What If You NEVER Get Married?

[Xerxes]

I definitely want to get married . . . but only if it's to the right person (for me) . . . I used to believe in "soul mates" -- the idea that there was only ONE person on the planet that you were destined to be with . . . while it is a nice idea, I'm realizing that that same idea has also kept me single for a long time (waiting for my soul mate - who of course had the looks of Taye Diggs, the mind of Cornel West, the swagger of Denzel, and the faith of Martin Luther King Jr. - to walk up and sweep me off my feet). What I am realizing is that I need to be more open - because HE might not come in the packaging I expect. Also I have a lot of "personal development" that I need to do before I'm ready to settle down. Now, you ladies know all about my insecurities and issues so I won't rehash them here. But what I've really come to learn and accept is that right now I'm not ready/mature enough for the relationship I say I want . . . I don't remember who it was or what thread it was, but someone said that people need to ask themselves, "Would YOU want to date you?" and when I realized the answer for me was a "no," that really got me thinking.

Right now, I am still very "raw" or "green" if you will. There are a million things that I want to do that I don't feel I could do if I were tied down with a husband/family . . . travel, give my all/best to my career, become more financially responsible (i.e., pay off my debts!), continue to mature spiritually, etc. Now, before you accuse me of "working on myself" until Mr. Man comes along . . . I assure you that this isn't (just) for him . . . it's for me. Because when I make that commitment, I want it to be permanent and I don't want to have regrets about what I wish I had done when I was single. So for me, getting myself out of the "woe-is-me" state of mind and pushing myself to put myself first has been a tremendous step forward.

In all honesty, I think I will likely end up getting married in my mid- to late-30s . . . and by then I really think I will be ready for that phase. For now, I'm just a little girl who's struggling through the growing pains of learning to become a grown woman. I think that if I don't go through this phase, there's no way that I will get married (or end up in a good marriage) because I would have too many issues and too much baggage. (I see this in the horrible marriage of a good friend of mine who is so much like me it's scary. Dude completely takes advantage of her and she stays with him because she doesn't "want to be alone" )

Now, if I never get married, I have to admit that I would be disappointed. I grew up with married parents and always expected that I would get married and have a family. I'm not too interested in being a single parent (although I could/would do it if I felt that I wasn't going to get married). I would just like to have a companion/partner to journey through life with . . . . and I'm finally beginning to believe that that is NOT too much to ask

Firstly, thanks so much for being so open and honest. I truly believe that this "growing phase" that you are going through will help you first find happiness within yourself and you must be content alone before you can have a successful relationship.

Secondly, great hair growth!

 

[Xerxes]

I'm 26 and single. I could live without being married and being super happy. I think it's because I'm super focused. Men are ancillary to me. I could pull a Halle Berry if I want kids which I don't really know maybe in my 40s. I don't have goals where marriage and kids are concerned. I'm more focused on money, traveling, and being an entrepreneur. Marriage ain't for everybody.

You are so right and you are speaking for a large group of black women.

 

[Xerxes]

40% of black women are currently unmarried - that doesn't mean that 40% of us will never get married. Statistics are not an absolute predictor of the future... so I don't see the point in repeating that stat over and over again, all it serves to do is keep a lot of women in unnecessary despair.

I am certain I will marry but even if I didn't I have faith that I would be content - cause that's what I'm striving for, genuine contentment with Today at every stage of my life.

There is no stat that can say you will or won't ever get married, but all stats show that we are by leaps and bounds much less likely than any other group of women to marry.

However, I don't find this stat (whether it be 40% or higher) to be bothersome, since according to this unofficial poll, nearly that percent of BW have no desire to marry anyways.

It's about time for all of us to read inbetween the lines of the poll and understand why the numbers are the way they are in the first place. These stats should empower you-- black women have options and don't feel the least bit constrained to be someone's wife, nearly 40% of us like to be independent.

 

[Bunny77]

However, I don't find this stat (whether it be 40% or higher) to be bothersome, since according to this unofficial poll, nearly that percent of BW have no desire to marry anyways.

It's about time for all of us to read inbetween the lines of the poll and understand why the numbers are the way they are in the first place. These stats should empower you-- black women have options and don't feel the least bit constrained to be someone's wife, nearly 40% of us like to be independent.

Whenever I hear these types of statements, I have to question them a little bit. Now, I know and understand that marriage is not the end-all for every woman. I do know of black women who have had marriage proposals from good men and are simply not interested in marriage, so they turn them down.

