Am I Wrong? - Flowers Edition

OP, I don't think you were playing games. I do think you wanted him to feel bad b/c you felt bad. So when he showed his weakness (insecurity) you let him feel it instead of reassuring him like he wanted.

He seems inconsiderate & lazy.
 
he is not your man. why is he questioning you like he is? i wouldn't give him any reassurance either, especially because he didn't get you anything and also because of his house analogy.

he wants to know if anyone else is interested so he can know what cards to play? he's telling you his mindset towards you right there. sounds like he's on the fence and if he were at all thinking of locking anything down, he wants to do it with the least amount of effort necessary. what woman would want that for herself?
 
Run, OP, RUN!!

He sounds like he has the potential to be emotionally (and even financially) abusive.

There's a reason you were only ever friends. Don't settle for that. He blew his chance. There is no reason he couldn't have ordered you even a little book or CD or flowers or something to be delivered! There are so many online greeting card companies too. If I care I send something. Like others have said he sounds lazy and childish.
 
hopeful said:
I think the real issue is he's a longtime friend who ignored your birthday. Plus, he's been pursuing you for years, you finally open the door, and he misses a wonderful opportunity to express his feelings for you and make you feel special. He doesn't sound like that great of a friend or potential romantic partner.
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This :yep: :yep:

He sounds like he's sport fishing.
 
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Sooo this joker didnt get you anything and has the cheek to keep reminding you by asking these stupid questions....I would tell him yessss someone else sent them to me now what!?
 
He didn't get you anything and has the nerve to HOUND you about flowers? Just image the treatment you would get if you married him, considering that he is on his best behavior now.
 
swirl said:
why are you playing games with the man? none of us sent you anything for your birthday and you told us where they came from...lol
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Exactly game playing. All the back and forth could have been avoided. Why not just say where they came for. Sometimes we make a big deal out of nothing rather than just keep the peace. I could see why he was upset.

It doesn't matter if he was a man at the time or not. He was interested in her. Men like reassurance there is no other man in the picture. Certain type of men don't compete. I love my beautiful sistas but these silly games need to stop if you expect to have a great relationship.
 
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I wouldn't of told him anything. He will get over it. As plenty of ladies have said above he missed an opportunity to do something nice for you and is mad because he thinks someone else did. I would keep him in the background and keep doing me.

Good Luck!
 
VelvetRain said:
Exactly game playing. All the back and forth could have been avoided. Why not just say where they came for. Sometimes we make a big deal out of nothing rather than just keep the peace. I could see why he was upset.

It doesn't matter if he was a man at the time or not. He was interested in her. Men like reassurance there is no other man in the picture. Certain type of men don't compete. I love my beautiful sistas but these silly games need to stop if you expect to have a great relationship.
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I'm not being funny but can you explain? Because I really don't see why he was upset. I don't see what was a game about it either. I've always wondered what exactly people mean when they say "people play games" because I don't see the problem with stuff like this so I'm really asking. lol

He didn't get her a birthday gift and he's trying to flex, VelvetRain. That's what I see :look:
 
Naveah2050 said:
Sooo this joker didnt get you anything and has the cheek to keep reminding you by asking these stupid questions....I would tell him yessss someone else sent them to me now what!?
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Exaaaaaaactly! I would assume he'd be too ashamed to mention the subject again. Ain't you ashamed, thoughtless man? Ain't you ashamed? :look:
 
InchHighPrivateEye said:
I'm not being funny but can you explain? Because I really don't see why he was upset. I don't see what was a game about it either. I've always wondered what exactly people mean when they say "people play games" because I don't see the problem with stuff like this so I'm really asking. lol

He didn't get her a birthday gift and he's trying to flex, VelvetRain. That's what I see :look:
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this is why i think he is upset...she know the dude likes her; she posts a pic on facebook of the flowers (she knows he is going to see them); he asks about the flowers (as expected and probably desired); instead of giving a direct truthful answer she plays the flirty "why you want to know" game hoping to get clarifcation on their relationship or possibly fishing for better gift lol; he gets agitated b/c he just wants a straight answer. now she's agitated cuz he's agitated.
 
