Don't Get Married If

[Renewed1]

Well, maybe you'll find a man that's okay with that. The only ones that seems to be okay with that though are the ones with female best friends that THEY don't want to let go of. If that's all good with you, then it's all good with me.

What i'm wondering is, If your male best friend gets married, will he keep YOU on as a best friend.

Agree 100%!! For MY HUSBAND!!! I will give up my male friends!

 

[PJaye]

I disagree with the “be an open book” thing. IMO, this is where womankind tends to err; there are just some things a woman should take with her to the grave.

 

[*CherryPie*]

hopeful

I was cooking and tidying up the house while I was debating on here. I had a feeling I missed something.

Yes, that is huge! I was like why is @*CherryPie* not mentioning that?

 

[*CherryPie*]

PJaye

I agree!

There are things men should NEVER be told...and I'm not talking about just the big things either. It would stay on their minds FOREVER!!

I disagree with the “be an open book” thing. IMO, this is where womankind tends to err; there are just some things a woman should take with her to the grave.

 

[ladysaraii]

I disagree with the “be an open book” thing. IMO, this is where womankind tends to err; there are just some things a woman should take with her to the grave.

I think there is a fine line. Like I don't think the guy needs to know how many guys she's slept with etc, but he should know she isn't a virgin. Also, if you had a wild past, past drug problems, abuse etc, those should be discussed, but maybe not every detail given. I know there are things I wouldn't want to know every detail about, but the gist would suffice.

 

[FlyyBohemian]

I only took issue with two things. Giving up your opposite sex best friend and letting the person know all of your past. I don't care about his past as long as he is disease free and matured and no longer do the same things.

As for the women a man chooses to keep in his life, be it ex-girlfriends, ex-wives, friends or whatever, I'll judge on a case by case basis. I've seen a lot of situations and you can tell by a woman's body language or interactions whether she sees a man as strictly someone platonic. If I sense any disrespect of boundaries, the relationship must end.

 

[Layluh]

Yeah I think they need to know the gist as well. Or else you gon be lookin around like "dang I hope my past doesn't come up at a family reunion."

My family is so ignorant and has no boundaries when it comes to keeping secrets. One time one of my cousins said outloud "Dang Layluh, I thought you liked white guys?" after they saw my husband. I wanted to hide under a rock.

 

[Lucie]

Thanks OP!!!

ETA: I hope it was okay but I shared this as a note on FB.

 

[PopLife]

Excellent post I especially like the one about "best friends" and agree with what the other posters have said about it. When you get married you are supposed to forsake all others...

 

[MizAvalon]

I really like the list.

Too many immature people engaging in marriage, that's part of the reason the divorce rate is so high. Either grow the hell up or don't get married at all.

 

[naturalgyrl5199]

Good post OP!

I have been happily married 6 years and all of this is so true!

 

[Farida]

DH I have such an intimacy and rapport..the only friends he needs are guy friends because they offer him something I would never be able to offer.

Friends sure can ruin a marriage, male or female and opposite sex just rubs salt into wounds. Your spouse is the most important person in the world and if giving up anything or anyone for him gives you pause, you have no business getting married.

Many marriages fail because people we unwilling to give up things for someone who is supposed to be your soul!

 

[Naveah2050]

You really don't see how the bolded would be a problem for his gf? And she was just being insecure? The fact that (1) you two had sex before and (2) that he hadn't told her is no big deal? I have found (at least on this website) that the male "friend" is usually not just an innocent childhood friend but usually some type of ex. I will also say that I do not know any happily married couples who maintain close friendships with the opposite sex as in talking often, hanging out, etc.

For real, like really how did it even innocently just come out that you slept together this one time you just happened to be alone with her without him there?!

 

[NOEChic]

DH I have such an intimacy and rapport..the only friends he needs are guy friends because they offer him something I would never be able to offer.

Friends sure can ruin a marriage, male or female and opposite sex just rubs salt into wounds. Your spouse is the most important person in the world and if giving up anything or anyone for him gives you pause, you have no business getting married.

Many marriages fail because people we unwilling to give up things for someone who is supposed to be your soul!

Friends can't ruin a marriage if you don't bring them into your marriage. If you are always running to your friend for advice and to complain you don't need to be married.

 

[Do_Si_Dos]

I'm going to forward this to my fiance and print this out.

Me too......

 

[ambergirl]

Opposite sex friendships are tricky. I have a very close male friend who was determined to keep our friendship going after he married. We never slept together by the way. Even though I was extra careful about how we interacted, I could tell his wife was hurt that I was important to him so I was the one who had to back off. Now we see each other once a year to exchange Xmas gifts and catch up.

Sometimes even when everything is above the board and on the up and up the right thing to do is to step away.

 

[gabulldawg]

and yeah.....looks like i'm not ready for marriage

great piece.

See I can respect this. No need to get defensive or try to make exceptions to the rules. You're just not ready. If more people would be as honest with themselves I think our marriages would fare better.

 

[gabulldawg]

You really don't see how the bolded would be a problem for his gf? And she was just being insecure? The fact that (1) you two had sex before and (2) that he hadn't told her is no big deal? I have found (at least on this website) that the male "friend" is usually not just an innocent childhood friend but usually some type of ex. I will also say that I do not know any happily married couples who maintain close friendships with the opposite sex as in talking often, hanging out, etc.