But how many black women who say they have no desire to marry and like "being independent" are saying that because they see no other option and their answer is based out of circumstance, not true choice? For example, if all I see around me is knuckleheads and bad short-term marriages or if I had a low opinion of marriage for this reason, I might say that I don't want to be married either.

But if suddenly there was a plethora of good (black) men who desired to marry and were approaching women with marriage in mind, I bet that many of those "uninterested" and "love to be independent" black women suddenly would be picking out wedding dresses and showing off their rings to everyone who walks by.

So do black women REALLY feel that they have options? Or are they just choosing between a rock and a hard place since they think that marriage is NOT an option?

As I mentioned earlier, I have never hear the "what if you never get married" question from anyone but black people, which I think is VERY telling!

Just more food for thought...

 

[UmSumayyah]

Whenever I hear these types of statements, I have to question them a little bit. Now, I know and understand that marriage is not the end-all for every woman. I do know of black women who have had marriage proposals from good men and are simply not interested in marriage, so they turn them down.

But how many black women who say they have no desire to marry and like "being independent" are saying that because they see no other option and their answer is based out of circumstance, not true choice? For example, if all I see around me is knuckleheads and bad short-term marriages or if I had a low opinion of marriage for this reason, I might say that I don't want to be married either.

But if suddenly there was a plethora of good (black) men who desired to marry and were approaching women with marriage in mind, I bet that many of those "uninterested" and "love to be independent" black women suddenly would be picking out wedding dresses and showing off their rings to everyone who walks by.

So do black women REALLY feel that they have options? Or are they just choosing between a rock and a hard place since they think that marriage is NOT an option?

As I mentioned earlier, I have never hear the "what if you never get married" question from anyone but black people, which I think is VERY telling!

Just more food for thought...

See, that's why you're my girl.

 

[MissNina]

I would be really unhappy ...
I'm 24 with no prospect and I'm really worried ...

Don't be! We're around the same age. Our generation is just fast as hell. Ever since I was like 20, I'd meet a guy and he is SHOCKED I don't have a child. Like are you serious? lol So let's get worried in like 7 or 8 years when we're 30 or so

I will get married when I choose to. Like I can't even see myself not being married.

I never had as many "marriage potential" prospects until I started casually dating multiple ppl. I wasn't lying about it to them or anything. . .they were completely aware of what the deal was. I think ppl can take dating/relationships/marriages TOO seriously sometimes.

I firmly believe sometimes, as women, we invest so much energy into one person that when it doesn't work out, not only are we DEVASTATED, but we've also wasted years, time and opportunity. And when you go through something like that, you can be so emotionally drained you'd actually RATHER be by yourself. . .that being lonely is a positive thing compared to going through all that again. When dating becomes fun and not some subconscious search for "that guy", things kind of fall into place.

20s are all about you, IMO. Making sure you're str8 financially, that you're happy with you, etc. rather than finding a husband. I mean, if you find one during all this. . .and you probably will. . .that's great and go for it, but it's not the end all.

And, like others (Bunny, etc.) have stated, there are plenty of valid reasons for women not being married. Love isn't everything. I would never get married just to be married. Hell to the no.

 

[MizzBrown]

Can't you be happy and fulfilled without getting married?

Is it really the completion of your life? Are you not 100% unless you have your other rib?

I want to get married however I wonder if folks think that it is the necessity to having a full complete life..

I dont like to hear women saying they have EVERYTHING but they are still not happy because they dont have a husband.....You can still be happy while waiting on him to come.

And if you reach old age and he never came, you gonna let yourself go out as an unhappy woman because you didnt find your soulmate?

 

[AstroQueen77]

I know a women who is fantastic with telling one IF they are going to marry at all, how many times they will marry, if they will be "married" unofficially etc...all just using one's palm. She's been dead on with friends of mine.
I have 3 more years to go, so I will be getting married. No way around it

 

[MissMeWithThatIsh]

I would have been cool either way.

Love is important to me.
Enjoying my life is important to me.

Marriage was not a "goal."

 

[1Aleeesha]

Sex is tied to marriage for me to... I'm married and I couldn't imagine never getting married. For some reason I think for some, that feels really horrible. I know a few who want to be married, and I don't even mention my husband to them because I know they feel horrible (Although I am obviously married). But they tell me how they feel and I don't want to hurt them further. All I have are nice things to say about him.