swirl said:
this is why i think he is upset...she know the dude likes her; she posts a pic on facebook of the flowers (she knows he is going to see them); he asks about the flowers (as expected and probably desired); instead of giving a direct truthful answer she plays the flirty "why you want to know" game hoping to get clarifcation on their relationship or possibly fishing for better gift lol; he gets agitated b/c he just wants a straight answer. now she's agitated cuz he's agitated.
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Thank you. You summed it up exactly how I wanted too. Men play games but I feel women play a lot more and then have the nerve to wonder why men play games in return. Eventually they get to"iggas ain't *%#*" attitude. A lot of it is our own doing.
 
VelvetRain said:
Exactly game playing. All the back and forth could have been avoided. Why not just say where they came for. Sometimes we make a big deal out of nothing rather than just keep the peace. I could see why he was upset.

It doesn't matter if he was a man at the time or not. He was interested in her. Men like reassurance there is no other man in the picture. Certain type of men don't compete. I love my beautiful sistas but these silly games need to stop if you expect to have a great relationship.
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Men like a lot of things but that doesn't mean they should get it. Especially if they haven't proven worthy. He doesn't deserve a straight answer.

Being interested is not enough to warrant his line of questioning in my book. I've had a ton of men "interested" in me and if I gave into their demands, they would have way too much insight into my life then what I'm comfortable with.

I got flowers from a patient before and posted it on my facebook timeline. My fiance follows me on facebook and even he didn't interrogate me like ole dude in the OP did. I didn't do it to throw anything in his face, I just thought it was a really nice gesture and wanted to share my patient's generosity with my friends. Nothing more, nothing less.
 
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Mai Tai said:
Men like a lot of things but that doesn't mean they should get it. Especially if they haven't proven worthy. He doesn't deserve a straight answer.

Being interested is not enough to warrant his line of questioning in my book. I've had a ton of men "interested" in me and if I gave into their demands, they would have way too much insight into my life then what I'm comfortable with.

I got flowers from a patient before and posted it on my facebook timeline. My fiance follows me on facebook and even he didn't interrogate me like ole dude in the OP did. I didn't do it to throw anything in his face, I just thought it was a really nice gesture and wanted to share my patient's generosity with my friends. Nothing more, nothing less.
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This! Add to that most guys, while interested in you, have a few women of their own in the background (whether just talking to, dating, pursuing at the same time as pursuing you, fwb, etc..) but you will almost never hear about this unless you stumble upon the information by accident.
 
I don't agree. It doesn't sound like that to me at all. It sounds like she likes him and was expecting a gift, but didn't get one. Then she posted the flowers to get a rise out of him. When she got the attention she was seeking by him asking about the flowers, she began playing games by avoiding the question as if a man gave the flowers to her.

She could have just brought up the fact that she expected him to get her something. All of those games are very highschool....but maybe she's in highschool. Who knows.:perplexed

Zaynab said:
They aren't in a relationship-they are old friends reconnecting and deciding if they are going to date. He's asking questions or demanding like someone that thinks they are exclusive. I'm sure he has other women he knows. He was just uncomfortable at the fact that she may have a man she knows that sent her flowers. I don't see the big deal, I may have told him eventually but I don't think she's playing games.

I wouldn't fool with him just because I don't like men that don't recognize special days and he seems a bit whiney/immature. So what she got flowers? I met DH right before my birthday and a valentines day. He bought me a gift on each holiday, we weren't exclusive. I also knew him to be one of those "I don't do holidays" kind of dudes and I was like oh that's too bad for everyone else, it's not applicable to me. And he's never ever missed a beat.

