What Was This? Was I Wrong?

[gimbap]

So I've been on 2-3 dates with this guy. In the past he's been quiet and reserved, even awkward at times. I didn't mind, I understand he may be shy, and he told me straight up from the beginning that it takes him some time to open up. Lately we've been chatting and texting fairly frequently. About 2 weeks ago, I was upset with something, and he stayed up on the phone with me until 3am, until I fell asleep.

Yesterday he asked if me if I wanted him to come over, to watch Netflix or something. In my mind I'm like awww he wants to "Netflix and Chill" lol. We'd been on real dates and I wanted to cuddle with him, so I said sure.

He gets to my apartment, sits on the far end of the couch, doesn't take off his jacket or hat. Hands in pockets. I'm like ...okay. So I'm trying to make conversation, he's barely talking. I'm like...sooo you wanted to come over, right? You don't want to talk? He's all "I came to watch the movie" Yall, it was a movie he admittedly seen plenty of times. Plus the movie is usually just in the background. The point of "chilling" is to spend time with the other person, or at least that's what I thought. At one point I'm being playful and sort of playing with his arm. He told me to "respect his boundaries"

So I'm being patient. I ask him about one of his hobbies, something that I know for a fact he's very interested in. His response: "You can look at the website."

At this point I am done. I can deal with shyness, quietness, but I will not deal with rudeness. I ask him to leave. He asked if I was serious (I was dead ass) and left.

Was I wrong? What in the world is wrong with him? What kind of new-age social awkwardness is this? I could see if I asked him to come over but no, he initiated and everything.

Dating is getting so old.

 

[TayMac]

How old is he?

I dont know what his issue is but he would get put way on the back burner. Maybe he is super socially awkward.

 

[LivingInPeace]

Is he really a man? Is he trans or something?

 

[gimbap]

He is 33! Ridiculous, right?

And no I don't think he's trans

 

[LivingInPeace]

He is 33! Ridiculous, right?

And no I don't think he's trans

I just had to ask! It seemed strange that he felt so uncomfortable with you being physically near him. Like he's hiding something.

 

[LiftedUp]

He probably really wanted to watch a movie

Seriously though, he has taken social awkwardness to new levels. I think he's weird and I'd be concerned that he knows where I live with his weird self

 

[gimbap]

He probably really wanted to watch a movie

Seriously though, he has taken social awkwardness to new levels. I think he's weird and I'd be concerned that he knows where I live with his weird self

I told my mother and friend what happened and they were both like "Did you lock your door? Go lock your door!"

 

[sgold04]

Is he really a man? Is he trans or something?

 

[CaraWalker]

yeah I dont have time for that. I probably wouldnt have kicked him out but I probably would have figured he wasnt interested in me before this point and wouldnt have been in this scenario. I cant imagine being alone with a dude im dating and hes not trying to sleep with me. never happens.

maybe he friendzoned you. I hate guys with sexual hangups.

 

[gimbap]

yeah I dont have time for that. I probably wouldnt have kicked him out but I probably would have figured he wasnt interested in me before this point and wouldnt have been in this scenario. I cant imagine being alone with a dude im dating and hes not trying to sleep with me. never happens.

maybe he friendzoned you. I hate guys with sexual hangups.

That's the thing, a few days before, our conversation turned very sexual. I was actually looking forward to it But now I'm like...how did he expect to do all of what he was talking about I'm supposed to "respect his boundaries"

 

[JustifiablyMe]

That's the thing, a few days before, our conversation turned very sexual. I was actually looking forward to it But now I'm like...how did he expect to do all of what he was talking about if I'm supposed to "respect his boundaries"

I literally cannot picture a man saying this.

 

[gimbap]

I literally cannot picture a man saying this.

I swear my face was this---> personified. I was so confused!

Eta: I was more bothered by the fact that he didn't want to talk. Like not even about himself. Most people (especially in DC, THESE big ego having guys) like talking about themselves. He seemed as if I was annoying him.