 

[Ediese]

I've never considered that to be an option.

 

[MizAvalon]

I AM getting married. No if, ands, or buts about that.

What am I doing to make sure that happens? I only date marriage minded men who are on the same page as me. I don't have time to waste on these fixer-uppers/work with a brother types. He doesn't have to have it all figured out because I sure don't but any man in my age bracket who doesn't have *something* going for himself is getting passed over. Let the next woman deal with that.

Most importantly, I am working on myself and my weak areas so that when my man shows up I will be ready to receive him. For example, I have always been kind of a so-so cook but always wanted to be better. I believe in traditional gender roles and want to make my husband's meals for him. So, I made it my business to learn how to cook and if I do say so myself, I have gotten very good. I'm still learning but I am confident that I can feed a hungry man day after day after he gets home from a long day without repeating a single meal for many months.

So for me, not getting married doesn't even enter my head. If you want to get married, you will take the necessary steps to make sure that you do. Period.

 

[missann]

Can't you be happy and fulfilled without getting married?

Is it really the completion of your life? Are you not 100% unless you have your other rib?

I want to get married however I wonder if folks think that it is the necessity to having a full complete life..

I dont like to hear women saying they have EVERYTHING but they are still not happy because they dont have a husband.....You can still be happy while waiting on him to come.

And if you reach old age and he never came, you gonna let yourself go out as an unhappy woman because you didnt find your soulmate?

I never understood where the "unhappy" thing comes from. So you were happy as a child....teen....college student...professional....etc. Do you just wake up one day unhappy? And only a man can fix it? When does this unhappiness prop up?

 

[BeautifulFlower]

Other races of women dont focus on this. They just know one way other another, they will marry. If not, they adopt.

And though many black men are unavailable doesnt mean you have to marry one. When I opened my mind to the possibly my husband may not be black, I doubled my options instantly. I attend a predominately black church but I work at a predominately caucasian company so if we fit well, regardless of race, there'll be wedding bells near.

 

[cheetarah1980]

Not getting married is NOT an option. I wanted to go to college, I wanted to get start a career. I took the necessary steps to make those things happen. Marriage is NO different. This isn't even a question I ask myself anymore.

 

[Ms Red]

I chose option #2... I'm getting married. I've prayed on it and I'm prioritizing my life to prepare for it. The way I see it, I focused on school and graduated with honors... I focused on my career and attempt to break the glass ceiling every day. Now I am at the point in my life where I would like to be married (in God's will, of course) and the same effort with which I've given other areas of my life, I give to my dating and social life.

If I have to pull back a little bit from work to do so (i.e. Not stay at my office until 9:00 pm-- yep, that was me, too) and instead get out and DO SOMETHING. Get out and meet people, network, be social, then that is what I will do. I know I will make a good wife and mother one day and I refuse to sit back and hope that those roles fall into my life out of the sky. Not happening. God is gonna bless me, but I've gotta put in work!

ETA: I just read the replies above and I'm glad there are others on LHCF with the same school of thought!

 

[Xerxes]

Not getting married is NOT an option. I wanted to go to college, I wanted to get start a career. I took the necessary steps to make those things happen. Marriage is NO different. This isn't even a question I ask myself anymore.

Wow, this thread is still going??? I'm almost sad that I started it! LMAO

Now, I have to vociferously disagree with your comments. Marriage is a very different goal than those academic/professional achievements you listed. IMHO

Marriage, especially a good one (one that lasts a lifetime), requires another person's will to line up with yours. Someone has to love you and deem you worthy enough to marry. It does not matter how much you care or love the other person, what matters is how the both of you feel. You can not, I repeat, you can not make someone love you or marry you. Forget that "Dreamgirls" song! You can't earn someone's love or ring like a degree. Shoot, real love takes some Holy Spirit intervention! LOL

Most of us are just on varying stages of lust (or intense like) and end up divorced before we pay off half of our wedding bills! LOL

Real love involves great sacrifice and isn't easily found, but freely given. I'm just speaking from my heart here and the only humans that love you unconditionally, besides Jesus, are probably your parents, siblings, children and perhaps one potential SO. Think about all of your friends and people you hang out with, do you love them all as intensely as you do your parents? Would you give all of your friends or a perfect stranger an organ? Would you die for the people you call friends/date (SOs)? But that kind of sacrifice is an example of what could/should be expected from a spouse. So why do you think it is guaranteed that some perfect stranger will feel ready or even interested to commit to you for life at some point in time?