I think dude felt bad about not doing something for her birthday, then felt put on notice. AS HE SHOULD.
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*CherryPie* said:
I don't agree. It doesn't sound like that to me at all. It sounds like she likes him and was expecting a gift, but didn't get one. Then she posted the flowers to get a rise out of him. When she got the attention she was seeking by him asking about the flowers, she began playing games by avoiding the question as if a man gave the flowers to her.

She could have just brought up the fact that she expected him to get her something. All of those games are very highschool....but maybe she's in highschool. Who knows.:perplexed
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i didn't get that at all from her post. how are you coming to that conclusion? she said she posted the picture of the flowers on her facebook because they were pretty.
 
Reread the thread. I'm not the only one getting that. I get it from her responses.

ackee walk said:
i didn't get that at all from her post. how are you coming to that conclusion? she said she posted the picture of the flowers on her facebook because they were pretty.
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I think the OP was playing games by not answering the question and ended up annoying the guy unnecessarily. He asked a fairly straightfoward question and instead of answering it in equally straightforward fashion, she played coy, as if she had something to hide when she didn't.

She could have simply said "Some folks at work got me those flowers. Why do you ask, oh curious one? Ya jealous?" Offered in a playful,coquettish manner, this would have been an invitation for him to state his intentions without making a dramatic deal about it.

In the end, flowers aren't that serious, so dodging the question about where they came from makes as much sense as interrogating someone about where they came from. Both of y'all need some perspective. Ain't nobody got time for all that.
 
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I can see where the OP was coming from and where dude is coming from. She feels like shouldn't have to answer to no one and he is curious as to why you can't answer a simple question. Like, I understand it was all in jest but it probably really threw him off when you didn't answer.

But, he messed up when he started letting it really get to him and tell you that you can't talk unless you tell him. I don't think you should count him out right now but do tell him how you felt when he demanded answers from you and why you didn't tell him.
 
I mean, I'm still not seeing how his questions need to be answered but ok. I think she probably wasn't even trying to avoid the question at first but when somebody keeps asking you a dumba** question then the next thing you're going to wonder is why they're asking it. He's the one that made it a big deal, by insisting. If it's a simple question that can just be answered then the converse of that is don't ask me it again when I don't answer :look:

I guess this is why people say that some folks play too many games or are single or whatever but if you have to be acquiescing to uninspired, triflin, pushy dudes before you're even in a relationship then you may as well be. Hell. Sometimes people aren't playing, it's just not that deep until someone makes it deep. This man is all emptyhanded but pressed, pushed down, and shaken together at the same time over what somebody--anybody--else is doing? Chile.

I still say that it probably wasn't as big a deal as that until HE made it one, but since he wants to insist, the fact is that he sounds wack and borderline controlling. Throw him back. OP, let us know if this dude sent anything for VD. Or if he just wants to have girl talk about it.
 
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InchHighPrivateEye said:
I mean, I'm still not seeing how his questions need to be answered but ok. I think she probably wasn't even trying to avoid the question at first but when somebody keeps asking you a dumba** question then the next thing you're going to wonder is why they're asking it. He's the one that made it a big deal, by insisting. If it's a simple question that can just be answered then the converse of that is don't ask me it again when I don't answer :look:

I guess this is why people say that some folks play too many games or are single or whatever but if you have to be acquiescing to uninspired, triflin, pushy dudes before you're even in a relationship then you may as well be. Hell. Sometimes people aren't playing, it's just not that deep until someone makes it deep. This man is all emptyhanded but pressed, pushed down, and shaken together at the same time over what somebody--anybody--else is doing? Chile.

I still say that it probably wasn't as big a deal as that until HE made it one, but since he wants to insist, the fact is that he sounds wack and borderline controlling. Throw him back. OP, let us know if this dude sent anything for VD. Or if he just wants to have girl talk about it.
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:lol: People really think it's cool that this guy, who supposedly is seriously interested in OP as a marital prospect, got her nada for her birthday? Yet she is supposed to appease him?