 

[LiftedUp]

I told my mother and friend what happened and they were both like "Did you lock your door? Go lock your door!"

You told your mother you were trying to get some

 

[MzLady78]

Nah, you weren't wrong. That is beyond "awkwardness" and I would be highly annoyed.

 

[mzpurp]

Yes, this sounds too weird! I just wonder if he'll contact you again and invite you out like nothing happened

 

[gimbap]

You told your mother you were trying to get some

Nooo lol I just said he was over to hang out. My mom is straight up about sex though, if I did tell her, she wouldn't trip. I mean when she was my age she had 2 kids

Yes, this sounds too weird! I just wonder if he'll contact you again and invite you out like nothing happened

I plan to ignore any call or text. I'm not willing to take on a project, at least not anymore

 

[Ivonnovi]

Based on recent headlines....IF a man indicates he's that stand-offish....do let him be.

Based on my past experiences not with the above necessarily.

• He could have had something come up between the phone convo and his arriving (i.e. a disturbing phone call; bank funds too low; rough day on job) YNWIM?
  
• He may have "written a check" he wasn't ready "to cash"
• Sometimes men just like to literally "chill"; no convo, no cuddle, your mere presence is enough for them to be content. Drink a beer, be cute, let it be.

Based on the exact words you said he used.

• At best he's trying to open up (t0 you) and let you into his life
• "Respect" and "boundaries" tell me that he has some issues to work through before being there for you.
  
• You have to decide if his walls & moat are worth working your way through

 

[lux10023]

it was awkward reading the OP lol

man listen I would've turned up some music and started twirking or dancing like he wasn't there...people like that are weird its like they want to be left alone to observe even if their actually suppose to engage in the person or situation...

i would've put on some music or turned the tv up and would've started ordering him around like the popcorn is in the cupboard can you put it in the microwave for 2 mins...would've had him holding my drink versus putting it on the table ppl like him you have to put him to work lol..they dont wanna talk but they still wanna be around you..if your into that kinda oddness its a go..lmaooooo plus if he has a big crayon..
you meet awkward with awkward and turn up!!!

Nah, you weren't wrong. That is beyond "awkwardness" and I would be highly annoyed.

 

[MzLady78]

it was awkward reading the OP lol

man listen I would've turned up some music and started twirking or dancing like he wasn't there...people like that are weird its like they want to be left alone to observe even if their actually suppose to engage in the person or situation...

i would've put on some music or turned the tv up and would've started ordering him around like the popcorn is in the cupboard can you put it in the microwave for 2 mins...would've had him holding my drink versus putting it on the table ppl like him you have to put him to work lol..they dont wanna talk but they still wanna be around you..if your into that kinda oddness its a go..lmaooooo plus if he has a big crayon..
you meet awkward with awkward and turn up!!!

Right? Grown a** man sitting on my couch with his hat and coat on? Nah, son.

 

[TayMac]

So has he contacted you to splain his strangeness?

 

[gimbap]

So has he contacted you to splain his strangeness?

Nope. Nothing. I wonder if he truly sees nothing wrong with how he was acting. I swear I should recommend a therapist.

 

[almond eyes]

He may have been in a bad mood before he came over. But he came because he wanted to spend time with you. And something may have happened just before he came over to spoil things.

You should have just said to him, "Thanks for coming over, it looks like you are feeling quiet today so cool when you are ready to talk let me know but cool let's just watch the movie or if you don't want to watch the movie we can do something else'

I don't really care for house dates that early in the game because it can be awkward or could turn to something sexual.

Usually, men do not like to be touched by a woman unless they initiate it they see that as you putting the moves on them when he hasn't yet put the moves on you first.

Please do not take this wrong, and I am not blaming you but perhaps join us over on Queen's Code or Femme Belle's discussions to understand more of a man's behavior before we start dissecting him as rude and immature.

Best,
Almond Eyes

 

[gimbap]

Thank you all for your responses. Please trust I'm not mad or offended by any of your comments or suggestions--They really are appreciated, and it's nice to hear different POVs.