Marrying you means that they are responsible for you and vice versa. This is life or death we are talking about. Marriage involves binding two destinies and possibly creating a legacy. This is very serious business and I think lots of girls think they are going to get married because they don't even consider having a good, stable marriage built on hard work and sacrifice that will last until they die. They are thinking about easy legal agreements between two parties that last as long as the two like each other enough.

Marriage/true love (like spiritual biblical love) is sacrificial, rare and precious. Most people don't experience it, they just fake it and have problematic private lives. Due to my job, I see alot of truly sick people and it is so touching when you see about 20-30% of them come in with a dedicated spouse. Most people come alone or rely on social services because very few people really can handle death or sickness even when it involves the one they say they "love".

Marriage is not guaranteed for anyone, regardless of race, gender, culture or looks. Even WW are having to settle in order to marry nowadays.

The good thing though that I'm noticing from mature BW is that those who aren't/haven't getting/gotten married, by and large aren't that interested in it. It seems that the women (regardless of race) who want to get married, typically find someone willing to put a ring on their finger. I think that lots of people are just settling (hence our high divorce rate), but we should all be prepared to enjoy our own company and have a plan B in case our DH never appears. <Back to daydreaming about my new guy who might be The One LMAO!!>

 

[Kiadodie]

I feel like marriage is in my future. Where, when and who, only God knows. So, the "what if" i don't doesn't even come to play in my mind.

Honestly, the kids part is what has me saying "what if I dont have kids?"..cause I'm in my mid 30's and by the time I'm married, it will be in my late 30's so I used to worry about the having kids part.

 

[HoneyDew]

Nice post girlie.

You have said some very realistic level-headed points, in my opinion anyway.

I love that last paragraph.

Wow, this thread is still going??? I'm almost sad that I started it! LMAO

Now, I have to vociferously disagree with your comments. Marriage is a very different goal than those academic/professional achievements you listed. IMHO

Marriage, especially a good one (one that lasts a lifetime), requires another person's will to line up with yours. Someone has to love you and deem you worthy enough to marry. It does not matter how much you care or love the other person, what matters is how the both of you feel. You can not, I repeat, you can not make someone love you or marry you. Forget that "Dreamgirls" song! You can't earn someone's love or ring like a degree. Shoot, real love takes some Holy Spirit intervention! LOL

Most of us are just on varying stages of lust (or intense like) and end up divorced before we pay off half of our wedding bills! LOL

Real love involves great sacrifice and isn't easily found, but freely given. I'm just speaking from my heart here and the only humans that love you unconditionally, besides Jesus, are probably your parents, siblings, children and perhaps one potential SO. Think about all of your friends and people you hang out with, do you love them all as intensely as you do your parents? Would you give all of your friends or a perfect stranger an organ? Would you die for the people you call friends/date (SOs)? But that kind of sacrifice is an example of what could/should be expected from a spouse. So why do you think it is guaranteed that some perfect stranger will feel ready or even interested to commit to you for life at some point in time?

Marrying you means that they are responsible for you and vice versa. This is life or death we are talking about. Marriage involves binding two destinies and possibly creating a legacy. This is very serious business and I think lots of girls think they are going to get married because they don't even consider having a good, stable marriage built on hard work and sacrifice that will last until they die. They are thinking about easy legal agreements between two parties that last as long as the two like each other enough.

Marriage/true love (like spiritual biblical love) is sacrificial, rare and precious. Most people don't experience it, they just fake it and have problematic private lives. Due to my job, I see alot of truly sick people and it is so touching when you see about 20-30% of them come in with a dedicated spouse. Most people come alone or rely on social services because very few people really can handle death or sickness even when it involves the one they say they "love".

Marriage is not guaranteed for anyone, regardless of race, gender, culture or looks. Even WW are having to settle in order to marry nowadays.

The good thing though that I'm noticing from mature BW is that those who aren't/haven't getting/gotten married, by and large aren't that interested in it. It seems that the women (regardless of race) who want to get married, typically find someone willing to put a ring on their finger. I think that lots of people are just settling (hence our high divorce rate), but we should all be prepared to enjoy our own company and have a plan B in case our DH never appears. <Back to daydreaming about my new guy who might be The One LMAO!! >

 

[Xerxes]

Nice post girlie.

You have said some very realistic level-headed points, in my opinion anyway.

