every time they are together for long periods of time. He literally sits for hours without speaking. She's an extrovert and she "needs" conversation to feel connected. She said during a long road trip, he might speak once or twice...and they are in "love"...long story short, she knew this going in, married him anyway, and people rarely change. I can't stand to be around him, because...he doesn't talk...so most of us keep in touch with her and avoid him. I'm sorry, I'm not there to keep others entertained.
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I was cute :kiss3: I had on a pajama set--like shorts and a t-shirt, my hair was freshly washed and go'ed and down, and I had on natural makeup. Earrings. I didn't look too provocative, I think.

But yeah, I guess I am too much for him--his nickname for me was "Busy body". Ah well, on to the next one.

And I don't fear for my safety. But if I disappear from the board for a few days, alert the police and show them this thread? Idk
 
Oasis said:
how is trying to have a conversation with someone aggressive?

i would have laughed so hard at "respect my boundaries" he would think i was batshit and leave in fear of his life.
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Not because she was trying to have a convo, but persisting and teasing when he did not reciprocate.
 
gimbap said:
I was cute :kiss3: I had on a pajama set--like shorts and a t-shirt, my hair was freshly washed and go'ed and down, and I had on natural makeup. Earrings. I didn't look too provocative, I think.

But yeah, I guess I am too much for him--his nickname for me was "Busy body". Ah well, on to the next one.

And I don't fear for my safety. But if I disappear from the board for a few days, alert the police and show them this thread? Idk
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*pats couch* Come have a seat.

Now I know you younger women do things differently but 2-3 dates hasn't earned a "come over & meet me in pj" visit.

Even if you had already colored you'd still be in lingerie mode. Don't skip steps. As Lana said you didn't know this man well enough for him to be in your home let alone giving him your cuddle package. You have to date with mindset that you are worth whatever standard you set and be aware enough to recognize if dude is or isn't on your level. Dragging conversation out of an awkward person doesn't equate to offering your body.

Again I'm not saying things can't happen faster but clearly it wasn't clicking with this dude so I'm not even sure why you went there. Couples settle into chill mode. Leave that cute pajamas stuff after you've set standard for dating for a while. There is nothing saying you couldn't cuddle & get a kiss (or more) if you had on jeans & casual top. I'm not excusing his behavior but the "boundaries " line makes more sense now. Slow down & learn to read people better. This could have definitely ended differently. Dating should be fun but you got to be smart about it.
 
bklynbornNbred said:
*pats couch* Come have a seat.

Now I know you younger women do things differently but 2-3 dates hasn't earned a "come over & meet me in pj" visit.

Even if you had already colored you'd still be in lingerie mode. Don't skip steps. As Lana said you didn't know this man well enough for him to be in your home let alone giving him your cuddle package. You have to date with mindset that you are worth whatever standard you set and be aware enough to recognize if dude is or isn't on your level. Dragging conversation out of an awkward person doesn't equate to offering your body.

Again I'm not saying things can't happen faster but clearly it wasn't clicking with this dude so I'm not even sure why you went there. Couples settle into chill mode. Leave that cute pajamas stuff after you've set standard for dating for a while. There is nothing saying you couldn't cuddle & get a kiss (or more) if you had on jeans & casual top. I'm not excusing his behavior but the "boundaries " line makes more sense now. Slow down & learn to read people better. This could have definitely ended differently. Dating should be fun but you got to be smart about it.
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Like I said before, we'd been discussing sexual things before, so I was okay with it happening :yep: 2-3 dates is enough for me. My cute pj set did not = lingerie--Am I supposed to be sitting at home fully dressed, shoes and all? I was in netflix and chill attire.

If I misread him, he led me on. He shouldn't have been sending messages about what he was going to do to me. Sigh. Such a disappointment.

ETA: Although we've only been on 2-3 dates, they weren't back to back. I haven't been dating him exclusively. I've known him for a few months
 
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Knowing someone and dating someone isn't same thing.

I know your pj set wasn't lingerie. My point was it was too casual for someone you were not already in an intimate relationship with. There are casual clothes more covering than pajamas.