My mama says I should apologize. Sigh.

 

[hopeful]

I think he acted very strangely. But I also think you were being too pushy. What I think would have worked best would have been to offer to hang up his coat and hat. If he declined then offer a drink or something. Then sit down and watch the movie with him. It was not your job to loosen him up or get him to open up. He's a grown man. Then just wait and see what happened. If he kept that coat and hat on the entire time and never said a peep to you for two hours straight then you could decide that he's too quiet and akward for you. He likely didn't want to cuddle because of what that might lead too. Idk though. The thing is you don't really know him that well yet. Moving forward I wouldn't have someone over so soon. And since you are more talkative and maybe extroverted, you may attract quieter and/or introverted people. If that is the case, you will have to look at them differently and less critically.

It sounds like he may be moody and probably too quiet for you. I just think it's best to give yourself and your guy more time to get to know each other outside of an apartment or home. And just because someone doesn't talk much doesn't put the onus on you to fill that quiet space. That's not fair to you or them.

Eta: how you acted was very understandable and reasonable. I'm sure you were caught off guard and surprised by his behavior. Most people would be.

 

[Nyssa28]

Thank you all for your responses. Please trust I'm not mad or offended by any of your comments or suggestions--They really are appreciated, and it's nice to hear different POVs.

My mama says I should apologize. Sigh.

This is one time I'd have to disagree with my mom. He should be the one apologizing. How dare he come to YOUR place and treat you that way?!

 

[bklynbornNbred]

Thank you all for your responses. Please trust I'm not mad or offended by any of your comments or suggestions--They really are appreciated, and it's nice to hear different POVs.

My mama says I should apologize. Sigh.

Your mom is wrong. He is a grown man. If he wasn't in the mood for company then he should say so and take his butt home.

Dating doesn't require all this analyzing. His inability to communicate is his problem. Don't make it yours. You've shared that you're not into the "fix a man" mindset anymore so toss him back in the pond and get your fishing rod back out there cause he isn't it. Move on to the next.

 

[Godsdaughter001]

Nooo lol I just said he was over to hang out. My mom is straight up about sex though, if I did tell her, she wouldn't trip. I mean when she was my age she had 2 kids



I plan to ignore any call or text. I'm not willing to take on a project, at least not anymore

I agree with the bolded. No way in the world he'd ever hear from me again. He is very awkward acting. How are you going to be 33 y.o. and not know how to act around the opposite sex? Ain't nobody got time for that!

 

[hopeful]

Definitely don't apologize. No m'am.

 

[CaraWalker]

He may have been in a bad mood before he came over. But he came because he wanted to spend time with you. And something may have happened just before he came over to spoil things.

You should have just said to him, "Thanks for coming over, it looks like you are feeling quiet today so cool when you are ready to talk let me know but cool let's just watch the movie or if you don't want to watch the movie we can do something else'

I don't really care for house dates that early in the game because it can be awkward or could turn to something sexual.

Usually, men do not like to be touched by a woman unless they initiate it they see that as you putting the moves on them when he hasn't yet put the moves on you first.

Please do not take this wrong, and I am not blaming you but perhaps join us over on Queen's Code or Femme Belle's discussions to understand more of a man's behavior before we start dissecting him as rude and immature.

Best,
Almond Eyes

i like the intent of this post but i gotta disagree. dude was weird as ****. i know that sometimes people get nervous hanging out with the opposite sex but who goes to someone's house and doesnt take off their coat and hat? i'll give him the benefit of the doubt that maybe he did not realize he was also being rude to her, but even if he didnt understand that doesnt exactly make it any better

the suggestions are nice but this would have just been too formal for me personally. quite frankly if im inviting you over it is ok for you to assume im down for a little fooling around. if you are gonna come over my house and be weird while you're here like op then hell you can get out but thats the way that i like to relate to men. im not with the uptight stuff.

 

[LiftedUp]

I don't think that you should apologies either.

He'll come crawling back if he was really into you. And u think he was albeit weird.