I love that last paragraph.

Thanks, my age must be showing. lol

 

[momi]

I know I'm a rare jewel, and I believe there is a certain someone special out there that not only WANTS that intimacy, stability, lasting bond, holds raising children in a two parent home in such high esteem as I do, but is also BUILT with the emotional, spiritual, mental (and physical) stamina to achieve that and truly compliments me and I him.

I still have lofty ambitions in my mid-late twenties and there is sooo much more to life that I find my peace in than having a man. I find more peace in being a single woman, even though I know I want to be a wife and mother someday. While I am very confident that my light is shining and only getting brighter and it's only a matter of timing, air, & opportunity to walk down that aisle, I want to be remembered in this life for much MORE than being a wife and mother, so should I not become that for whatever reason, all is well.

As far as the importance of a marriage certificate and people choosing to be long-term lovers, rather than husband and wife. If you trivialize marriage as a piece of paper then NO you shouldn't even be thinking about getting married and of course it's not going to hold that much merit to you. For others, it is a spiritual & emotional bonding ceremony, a sacred event that solidifies, deepens and STRENGTHENS commitment to the partnership which with or without a certificate takes work, and I believe WITH that certificate and the respect for the sanctity of marriage, you will have two people willing to work a little bit harder in those tough times to get through it..together.

This is a mouthful of truth!

 

[cheetarah1980]

I have to say I disagree with you. Going to college and getting a job were both contingent on another party saying, "YES." I had to prepare myself in the best way possible, screen candidates to see who I was even interested in, put my best foot forward, and then see who matched. Hmmm, doesn't that sound familiar.
I'm not trying to enter into an unrequited marriage or one based on lust or convenience. I know who and whose I am, so no it's not a stretch for me to know that one day a man will want to love me in the sacrificial way that you've described. No one is saying anything about MAKING someone love them. I don't believe that every man on earth will fall at my feet, but I do believe that I am loveable and that at least ONE (cause that's all you need) man will love me. I've seen marriages lasting 30, 40, and 50 years. These marriages were based on commitment, sacrifice, and love. This is what I want when I say I will marry. It's not about being princess for a day.
All of the reasons you listed about why marriage is such serious business is EXACTLY why I don't date any old dude that comes across my path. I know that I'm tying my destiny to someone else's. I know that I'm potentially creating a legacy through family. That's why I'm so daggone practical when it comes to men and don't even consider a guy unless I think he has the basics to make a good husband. The next step is to see if he'll make a good husband for ME, specifically.
And real love is NOT all that rare outside of familial bonds. I love several non-family members that way too. My best friend's son needed a liver transplant a little over a year ago and I was ready and willing to be his donor. I spoke to the doctor and was on the list to be a live donor as soon as they would call. Why? Because I love her unconditionally and thus wanted to help her son. He wound up getting a complete liver from a deceased donor, but had he not there would be a huge scar at my right side right now. Blood does not create love. It's time spent, experiences shared, and a gift that God gives us.
Yes, I realize that many people don't take marriage seriously. But there seems to be all of this admonition (especially from other women) when a woman says, "YES, I want to get married and will do so." Why is that? Why all the doom and gloom? Why is the first assumption that we don't know what we're getting ourselves into. Or that we want it for the wrong reasons. Those divorce stats are misleading. First of all, the divorce rate is going down. The all time high was 50% and that was 15-18 years ago. And even at that time we have to remember that it was 50% of all marriages ended in divorce, not 50% of all married people got divorce. The overwhelming majority of divorced people remarry. And that second marriage lasts. Thus, if a lot of people have been married 2 times and 1 ended in divorce, that would mean 50% of their marriages failed. And that really has no bearing on me and my future husband (whoever he may be).

Wow, this thread is still going??? I'm almost sad that I started it! LMAO

Now, I have to vociferously disagree with your comments. Marriage is a very different goal than those academic/professional achievements you listed. IMHO

Marriage, especially a good one (one that lasts a lifetime), requires another person's will to line up with yours. Someone has to love you and deem you worthy enough to marry. It does not matter how much you care or love the other person, what matters is how the both of you feel. You can not, I repeat, you can not make someone love you or marry you. Forget that "Dreamgirls" song! You can't earn someone's love or ring like a degree. Shoot, real love takes some Holy Spirit intervention! LOL

Most of us are just on varying stages of lust (or intense like) and end up divorced before we pay off half of our wedding bills! LOL

Real love involves great sacrifice and isn't easily found, but freely given. I'm just speaking from my heart here and the only humans that love you unconditionally, besides Jesus, are probably your parents, siblings, children and perhaps one potential SO. Think about all of your friends and people you hang out with, do you love them all as intensely as you do your parents? Would you give all of your friends or a perfect stranger an organ? Would you die for the people you call friends/date (SOs)? But that kind of sacrifice is an example of what could/should be expected from a spouse. So why do you think it is guaranteed that some perfect stranger will feel ready or even interested to commit to you for life at some point in time?