Chile, I was like ??? You'd be surprised how many people don't see issue with this. It's really crazy and inappropriate. And chick was supposed to just be cool about two people with a sexual past spending time together? erplexed

Friends can't ruin a marriage if you don't bring them into your marriage. If you are always running to your friend for advice and to complain you don't need to be married.

That's not true. Sometimes it's also about perception and appearance to others, whether we like it or not.

 

[NOEChic]

See I can respect this. No need to get defensive or try to make exceptions to the rules. You're just not ready. If more people would be as honest with themselves I think our marriages would fare better.

Are you trying to talk about me?

 

[gabulldawg]

Are you trying to talk about me?

I'm talking about whoever it applies to. Many people try to make the argument about having best friends of the opposite sex while in a romantic relationship. It makes no sense at all if you want a successful marriage. If you (universal) aren't ready to accept that then don't get married yet.

 

[NOEChic]

I'm talking about whoever it applies to. Many people try to make the argument about having best friends of the opposite sex while in a romantic relationship. It makes no sense at all if you want a successful marriage. If you (universal) aren't ready to accept that then don't get married yet.

No ma'am that is not true. They are ready for whatever their spouse is willing to accept. If my spouse doesnt mind that i have a best friend of the opposite sex, who are you to say I am not ready and it is wrong? There are many things in marriages that are give and take and is up to the people involved in the marriage to accept or not accept. Those things include but are not limited to:

- Sharing a banking acct or not
- SAHW/M/Dad
- Discipline of kids
- Girls/guys trips
- Household chore duties
- What should and shouldn't be posted on the internet ie. pics and problems
- Etc.


There is no cookie cutter way of dealing with issues in relationships and what should and shouldn't happen. Your (general your) way is not the only way and is not the end all and be all.

 

[Lenee925]

I'm talking about whoever it applies to. Many people try to make the argument about having best friends of the opposite sex while in a romantic relationship. It makes no sense at all if you want a successful marriage. If you (universal) aren't ready to accept that then don't get married yet.

Seems a bit of an extreme judgment but that's just me. Everyone is different and what works for their relationship is what works for them.

 

[ambergirl]

Friends can't ruin a marriage if you don't bring them into your marriage. If you are always running to your friend for advice and to complain you don't need to be married.

Now that I think on it friends of any gender can be problematic in a marriage if both people aren't respectful to the spouse.

I've had many girlfriends who continue to put their friends first even after they're married and then don't know why DH has a problem with their friends.

Granted there are some men and women who are just possessive and jealous and have issue with any friendship their partners may have. But sometimes they have legitimate complaints about where they are in the pecking order.

 

[syze6]

I would love to know how a first time meeting revealed the poster had slept with her best friend! Please come back and tell how the subject came up. Did she ask you?

EVEN if I had slept with my BFF and was for the first time meeting her, that would have NEVER came up. If we were BFF we would have already had the discussion regarding if he had shared that tidbit with her. Did you guys ever talk about if he had shared that. It just seemed if he shared personal info, you guys would have had that talk.

She would have never known if she had to get it from me. LOL!

 

[felic1]

This is interesting. I had an old friend. We went together in high school a loooonnnng time ago. He met someone, she became pregnant. He married her. He told me, come on by, we live at such and such address. I did not think that was a good idea for old girlfriends to come visit because it gives visitors the impression that you may be available. This man had oodles of girlfriends and he continued to have these female associates coming by the home to visit. Why does your wife need to see and meet all of your previous choices? I was disappointed that he took his girls with him into the marriage. I think if you have to entertain your husbands girlfriends (Like celie) it is a form of domestic violence. If you have no wage earning skills, education, and children, a woman can be trapped putting up with what I call abuse because she cannot provide for the family. I was disappointed that he put that mess before his family and subjected his daughters to a divorce. He adopted her first and they had the second one together. TMI? Well, I am just venting some. He was not ready to get married. IMO

 

[syze6]

I don't have a male best friend. I used to but his girlfriend/baby momma was insecure. I had moved on outta the state and had gotten married. Every time I went home, about once a year, we would meet up to catch up. One night he told me to meet at his house and he would be there after he got off work. His girl was there and we talked etc. Well how was I supposed to know he never told her we slept together many moons ago? He cut up and I was like whatever. I don't know why she was mad, bc I was the one telling him he should marry the girl. 5 yrs and another kid later they still aren't married. Kanyeshrug.

Oh and my dude is cool. Like I said as long as I'm not telling his/our business or crossing the friendship line.

I STILL am waiting to hear how a sit down with his girlfriend turned into a conversation that you let out you guys slept together in the past. I'm trying to figure out how does a conversation like that get started. Please...share with us!

 

[MsDee14]

I STILL am waiting to hear how a sit down with his girlfriend turned into a conversation that you let out you guys slept together in the past. I'm trying to figure out how does a conversation like that get started. Please...share with us!

NOEChic

I'm curious too.. lol

 

[NOEChic]

I STILL am waiting to hear how a sit down with his girlfriend turned into a conversation that you let out you guys slept together in the past. I'm trying to figure out how does a conversation like that get started. Please...share with us!

I don't remember. :kanyeshrug:

 

[ElizaBlue]

Great read OP! I'm co-signing....indeed!