Please note I'm not judging you. I just think you misread some signs & if you're not willing to see that you'll find yourself in same situation again.
 
I reread the Op. I don't think you misread him or did anything wrong. He's just plain crazy. He may be socially awkward and has been taking tips from friends which is why he went from introvert to being forward. Then he clammed up when the time came.

Do you still have a rotation? Forget about him and focus and the other guys.

*Btw, no you weren't wrong.

**This story might also belong in this thread: https://longhaircareforum.com/threads/dating-with-aspergers.566759/page-2#post-21995207
 
CaraWalker said:
yall, shes saying she didnt invite him over to watch the movie :lol:
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I get that but if ole boy can barely carry a conversation do you really believe he was ready to {redact redact redact :naughtycouch:} after 3 dates? You got to know your audience. If he was down, this thread wouldn't exist.

If all you want is a cuffing partner skip the dating pretense and go in that other thread for how to screen applicants. Mixing up rules will get your feelings hurt.
 
BrownSkin2 said:
Perhaps he's on blood pressure meds and knew he couldn't perform. I've had that happen to me.
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That doesn't explain keeping your coat and hat on...or maybe it does? :lol:

bklynbornNbred said:
I get that but if ole boy can barely carry a conversation do you really believe he was ready to {redact redact redact :naughtycouch:} after 3 dates? You got to know your audience. If he was down, this thread wouldn't exist.

If all you want is a cuffing partner skip the dating pretense and go in that other thread for how to screen applicants. Mixing up rules will get your feelings hurt.
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Y'all keep forgetting he was talking all nasty to her and invited himself over.
 
@keyawarren Clearly talk is cheap. Anyone can talk nasty. That's why so many keep getting catfished. Who cares what he typed by text if his corny butt can't back it up ?


The best don't talk they show.


(let that marinate.....let those that know what I mean smile as they remember that one).

If its right, you don't have to guess. You don't have to revisit in your head what you said and what you think you should have said. Either the chemistry is there or it isn't. If it was, even with a shy dude, this thread would not exist. He'd be bragging off to his friends that he barely put in any effort and colored anyway.

So yeah, know your audience. Don't assume all men respond the same way. Even if he was all for some "& chill" make him work for it a little geesh. You didn't even have dinner or take out just all in with the Netflix line.

For future reference, if he's shown you what is what then afterwards, any follow up talk will actually mean something because you have an idea that he (or she no judging) can back it up what they say. Once you put yourself in the discount bin you'll never get out of it.
 
bklynbornNbred said:
@keyawarren Clearly talk is cheap. Anyone can talk nasty. That's why so many keep getting catfished. Who cares what he typed by text if his corny butt can't back it up ?


The best don't talk they show.


(let that marinate.....let those that know what I mean smile as they remember that one).

If its right, you don't have to guess. You don't have to revisit in your head what you said and what you think you should have said. Either the chemistry is there or it isn't. If it was, even with a shy dude, this thread would not exist. He'd be bragging off to his friends that he barely put in any effort and colored anyway.

So yeah, know your audience. Don't assume all men respond the same way. Even if he was all for some "& chill" make him work for it a little geesh. You didn't even have dinner or take out just all in with the Netflix line.

For future reference, if he's shown you what is what then afterwards, any follow up talk will actually mean something because you have an idea that he (or she no judging) can back it up what they say. Once you put yourself in the discount bin you'll never get out of it.
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What I meant was OP interpreted his actions correctly. Men are deliberate. They talk about sex when they are ready to have it. This guy is clearly an alien, or has special needs.
 
bklynbornNbred said:
@keyawarren
So yeah, know your audience. Don't assume all men respond the same way. Even if he was all for some "& chill" make him work for it a little geesh. You didn't even have dinner or take out just all in with the Netflix line.
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But you're not judging, though. :yawn:

We've been out to dinner before. Nice places. But that wasn't a time for dinner or takeout. It was a time for dack. You don't have to agree with it, but not everyone lives by the same moral compass as you. Fooling around with a guy you've known for a few months and been on a few dates with isn't unheard or pearl-clutch worthy to me. *shrug*
 
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