Marrying you means that they are responsible for you and vice versa. This is life or death we are talking about. Marriage involves binding two destinies and possibly creating a legacy. This is very serious business and I think lots of girls think they are going to get married because they don't even consider having a good, stable marriage built on hard work and sacrifice that will last until they die. They are thinking about easy legal agreements between two parties that last as long as the two like each other enough.

Marriage/true love (like spiritual biblical love) is sacrificial, rare and precious. Most people don't experience it, they just fake it and have problematic private lives. Due to my job, I see alot of truly sick people and it is so touching when you see about 20-30% of them come in with a dedicated spouse. Most people come alone or rely on social services because very few people really can handle death or sickness even when it involves the one they say they "love".

Marriage is not guaranteed for anyone, regardless of race, gender, culture or looks. Even WW are having to settle in order to marry nowadays.

The good thing though that I'm noticing from mature BW is that those who aren't/haven't getting/gotten married, by and large aren't that interested in it. It seems that the women (regardless of race) who want to get married, typically find someone willing to put a ring on their finger. I think that lots of people are just settling (hence our high divorce rate), but we should all be prepared to enjoy our own company and have a plan B in case our DH never appears. <Back to daydreaming about my new guy who might be The One LMAO!!>

 

[Xerxes]

I don't believe that every man on earth will fall at my feet, but I do believe that I am loveable and that at least ONE (cause that's all you need) man will love me. ).

This is the crux of why I really can't agree with you at all. Why do you believe that there is some man created just for you on earth, seriously? That's not even in the Bible. lol

Honestly, a lot of us are raised believing this crap but it's mostly based on fairytales and some misguided sense of fairness. Life is unfair and real love has more to do with duty and respect and less about this romance crap we hype on tv and in trashy novels.

I don't believe that all of us will meet or have a match. Some of us were made to remain single.

The college analogy still doesn't work because if you have enough money, you can buy your spot in a community college but there is no guarantee that you will ever marry. Each of has an equal opportunity to get into college but some of us will never marry nor have a shot in hell at doing so.

 

[GoingNatural]

This is the crux of why I really can't agree with you at all. Why do you believe that there is some man created just for you on earth, seriously? That's not even in the Bible. lol

Honestly, a lot of us are raised believing this crap but it's mostly based on fairytales and some misguided sense of fairness. Life is unfair and real love has more to do with duty and respect and less about this romance crap we hype on tv and in trashy novels.

I don't believe that all of us will meet or have a match. Some of us were made to remain single.

The college analogy still doesn't work because if you have enough money, you can buy your spot in a community college but there is no guarantee that you will ever marry. Each of has an equal opportunity to get into college but some of us will never marry nor have a shot in hell at doing so.

She said at least one man. Not only one man. I think she meant out of these 600billion chances every man won't get dizzy over her but out of 600billion there's a pretty good chance someone will lol

 

[MizzBrown]

This is the crux of why I really can't agree with you at all. Why do you believe that there is some man created just for you on earth, seriously? That's not even in the Bible. lol

Honestly, a lot of us are raised believing this crap but it's mostly based on fairytales and some misguided sense of fairness. Life is unfair and real love has more to do with duty and respect and less about this romance crap we hype on tv and in trashy novels.

I don't believe that all of us will meet or have a match. Some of us were made to remain single.

The college analogy still doesn't work because if you have enough money, you can buy your spot in a community college but there is no guarantee that you will ever marry. Each of has an equal opportunity to get into college but some of us will never marry nor have a shot in hell at doing so.

Damn, you sure put that ish in perspective..

 

[Bunny77]

But there seems to be all of this admonition (especially from other women) when a woman says, "YES, I want to get married and will do so." Why is that? Why all the doom and gloom? Why is the first assumption that we don't know what we're getting ourselves into. Or that we want it for the wrong reasons.