I'm still trying to get over him admitting he wanted to know if he had any competition so he could act accordingly. Dude, how about you just bring your "A" game from day one instead of just putting in only as much effort as needed.
 
Mai Tai said:
I don't think you were wrong at all personally. He needs to let it go because he isn't your man, AND he didn't get you anything for your B-Day.

To me, being marriage minded, and having intentions means absolutely nothing. Words are free. What matters are his actions and until he puts his intentions to work, he doesn't deserve any reassurance, nor an explanation.
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Cause thanks was not enough. You are truly one of my favorite fonts on here. :yep::yep:
 
agree with your whole post InchHighPrivateEye especially the bolded:

InchHighPrivateEye said:
I still say that it probably wasn't as big a deal as that until HE made it one, but since he wants to insist, the fact is that he sounds wack and borderline controlling. Throw him back. OP, let us know if this dude sent anything for VD. Or if he just wants to have girl talk about it.
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meanwhile, why after reading this:

InchHighPrivateEye said:
This man is all emptyhanded but pressed, pushed down, and shaken together at the same time over what somebody--anybody--else is doing? Chile.
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did i sing out loud "and ruuunnning over... give and it will come back to you..." lol smh
 
dtachi said:
:lol: People really think it's cool that this guy, who supposedly is seriously interested in OP as a marital prospect, got her nada for her birthday? Yet she is supposed to appease him?
\.
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Im still mad that instead of getting her something he's busy interrogating her like a prisoner from Homeland

Normal men would see that pic and want to one-up whoemever the hell sent those flowers but nooo..he's crying about who sent those flowers

"someone who obviously cares about my b-day more than you do"..anything else?


Is he a cancer? cos he sounds like a whiny arse Cancer
 
Oh my, I thought this thread was done. Thanks for all the comments ladies. A couple of clarifications, if needed. Like I said, I was pleasantly surprised by the flowers and posted a picture. Would he see them? Sure. But what difference would it make if he did? The fact that they were posted I just don't view as significant at all.

I didn't expect him to ask about the flowers since we're not in a relationship and he knows I'm not in a relationship with someone else. So the manner in which the question was asked struck me as a little funny in that it wasn't just conversation-making. So, I did jokingly deflect. Clearly not successfully.

Regarding him getting me something, I didn't expect to receive anything by delivery. If he had done that, it would have definitely been a great move and turned the corner toward something more substantial. I was OK with just seeing what happened when I went back home. When he wanted to demand to know what someone else may have done for me, what he didn't do did become relevant because it gave me the impression that he felt that he had a right to know-and for all the wrong reasons. Had he said, "I thought we were being intentional; I just want to know if you're as serious about this as I am or if you're still dating other people," that would have been completely different than what was said, which was, "I need to know which cards to play." So I think the flowers only became significant because he wanted to gauge how much effort he needed to exert. But, and this I did tell him in our next conversation, my boss and two teammates went out of their way to do something nice and I appreciated that. [unsaid part--The flowers being from them doesn't make anything better or easier for him, because if 3 men with families of their own can be thoughtful enough to do something nice, certainly the man who claims that he'd marry me tomorrow if I wanted could do the same.]

He has said such effusive things that to me it was more about looking at whether what he does matches what he says. I have been back and forth for a long time about the idea of "us" and thought, well I do like x, y, and z, and he says such wonderful things, why not give it a go? (points to the poster who noted this above) I don't think I was ready at that point to be hooked into answering questions like that, which are akin to, "Who did you go out with last Friday?" and so on and so forth. I maintain that he didn't have a right to know or to press me for the info, but I would handle it differently in the future.

I'll just say that the ladies who implicitly or explicitly mentioned him not wanting to put in enough effort were very much on point, which is really the issue. He said before that he stopped dating other people, hoping things would work with us, and I actually don't doubt it. But it's like he wants to circumvent the whole courting part. I feel like I should have left well enough alone.

What an unfortunate Valentine's Day post. Well, here's to better things to come. :Rose:
 
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