That's what I don't get. If you're happy single, then great. And no one should dare tell you that you need to be married if you don't want to or try to convince you that marriage is what you need.

So I don't know why people need to "warn" those who want to be married that it might not happen... says who? We're not talking about going into outer space here... the odds are pretty darn good that most men and women who want to be married can find a partner.

 

[Bunny77]

This is the crux of why I really can't agree with you at all. Why do you believe that there is some man created just for you on earth, seriously? That's not even in the Bible. lol

I don't think she said that. She said that out of all the men on Earth, she's sure that she can find one that will want to marry her and that she will want to marry. I don't think that's too farfetched to believe.

Honestly, a lot of us are raised believing this crap but it's mostly based on fairytales and some misguided sense of fairness. Life is unfair and real love has more to do with duty and respect and less about this romance crap we hype on tv and in trashy novels.

I don't believe that all of us will meet or have a match. Some of us were made to remain single.

Actually, traditional marriage was not based on fairytales and love. That's a modern spin on marriage and that's what's getting folks in trouble. Plus, the way folks define "real love" is often very superficial and based on fleeting feelings... this was never the basis for marriage until very recently.

There are people who were made to remain single, but if we're talking about the Bible, most people are supposed to marry. Those who remained single in the Bible were called to do so and usually were involved in some kind of service to God.

But that's neither here nor there... the point is, if you want to get married, you should be able to find a partner and I don't get why a whole lot of us seem to act like getting married is some Houdini-like feat.

And if you don't want to get married, you absolutely shouldn't feel like you have to!

 

[cheetarah1980]

90% of people marry at some point in their lives. It's more likely that I will be married than I won't. To assume that I will be is not a far-fetched idea. If life with marriage is no big deal for a person, then fine. However, I'm not going to apologize or feel badly for wanting it and pursuing it in my life.

 

[Shimmie]

I don't think she said that. She said that out of all the men on Earth, she's sure that she can find one that will want to marry her and that she will want to marry. I don't think that's too farfetched to believe.



Actually, traditional marriage was not based on fairytales and love. That's a modern spin on marriage and that's what's getting folks in trouble. Plus, the way folks define "real love" is often very superficial and based on fleeting feelings... this was never the basis for marriage until very recently.

There are people who were made to remain single, but if we're talking about the Bible, most people are supposed to marry. Those who remained single in the Bible were called to do so and usually were involved in some kind of service to God.

But that's neither here nor there... the point is, if you want to get married, you should be able to find a partner and I don't get why a whole lot of us seem to act like getting married is some Houdini-like feat.

And if you don't want to get married, you absolutely shouldn't feel like you have to!

Bunny thank you so much for being 'EXTREMELY' truthful in this thread.

God made it perfectly plain in the beginning of His Word and in His Creation process,

"It is not good that man should be alone, therefore I will make a help meet suitable for him...."

You can't get much clearer than that, other than the fact that men and women proceeded to marry.

NOW...it's according to one's desire and mindset. If you 'believe' it you'll receive it; you can have whatever you say. (God's words, not mine). Whatever we ask the Father according to HIS will, He will (hear us) and give it unto us. Marriage IS most definitely God's will.

For those who don't believe it, that's their choice. For those who do, it's their choice. Bottomline, those who believe, are not believing a fairy tale but God's word.

Here's the final word, Never doesn't occur until one is no longer upon the earth. Period. In the meantime, as long as one is living and breathing and walking upon this earth, there is no such thing as 'never...'

Gather your trousseau, prime your health, grow your hair, glow your skin, give Glory to God, and just be ready... :reddancer:

As long as you are living, there's no such thing as 'never'.

In Jesus' Name, Amen and Amen. :heart2:

 

[Xerxes]

She said at least one man. Not only one man. I think she meant out of these 600billion chances every man won't get dizzy over her but out of 600billion there's a pretty good chance someone will lol

And I disagree that there has to be even just one man out of 600 billion who does or ever will.

Why do so many women believe that there's at least one man created just for them? Where does this idea come from?

I ask because I used to feel the same way until I created this thread. There is absolutely no basis to believe that a love match has to exist, let alone a husband. Once I realized that, I felt relieved. Love is not a forgone conclusion, it's not at all guaranteed to anyone. I don't have to feel miserable should it never find me, I can love myself and I was made perfectly whole. I need no one to complete me. Should I find a mate, great, if not, who cares?